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11-26-2011, 03:58 AM
| #5 (permalink) |
| Senior Member Join Date: Oct 2010 Location: Nebraska
Posts: 494
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1. If you don't go to college, well then... you're gonna automatically be a NOBODY!!!!-quote from person who isn't too bright 2. Clip from Zeitgesit movie about religion: Best clip from "Zeitgeist The Movie" - YouTube 3.Your Boss: "On your payday, I'm not going to pay you in money....instead here's a bunch of PayDay candy bars!!!!!" 4.Spit out your Stride gum and chew another piece already!!....or we'll find you... 5.Only short people can eat Shortbread cookies. 6.Snickerdoodles and Snickers candy bars are delicious. *snicker* *snicker* 7.I'd like to see someone get a fortune cookie that says: "Your life sucks" or something like that... 8.Buy our choco wheels....for... Not 14.99, not 13.99 but $42.99! 9.Buy our new pencil! Thats a two dollar value for only $19.99! 10.True story: There's an ice cream flavor called "Cherry Nirvana". Eat it and you will become enlightened!!! Purely Decadent Dairy Free Cherry Nirvana Ice Cream - Diet Food Reviews 11. Number 2 on my list of enemies is: cheddar cheese. McDonalds is number one. 12. I pizza! You pizza! We all pizza! For ICE pizza! 13.Have u seen that scene from Office Space, where he dumps the bag of cheetos? I did that in school but it was with chips. (TRUE STORY, BTW.) 14.I gotta dop, gotta zop gotta bop. Eat me down to the floor. You want more? Get on the ground and eat, galore. 15.Why in the world would anyone want to eat Ranch flavored pringles? I dislike the taste of wood. 16.Btw, don't eat Tombstone pizza. The name gives it away... 17.Also, put a tombstone pizza on my tombstone. 18.Did u know it takes 1000 bowls of Raisin Bran to equal the same amount of fiber in one bowl of Total? |
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11-26-2011, 05:20 AM
| #6 (permalink) |
| Senior Member Join Date: Oct 2010 Location: Nebraska
Posts: 494
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1. Sunchips are from the sun 2.I walked into a Runza store once. There was a sign there that said "No shirt, no shoes, no runza." I thought: "Yeah, but what about 'no pants' ?" 3.How fast does a Fastbreak bar break? 4.Want some Optimus Prime rib? 5.Why doesn't Runza have a "small" onion rings? 6. Hi. 7.I just ordered some hot wings. If they don't get here within the next 3 months, they're free. 8. Domino's pizza. -http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dBCNm9VJOUo 9.What's helpful and a drink? Gator-aid 10. New idea: coffee M&Ms 11.Looks like a pop fly into the endzone. 12.People told me to get a life. I got the board game and the cereal. Do i have one now? 13.My mage level is now 3. Add the Arcane Winds spell to your hotbar....it will give you a 5 plus mana boost. 14.How about a scoop of mashed potatoes in a cone? |
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11-26-2011, 07:46 AM
| #7 (permalink) |
| Senior Member Join Date: Oct 2010 Location: Nebraska
Posts: 494
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1. Has anyone ever got more than one scoop of ice cream on a cone? Such as 5 or more? 2. new M-Ms flavor: Cashew M-Ms 3.Where can I find a White Castle? 5.On facebook, you can add friends, but why not enemies? |
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11-26-2011, 01:06 PM
| #8 (permalink) |
| Family Member Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 5,479
| Postcard From Camp Royster
Camp Royster can proudly boast about the tools and facilities we offer, but pride goeth before a fall, and we've already lost a couple campers to Ben Dover Cliffs, so we humbly point out (with our good finger...it's just GOOD 'camping etiquette'...) that our metal shop is surpassed only by that which is better than our own facilities. And shop equipment, too. Below we see cheesedip1 has cut a 1988 Dodge Caravan into a little pick-up truck. We use this little guy to putter around the grounds, picking up litter and firewood, and an occassional hitchhiker. This project earned cheesedip1 an A+. (Not for the project...for the hitchhiker she/he found near Ben Dover Cliffs. YOWZA! WAS THAT A NIGHT!!!) |
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11-26-2011, 10:25 PM
| #9 (permalink) |
| Senior Member Join Date: Oct 2010 Location: Nebraska
Posts: 494
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1. I recently bought one of those bracelets that has the words "What would Jesus do?" engraved on it. So now, any time I get into a difficult situation, I can look at my bracelet and remember to ask myself, "What would Jesus do?" The next day, I was in a movie theater and some jerk's cell phone goes off. He starts talking really loud on it and at some point I couldn't take it anymore so I yelled at him to shut up. When he turned around and told me to shove it, I jumped out of my chair and was ready to cave his head in. But then my bracelet caught my attention and I remembered, "What would Jesus do in this situation?" So I lit him on fire and threw him in hell. 2.A man spoke with the Lord about heaven and hell. The Lord said to the man, "Come, I will show you hell." They entered a room where a group of people sat around a huge pot of stew. Everyone was famished, desperate and starving. Each held a spoon that reached the pot, but each spoon had a handle so much longer than their arms that it could not be used to get the stew into their own mouths. The suffering was terrible. "Come, now I will show you heaven," the Lord said after a while. They entered another room, identical to the first - the pot of stew, the group of people, the same long-handled spoons. But there everyone was happy and well-nourished. "I don't understand," said the man. "Why are they happy here when they were miserable in the other room and everything was the same?" The Lord smiled, "Ah, it is simple," he said. "Here they have learned to feed each other." 3. R.I.P cookies and cream twix  4. Look at those Lay's Chips. They're just laying there. (Okay, bad pun.) 5.What if ur world of warcraft character is rich and level 1 million but ur real world character is poor and only at level 2? 6.Why doesnt Wendy's have onion rings? or square buns? 7.I want to put a message in a bottle and then throw it into the ocean... 8.People say that they are outraged, but shouldn't that mean that they are out of rage? 9.The earliest recorded case of a man giving up smoking was on April 5, 1679, when Johan Katsu, Sheriff of Turku, Finland, wrote in his diary "I quit smoking tobacco." He died one month later. 10.Do you have a World of warcraft account? No, i have a life.. 11.I had this dream that Jesus was in Pamida and I was fighting off people I think they were trying to hurt him or something. 12.If I was on an island with only one food to survive with it would be Fun Dip. 13.pie+pie=mayo 14.Dude u should get a vanilla ice cream cone and put a cone on top too. 15.i wonder how long i am in detention for...the foods not as bad as they say 16.Play the song "stay alive" by trapt at a funeral. I love the irony. 17.MySpace is dead. 18.You could get 2 triples and then make a hexaburger. Watch out! The hexaburger can put a hex on you. 19.Or a decaburger. Thats 10 patties hmm try it. 20.The Pentagon eats Pentaburgers all the time..thats 5 patties 21.When ppl stop at stop signs they get a free octaburger Dr Octopus from spider man would love those 22.Hmm...1 word password. 23.What about strawberry twist icecream mixed w either vanilla or choc? How come no place has that idea? 24.Okay I don't get it, I mean people post things on facebook for people to comment on right?, but when you do they tell you to stop because they have to many notifications. 25.Does fb mean football, oh great now it means facebook 26.I think im gonna put taco johns and runza on speed dial... 27,I love, i love you, i cant live without you....popsicle. 28. I bought a Wonka Bar once, but there was no golden ticky inside. What a rip-off. 29. Ihop, cars and credit to go... 30. I need a wife who can feed me grapes... 31.You are the weakest soy-sasuage link, good bye. 32.Do you think there's a guys restoom out there with only urinals? 33.The bread and wine at church arent jesus' actually body and blood, cmon.... Plus what magic powers does eating a piece of bread give anywways? Being baptised is just sprinkling water on your head. And when it comes down to venial or mortal sins, now thats just makin it one step more dumb. 34.I once did a headstand for 7:37 mins 35.We should make a game out of who can eat the less junk food. 36.I wonder if there's a dairy king? or burger queen? 37.Every year, tourists get lost out in the desert.....every week. 38.Time to go to Dr Pepper rehab 39. Dont be a negative Nancy, be a Positive Pete! 40. Let's make a bet and wager cookies... |
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11-26-2011, 11:37 PM
| #10 (permalink) |
| Family Member Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Home
Posts: 2,578
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As a humorist and comedian myself, I would say that many of these were not funny to me, but my sense of humor is different from yours. I prefer the humor of comedians like Steven Wright and Bill Hicks/George Carlin, but we each have our own niches. I've been developing my sense of humor since I was a child, and it is not easy at all to be really funny. Even the comedians that are famous don't know if a joke will bomb or kill. Stage time is the only way to find out. So, why not put some of these to "stage time," which could mean trying them out on people and see how they react?
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11-27-2011, 05:33 AM
| #12 (permalink) |
| Banned Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: on God's beautiful earth, in heaven :), & you?
Posts: 1,341
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Once they made a movie called "One flew over the Cookoo's nest": some people, rather brainless, mistook it for hilarious. Personally, having worked in 3 of those places, I can in all honesty say they are anything, but funny. They are downright ALARMING!  Now why would I post that in this Humor thread
Last edited by sk8joyful; 11-27-2011 at 07:33 AM. |
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11-28-2011, 10:21 PM
| #14 (permalink) |
| Senior Member Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 105
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Well if we talking humor. The Million Dollar Man loves to laugh. And this video is very funny and crazy. It's endorsed by the Million Dollar Man Pepe The Box Clown Episode 1 - YouTube |
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