Fun and Humor Time

[Shamou]

Humor is great for the spirit and for the mind... so, I thought that we could have a thread to share jokes and funny stuff... and enjoy some relaxing time together...

Hope you enjoy it...

.

[Shamou]

Two tourists were driving through Louisiana. As they were approaching Natchitoches, they started arguing about the pronunciation of the town. They argued back and forth until they stopped for lunch. As they stood at the counter, one tourist asked the employee, "Before we order, could you please settle an argument for us? Would you please pronounce where we are... very slowly?"
The girl leaned over the counter and said, "Burrrrrrrr, gerrrrrrr, Kiiiiing."

.

[Shamou]

A man goes into a store and asks the clerk for some "Polish Sausage."

The clerk looked at him and asked "Are you Polish?"

The guy, clearly offended, says, "Well, yes I am. But let me ask you
something.

If I asked you for Italian Sausage, would you ask me if I was Italian?

Or, if I asked for German Bratwurst, would you ask me if I was German?

Or if I asked you for a Kosher Hot Dog, would you ask me if I was Jewish?

Or, if I asked you for a Taco, would you ask me if I was Mexican?

Would ya, huh? Would Ya"

The clerk says, "Well no."

"And if I asked you for some Irish Whiskey, would you ask me if I was Irish?

What about Canadian Bacon, would you ask me if I was Canadian?"

"Well, I probably wouldn't,"

With self-indignation, the guy says, "Well, all right then, why did you ask me if I'm Polish just because I asked for Polish Sausage?'

The clerk replies, "Because you're at Home Depot".

.

[Shamou]

Church Bulletin Mistakes:

Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.
*
Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa, will be speaking tonight at Calvary Methodist. Come hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa.
*
The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals. The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water." The sermon tonight: "Searching for Jesus."
*
Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Don't forget your husbands.
*
The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a conflict.
*
Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say "Hell" to someone who doesn't care much about you.
*
Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.
*
Miss Charlene Mason sang, "I will not pass this way again," giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
*
For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
*
Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.
*
Barbara remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of Pastor Jack's sermons.
*
The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir will sing: "Break Forth Into Joy."
*
Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
*
A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What Is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.
*
Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
*
Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
*
Attend and you will hear an excellent speaker and heave a healthy lunch.
*
The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility. Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.
*
The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
*
This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
*
Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S. is done.
*
The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next week.
*
Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.
*
The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
*
Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 PM in the recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.
*
Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.
*
The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge. - Up Yours."

.

[Shamou]

Four farmers were seated at the bar in a tavern. At the table next to them sat a young girl.

The first man said, "I think it's WOOMB." The second replied, "No, it must be WOOOOMBH." The third said, "You both have it wrong -- it's WOOM." The fourth stated, "No, it has to be WOOMMMMBBB."

At this, the young lady could stand it no longer. She got up, walked over to the farmers and said, "Look, you hayseeds, it's WOMB. That's it, that's all there is to it." Then she left.

Eventually, one of the farmers broke the silence by saying, "Well, I don't know. A slip of a girl like that, I don't see how she could know. I'll bet she's never even heard an elephant fart!"

.

[Shamou]

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbor.

Before she says a word, Bob says, "I'll give you $800 to drop that towel, "

After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves.
The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, "Who was that?"

"It was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies.

"Great," the husband says, "did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?"

Moral of the story:
If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.

.

[torilink]

Originally Posted by Shamou

Church Bulletin Mistakes:

Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.
*
Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa, will be speaking tonight at Calvary Methodist. Come hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa.
*
The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals. The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water." The sermon tonight: "Searching for Jesus."
*
Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Don't forget your husbands.
*
The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a conflict.
*
Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say "Hell" to someone who doesn't care much about you.
*
Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.
*
Miss Charlene Mason sang, "I will not pass this way again," giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
*
For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
*
Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.
*
Barbara remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of Pastor Jack's sermons.
*
The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir will sing: "Break Forth Into Joy."
*
Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
*
A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What Is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.
*
Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
*
Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
*
Attend and you will hear an excellent speaker and heave a healthy lunch.
*
The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility. Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.
*
The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
*
This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
*
Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S. is done.
*
The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next week.
*
Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.
*
The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
*
Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 PM in the recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.
*
Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.
*
The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge. - Up Yours."

.

I about p'd myself - this is too funny!!

[Shamou]

Originally Posted by torilink

I about p'd myself - this is too funny!!

Thank you torilink...

-----------------------------------------------------------

A police officer pulls over a speeding car. The officer says, I clocked you at 80 miles per hour, sir."

The driver says, "Gee, officer I had it on cruise control at 60, perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating."

Not looking up from her knitting the wife says: "Now don't be silly dear, you know that this car doesn't have cruise control."

As the officer writes out the ticket, the driver looks over at his wife and growls, "Can't you please keep your mouth shut for once?" The wife smiles demurely and says, "You should be thankful your radar detector went off when it did."

As the officer makes out the second ticket for the illegal radar detector unit, the man glowers at his wife and says through clenched teeth, "Darn it, woman, can't you keep your mouth shut?"

The officer frowns and says, "And I notice that you're not wearing your seat belt, sir. That's an automatic $75 fine."

The driver says, Yeah, well, you see officer, I had it on, but took it off when you pulled me over so that I could get my license out of my back pocket."

The wife says, "Now, dear, you know very well that you didn't have your seat belt on. You never wear your seat belt when you're driving."

And as the police officer is writing out the third ticket the driver turns to his wife and barks, "WHY DON'T YOU PLEASE SHUT UP??"

The officer looks over at the woman and asks, "Does your husband always talk to you this way, Ma'am?"


I love this part....


"Only when he's been drinking."

.

[Old Soul]

The clerk replies, "Because you're at Home Depot".

ROFLOL haha good one

[Shamou]

A man went to apply for a job. After filling out all of his applications, he waited anxiously for the outcome. The employer read all his applications and said, "We have an opening for people like you." "Oh, great," he said, "What is it?" "It's called the door!"

--------------------------------------------------

A little girl walks into a pet shop and asks in the sweetest little lisp: "Excuthe me, mithter, do you keep wittle wabbits?"

And the shopkeeper gets down on his knees, so that he's on her level, and asks: "Do you want a wittle white wabby or a soft and fuwwy bwack wabby or maybe one like that cute wittle bwown wabby over there?"

The little girl puts her hands on her knees, leans forward and says in a quiet voice: "I don't fink my pyfon really giveths a thit."

---------------------------------------------------

A man arrives at work covered in scratches and bite marks, his suit torn, his tie all crooked and his face bruised. Seeing the state he's in, a colleague asks, "

What happened? Did you have an accident? No the guy replies. " I just buried my mother-in-law."

But how did you get all those injuries? "

She didn't want to get in the coffin!"

--------------------------------------------------------

The Hunting Trip....


A father and son went hunting together for the first time.

The father said: "Stay here and be very QUIET. I'll be across the field."

A few minutes later the father heard a blood Curdling scream and ran back to his son.

"What's wrong?" the father asked. "I told you to be Quiet."

The boy, bless his heart, answered; "Look, I was quiet when the Snake slithered across my feet. I was quiet when the bear breathed down my neck. I didn't move a muscle when the skunk climbed over My shoulder. I closed my eyes and held my breath when the wasp Stung me. I didn't cough when I swallowed the gnat I didn't cuss or scratch when the poison oak started itching. But when the two squirrels crawled up my pant legs and said, "Should we eat them here or take them with us?" ............. Well, I guess I just Panicked................"

.

[Amit_S]

Hey Shamou
Its 4.36 am here right now. I was tired, feeling a little low mentally....
Thats why i came here..i knew u would have some new ones! Thnx !
G'night now! time for me to hit the bed.

[Shamou]

Originally Posted by Eureka Minworks

Check out this guru teaching you how to laugh!

YouTube - Laughing Yoga

Hazel
-----------------------
Live Life To The Fullest
Attraction in Life

This guy just set Yoga 1000 years back... if he did not kill it altogether....

.

[Shamou]

Y'know" said the Scotsman, "I still prefer the pubs back home. In Glasgow there's a little bar called McTavish's. Now the landlord there goes out of his way for the locals so much that when you buy four drinks he will buy the fifth drink for you."



"Well," said the Englishman, "at my local, The Red Lion, the barman there will buy you your third drink after you buy the first two."



"Ahhhhh, that's nothing," said the Irishman. "Back home in Dublin there's Ryan's Bar. Now the moment you set foot in the place they'll buy you a drink, then another, all the drinks you like. Then when you've had enough drinks they'll take you upstairs and see that you get laid.

All on the house."



The Englishman and Scotsman immediately scorn the Irishman's claims but he swears every word is true.



"Well," asked the Englishman, "did this actually happen to you?"

"Not me meself, personally, no," said the Irishman. "But it did happen to me sister."

.

[Shamou]

The blonde asked the mechanic what was wrong with her car...

"Just crap in the carburator" he replied...

"How often should I do that...???" she asked...

.

[Shamou]

THE DRUGGIST

The husband arrived home after a tough day at the office and was met at the door by a sobbing wife who told him she had been insulted on the phone by the druggist.

The hubby jumped in the car and drove to the drug store and demanded an apology.

The druggist said "Listen bub", my alarm failed to go off this morning and I was late getting up. I left without breakfast, rushed out to the car and realized I had locked my house and car keys in the house. I got a bad cut on my hand breaking a window to get back in my house. I then got a speeding ticket in my rush to get the store open. About 3 blocks from the drugstore a tire went flat. When I finally arrived, there was a long line of people was waiting to get in.

As soon as I got the store open, I had to break a roll of nickles to make change and they spilled all over the floor. The phone was ringing off the wall and I was down on my knees picking up nickles. When I raised up, I cracked my head on the open cash register drawer causing me to stagger back against the perfume counter knocking several bottles of expensive perfume to the floor and breaking them. The phone was still ringing with no let up. I finally got a chance to answer it and it was your wife wanting to know how to use a rectal thermometer..and by damn...........I TOLD HER........."

.

[Shamou]

One early morning, a lady went in to wake up her son. "Wake up, son. It's time to go to school!"

Son: "But why Mom? I don't want to go."

Mom: "Give me two reasons why you don't want to go."

Son: "Well, the kids hate me for one, and the teachers hate me, too!"

Mom: "Oh, that's no reason to not to go to school. Come on now and get ready."

Son: "Give me two reasons why I should go to school."

Mom: "Well, for one, you're 52 years old. And for another, you're the Principal!"

.

[Bruce Achterberg]

Originally Posted by Shamou

This guy just set Yoga 1000 years back... if he did not kill it altogether....

.

And just when you think it's over, you learn there's a Part 2 to Laughing Yoga.

... because, you know... "I'm happy, I'm relaxed".

[Shamou]

Subject: Purina at Wal-Mart




I used to have a Great Dane & I was buying a large bag of Purina at Wal-Mart and was in line to check out.

A woman behind me asked if I had a dog(?).

On impulse, I told her that no, I was starting The Purina Diet again, although I probably shouldn't because I'd ended up in the hospital last time but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms. I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry & that the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again.

I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story, particularly a tall guy who was behind her.

Horrified, she asked if I'd ended up in the hospital last time because I had been poisoned.

I told her no; I'd been sitting in the street licking my nuts and a car hit me. I thought the tall guy was going to have to be carried out the door.

.

[Shamou]

A little boy was sitting on the curb

with a gallon of turpentine and
shaking it up and watching all the bubbles.


A little while later a Priest came along

and asked the little boy what he had.


The little boy replied,
"This is the most powerful liquid in the world,
it's called turpentine."

The Priest said,

"No, the most powerful liquid in the world

is Holy Water. If you take some of this Holy Water

and rub it on a pregnant women's belly,

she'll pass a healthy baby."

The little boy replied,

"You take some of this here turpentine
and rub it on a cat's *** and he'll pass
a Harley Davidson."

.

[Shamou]

A guy gets on a plane and finds himself seated next to a cute blonde. He immediately turns to her and makes his move. "You know," he says, "I've heard that flights willgo quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger. So let's talk."

The blonde, who had just opened her book, closes it slowly and says to the guy, "What would you like to discuss?"

"Oh, I don't know," says the guy. "How about nuclear power?"

"OK," says the blonde. "That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff grass. Yet the deer excretes little pellets, the cow turns out a flat patty, and the horse produces muffins of dried poop. Why do you suppose that is?"

The guy is dumbfounded. Finally he replies, "I haven't the slightest idea."

"So tell me," says the blonde, "How is it that you feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't know ♥♥♥♥♥?"

.

[Shamou]

During these serious times people of all faiths should remember these 4 religious truths:

1. Muslims do not recognize Jews as God's chosen people

2. Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah

3. Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the
Christian world.

4. Baptists do not recognize each other at Hooters

.

[Old Soul]

Humor is great for the spirit and for the mind...

Agreed!!


Professional Laugher's Club

When laughter is a friend of your's
You have found a true friend indeed
A healthy way to view life's bloopers
And a little healing for dis-ease
So let the tears roll down your cheeks
As laughter posesses your every emotion
And hold your stomach gleefully
As if in true devotion
As a professional laugher
A master of the trade
One might be compared to solitare
Without the Ace of spades
But pay em all no never mind
And continue to laugh
All heartedly
Because in only a matter of time
Other's will join you
Contagiously!

[Shamou]

A flat-chested young lady went to Dr. Smith for advice about breast enlargements.

He told her, "Every day when you get out of the shower, rub the top of your nipples and say, 'Scooby dooby dooby, I want bigger boobies.'"

She did this every day faithfully. After several months, it worked! She grew great boobs!

One morning she was running late, and in her rush to leave for work, she realized she had forgotten her morning ritual.

At this point she loved her boobs and didn't want to lose them, so she got up in the middle of the bus and said, "Scooby dooby dooby, I want bigger boobies."

A guy sitting nearby asked her, "Do you go to Dr. Smith by any chance?"

"Why yes, I do. How did you know?"

The man stood up and cupped his balls and said, "Hickory dickory dock..."

----------------------------------------------------

A little old lady had always wanted to join a local biker club. One day she goes up and knocks on the door. A big, hairy, bearded biker with tattoos all over his arms answers. She proclaims, "I want to join your club."

The guy was amused, but says she needs to meet certain biker requirements in order to join. The biker asks, "Do you have a motorcycle?"

The little old lady replies, "Yep... my bike's parked over there", and points to a Harley in the driveway.
The biker asks, "Do you drink?"

The little old lady replies, "Yep... drink like a fish. I'll drink any man in your club under the table."

The biker asks, "Do you smoke?"
The little old lady replies, "Yep... smoke like a chimney. At least 4 packs of cigarettes a day and a couple of cigars in the evening, while I'm shooting pool."

The biker is very impressed and asks, "Last question, have you ever been picked up by the fuzz?"

The little old lady thinks for a minute and says, "Nope ... but I've been swung around by my nipples a time or two."

.

[Gautam]

Hey I spent 5 hours today going through each and every post in this thread.. and now my stomach hurts.

[Shamou]

Originally Posted by Gautam

Hey I spent 5 hours today going through each and every post in this thread.. and now my stomach hurts.

Hey... my friend... in humor, just like any other of life's pleasure... you gotta know when to stop...

However, congratulation on your feat... you probably list it as some kind of record on the "Guinness World Records"...

.

[Shamou]

A handy guide for men:
13 Things PMS Stands For:



1. Pass My Shotgun

2. Psychotic Mood Shift

3. Perpetual Munching Spree

4 Puffy Mid-Section

5. People Make me Sick

6. Provide Me with Sweets

7. Pardon My Sobbing

8. Pimples May Surface

9. Pass My Sweat pants

10. Pissy Mood Syndrome

11. Plainly; Men Suck

12. Pack My Stuff

and...

13. Potential Murder Suspect

.

[Shamou]

Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.

A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."

Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.

A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says: "A beer please, and one for the road!"

"Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home.'"
"That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome."
"Is it common?"
"Well, It's Not Unusual."

Two cows are standing next to each other in a field.
Daisy says to Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning."
"I don't believe you," says Dolly.
"It's true, no bull!" exclaims Daisy.

An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids are nothing to look at either.

I tried to buy some camouflage trousers the other day, but I couldn't find any.

I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled a mussel.

What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.

Two termites walk into a bar. One asks, "Is the bar tender here?"

A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says, "I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger."

Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says "Dam!".

Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, "I've lost my electron." The other says, "Are you sure?" The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive."

Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocaine during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.

A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse.
"But why?" they asked, as they moved off.
"Because," he said, "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer!"

A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother.

Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal!"

.

[Jmpyle]

A preacher decides one day that he wants to go hunting instead of fulfilling his sunday obligation of giving a sermon. He tells the deacons Saturday night that he is feeling very sick and they will have to find a replacement.

The next day, the pastor loads up his pickup and heads out to the woods. All excited because he has clearly gotten out of giving the sermon that sunday without getting caught, he happily wanders throughout the woods looking for game.

He comes to a stream and decides to stoop down and get a drink. He puts his rifle down and bends down to drink from the stream and to put his head in. When he pulls his head out of the water, to his dread, he sees a 1,000 pound grizzly running straight towards him.

Not having time to pick up his rifle, the pastor prays quickly "dear Lord, please convert this bear into a christian!"

Amazingly the bear stops dead in his tracks 5 feet from the pastor, lifts its paws to heaven and exclaims,

"Dear Lord, thank you for this food I am about to eat."

[Shamou]

Hello and welcome aboard Jmpyle...

Very glad that you decided to join and hope that you like it here...

The fact that your very first post was a joke... is a very good sign... you should be a welcome addition to this board... also, your public profile is quite interesting... so I'll be looking forward to reading your posts and hopefully share, learn and grow with you...

Best regards...

.

[Shamou]

An American tourist in London decides to skip his tour group and explore the city on his own.

He wanders around, seeing the sights, and occasionally stopping at a quaint pub to soak up the local culture, chat with the lads, and have a pint of Guinness.

After awhile, he finds himself in a very high class neighborhood..big, residences...no pubs, no stores, no restaurants, and worst of all...NO PUBLIC RESTROOMS.

He really, really has to go, after all those Guinness's. He finds a narrow side street, with high walls surrounding the adjacent buildings and decides to use the wall to solve his problem.

As he is unzipping, he is tapped on the shoulder by a London Bobbie, who says, "I say, sir, you simply cannot do that here, you know."

"I'm very sorry, officer," replies the American, "but I really , really HAVE TO GO, and I just can't find a public restroom."

"Ah, yes," said the Bobbie..."Just follow me". He leads him to a back "delivery alley", then along a wall to a gate, which he opens.

"In there," points the Bobbie. "Whiz away,...anywhere you want."
The fellow enters and finds himself in the most beautiful garden he has ever seen. Manicured grass lawns, statuary, fountains, sculptured hedges, and huge beds of gorgeous flowers, all in perfect bloom.

Since he has the cop's blessing, he zips down and unburdens himself and is greatly relieved.

As he goes back thru the gate, he says to the Bobbie "That was really decent of you ....is that "British Hospitality?"

"No" replied the Bobbie, with a satisfied smile on his face, "that is the French Embassy."

.