looking for the right path

[euphoria2k]

Hi all, my name is Katie, I'm an only child, 22 years old, have ADHD, both my parents are insane, and I have no idea what to do with anything.

I came to this website because several months ago, my friend told me that he believes that I am capable of astral projection based on some things I told him about myself. Since I have always been very curious about my spirituality (because I had none or had never experiences anything outrageous), philosophy, religion, and metaphysics, I started reading into spiritual development and I am very interested in learning more. He believes that we met for a reason (I introduced him to salvia which seemed to increase his spiritual awareness, even when he is not on it), and he also thinks that my life would improve if I understood my spirituality better. I have had an out of body experience extremely similar to that of Erin's in her blog, and I have experienced lucid dreaming several times, but it usually happens on accident. I am also able to become of aware that I am dreaming (or having a nightmare as it usually is) and am able to wake myself up from it, but I cannot seem to control what happens in the dream.

What I'd mainly like to do is trying to learn more about myself and improve my mentality as well as the lives of people around me. For the most part, I have a very negative attitude, but only because throughout my life, I have had a lot of problems with my family and especially relationships. I may not make the best decisions sometime, and in fact, I make a lot of irresponsible decisions, but I know that most of my intentions are good and I would go out of my way to help people. I don't know if I have a personality disorder or not, but I always feel like I live in a state of constant anxiety, paranoia, and boredom. My main problem is not having any motivation... after I dropped out of college, I have pretty much been a complete waste of life, sitting at home getting high on pot and playing computer games. I know that I need to do something about my life, but at the same time, I can't seem to shake this feeling of "whats the point in the end?" Also, not having a direction or idea of what career I should invest my life into doesn't help. I wanted to be able to do something I can see myself doing for a very long time without being miserable, as well enjoying it or being very good at it. Unfortunately, I have not done much to figure this out (don't know how I would) and have been procrastinating a lot.

Anyways, before I tell my whole life story, I would love some insight and advice from anyone here! Thanks.

[cdn2wheeler]

First of all, Katie, welcome to the forums.

I gotta tell ya, I had to read your post a couple of times because something in there just seemed, well, odd...

Then I figured it out.

I thought you said that you had introduced him to saliva. Hunh..? Oooohhh... salvia..! (drat... must get some sleep... can't read properly)

I know what you mean about having a lot of negativity in your life. I've experienced the same. But tomorrow's a new day and you can choose to react differently to it now.

[DayInTheLife]

Hi Katie,

I was having a rough time at 22 also. I too was smoking pot constantly and playing computer games all the time. That wasn't the problem, it was just a symptom of the problem. I had no drive... I had never learned to strive or to fight for anything. I was stagnant. I was failing in college. I didn't end up dropping out but I might as well have. I was in the wrong field, graduated three months late with terrible grades, and ended up going back and taking something else a year later.

That's also the age I started to get curious about spirituality and awareness. That was five years ago and I've made leaps and bounds. Still have a long ways to go though, but at least I feel like I've got some sort of direction.

What I'd mainly like to do is trying to learn more about myself and improve my mentality as well as the lives of people around me.

Awesome... some never discover the value in that at all.

I'm still learning too but I'll share what I've picked up so far.

See you in the forums.

[cdn2wheeler]

Just today I received an email which might help provide a place to start. This is from Jack Canfield, the "Chicken Soup for the Soul" guy. It's part of a mentorship program that he makes available online. All credit goes to him:

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1.) List two of your unique personal qualities such as 'enthusiasm'and 'creativity.'

2.) List one or two ways you enjoy expressing those qualities when interacting with others, such as 'to support' and ' to inspire.'

3.) Assume the world is perfect. Describe it as you see it - what are people doing, how are they interacting, what does it feel like?

4.) Combine your three answers above into a single statement such as: 'My purpose is to use my creativity and enthusiasm to support and inspire others to freely express their talents in a harmonious and loving way.'

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