Hej. My name is Robin

[rohnin]

Hi!
My name is Robin, I'm 20 years old and I live in Stockholm at present.
By day, I work at a web production bureu, and at evenings/nights I most oftenly spend time with my girlfriend, discussing various topics (often related to personal development, hooray ).

Small life history, consisting of strong memories:
I grew up in a small town with my three little brothers (who I love very, very much) and my parents. When I was 1-5 I loved to play, wear costumes (Superhero of the day ), paint, explore the outside world.

Then we moved, and I begun pre-school. Sometime during those years I also discovered (or finally understood) that my father was always drinking a lot. Not very unusually he was missing during the weekends.
Also, during my five first years in school I got bullied, sometimes. It was most intense during my 4th-5th year.

Because of this, I mostly played with my brother, and never really made any friends at my age until year 6 in school. I had very much trouble sleeping during the nights, so I lived in my brothers room as well. That resolved during the 6th year when everything just seemed to get worked out. I got friends and girls who actually was attracted to me (but I said no, as I didn't feel the same way).

During my later school (final years) I got politically interested. I found myself identifying with anarchism. The idea of direct democracy inspired me, and I was truly engaged in having a larger goal with my life. As I fought against fascists (and truly fought, with fists, home-visits), sexists and capitalism I often had a vague feeling that I was on the wrong track with my actions. During this period I fell in love with a beautiful person called Hanna. She was a little crazy, but truly strong and very own. My dads drinking increased during this period, but eventually we (the sober part of the family ) stood up in front of him and demanded that he stopped, now. At least no strong spirits, only wine and bear is allowed. Even my four year old brother asked him: "Please daddy, don't be a drunk.".

Then Hanna left me. It was probably the best thing to happen in my life in a very long while. I started to meet people again, made new friends and then met a very special person, with whom I connected on a different plane than with others. I dreamed about her all the time (no, it wasn't wet). We did all those things that we always did in our waken life: exploring, talking, discussing, adventuring. She was together with one of my closest friends, who little by little got more and more scared by the fact that we really enjoyed each others company. Dreaming has always been of high importance to me, even since I was small. Lucid dreaming, and flying is one of those things that's always been in my life.

Since I started class 10 (we have 1 - 12 in Sweden) I started to shoplift all the things that I thought I needed. Food, vitamins, sleeping bags and even comic books. That's actually how I came to find this site .
I also smoked large amounts of hash and weed. I didn't drink that often, mostly because of my dad, I think.

Then I went out hitch-hiking in Europe. I was on a mission: I was going to visit as many squatted houses as possible, to get an idea of what to do with my life. Would people be #1 building amazing things (and planning future strategical goals), or were they #2 just doing drugs and surviving (by dumpster diving and collecting)?
After I had been traveling for a month, I got to the point where I truly believed that it was (sadly) mostly #2. At this point I moved to a big town and eventually got arrested for shoplifting. Everything came down upon me.

WHAT WAS I DOING?
At my apartment, I had my younger brother waiting for me with a friends as we were going to travel away the same day. We missed our train, and I didn't get them the food as I was supposed to go and buy.

I lied to the officer, and told him that it wasn't on purpose. Now I found StevePavlina.com, and almost immediately I started to listen to those podcasts.same way).

My father got really upset when he found out about the shoplifting, so I lied to him as well.
That lie held in court and I was declared not guilty.
Phew.
I started working during the Christmas holidays at a Toy store. It was fun and all, but I still had a very negative view on society at large. After that I started my own business! Never more a job, I thought.

PRESENT
Whoa, it seems like as if I'm focusing all too much on my history in this post.
I wanted to say Hi!
Just now, it feels as if I've lost track of my goals in life, my purpose and meaning.
This I want to change. I want to have a purpose and a meaning with my existence. I want to help others but I believe that I have to help myself first.
I know two things though: I want to live fully and fulfill my potential as a human being, and I want to learn how to fly.

FUTURE
Any ideas on the last one.. learn how to fly? Anyone who tried? What will happen if anyone succeeds?

[Dan.Linehan]

Originally Posted by rohnin

Hi!
My name is Robin, I'm 20 years old and I live in Stockholm at present.
By day, I work at a web production bureu, and at evenings/nights I most oftenly spend time with my girlfriend, discussing various topics (often related to personal development, hooray ).

Hi Robin, welcome aboard!

Originally Posted by rohnin

Small life history, consisting of strong memories:
I grew up in a small town with my three little brothers (who I love very, very much) and my parents. When I was 1-5 I loved to play, wear costumes (Superhero of the day ), paint, explore the outside world.

Cool -- sounds like a fun childhood!

Originally Posted by rohnin

Lucid dreaming, and flying is one of those things that's always been in my life.

How often do you have lucid dreams?

Originally Posted by rohnin

Since I started class 10 (we have 1 - 12 in Sweden) I started to shoplift all the things that I thought I needed. Food, vitamins, sleeping bags and even comic books. That's actually how I came to find this site .
I also smoked large amounts of hash and weed. I didn't drink that often, mostly because of my dad, I think.

A lot of young adults go through a marijuana / hash phase. I smoked pot for years and it definitely held me back. I've never been happier since I quit. For some reason it throws my emotions all out of whack.

Originally Posted by rohnin

Then I went out hitch-hiking in Europe. I was on a mission: I was going to visit as many squatted houses as possible, to get an idea of what to do with my life. Would people be #1 building amazing things (and planning future strategical goals), or were they #2 just doing drugs and surviving (by dumpster diving and collecting)?
After I had been traveling for a month, I got to the point where I truly believed that it was (sadly) mostly #2. At this point I moved to a big town and eventually got arrested for shoplifting. Everything came down upon me.

Sounds really exciting. Hitching isn't really an option in the US. I would love to take a long roadtrip and see more of the country though.

Of course, in the US things are pretty similar state to state as well. Same language, same restaurants, etc.

Originally Posted by rohnin

My father got really upset when he found out about the shoplifting, so I lied to him as well.
That lie held in court and I was declared not guilty.
Phew.
I started working during the Christmas holidays at a Toy store. It was fun and all, but I still had a very negative view on society at large. After that I started my own business! Never more a job, I thought.

Definitely better to work for yourself.

Originally Posted by rohnin

Just now, it feels as if I've lost track of my goals in life, my purpose and meaning.
This I want to change. I want to have a purpose and a meaning with my existence. I want to help others but I believe that I have to help myself first.
I know two things though: I want to live fully and fulfill my potential as a human being, and I want to learn how to fly.

Any ideas on the last one.. learn how to fly? Anyone who tried? What will happen if anyone succeeds?

How did you lose track of your goals? What do you want out of life? How is running your own business going?

What do you mean learn to fly exactly - do you mean that literally? I actually used to live with some professional hang gliders, so it's possible to fly for real, if you want.

Welcome to the forums, Robin!

[rohnin]

Hi Dan, thanks for your reply and for welcoming me to the board!

I have lucid dreams when I invoke them, through repeating mantras before I sleep. Not sure what the technique is called. Sometimes I tell myself: "When I look at my hands, I'm dreaming.". So it's not that often, maybe once every month? Do you have any lucid dreams?

Yeah, smoking pot made me feel unaligned with the universe. Any idea why it threw your emotions out of whack?

I've actually heard of people hitching in the US as well, even though it's illegal in some states. It's a good way of meeting wonderful people! Most of the persons who pick you up are former hitchhikers themselves, besides some who are just lonely, or curious! Why isn't it an option for you?

Yeah, it may be better to work for yourself. Now I'm employed instead, but I still view it as if I work for myself. There really isn't any difference, from my perspective.

I'm not sure how I lost track of my goals. That's why I went through my life just right now, to try and see where I lost it. These recent years I've been practicing the law of attraction, and it's been working out great, literally. Now I need goals! I don't have any left, it feels like. Have I ever had any larger goals in my life? I going to try the "Find Your Purpose - Meaning In Life" - Pavlina series exercises and see if I'll find any answers, .
What is yours, and how did you understand and find them?

Yeah I mean it literally.
I've been looking at hang gliding, which seems really cool, and very much more realistic. Did you try hang gliding for yourself? What is your overhead meaning in life?

Again, thank you for replying. It means a lot!

[Dan.Linehan]

Originally Posted by rohnin

Hi Dan, thanks for your reply and for welcoming me to the board!

Sure thing!

Originally Posted by rohnin

I have lucid dreams when I invoke them, through repeating mantras before I sleep. Not sure what the technique is called. Sometimes I tell myself: "When I look at my hands, I'm dreaming.". So it's not that often, maybe once every month? Do you have any lucid dreams?

I don't really have lucid dreams. It's not something I've worked on much. I become aware in dreams sometimes, but then I always wake up.

Most people say they wake up because they get excited, but it's not that, it's just that once I'm aware that it's a dream I'm also aware that I was sleeping and I just wake up. Then to continue the dream I have to go back to sleep. The dream might continue, but I'm not lucid any more.

Originally Posted by rohnin

Yeah, smoking pot made me feel unaligned with the universe. Any idea why it threw your emotions out of whack?

Some people seem to be able to handle pot better than I do - it makes me just super dumb for a couple hours to the point where I can hardly communicate / function. Not my idea of a good time.

Then, the next couple of days after, I feel really burnt out / foggy / unable to think through things clearly. I am a pretty analytical person, so the mental fog that comes after smoking pot is no good for me. Then I get annoyed that I feel foggy and take out that frustration on anyone unlucky enough to be around me.

Originally Posted by rohnin

I've actually heard of people hitching in the US as well, even though it's illegal in some states. It's a good way of meeting wonderful people! Most of the persons who pick you up are former hitchhikers themselves, besides some who are just lonely, or curious! Why isn't it an option for you?

Well, that's a good question. I know when I visited Europe there were more hitchhikers. Here in the US it's mostly people who are really down-and-out who hitchhike, not fun-loving, curious explorer types. I've picked up a couple hitchhikers over the years here and never got a good vibe from it.

That's not to say I couldn't try it, I just probably won't. Plus, I am a pretty big guy, 6'3, 180, full beard. I can't see too many people being thrilled about picking me up -- I might look a little intimidating.

Originally Posted by rohnin

Now I need goals! I don't have any left, it feels like. Have I ever had any larger goals in my life? What is yours, and how did you understand and find them?

What do you want to change about your life? I mean, if it's a perfect ten I don't see why you would want to change anything.

My main goal right now is to align my career with my passions. The two are out of alignment currently. I have what would seem to be an amazing job from the outside looking in, and it pays well and all, but it's not very inspiring work. And loving my work and larning is more important to me than the social status points my current employment affords me.

Originally Posted by rohnin

Yeah I mean it literally. I've been looking at hang gliding, which seems really cool, and very much more realistic. Did you try hang gliding for yourself? What is your overhead meaning in life?

I haven't tried it yet. Soon. Sometime this summer sometime probably. Hang gliding is a neat skill for sure. It's a heck of a scene too, I've met a lot of very cool people through my hang gliding friends. Most people who are into hang gliding are all about freedom, exploring, independence, etc.

My overhead meaning in life.. hmm. I'm not sure I have anything that concrete. I'd say it's to build a life I love and to always do my best, in earnest. Those are my biggest things currently.

Originally Posted by rohnin

Again, thank you for replying. It means a lot!

Sure Robin! Great meeting you!

[Razvan]

Hey Robin! Welcome!

Great introduction !

The past is gone. The future is far away. The present is a gift. Open it and enjoy it now!
Razvan

[rohnin]

Thanks Razvan!

I'll do my best to live life to the fullest, in the present.

Thanks again

[txjarhead]

Originally Posted by rohnin

Hi!
My name is Robin, I'm 20 years old and I live in Stockholm at present.
By day, I work at a web production bureu, and at evenings/nights I most oftenly spend time with my girlfriend, discussing various topics (often related to personal development, hooray ).

Small life history, consisting of strong memories:
I grew up in a small town with my three little brothers (who I love very, very much) and my parents. When I was 1-5 I loved to play, wear costumes (Superhero of the day ), paint, explore the outside world.

Then we moved, and I begun pre-school. Sometime during those years I also discovered (or finally understood) that my father was always drinking a lot. Not very unusually he was missing during the weekends.
Also, during my five first years in school I got bullied, sometimes. It was most intense during my 4th-5th year.

Because of this, I mostly played with my brother, and never really made any friends at my age until year 6 in school. I had very much trouble sleeping during the nights, so I lived in my brothers room as well. That resolved during the 6th year when everything just seemed to get worked out. I got friends and girls who actually was attracted to me (but I said no, as I didn't feel the same way).

During my later school (final years) I got politically interested. I found myself identifying with anarchism. The idea of direct democracy inspired me, and I was truly engaged in having a larger goal with my life. As I fought against fascists (and truly fought, with fists, home-visits), sexists and capitalism I often had a vague feeling that I was on the wrong track with my actions. During this period I fell in love with a beautiful person called Hanna. She was a little crazy, but truly strong and very own. My dads drinking increased during this period, but eventually we (the sober part of the family ) stood up in front of him and demanded that he stopped, now. At least no strong spirits, only wine and bear is allowed. Even my four year old brother asked him: "Please daddy, don't be a drunk.".

Then Hanna left me. It was probably the best thing to happen in my life in a very long while. I started to meet people again, made new friends and then met a very special person, with whom I connected on a different plane than with others. I dreamed about her all the time (no, it wasn't wet). We did all those things that we always did in our waken life: exploring, talking, discussing, adventuring. She was together with one of my closest friends, who little by little got more and more scared by the fact that we really enjoyed each others company. Dreaming has always been of high importance to me, even since I was small. Lucid dreaming, and flying is one of those things that's always been in my life.

Since I started class 10 (we have 1 - 12 in Sweden) I started to shoplift all the things that I thought I needed. Food, vitamins, sleeping bags and even comic books. That's actually how I came to find this site .
I also smoked large amounts of hash and weed. I didn't drink that often, mostly because of my dad, I think.

Then I went out hitch-hiking in Europe. I was on a mission: I was going to visit as many squatted houses as possible, to get an idea of what to do with my life. Would people be #1 building amazing things (and planning future strategical goals), or were they #2 just doing drugs and surviving (by dumpster diving and collecting)?
After I had been traveling for a month, I got to the point where I truly believed that it was (sadly) mostly #2. At this point I moved to a big town and eventually got arrested for shoplifting. Everything came down upon me.

WHAT WAS I DOING?
At my apartment, I had my younger brother waiting for me with a friends as we were going to travel away the same day. We missed our train, and I didn't get them the food as I was supposed to go and buy.

I lied to the officer, and told him that it wasn't on purpose. Now I found StevePavlina.com, and almost immediately I started to listen to those podcasts.same way).

My father got really upset when he found out about the shoplifting, so I lied to him as well.
That lie held in court and I was declared not guilty.
Phew.
I started working during the Christmas holidays at a Toy store. It was fun and all, but I still had a very negative view on society at large. After that I started my own business! Never more a job, I thought.

PRESENT
Whoa, it seems like as if I'm focusing all too much on my history in this post.
I wanted to say Hi!
Just now, it feels as if I've lost track of my goals in life, my purpose and meaning.
This I want to change. I want to have a purpose and a meaning with my existence. I want to help others but I believe that I have to help myself first.
I know two things though: I want to live fully and fulfill my potential as a human being, and I want to learn how to fly.

FUTURE
Any ideas on the last one.. learn how to fly? Anyone who tried? What will happen if anyone succeeds?

One thing I've learned is that focusing on our childhood problems generally causes problems. Here's how I look at things: I look at how things were when I grew up. I look at how my father treated me. I look at who my role models were. I look at how I viewed certain aspects of society. I remember being 8 years old, 16 years old and how I looked at the world.

Take all of that and determine what was right or wrong at the time. I remember how my father treated me. I choose to learn from those experiences and treat my children better. I remember how hard my father worked to support me and my family as I grew up. My Dad worked extremely hard and always provided. I choose to model myself after him. I work hard to provide for my wife and kids.

Basically take the good and the bad and choose what you want. It sounds like you're very open-minded and introspective. Use that to your advantage. I've found that changing is very difficult. You have to make a conscious effort to make your life better. I think you are on the right track. You have acknowledged your mistakes and are moving forward.

I went through a phase like that when I was a teenager. I had bad friends, dabbled in drugs, etc. This went on for a few years and I feel that I'm better for it. I know what it was like and I know that those things had a negative impact on my life. I can honestly tell my kids why it is not a good idea to use drugs or drink too much.

I'm in a bad spot right now and it's difficult to see the light at the end of the tunnel. However, I'm always aware that what I'm experiencing right now will make me stronger in the future. I'm discovering weak spots in my personality. I'm learning how to make myself less vulnerable in the future and what situations to avoid putting myself in. You can do the same; actually it sounds like you are already learning and making yourself a better person. I think that you're on the right track.

Flying
I've never flown. I've read quite a bit about it. Flying does sound amazing. Generally the easiest way to get started in the US is through the military. The US Army has a Warrant Officer program that trains helicopter pilots. You are required to have some college credits, generally the equivalent of an associates degree and some life experience.

If you are truly interested, there are always businesses around airports that offer flying lessons. Make the investment in yourself and try it out. If it's something that you enjoy; go for it. The flight instructor will know how to begin a career flying if anyone would.

Good luck!

[BenThere]

Hi Rohnin,

Did you read Steve's article about his brush with jail?
Overcoming Depression

[rohnin]

Hi txjarhead!
Thanks for your answer.
It is interesting to hear how you've tackled your past obstacles.
I really appreciate all the kind words!

The reason as to why I wanted to tell my story, is that sometimes there are certain patterns in my present reactions that I don't understand when I execute them. Very often they are fear based, and defensive by nature. Usually I use to understand why I feel in a certain way, and after I've acknowledged that, I choose how I will react. But, sometimes I don't succeed with that, and that is when I choose to investigate my past, as a way of self administration (is that the correct word?).

You are absolutely right about that. Take what's good, and don't repeat the bad parts !
What is it that you are going through?

Thank you again, for replying to my post!

[rohnin]

Hi BenThere!
Yeah, but it sure doesn't hurt to read it again.
Thanks for the tip!