HELP!!! My Life Sucks & Im Very Indecisive.

[Kaprese408]

Wasssup All,

Im going to take a chance here and introduce myself in the most complete and honest way possible. I am having a lot of trouble. This is why i have been on this site for a while. I posted a similar thread in the social/relationships section. That was my first post. Ill post the same thread here so i can introduce myself for the first time.

Im new to this site and this is my first thread. I just got done reading Steves Life Sucks article related to lack of drive to change my life. I have no idea what i want nor what "changes" i need to make to get out of this sucky feeling. There are tons of days where i dont even want to get out of bed. I dont want to do anything that i either "need" to do or even want to do.

Currently i am in a Nursing program and completed 1 year already, 2 years left. I know i want to do nursing and get my R.N. status through a bacholor degree. Right now i really dont know if i want to take a break from nursing school or to continue and finish this semester.

Here are the facts:
1. I have social anxiety at times being around people (now im not a complete social moran, but i have a tendency of sabtoging any relationship before it even starts due to my own false perception that occurs in my head).
2. There are 80 other students in the program that i have taken courses with for 1 year already. I feel like i am not connected to most of the students there. Most people already have their clicks formed and i feel like i really dont belong to anyone of them.
3. Also i am very codpendent and am trying to change that...i rely on others and put them as my higher power. I look out to others for answers because i have a tough time finding them myself (kind of like i am doing now).
4. When i go to school and class, others might be in a group having conversation and i just stand there not saying anything. Not knowing what to contribute to the conversation. and in my head i talk the worest shiet about myself while all of this is happening. Which bummms me out even more.
5. I have not been able to concentrate on the actual lecture because i just think about how much fun im not having right now. When others laugh around me it bothers me because i want to laugh tooo.
6. I am talking to a counselor right now but i dont see it helping much soo far because they leave it up to me to do the talking about decision making... but i realize i dont trust myself in decision making right now. if i dont trust myself how am i suppose to make a decision.
7. I have no idea what my interests are. I do not know of any hobbies that i have or would like to try. I have no idea what i want to do with my life. All i know is i want to be happier and actually start enjoying life. My coping skills are bad right now too. I have a tough time answering the question: during your spare time what do you like to do? I honestly have no idea what i like to do. I spent most of my life feeling bad about my life. Living in emotional turmoil that has been happening inside of me. Its like i lost hope and gave up long time ago...and all that time that has passed (we are talking about at least 10 years now)... im 24 right now... i spent complaining and bitching about my life instead of taking control and becoming my own chief. I feel like i have just been surviving life instead of LIVING it.
8. I don't know what will help me start enjoying life. I just want to enjoy life.
9. I really have no real person i can call my BFF. No one in my life has ever called me a BFF. I feel like i have never felt connected to anyone in the past
10. That is what i really want from life... to find people i connect with and can form a strong friendship with.
11. I also want to work on my social skills to the extreme... so i can work toward being able to talk to anyone... make good conversation with anyone.
12. I have low self esteem at times (at times its very bad).
13. So far looking back into my past it all seems like one big blur.
14. I recently got out of a 4 year relationship... for 4 years he was my world. And now i dont know what is my world at all. Anytime i am down and feeling like "my life sucks" i think about how much i miss him. I know i dont want to get back together... its not good for me. But i keep calling him because he was all i knew for sooo long. I dont like calling him it just ends up happening. But how do i start thinking about other things that make me happy? I feel like nothing makes me happy.
15. I feel alone at times. I have not much of a support system. I can't be honest with people i want to be honest with because they just won't understand.

Everyone here just learned about the inside of me... the straight honest truth. I really need help. I dont want to keep living the same life i have been living. It hasn't worked for me. How do i make the changes that i need to make to feel happier. How do i know what decisions i need to make. Should i stay in school or take the next 3 months off and go back in Janurary?

This is the purpose to this thread... for u all to help me figure out what i can do. What will u all do if you were in my situation????

[ladybear09]

Hi! I'm new to the forums also and was just looking through the posts in this section when I saw yours.

I've had many of those same thoughts and feelings that you described myself, and am still dealing with some of them. Something I've found very helpful for me is to print out Steve's articles, read them and reread them at least once a day. Some of the greatest helps to me so far are Cultivating Burning Desire and A Better Life. I just go through the archives looking for a new article every day.

Throughout my reading so far of Steve's articles, something that sticks with me constantly is about having positive feeings. You can't just wish for positive feelings to come along. If you want to be a positive thinker, you must think positive now. Anytime you catch yourself thinking a negative thought, stop and rephrase it into a positive thought, and then repeat it in your head a few times. Often just thinking about his articles on motivation help me to stay motivated.

I've made a lot of progress, slow but sure, in the past few days by applying Steve's principles to my life. I hope I've helped you at all!

Stephie

[justkira]

Dear Kaprese,
It seems like you have analysed yourself into detail. hat's very good: first you analyse the situation and then you can make an action plan, right?

I'm just wondering what are the findings of other 50% of your analysis? You know, the part of what is good about your life, yourself? what makes you happy? what makes you smile?

Yeah.. i was just wondering about those findings...

kira

[Kaprese408]

Thank you ladybear09 and justkira for your response. I really feel appreciative that someone responded.

ladybear09 your advice really does help...i have been on steve's site for a while, ever since i discovered it. I actually want to spend more time on it, but have crazy amount of responsibiilites that dont really satisfy me right now. I am working on monitoring my thoughts and changing negative ones to positive ones. I have caught myself "wishing" almost like i just want it to happen without any work. I tend to take the easy path, and if its not easy i will give up. I know things dont work that way and accomplishing something hard is probably more rewarding than accomplishing something that is easy, but the mental power required seems to overwhelm me. A lot like i have no idea what i am doing, and if i am even doing it right. On a postive note, any time i am on steves site i get a little dose of motivation and focus...so i know im doing the right thing being here.

justkira... than u for your response tooo...honestly i know all the "negatives" in my life pretty well. But i do not know the other 50% of my life (the good). It feels like to me currently that 75% of it is bad, and 25% of it is good. For whatever reason i tend to process the negative events pretty easily and well, but cant seem to even remember positive ones. I have lost my strengths in the pool of negative beliefs. I no longer have any idea if i even know my strengths and things i am good at. I do not know what things interest me and where i belong. I am a lost soul looking for a way out.

I know i need to spend a lot of time on this website. My main obstycle is the motivation and desire to live life. I tend to just want to give up.

[cdn2wheeler]

Sorry I couldn't respond sooner (this whole "working for a living" is enjoyable, but it takes time..!)

I have to echo what my friend justkira said. Seems that you've spent a great deal of time and energy looking at those things that are dragging you down. That's important, of course, because you need to define those issues that aren't serving you well.

But it's just as important - and maybe moreso - to define those issues that lift your spirit, those things that make you smile, those things that motivate and drive you.

So make a new list. Post it. We'd all love to see it!

[justkira]

Dear Kaprese,
ok, so your life is 75% and 25%

give us the 25% then!

Cheers,
kira

[Freelancer]

Just a couple of things I got from your post;
1) Your facts are NOT actual facts, they are your perception of your current situation. Make this clear to yourself, a fact is not something you can change but a perception can be easily changed. A quick example;
I have social anxiety at times being around people
Could be;
My social skills aren't top notch yet but I'm working on improving this (if you realize that you'r social skills aren't top notch and you can improve them than you already took the first step towards improvement)
2) You'r post 'reeks' of negativity, this is not a good starting point in life and it most likely aided you in getting to this point. I can feel there's positivity under the surface though, so its not completely hopeless.
3)

8. I don't know what will help me start enjoying life. I just want to enjoy life.

Somebody once said; You can't chase happiness, you can only BE happy. If you try to enjoy life than it will always elude you, just be happy. Yeah I know vague and probably not helpfull but there's no other way to explain it.
4)

I have no idea what my interests are.

Neither do I but I'm having the time of my life and building many different skills at the same time. My main focus in life is growth and expansion of my personality and this is fun for pretty much everyone. I'll figure out my interests while I'm on the way towards a great life.
5)

I have low self esteem at times (at times its very bad).

No you don't, you just cover it up at times. True self esteem is always with you.
6)

10. That is what i really want from life... to find people i connect with and can form a strong friendship with.
11. I also want to work on my social skills to the extreme... so i can work toward being able to talk to anyone... make good conversation with anyone.

Ah so thats your interest ! Don't let fears/insecurity's and other such crap stop you. I know it ain't easy just take small steps at a time.
7)

13. So far looking back into my past it all seems like one big blur.

Life ain't lived in the past.
7)

15. I feel alone at times. I have not much of a support system. I can't be honest with people i want to be honest with because they just won't understand.

GREAT !
Gives you something to work on.
Oh and have your try'd to be honest with people? They might suprise you ! (and there's really nothing to lose excepth maybe a facade you've been holding up for yourself and the world)


What I noticed in my life is that motion towards a positive and difficult goal will result in feeling good about yourself and ultimately happiness. This might be social skills or being more positive in general or a spiritual journey or whatever. Just keep moving forward no matter what.





Ps. I come from a similar place as you so I know how it feels. Don't worry, keep improving and moving forward than you'll be fine.
Ps. Damn this post turned out longer then expected lol

[Alex Wilson]

Hi Kaprese,

I really understand how you feel; but you are a very intelligent person and eminently capable of overcoming your difficulties

Many years ago when I was in a situation very similar to yours I was helped enormously by a very wonderful man named Maxwell Maltz and his equally wonderful book, Psycho Cybernetics. I commend it to you. Please read it; I know it will help you as much as it did me.

You can get it from Ebay for pennies. See here: psycho cybernetics, Nonfiction Books, Audiobooks items on eBay.com

[Kaprese408]

Thank you all for da replies. I have been working a lot about turning my life around. I have not always been this low...i just ended hitting "bottom" in sep and oct. I came back home and took a break from school to put things back into perspective. Everyone here at this forum is helping me do that.

I agree with you freelancer. I have slowly begun to see how my reality has been influenced by my perception of it. I am working on being more real with reality and myself, than living in extremes.

I am still having a tough time seeing my strengths...but i am looking out for them and trying to grab onto them when something surfaces...for a start i am determined and devoted to changing my life around. I am working on myself and learning not to label myself, but try to phrase things in a positive so i can start working on solutions...

I have been reading "feeling good" by David Burns and am really liking it. At times i feel like i might not be "that bad" since im not in a constant depressive state.

I have decided that when i go back to my school city (i moved away from home to san diego from the Bay area) i am going to go back with a new mindset. That i just moved to Diego for the first time and that i will be exploring a new city. Time to meet new friends, experience a brand new city, and take on the perspective that a new city means new opportunities to work on a new perception.

This will help me let go of the "past" year experience i had in that same city (which was not very productive). With this new approach i can hope to gain some empowerment to create a new life for myself...a more positive life. Most importantly let go of all the negatives (doubts, experiences, decisions, thoughts, lack of confidence, etc) that i felt before i came back home and that really didnt help my self esteem at all.

The only "old" thing from my previous life would be my current roommates who i have been living with for 2 months now. They have seen some of the effects of my low self esteem. it would be nice to move in with brand new people...BUT i cannot let go of my new place. I love it sooo much and its everything i wanted from a house close to campus.

ANY suggesstions???? Have any of you all moved to a brand new city? If so what actions did you take to have a successful transition when it came to meeting people, making friends, learning about the city, getting around, etc.

I love this site and all of u...Thankx

Kaprese

[infois]

Your life do not have to suck
just say out loud now Jesus I
believe and I receive you in my
heart please go to leroyjenkins.com
to get more help

[Kimp]

Hi Kaprese,
Glad to hear things are looking up. One of the subjects I want to explore in this forum is Gratitude. I read it a lot in self-help books, gratitude is one of the biggies
That's one of the things I tried to focus on. When I was so down, hardly had the strength to get thru the day, how could gratitude get a look in. Actually when I read your story, it helps me understand myself. There must be stuff in there that you could be real grateful for, rather than focussing on what hurts. That's certainly what I did.
Have fun out there, Kimp