Should i worried being single?

[hollowman]

I am 29 and still single. Many of my friends and colleagues are married at this age or by this age.

When i receive wedding invitation cards, my feeling is an assortment of being happy for my friend finding their soulmate and sighing that another single buddy leaving bachelorhood. I see my friends building up family with kids. And they looked settled down and completed their destiny of life (something like that) of getting married and having children.

My parents especially my dad has been pushing to settle down quickly.

Yet i don't have this urge. I am not busy looking for potential life partner. In fact i dun reli care. I reli wonder why. I have a girlfren before but didn't last long.

Generally what is the right age of starting a family? Or an average age of people settling down? Should i worried about myself not having the urge to settle down?

[Vasilisa]

You know, I think you haven't found that right person you are looking for. Why would anyone settle down at any age only because he/she has to?
Just keep looking for the one who will really touch your heart. Can you imagine you met your soulmate, but it's too late, you are already married, have kids and obligations? Wouldn't it be scary?

[NotesMaeve]

There are no rules about this. I'm 22, and my fiance is 39. We'll probably start a family in three years. So, in my book, the perfect age is 25... Or 41.

[zabmk]

Only yourself know when you're ready. Sometimes, it's better you listen to your instinct

[Ninja]

You should not pursue a relationship, children or anything for that matter only because society says so. Follow your own lifescript and don't let others write it for you.

- My uncle didn't fall in love until he was 60 and he never even planned on it, being the 'quirky bachelor' that he was. They live together, but do not plan to ever exchange rings.

- Another uncle (and aunt) married at age 16, but never had children because they didn't want to. They are now 57 and 62 (my aunt is the older one, another taboo), early retired, and spend their days gardening, helping out at the animal shelter and riding my uncle's motorcycle while singing "U can't touch this" by MC Hammer. They have no shame, couldn't care less about the can't-you-just-be-normal-like-the-rest-of-us crowd and I love them for it.

- Then there's my parents who did settle down, got married, had kids and basically followed the standard lifescript, but did so because they wanted to, not because others pushed them.

- My younger sister made herself believe she was in love with a guy, just so she could be 'normal'. He abused her, beat her and destroyed her self-esteem, but she managed to hide it because she feared he would hurt me and my parents. When my father caught him in the act though... well, let's just say 'casanova' will think twice before showing his face again. Eventually she did find happines with a great guy and LOTS of animals, but she still regrets giving into peer pressure.

Four different ways of life, the same outcome: happiness. There is no ultimate lifescript and for me it took Steve's blog to finally see this. Don't let others live your life for you!

[Pagan Goddess]

Hi holloman,

It seems to me that you only worry because you are being pressured into getting hitched by your parents. Often when others try to push their ideas and ideals onto us we feel trapped and cannot escape out of fear that they might be right.

Please take your time. Who cares whether you are single! You know, what really matters is that YOU are happy and if that is as a single person, that's cool.

You will know, when you meet a person that will be the love of your life without having outside interference.

Good luck and enjoy the freedom of singledom.

Monika

[Patricia]

Great reply, Ninja.

[john90430]

Hollowman, I agree with Ninja. Do what feels right. Forget what society tells you to do.

Besides, if I had remained single I wouldn't be having the troubles I shared in my intoduction, "New Guy in Big Trouble needs Guidance!"

I had been single for 40+ years and felt the same way as you. Looking back, it had it's advantages: Whatever was going on in my life, good bad or indifferent, I was responsible - and I only had myself to answer to and answer for.

Now I am responsible for two kids, a host of financial burdens, and I have to do it alone because my wife fell prey to drug addiction and I cannot rely on her anymore. It's just me.

You're fine, Hollowman, and in good company here!

John

[Ninja]

I think Steve should do some research and a post on the so-called "childfree" movement. I know he has children himself and I don't doubt he and Erin are great parents, but the pressure of settling down, getting married and have children (because no way the pushy crowd will just settle for a few cats!) is so big! Often people say being a parent is the hardest job in the world... however, though it is perfectly acceptable that we are not all fit to be brain surgeons, people still believe almost everyone is fit to be a parent. Huh?!

Anyway, people will never be happy. Even if you do get married and have a baby, they will continue to pressure you because "it's cruel to let Junior grow up without a sibling". Sigh...

Maybe Steve shouldn't do a post on childfree living on itself, but more about the many different possible lifescripts out there and how one is not necessarily better than the other. If you let other people make your choices, you are living someone else's life. How can that possibly make you happy?

[hollowman]

Thank you all for the feedback. I feel much reassured now to stay single and be comfortable about it. A few useful things that i've picked up:

I live and decide on my life, no need to succumb to societal pressure

If i am happy being single, so be it!

Yup! starting a family means a lot of commitment and financial requirement is really something to think about.

There is no guarantee that getting married and starting family equals happiness

Thanks to all again!

[Ron Stoppable]

Originally Posted by Ninja

You should not pursue a relationship, children or anything for that matter only because society says so. Follow your own lifescript and don't let others write it for you.

- My uncle didn't fall in love until he was 60 and he never even planned on it, being the 'quirky bachelor' that he was. They live together, but do not plan to ever exchange rings.

- Another uncle (and aunt) married at age 16, but never had children because they didn't want to. They are now 57 and 62 (my aunt is the older one, another taboo), early retired, and spend their days gardening, helping out at the animal shelter and riding my uncle's motorcycle while singing "U can't touch this" by MC Hammer. They have no shame, couldn't care less about the can't-you-just-be-normal-like-the-rest-of-us crowd and I love them for it.

- Then there's my parents who did settle down, got married, had kids and basically followed the standard lifescript, but did so because they wanted to, not because others pushed them.

- My younger sister made herself believe she was in love with a guy, just so she could be 'normal'. He abused her, beat her and destroyed her self-esteem, but she managed to hide it because she feared he would hurt me and my parents. When my father caught him in the act though... well, let's just say 'casanova' will think twice before showing his face again. Eventually she did find happines with a great guy and LOTS of animals, but she still regrets giving into peer pressure.

Four different ways of life, the same outcome: happiness. There is no ultimate lifescript and for me it took Steve's blog to finally see this. Don't let others live your life for you!

Isn't there a word for that kinda thing?

A wonderful post, especially the "can't-you-just-be-normal-like-the-rest-of-us" tag - thank you for sharing the four life-stories, Ninja.