The fine crack in the human structure: Rules and Regulations of Modern Society

[RobstaLobsta]

Well hello every1,
My name is Rob and I thought I would try out this forum, looks like a very intersting one. Forums for smart people, we are such narcissists, lol j/k. I am interested in meeting new people with good ideas and good taste. Just let you get a feel for me I thought I would pose some questions for you guys and gals and let you know alittle about me.

What are you allowed to do, and what do you allow yourself to do?


I think these are very important questions I need to ask myself, especially as of late. Humans are so f*ed up and it isn't very hard to see why. I mean you grow up as a child with this developing mind where the only distinctions between wrong and right are the constructs that the adults around you have put. And when you grow up in a heavily regulated or even an unregulated environment it really f*s you up… Can u see what I am getting at? Cause I feel I have lived on both sides of the fence.

Personally I have to choose what is right and what is wrong on a day to day basis, as we all do! And the older I grow the more people around me depend on my making the right decision and the more I depend on them doing the same. You would think it would be the other way around, the younger you are the more dependent you are, but I find youngsters are better handled for things that us adults are so co-dependent for. But this society is so closed off and biased that you can't help but feel, even when surrounded by your closest friends… who can I depend on?

I always want to say you can depend on me, and I hope my friends can… but I doubt that is the case since I find myself so unwilling to depend on them. I really have no choice but to depend on myself at the moment, mainly because the one person I do depend on, my mother, is just f*ing me up. Not her fault in any way, I am an adult, but I seem to have problems with distinguishing between my mom allowing me to do stuff, which she allowed me to do whatever as a kid, and me being an adult and now taking responsibility for my own actions. I am a 24 yr old baby by the way, stuck at home, can't get out on my own, though I have alot of potential. I had my dad as a kid telling me everything to do, he was my 'god' cause honestly I never found one of my own so I just listened to him and now that he is gone (aka I never go see him) and it has just been me and my mom for QUITE some time now, I finally find I have to be my own dad in a responsible manner, I just seem to lack the tools and the know how. Although I hear most parents feel that way, so in a way, I guess it makes sense. And I am blogging this cause I really see in all my friends a f*ed up relationship where they are doing the exact same thing to someone else, ex. What I am doing to my mom.And I just thought someone out in this WWW could maybe relate and take something from my words.

So how do you find those healthy relationships that allow you to be a better person and don't allow you to fall into that pit of despair that we have all felt before? Church? School? Family? Cause I find the flaws in all of them and put myself back into this terrible place.

For instance I just woke up at 8pm today, went to bed, I donno around maybe noon or a little before. Did my mom allow me to f* up my sleep schedule or did I allow myself? Of course in this instance I allowed myself, but I find other situations not as easily read as this one. Well I need to go ahead and start allowing myself more things and not allowing a lot of other stuff as well. I need to allow myself to have more fun, but not at the expense of my friends and family or at the expense of my kidneys and pocket book. I need to not allow myself to continue going on with this f*ed up sleep schedule when the only time I can look for a job is while I am asleep.

Well if u guys do read this, sorry it is so long, and you feel you need to share with someone what you allow yourself that you shouldn't or don't allow yourself that you should, hit me up… we will chat, you'll either keep me up and get me back on a good sleep schedule or you will put me to sleep with boredom and put me back on a good sleep schedule… either way I win lol j/k

thanks for listening,
RobstaLobsta

p.s. sorry for the f*s, just like it better than mess, cause I am a mess I guess lol.


Listening to: Micheal Hedges
Album: Ariel Boundaries