new member, Dave from Sydney

[SydneyDave]

First I'd like to say thanks to Steve for the innumerable insights communicated through his blog. So much of what you've said, Steve, makes complete sense to me.

To the other members -
Hi guys,

For the last however-many years, I'd score my time management, organisation, prioritisation, as a 1 out of 10 and happiness, fulfillment and life satisfaction on average something like a 4.

I've been reading alot of the blogs, I want to make a difference in my life. Because there are so many areas in my life which I want to tackle, and so many ways to begin. When I've tried to do these things before I usually try to tackle everything at once and fail, or start planning at midnight one night, and wake up late for work the next morning seeming to have forgotten about it altogether.

When I actually manage to get a plan like this underway, I either let myself slack off one day and then think its alright to do it all the time, or when I do slack off, I'm so scathingly self critical I almost feel like giving up on life altogther (though I would never ever do anything to 'hurt myself' in a literal sense).

I'm in my mid 20s, I broke up with my girlfriend a few days ago, my job is not going too great, I'm over $50,000 in debt with no assets, I (now) live by myself in a unit which is an absolute disorganised mess, I never seem to have the time to see my family and friends, and my friendships are not going that well lately either. I'm also a smoker, and a stresser.

The positives - I'm able to meet most people and build a rapport with them quite easily, especially people older than me, most people consider me quite intelligent (at least in the languages / maths / sciences / arts areas); and I'd say I'm tall, lean, and reasonably good looking. I know I may sound like I'm giving myself a rap but I'm more trying to make the point that I'm not about "doom and gloom" or "emo" but I'm just someone with some very serious problems.

So, I think thats a resonable introduction!

Ideas anyone?

[SydneyDave]

I'll just quickly add - I've been making all kinds of 'plans' and 'goals' and coming up with ways to attempt to motivate myself for at least 8 years now - obviously, none have succeeded.

[Dave Kaminski]

I feel your pain, I'm 19 and have been trying different stuff for a few years without a ton of external reward. My insides have grown exponentially, and my physical and mental capabilities are much more than what they used to be.

I feel that this is a strong foundation for what is to come, and I can already see an upward change in my life in terms of money, health, relationships etc because of my changed point of view.

It would make no sense to give up on trying to make it work, seeing you're already enlightened by the material.

Keep up the hard work, and explain the things you've done more specifically. Maybe there's no passion behind your work? Maybe there's a fatal flaw you've been missing? We're a community, here to help one another. We'll be happy to see how we can work together to get where we want to be.

[Fusebox]

Dave, welcome. Id firstly like to say I think your not having serious problems. The only real indicators of measurement you have written in your posts are that your in $50000 debt, your apartment is messy, and you may be a heavy smoker.

Firstly look at your advantages. You're in your mid 20's. Same as me. You have another 50+ years to live! (Quit smoking and make it 60+) Lets start small and think about how we can manage your budget so that with time it automatically starts to reduce itself. Like many posts you may see on this site, draw up a rough budget, and allocate some (doesnt have to be large, as long as its something) funds (on weekly basis) to pay your debt. Start up an ING account for this if you want to.


You mention positives in your articles, some qualities that even the best of people dont gain till their latter years. Dont think of yourself as a slacker simply because you didnt mark off some daily goals. Go easy on yourself. This is very important when moving onto a path of self improvement and development. Do only a very few things (stuff that will get you where you want to go) per week and then slowly build on that.

If I were to give you advice on what else to read, have a look at Think and Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill. download Brian Tracy tapes, listen to audio book by Dr. N. Peile "The Power of positive thinking".
All excellent material on changing the mind to positive thinking. Once you do this, rest will follow.

Btw, what part of Sydney you in?

[SydneyDave]

Hey guys,

Thankyou very much for your replies and insights.

"Maybe there's no passion behind your work? Maybe there's a fatal flaw you've been missing? "
This is entirely possible.

"and explain the things you've done more specifically."
Ok DaveK - I'm going to be away from the computer for a couple of days. When I return, I'll reply to that in detail. I'll also write about a few of the "schemes" I have in mind to solve some of my problems.

"Id firstly like to say I think your not having serious problems.", "Dont think of yourself as a slacker simply because you didnt mark off some daily goals. Go easy on yourself. "
Thanks Fusebox for your perspective

"Lets start small and think about how we can manage your budget so that with time it automatically starts to reduce itself."
I'll make a post on that when I return. I may possibly, like many others here, start a blog to keep a track of my progress.

Perhaps a couple of people here would be interested in forming a small group or groups where a few people read and comment on each other's blogs, providing perspective and opinions? Perhaps that happens already, I don't know, I'm new - but it would be interesting to have small (3-5 people) support groups where everyone knows each other well...

We are all working towards a common goal. In one of Steve's articles, it mentions that you become like the six people you spend most of your time with. Although this wouldn't involve any face to face contact, we'd have some social interaction - all with people working towards self-improvement. Surely this would be a good thing

[Dave Kaminski]

Originally Posted by SydneyDave

Perhaps a couple of people here would be interested in forming a small group or groups where a few people read and comment on each other's blogs, providing perspective and opinions? Perhaps that happens already, I don't know, I'm new - but it would be interesting to have small (3-5 people) support groups where everyone knows each other well...

We are all working towards a common goal. In one of Steve's articles, it mentions that you become like the six people you spend most of your time with. Although this wouldn't involve any face to face contact, we'd have some social interaction - all with people working towards self-improvement. Surely this would be a good thing

Strongly agree- Sign me up.

[SydneyDave]

Thats great Dave K.
I just started a blog ... SydneyDave
Do you have one already?

[Dating Specialist]

Hello Dave

Sydney's been a place I've wanted to visit but never had the chance to each time I went to Australia. So it's good to see ya here

Hmm, as for your so-called serious problems, I'm just curious to find out if there's one thing, just one thing that you've actually succeeded in doing? Even if it's just a very small goal compared to the rest. What was it that you've achieved?

How did you do it? Care to share with us?

Cheers!! Kloudiia

[SydneyDave]

Hey there Kloudiia,

I've managed to quit smoking for 3 months before. I did it using patches and by training weights three times a week, and doing plenty of walking, and eating good food! It was alot easier then than it would be now ... since I didn't have a fulltime job (well, I think so anyway).

I was determined to put on weight, and quitting smoking would help with that (I weighed 75kg/166lbs, and I'm 6'3"/193cm). Now I'm doing weights again, but often only get to do it once or twice a week since the guy I'm training with just got a new girlfriend and hes often out of the area

I've managed to achieve other things, like getting a degree, or setting a goal to finish a sudoku in under 3 minutes (which I did). But nothing that went really smoothly on a day to day basis ...

I mainly started again because my new girlfriend at the time was a smoker (the girl I just broke up with).

[JennSkis]

Greetings to you Dave and to the forum.

I'm new here too for I just discovered Steve's website this morning when I was googling "watch no tv".

I'm am a 32 female from the USA.

In my mid-twenties I thought I was going to have a mid life crisis because of law school. It drove me into a deep depression because I was away from my family and friends. I was in isolation. The people I met in school were nice but many of them were so competitive with everyone that we never bonded. I graduated on time and was able to get stable employment after school which was a blessing in disguise.

Dave many people especially in their 20s are trying to get a focus of their life's purpose and what they want out of life.

You have to give it time, pray and set out goals in small increments of what you want to accomplish within a certain time frame. You already did this with quitting smoking. Since you are no longer in school, you have to decide what do want out of life first -- career, relationship, something more?? There was actually a book written about this called the 20-something mid-life crisis. I am not to sure of the exact name but it is something in that arena.

Make a list of where you want to see yourself within the next 5 years and just take everything one day at a time. Do have some goals to work up to so you are motivated to work in the right path. For me, I made a plan that by the time I was 30 that I wanted gainful employment, a safe place to live and a spiritual community. All of this did not happen by the time I was 30, but now I have it at 32. I have some other goals I am working on, but I am just taking it one step at a time.

Check out: 43 Things

That's a good website to help you map out your goals.

Good luck!


Hope this helps!!

Jennifer

[JennSkis]

I re-read your entries and realized that you have been not motivated for 8 years in attaining your goals. Some people don't reach their full potential ever so at least you know that you want to make this change. That is a big step.

Try associating yourself with people who may be a mentor in the industry that you want to be in.

Initially, I wanted to be a documentary filmmaker. I was going to go to film school but my family urged me to go to law school because they felt it would be easier for me to get employment if the film dream never took off. I am so glad I took their advice.

Since 2000 when I graduated from law school, I was able to work with a filmmaker whom I admired. It was really by luck and the grace of God that he responded to my sincere request for me to work with him. I volunteered some time with him but then I realized that I did not want to be poor. He was not making much money but he was someone who had multiple Emmys and other recognition for his work. Fortunately, I was able to get paying employment but I still keep one foot in the film industry. I read as much as I can about documentary filmmaking and I am a member or a few associations for documentary filmmakers.

From the 6 years being in the real world and working with filmmakers, my role with the industry is being more defined. I thought I wanted to be more on the creative side (which I still do to a smaller extent) but I am a business minded person. I've been using my business/law skills in helping some of filmmaker friends out. It has been really awesome seeing my own growth and helping others. One day, I will make my own film, but I see where I really blossom in this industry. This was a dream that I had since I was 13 years old so I am really glad that I took these steps. I never had specific guidance on this dream but I took the initiative to find out the differences from independent, Hollywood, international/word, video and tv industries.

When you find your passion, you will slowly get into what your really want out of life.

There is a book called, "What Color is your Parachute." If you have not read it, check it out. It helped me in college realize my passions in life.

Stay optimistic!

[intentionengine]

I noticed Jennifer recommended using 43 things in her post and I want to make you aware of The Intention Engine

This is a special place to put your Intention online and provides steps to assit you to manifest.

The Intention Engine - Wish No More. Manifest Now! - Manifest Now!

Good luck Steve, I'm off the booze for the first time in 3 years and it is a challenge. Next is the evil tobacco.

I'm in Melbourne Australia.

[SydneyDave]

Hi JennSkis, thanks for your reply.

I like the idea of watching no TV too. When my ex moved out, she took the TV with her, and its fantastic. The only things I would enjoy or get benefit from watching would be movies or documentaries, and a handful of series. I can always catch up on the series in a few years when they are all released on DVD and commercial TV doesn't have many documentaries anyway (I don't have cable). I think movies are a good excuse to get out of the house and go to the cinema with friends.

Its great to hear that you have been so successful obtaining those life goals at 32, I'm starting to think that by 30 or 32, I'll have achieved many of my goals too (the replies have been very encouraging, and I feel much more positive already - now I just need to maintain that!).

I've used 43 Things before, I think its a good idea to put some of my medium term and maybe long term goals up there. I'll try to keep all of my goals (including the short term ones) recorded on my blog, but using that is a definite possibility.

"Try associating yourself with people who may be a mentor in the industry that you want to be in."
Thats a great idea, but I find these people are very hard to find ... there are alot of decent programmers, even good ones around, but 'excellent', mentor programmers with spare time and interest in having a protoge` are difficult to find I think the next step to move beyond this platea^u I have encountered will be to improve my organisation and motivation anyway, but when I feel comfortable that that is on the right track, I will likely follow your advice.

I'm very interested in business too, I've had quite a few business ideas over the past few years, or ideas to make a cool prototype of something; using computers, electronics, and wood or metal work in some cases. Of course I would get someone else to do the wood and metal stuff - I'm not that handy with physical tools! Knowledge of law is definitely becoming a more valuable skill all the time. We live in litigious times :O

I'll check out that book, it sounds interesting.

Thanks again for your replies. Definitely let me know when you make your film!

[SydneyDave]

Hey there intenionengine,

Thanks for your comment, I've had a look at your site. I'm not sure its for me based on the examples I've seen there, I have a very technical, scientific mind, so I'd need much more specific goals than those. But I will keep it in mind if I come across a use for it. It may be suitable for me to note my long term goals.

I saw your project for building that recording studio for young people, looks fantastic.

I think drinking can be hard for many people to stop. I believe tobacco is even more challenging! I'm planning on cutting down and then quitting my tobacco use very soon, and I'll be blogging about it. If you have any place where you'll be blogging, or want to email back and forth to check up on each other we can help each other out, or even just sympathise when the going gets tough

[SydneyDave]

By the way - being off the booze will greatly reduce your chances of smoking again. Its easy to light up when your inhibitions are lowered ...

[SydneyDave]

intentionengine, you might want to keep an eye on sydneydave.blogspot.com over the next few months ... it might give you some ideas. When you read today's blog, you will understand what I mean

[intentionengine]

HI Dave, Thanks for the supportive words. I have and will continue to check out your blog.

Mentors are very helpful. I have had several over the past years.

I contacted Leadership Victoria here in Melbourne and they put me in touch with a team of three who gave their time to assist me in one of my projects.

Perhaps there is something similar in Sydney.

Keep in touch

Brendan

[Tom Allen]

I'm Tom from The Netherlands and I'm happy that I found this community. I've read the posts and problems that people have with smoking. I smoked for over 40 years and quit 4 years ago. It can be done. Just remember - smoking is not a bad habit - it's an addiction. Nicotine will fight you back for months. Quit cold turkey. Patches, hypnosis and the like only let you avoid the problem. Fight Back!!! People who have never smoked have no idea how tough it is to get rid of this addiction but it can be done. It helped me to think about why I started smoking in the first place. Adolescent rebellion. I realized that after one has moved beyond 50 years of age continuing with adolescent rebellion is kind of dumb.

I don't have too much more I want to say right now except believe in yourself. I was an emotionally abused child and the scars are deep but I am overcoming the effects.

Stay positive.