Fun and Humor Time

[machoman]

A gang of robbers broke into a lawyer's club by mistake. The old legal lions gave them a fight for their life and their money.

The gang was very happy to escape. "It ain't so bad," one crook noted. "We got $25 between us."

The boss screamed: "I warned you to stay clear of lawyers... we had $100 when we broke in!"

************************************************** ****************************
So there was this engineer who was tragically hit by a bus and killed instantly. He had lead a good life, but for some reason he found himself, rather than at the pearly gates, in the Other Place. Not one to complain, he shrugged and submitted himself to the tortures and other indignities common in Hell.

Soon after he arrived, there was a problem with one of the many furnaces. The engineer was happy to help out (he volunteered as wanted a challenge) and before long it was up and running again.

This brought him to the attention of one of the senior demons that then had him working all over Hell fixing the torture devices, working out the kinks in the plumbing system, installing digital controls to the flame throwers . . . you name it.

Pretty soon word reached Satan that Hell had a great new addition to the team. The engineer then got taken under the Boss' wing (so to speak) as he planned and oversaw the creation of a giant new computer network. Pretty soon, word of all these improvements reached Heaven.

God was pretty upset about all this, and he had St. Peter look into the details (it had been a computer error, the engineer had been destined for one of the mid levels of Heaven). So God called Satan up and told him he wanted the engineer back.

"Nothing doing," said Satan, "You sent him down here, and we're keeping him!"

"What?" sputtered God, "You get him up here right now! That's a direct Order!"

"Listen pal, I don't take orders from you any more. Remember that 'rule in hell' agreement?"

God was beside himself. "If you don't send that engineer up here right now, I'll . . . I'll sue you!"

"Oh, sure!" Satan shot back gleefully. "Where are you going to get a lawyer?"

[machoman]

Four Catholic ladies are having coffee together. The first one tells her friends, "My son is a priest. When he walks into a room, everyone calls him 'Father'."

The second Catholic woman chirps, "My son is a Bishop. Whenever he walks into a room, people say, 'Your Grace'."

The third Catholic woman says smugly, "My son is a Cardinal. Whenever he walks into a room, people say, 'Your Eminence'."

The fourth Catholic woman sips her coffee in silence. The first three women give her this subtle "Well.....?"

She replies, "My son is a gorgeous, 6'2", hard bodied stripper. When he walks into a room, people say, 'Oh my God...'."

[machoman]

"Welcome to President Bush, Mrs. Bush, and my fellow astronauts."

"We're going to have the best-educated American people in the world." 9/21/88

"We have a firm commitment to NATO, we are a 'part' of NATO. We have a firm commitment to Europe. We are a 'part' of Europe."

"The Holocaust was an obscene period in our nation's history. I mean in this century's history. But we all lived in this century. I didn't live in this century." 15/9/88

"Quite frankly, teachers are the only profession that teach our children." 18/9/90

"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it."

"It is wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago"

"I was recently on a tour of Latin America, and the only regret I have was that I didn't study Latin harder in school so I could converse with those people."

"I love California, I practically grew up in Phoenix."

"For NASA, space is still a high priority." 5/9/90

[machoman]

Abraham Lincoln was elected to Congress in 1846.
John F. Kennedy was elected to Congress in 1946.

Abraham Lincoln was elected President in 1860.
John F. Kennedy was elected President in 1960.

The names Lincoln and Kennedy each contain seven letters.

Both wives lost their children while living in the White House.

Both Presidents were shot on a Friday.

Lincoln's secretary was named Kennedy.
Kennedy's secretary was named Lincoln.

Both were succeeded by Southerners called Johnson.

Andrew Johnson, who succeeded Lincoln, was born in 1808.
Lyndon Johnson, who succeeded Kennedy, was born in 1908.

John Wilkes Booth, who assassinated Lincoln was born in 1839.
Lee Harvey Oswald, who assassinated Kennedy was born in 1939.

Both assassins were known by their three names, each consisting of 15 letters in total.

Booth ran from the theatre and was caught in a warehouse.
Oswald ran from a warehouse and was caught in a theatre.

Booth and Oswald were assassinated before their trials.

and finally....
A week before Lincoln was shot, he was in Monroe, Maryland.
A week before Kennedy was shot, he was in Marilyn Monroe.

[machoman]

An elderly couple was driving cross-country, and the woman was driving. She gets pulled over by the highway patrol. The officer says, "Ma'am, did you know you were speeding?"

The woman turns to her husband and asks, "What did he say?"

The old man yells, "HE SAYS YOU WERE SPEEDING."

The patrolman says, "May I see your license?"

The woman turns to her husband and asks, "What did he say?"

The old man yells, "HE WANTS TO SEE YOUR LICENSE." The woman gives him her license.

The patrolman says, "I see you are from Arkansas. I spent some time there once, had the worst s** with a woman I have ever had."

The woman turns to her husband and asks, "What did he say?"

"HE THINKS HE KNOWS YOU," the old man yells.

[machoman]

There was an old man who always rode his bike to his brother's house every weekend. It took him 2 hours and he alway's made it by there by 2PM.

One day he tried to make it in 1 hour. Collapsing on a hill from exhaustion, while sitting there, a Corvette pulls up and asks him if he needs a ride. The man looks at his watch and sees he would be late if not, but there is already a passenger, so he asks how?

"No problem," says the man in the corvette, "I've got a rope in the back and we'll tie your bike to the back bumper and you can ride."

The man says, "Ok!"

They take off and the driver yells back, "Just yell BEEP BEEP if I'm going to fast." No problem the man thinks. They come to an Intersection and a Ferrari pulls up, the man's eye's widen in fright.

Sure enough, the light changes and THEY'RE OFF! Anyway, the guy made it to his brothers on time and the Vette lost.

Meanwhile, at the local police dept... "Hey guys the weirdest thing just happened to me. A Ferrari and a 'Vette just lost me at over 120 mph on Main Street."

"What's so weird about that?" asks the other cops.

The first cop says, "There was this old guy on a bike behind them screaming BEEP BEEP and trying to pass!"

[machoman]

The work of a certain timid but thorough law clerk was valued for its precision, so soon he was making money to buy himself a nice imported sports car.

Not long afterwards he had the misfortune to get lost in the worst part of town, and when he stopped at a red light a huge, mean son-of-a-bitch hauled him out of the driver's seat.

Drawing a circle around him on the pavement, the hoodlum told him not to set foot out of it unless he wanted the s**t beat out of him. The delinquent proceeded to demolish the car, starting with the headlights and windows, when he heard the law clerk giggling.
He moved on to the body and engine, but in between crashes he couldn't help hearing gales of laughter.

Finally, crowbar in hand, he came over to his victim and demanded, "What you laughing about? Your fancy car's never gonna run again."

"So?" the clerk gasped helplessly, tears running down his face. "Ever since you started tearing up my car, I've been stepping in and out of this circle, in and out, in and out..."

[machoman]

The man asks the girl if she’s afraid and she shakes her head bravely. He has had more experience, but it’s the first time his finger has found the right place.

He probes deeply and she shivers; her body tenses; but he’s gentle like he promised he’d be.

He looks deeply within her eyes and tells her to trust him-he’s done this many times before.

His cool smile relaxes her and she opens wider to give him more room for an easy entrance. She begins to plead and begs him to hurry, but he slowly takes his time, wanting to cause her as little pain as possible.

As he presses closer, going deeper, she feels the tissue gives way; pain surges throughout her body and she feels the slight trickle of blood as he continues.

He looks at her concerned and asks her if it’s too painful. Her eyes are filled with tears but she shakes her head and nods for him to go on. He begins going in and out with skill but she is now too numb to feel him within her.

After a few moments, she feels something bursting within her and he pulls it out of her, she lays panting, glad to have it over. He looks at her and smiling warmly, tells her, with a chuckle; that she has been his most stubborn yet most rewarding experience.

She smiles and thanks the dentist. After all, it was her first time to have a tooth pulled.

[WanderingOak]

How many Christians does it take to change a light bulb?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Charismatic:Only 1

Hands are already in the air.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Pentecostal: 10

One to change the bulb, and nine to pray against the spirit of darkness.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Presbyterians:None

Lights will go on and off at predestined times.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Roman Catholic:None - Candles only.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Baptists:At least 15.

One to change the light bulb, and 3 committees to approve the change and decide who brings the potato salad and fried chicken.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Episcopalians:3

One to call the electrician, one to mix the drinks and one to talk about how much better the old one was.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Mormons:5

One man to change the bulb, and four wives to tell him how to do it.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Unitarians:

We choose not to make a statement either in favor of or against the need for a light bulb. However, if in your own journey you have found that light bulbs

work for you, you are invited to write a poem or compose a modern dance about your light bulb for the next Sunday service, in which we will explore

a number of light bulb traditions, including incandescent, fluorescent, 3-way, long-life and tinted, all of which are equally valid paths to luminescence.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Methodists: Undetermined

Whether your light is bright, dull, or completely out, you are loved. You can be a light bulb, turnip bulb, or tulip bulb.

Bring a bulb of your choice to the Sunday lighting service and a covered dish to pass.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Nazarene:6
One woman to replace the bulb while five men review church lighting policy.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Lutherans:None
Lutherans don't believe in change.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Amish:
What's a light bulb?

[Adrienne]

silly things clients have said...


Client: (After viewing a sample of a multiple choice question)

Please change the "SUBMIT" button to "DONE".
Submit sounds too kinky.

[Adrienne]

I love bash.org.

<JBurna> lol you got free AOL knowin AOL sucks a**
<Demi> Its
<Demi> Free.
<@Prowler> So is gum on the bottom of chairs

[Daffy Duck]

The Associated Press: PETA wishes Obama hadn't swatted that fly

[Daffy Duck]

[Adrienne]

A blonde in church


An Alabama preacher said to his congregation, 'Someone in this congregation has spread a rumor that I belong to the Ku Klux Klan. This is a horrible lie and one which a Christian community cannot tolerate. I am embarrassed and do not intend to accept this. Now, I want the party who did this to stand and ask forgiveness from God and this Christian Family.'

No one moved.

The preacher continued, 'Do you have the nerve to face me and admit this is a falsehood? Remember, you will be forgiven and in your heart you will feel glory. Now, stand and confess your transgression.'

Again, all was quiet.

Then, slowly, a drop dead gorgeous blonde with a body that would stop traffic, rose from the third pew. Her head was bowed and her voice quivered as she spoke,

'Reverend, there has been a terrible misunderstanding. I never said you were a member of the Ku Klux Klan. I simply told a couple of my friends that you were a wizard under the sheets.'

The preacher fell to his knees, his wife fainted, and the congregation roared.

[Adrienne]

The wife came home early and found her husband in their bedroom making love to a very attractive young woman. And was somewhat upset. "You are a disrespectful pig!" she cried. "How dare you do this to me -- a faithful wife, the mother of your children! I'm leaving you. I want a divorce straight away!"

And the husband replied "Hang on just a minute love, so at least I can tell you what happened."

"Fine, go ahead," she sobbed, " but they'll be the last words you'll say to me!"

And the husband began -- "Well, I was getting into the car to drive home and this young lady here asked me for a lift. She looked so down and out and defenseless that I took pity on her and let her into the car. I noticed that she was very thin, not well dressed and very dirty. She told me that she hadn't eaten for three days! So, in my compassion, I brought her home and warmed up the enchiladas I made for you last night, the ones you wouldn't eat because you're afraid you'll put on weight. The poor thing devoured them in moments. Since she needed a good clean up I suggested a shower, and while she was doing that I noticed her clothes were dirty and full of holes so I threw them away. Then, as she needed clothes, I gave her the designer jeans that you have had for a few years, but don't use because you say they are too tight. I also gave her the underwear that was your anniversary present, which you don't use because I don't have good taste. I found the sexy blouse my sister gave you for Christmas that you don't use just to annoy her, and I also donated those boots you bought at the expensive boutique and don't use because someone at work has a pair the same."

The husband took a quick breath and continued - "She was so grateful for my understanding and help and as I walked her to the door she turned to me with tears in her eyes and said, Please ... do you have anything else that your wife doesn't use?"

[Adrienne]

I took out my wallet, got out ten dollars and asked, 'If I give you this money, will you buy wine with it instead of dinner?'

'No, I had to stop drinking years ago', the homeless woman told me.

'Will you use it to go shopping instead of buying food?' I asked.

'No, I don't waste time shopping,' the homeless woman said . ' I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive.'

'Will you spend this on a beauty salon instead of food?' I asked.

'Are you NUTS!' replied the homeless woman. I haven't had my hair done in 20 years!'

'Well, I said, 'I'm not going to give you the money. Instead, I'm going to take you out for dinner with my husband and me tonight.'

The homeless Woman was shocked. 'Won't your husband be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty, and I probably smell pretty disgusting.'

I said, 'That's okay. It's important for him to see what a woman looks like after she has given up shopping, hair appointments, and wine.'

[Adrienne]

A woman takes a lover home during the day while her husband is at work. Her 9 year old son comes home unexpectedly, sees them, and hides in the bedroom cupboard. Then the woman's husband also comes home. Panicked, she puts her lover in the cupboard, not realising that the little boy is in there already.

The little boy says, "Dark in here."
The man says, "Yes, it is."
Boy "I have a football."
Man "That's nice."
Boy "Want to buy it?"
Man "No, thanks."
Boy "My dad's outside."
Man "OK, how much?" Boy - $250

A few weeks later, it happens again that the boy and the lover are in the cupboard together.

Boy "Dark in here."
Man "Yes, it is."
Boy "I have football boots."
The lover, remembering the last time, asks the boy, "How much?"
Boy "$750" Man "Sold."

A few days later, the boy's father says to the boy, "Grab your boots and football, let's go outside and have a game of footy.

The boy says, "I can't, I sold my ball and boots."
The father says, "What?! Why?! How much did you sell them for?"
Boy - "$1,000."
The father says, "That's terrible to overcharge your friends like that. That is far more than those two things cost. You're going to church to confess!"

They go to the church and the father makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and he closes the door. The boy says, "Dark in here."

The priest says, "Don't start that sh*t again".

[Adrienne]

A mother and her 5 year old son were flying Southwest Airlines from Kansas City to Chicago.

The son (who had been looking out the window) turned to his mother and asked.

“If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don’t big planes have baby plane?” The mother, who couldn’t think of an answer, told her son to ask the stewardees.

So the boy walks to the galley and asks the stewardees, ““If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don’t big planes have baby plane?”

The stewardees responded, “Did your mother tell you to ask me?” The boy said, “Yes, she did…….

“Well, then, tell your mother that there are no baby planes because Southwest always pulls out on time. Have your mother explain that to you..”

[Adrienne]

Seamus and Murphy fancied a pint or two but didn’t have a lot of money between them, they could only raise the staggering sum of one Euro.

Murphy said ‘Hang on, I have an idea.’

He went next door to the butcher’s shop and came out with one large sausage.

Seamus said ‘Are you crazy? Now we don’t have any money at all!’

Murphy replied, ‘Don’t worry – just follow me.’

He went into the pub where he immediately ordered two pints of Guinness and two glasses of Jamieson Whisky.

Seamus said ‘Now you’ve lost it. Do you know how much trouble we will be in? We haven’t got any money!!’

Murphy replied, with a smile. ‘Don’t worry, I have a plan , Cheers! ‘

They downed their Drinks. Murphy said, ‘OK, I’ll stick the sausage through my zipper and you go on your knees and put it in your mouth.’

The barman noticed them, went berserk, and threw them out.

They continued this, pub after pub, getting more and more drunk, all for free.

At the tenth pub Seamus said ‘Murphy – I don’t think I can do any more of this. I’m drunk and me knees are killing me!’

Murphy said, ‘How do you think I feel? I can’t even remember which pub I lost the sausage in.

[Adrienne]

$7.00 SEX


A Florida couple, both well into their 80s, go to a sex therapist's office.
The doctor asks, "What can I do for you?"
The man says, "Will you watch us have sexual intercourse?"
The doctor raises both eyebrows, but he is so amazed such an elderly couple is asking for sexual advice that he agrees. When the couple finishes, the doctor says,
“There's absolutely nothing wrong with the way you have intercourse."
He thanks them for coming and wishes them good luck,

He charges them $50 and says good bye!!
The next week, the couple returns and asks the sex therapist to watch again. The sex therapist is a bit puzzled, but agrees.
This happens several weeks in a row.
The couple makes an appointment, has intercourse with no problems, pays the doctor, then leave.
Finally, after 3 months of this routine, the doctor says,
"I'm sorry, but I have to ask.
Just what are you trying to find out???”

The man says, "We're not trying to find out anything.
She's married and we can't go to her house.
I'm married too, and we can't go to my house ".
“SO…….we come here because”…………


The Holiday Inn charges $98.
The Hilton charges $139.
We do it here for $50
and I get $43 back from Medicare

[kattsand]

Check out the videos by this guy!
YouTube - MrChiCity3's Channel

He always makes me laugh and I always end up smiling watching his new stuff He's just incredibly positive about everything and has a great laugh.

[Daffy Duck]

Originally Posted by kattsand

Check out the videos by this guy!
YouTube - MrChiCity3's Channel

He always makes me laugh and I always end up smiling watching his new stuff He's just incredibly positive about everything and has a great laugh.

Hahah this guy is hilarious. Thanks!!

[Adrienne]

Have you ever wondered what the difference between Grandmothers
and Grandfathers is?
Well here it is:
A friend, who worked away from home all week, always made a
special effort with his family on the weekends.

Every Sunday morning he would take his 7-year old granddaughter
out for a drive in the car for some bonding time.. Just he and
his granddaughter.
One particular Sunday however, he had a bad cold and really
didn't feel like being up at all. Luckily, his wife came to the
rescue and said that she would take their granddaughter out.
When they returned, the little girl anxiously ran upstairs to
see her Grandfather. 'Well, did you enjoy your ride with grandma?'

'Oh yes, Papa' the girl replied, and do you know what? We didn't
see a single dumb bastard, dip sh*t or horse's *ss anywhere we
went today!'

[Adrienne]

I've often been asked, 'What do you old folks do now that you're retired'? Well..I'm fortunate to have a chemical engineering background, and one of the things I enjoy most is turning beer, wine, Scotch, and margaritas into urine. And I'm pretty darn good at it, too!!

[Adrienne]

Anger Management for Rude People
When you have a REALLY bad day, take it out on someone you don't know!

[When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know - take it out on someone you don't know…]

I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I had forgotten to make. I found the number and dialed it.
A man answered, saying, “Hello.”
I politely said, “This is Jason Braemore. Could I please speak with Rachel Carter?”
Suddenly, the phone was slammed down on me - I couldn't believe that anyone could be so rude.

I tracked down Rachel's correct number and called her - I had transposed the last two digits of her phone number. After hanging up with her, I decided to call the 'wrong' number again…

When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled, “You're a scumbag!” and hung up.

I wrote his number down with the word 'scumbag' next to it, and put it on my speed dial. Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or had a really bad day, I'd call him up and yell, “You're a scumbag!” It always cheered me up!

When Caller ID came to our area, I thought my therapeutic 'scumbag' calling would have to stop. So, I called his number and said, “Hi, this is John Smith from the Telephone Company. I'm just calling to see if you're familiar with the Caller ID program?”
He yelled, “NO!” and slammed the phone down.
I quickly called him back and said, “That's because you're a scumbag!”

One day I was at the store, getting ready to pull into a parking spot. Some guy in a black BMW cut me off and pulled into the spot I had patiently waited for. I hit the horn and yelled that I had been waiting for the spot. The idiot ignored me. I noticed a “For Sale” sign in his car window… so I wrote down his number.

A couple of days later, right after calling the first scumbag, I thought I had better call the BMW scumbag too.
I said, “Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?”
“Yes, it is.”
“Can you tell me where I can see it?”
“Yes, I live at 1969 West 35th Street. It's a yellow house, and the car's parked right out in front.”
“What's your name?” I asked.
“My name is Don Hanson,” he said.
“When's a good time to catch you, Don?”
“I'm home every evening after five.”
“Listen, Don, can I tell you something?”
“Yes?”
“Don, you're a scumbag.”
Then I hung up, and added his number to my speed dial. Now, when I had a problem, I had two scumbags to call…

But after several months of calling them, it wasn't as enjoyable as it used to be. So, I came up with an idea. I called Scumbag #1…
“Hello.”
“You're a scumbag!” (But I didn't hang up…)
“Are you still there?” he asked.
“Yeah,” I said.
“Stop calling me,” he screamed.
“Make me,” I said.
“Who are you?” he asked.
“My name is Don Hanson.”
“Yeah? Where do you live?”
“Scumbag, I live at 1969 West 35th Street, a yellow house, with my black Beamer parked in front.”
He said, “I'm coming over right now, Don. And you had better start saying your prayers.”
I said, “Yeah, like I'm really scared, scumbag.”
Then I called Scumbag #2.
“Hello?” he said.
“Hello, scumbag,” I said.
He yelled, “If I ever find out who you are, I'll…”
“You'll what?” I said.
“I'll kick your ass,” he exclaimed.
I answered, “Well, scumbag, here's your chance. I'm coming over right now.”

Then I hung up and immediately called the police, saying that I lived at 1969 West 35th Street, and that I was on my way over there to kill my gay lover.

Then I called CKVU Channel 13 News about the gang war going down on West 35th Street.

I quickly got into my car and headed over to 35th Street.

There I saw two scumbags beating the crap out of each other in front of six squad cars, a police helicopter, and news crew.

Now I feel a lot better…

[Adrienne]

This cracked me up, i wont link to the picture since it has alot of cursing in it, but if you dont mind that kind of humor, this sure made me smile.

http://imgkk.com/i/ndEVaU.png

[joyfulgrowth]

Hi WanderingOak,

You might enjoy these:

Lightbulb jokes

(ultimate collection of lightbulb jokes)

[olla86]

A man is walking home when he sees a dog buying meat for his owner.The man watches the dog when the butcher takes a little to much and growls and him until he gets the right amount.
The man follows the dog and watches as the dog stands on two legs and helps an old lady across the street.
Amazed the man follows the dog home and watches the dog ring the doorbell. When the owner comes to the door the owner takes the bags and tells the dog to stay in the front yard.
Frustrated the man goes up to the owner and yells "This dog is amazing! He gets your groceries, makes sure you have the exact change, helps old ladies across the street and this is how you treat him!"
The owner replies" I know but,this is the 3rd time this week he left his keys".

[Adrienne]

Great jokes guys!
thanks for posting them

[Adrienne]

A man walks

into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him.

The waitress asks them for their

orders.



The

man says, 'A hamburger, fries and a coke,' and turns to

the ostrich, 'What's yours?'



'I'll

have the same,' says the ostrich..



A

short time later the waitress returns with the order 'That

will be $9.40 please,' and the man reaches into his pocket

and pulls out the exact change for

payment.



The next day, the man and the

ostrich come again and the man says, 'A hamburger, fries

and a coke.'



The ostrich says, 'I'll have the

same.'



Again the man reaches into his

pocket and pays with exact change.



This

becomes routine until the two enter again. 'The usual?'

asks the
waitress.



'No, this is Friday night,

so I will have a steak, baked potato and a salad,' says

the man.



'Same,' says the

ostrich.



Shortly the waitress brings the

order and says, 'That will be $32.62.'



Once

again the man pulls the exact change out of his pocket and

places it on the table.



The waitress

cannot hold back her curiosity any longer. 'Excuse me,

sir. How do you manage to always come up with the exact

change in your pocket every time?'



'Well,'

says the man, 'several years ago I was cleaning the attic

and found an old lamp. When I rubbed it, a Genie appeared

and offered me two wishes. My first wish was

that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would just put

my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money would
always

be there....'



'That's brilliant!'

says the waitress. 'Most people would ask for a million

dollars or something, but you'll always be as rich as you

want for as long as you live!'



'That's

right. Whether it's a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the

exact money is always there,' says the

man..



The waitress asks, 'What's with the

ostrich?'


The

man sighs, pauses and answers, 'My second wish was for a

tall chick with a big butt and long legs who agrees with

everything I say.'