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08-31-2011, 02:10 PM
| #1 (permalink) |
| Member Join Date: Jul 2011 Location: United Kingdom
Posts: 32
 |  A Message from the Queen
Dear Americans as you know everyone in Britain knows the Queen, and she has asked me to have a quick word on her behalf about her English. Don’t worry this isn’t the tedious standard British sneering about Lieutenants and aluminium, essentially her message is, use it how you like. She doesn’t mind about the quite sensible ones like spelling plow (plough) quite obviously the way it should be spelt, but nor does she mind about the silly ones, like saying ‘tidbit’ because you think saying the syllable ‘tit’ is intrinsically rude. By all means leave the ‘U’ out of colour if it bothers you. I can quite see the bit of a car you put stuff in looks more like a trunk than a boot and that ‘sidewalks’ are the bit at the side that you walk on. FINE says the Queen, help yourself, she couldn’t care less. She COULDN’T care less though not she could care less, that’s the one thing she would really like you to stop saying, because that as an expression for not or hardly caring just makes no sense. If you could care less about something then all you’re telling us is you do care at least a little bit, because you could care less, but if you couldn’t care less. .look. . observe this graph.  Imagine this is a scale of caring and we are at zero in the bottom left, therefore since negative caring is impossible or rather is simply caring of another sort, love and hate being different sides of the same coin etc, I couldn’t care less. I could care more but I couldn’t care less. If I could care less, I would have to care at least the smallest possible unit of caring in order to give myself room to care less. I can’t care nothing if I could care less, but I might care much more than nothing. I could care anything from say 5 on the graph to 35 on this graph and still be able to truthfully able to claim to care less. I could care less is absolutely useless as an indicator of how much you care, because the only thing it rules out is that you don’t care at all which is exactly what you’re trying to convey. So that’s the one thing I really . . . the Queen really wants you to stop saying. Although while I have got you the expression is ‘can you hold the fort’ not ‘hold down the fort’. If I ask you to hold the fort the metaphor I’m employing is perfectly clear. You and I are in the fort together holding out against the enemies of the fort who are besieging the fort. I now have to pop out of the fort for a bit to get some printer toner or take the cat to the vet, while I do this, (don’t worry about how I will get past the besieging enemy I have a secret tunnel and a false beard) I want you to hold the fort, so that when I come back we will both still have the fort. A perfectly reasonable metaphor embodying a sound military strategy. If I ask you to hold down the fort, what the hell am I talking about? Hold down the fort while I go out because as you know it’s an inflatable hover fort and once relieved of my weight it might float off into the sky. Hold down the fort and when I get back the two of us can tickle the fort, NO – meaningless! STOP IT! But those are the only two things, stop doing those and you can say re-search and ber-nard to your hearts content, although ‘erbs, really? You’re French now are you? With your ‘erbal tea and your ‘erbal remedies well fine what ever makes you ‘appy, I could care less    |
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08-31-2011, 08:56 PM
| #2 (permalink) |
| Legendary Member Join Date: May 2008 Location: Going from Somewhere to Elsewhere
Posts: 10,374
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Pleased to (virtually) meet you! Do me a favour and shut the door, I'm feeling a slight draught! One other thing - have you ever eaten indigestive biscuits? Do they ravage your innards somehow? Last edited by Wax Frog; 08-31-2011 at 09:00 PM. |
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08-31-2011, 09:01 PM
| #3 (permalink) |
| Love in Action (Mod) Join Date: May 2008 Location: Ohio
Posts: 2,527
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I hate when people say "I could care less."  I also never understood the expression, "have your cake and eat it, too." Of course you have to have it before you eat it, and why would you want to have it if you couldn't eat it?  |
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08-31-2011, 09:27 PM
| #6 (permalink) |
| Legendary Member Join Date: May 2008 Location: Going from Somewhere to Elsewhere
Posts: 10,374
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[would like to track down the clip from one TV version of "A Christmas Carol", in which Scrooge's nephew shouts, "Oh, hurrah, Uncle, hurrah!" in the most painfully and deliciously foppish manner imaginable! Of course the Tiny Tim who dreams of stroking the goose is a perennial fave as well... |
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09-01-2011, 01:34 AM
| #8 (permalink) | |
| Family Member Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 3,157
| Quote:
I was so unbelievably ecstatic when I found those in a store here, you have no idea. | |
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09-01-2011, 12:49 PM
| #9 (permalink) | |
| Legendary Member Join Date: May 2008 Location: Going from Somewhere to Elsewhere
Posts: 10,374
| Quote:
 In the meantime, I'm off to Google to find out how they got their name...
Last edited by Wax Frog; 09-01-2011 at 12:51 PM. | |
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09-02-2011, 04:11 AM
| #11 (permalink) | |
| Family Member Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 3,157
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09-02-2011, 04:28 AM
| #12 (permalink) | |
| Legendary Member Join Date: May 2008 Location: Going from Somewhere to Elsewhere
Posts: 10,374
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09-02-2011, 06:35 AM
| #13 (permalink) | |
| Banned Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: on God's beautiful earth, in heaven :), & you?
Posts: 1,341
| Quote:
My thoughts exactly I am still splitting my gut. ROFLOL | |
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09-02-2011, 08:50 AM
| #16 (permalink) | |
| Banned Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: on God's beautiful earth, in heaven :), & you?
Posts: 1,341
|  Quote:
And actually, whenever I'm not sleeping, or eating, or playing, or Singing, or Lord knows what else , I Good-naturedly laugh ALOT | |
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09-02-2011, 04:54 PM
| #17 (permalink) |
| Banned Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 4,885
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Do you guys really have a hard time finding digestive cookies? I guess that is what happens when you alienate the Queen. She disrupts your supply of digestive cookies. Talking about England, it is a dream of mine to go there and visit a 'haunted castle'. It will be a game of who chickens out first. |
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09-03-2011, 05:52 AM
| #18 (permalink) | |
| Legendary Member Join Date: May 2008 Location: Going from Somewhere to Elsewhere
Posts: 10,374
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09-03-2011, 03:37 PM
| #19 (permalink) | |
| Banned Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 4,885
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I honestly don't care for them much, but my mother and grandmother seem to like them. Quote:
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09-03-2011, 04:14 PM
| #20 (permalink) | |
| Legendary Member Join Date: May 2008 Location: Going from Somewhere to Elsewhere
Posts: 10,374
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