Fun and Humor Time

[jwz]

Adrienne, thanks for keeping posting great jokes

[Adrienne]

Originally Posted by jwz

Adrienne, thanks for keeping posting great jokes

you are most welcome. i am trying to post a couple every day.. we will see how well i do

Originally Posted by kgiuliani

Yep! Some of the highly educated people I work with still believe this one!

lol me too...

Thanks to Sam and mark and Angela and cordis and uplift and everyone who post jokes to keep this alive

Adrienne

[Adrienne]

[Adrienne]

[Adrienne]

[Mark Lapierre]

Adrienne: Oh that Penguin one is gold! I'm going to have to try to remember that when someone uses that fallacy

[Adrienne]

[Adrienne]

[Adrienne]

[Adrienne]

Originally Posted by Mark Lapierre

Adrienne: Oh that Penguin one is gold! I'm going to have to try to remember that when someone uses that fallacy

lol thanks Mark, i dont know why i find that cartoon so humorous but i totally do... you reminded me of a joke that i know just refer to as the Poseidon argument. I will look it up and post it

adrienne

[Beloved]

Originally Posted by kgiuliani

Yep! Some of the highly educated people I work with still believe this one!

My husband used to work in IT, he often came across such problems. Problems like the computer has no power to it, yep if you unplug it to plug your cd player in, chances are the computer won't work. Plus many more things. They used to write the word PEBCAK on the repair forms and when the users asked what the problem had been that's what they'd tell them. PEBCAK is short for Problem Exists Between Chair And Keyboard.

Being an IT expert comes with a big pricetag too, family members expect you to work on their computers for hours unpaid and at the drop of a hat. At any time too, we've had 1am phonecalls because they couldn't get their new printer to work, wanted him to come over to fix it then and there. When he did go over in the morning, he found that the both ends of the cable was plugged into the computer. He eventually told that person that they needed to find and pay for a professional because he wasn't doing it for them anymore. That was after he was expected to find all their business's records after they got a virus, when he set up their computer he had told them to back everything up on disks at least weekly. The excuse was that they weren't going to waste time or money on going out to buy disks and they had no time to save everything.

[Adrienne]

[Adrienne]

[Sam988]

Quotes from stupid 01


These are supposedly actual quotes taken from around the world.

"The effects are fleeting and lingering..." - Overheard in a hallway

"In Managua, people are cheering in the streets, which are deserted." - CBS reporter during the solar eclipse

"A trucker called to thank all of the courteous Seattle drivers he had run across." - Announcer on KZOK radio

"He threw 110 pitches in six innings, and that's a mouthful!" - CBS baseball announcer

"An agreement is not an agreement until the parties to the agreement have reached an agreement." - Irish Politician on RTE radio

"This is the biggest pawn that Israel holds in the whole hostage equation." - BBC world service.

"We have two incredibly credible witnesses here." - Sen. Biden at Thomas hearings from Bob Ericson (Marlboro, MA, USA)

"He's going to step down 'til he's back on his feet." - Vermont Public Radio commentator on Jimmy Swaggart's latest sex scandal

[Sam988]

Quotes from stupid 02
These are supposedly actual quotes taken from around the world.

"That race was all about competition." - David Coleman, ITV

"And I can see the strong wind blowing the sun towards us." - Brian Johnson, BBC Radio 3

Mark Goodier: What's the name of the company you work for?

Listener: Mining and Engineering Services. Mark Goodier: So, what kind of work do they do; is it mining and

engineering services? - BBC Radio 1

"Marling - unbeaten in her three victories."

Peter O'Sullivan, BBC2 TV: "Both drivers are fundamentally wearing white helmets."

James Hunt, BBC2 TV: "A church spire nestling among the trees...there's probably a church there too." - Richie Benaud, BBC2 TV

[Sam988]

Quotes from stupid 03

These are supposedly actual quotes taken from around the world.

Newsreader, BBC Radio 4: "Working mothers are the backbone of the third half of the economy."

Glenda Jackson, Channel 4 TV: "There's nothing athletes like - or indeed hate - more than hanging around like this." - David Coleman, BBC 1 TV

"Not being in the Rumbelows Cup for those teams won't mean a row of beans, 'cos that's only small potatoes." - Ian St John, ITV

"Oldham are leading 1-0, a well deserved victory at this stage of the game." - Tommy Docherty, Picadilly Radio

Brian Johnson, BBC Radio 3: "We don't appear to have Jim Fish on the line at the moment."

"Are there any more great swimmers in the pipeline?" - Cliff Morgan, BBC Radio 4

"Andre Vandapole has four silver medals in cyclocross, and none of them gold." - Phil Liggott, Channel 4 TV

"Well, I shall remember that catch for many a dying day."

[Adrienne]

Chili Cook-Off


If you can read this whole story without laughing,
then there's no hope for you. I was crying by the end.
This is an actual account as relayed to paramedics at a chili
cook-off in Texas .

Note: Please take time to read this slowly. If you
pay attention to the first two judges, the reaction
of the third judge is even better. For those of you
who have lived in Texas , you know how true this is.
They actually have a Chili Cook-off about the time
Halloween comes around. It takes up a major portion
of a parking lot at the San Antonio City Park .


Judge #3 was an inexperienced Chili taster named
Frank, who was visiting from Springfield, IL.
Frank: "Recently, I was honored to be selected as a
judge at a chili cook-off. The original person
called in sick at the last moment and I happened to
be standing there at the judge's table, asking for
directions to the Coors Light truck, when the call
came in. I was assured by the other two judge
(Native Texans) that the chili wouldn't be all that
spicy; and, besides, they told me I could have free
beer during the tasting, so I accepted and became
Judge 3."


Here are the scorecard notes from the event:


CHILI # 1 - MIKE'S MANIAC MONSTER CHILI

Judge # 1 -- A little too heavy on the tomato.
Amusing kick.

Judge # 2 -- Nice, smooth tomato flavor. Very mild.

Judge # 3 (Frank) -- Holy crap, what the hell is
this stuff? You could remove dried paint from your driveway.
Took me two beers to put the flames out. I hope that's the worst
one. These Texans are crazy.


CHILI # 2 - AUSTIN 'S AFTERBURNER CHILI

Judge # 1 -- Smoky, with a hint of pork. Slight
jalapeno tang.

Judge # 2 -- Exciting BBQ flavor, needs more peppers
to be taken seriously.

Judge # 3 -- Keep this out of the reach of children.
I'm not sure what I'm supposed to taste besides
pain. I had to wave off two people who wanted to
give me the Heimlich maneuver. They had to rush in
more beer when they saw the look on my face.


CHILI # 3 - FRED'S FAMOUS BURN DOWN THE BARN CHILI

Judge # 1 -- Excellent firehouse chili. Great kick.

Judge # 2 -- A bit salty, good use of peppers.

Judge # 3 -- Call the EPA. I've located a uraniu
spill. My nose feels like I have been snorting
Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now. Get me
more beer before I ignite. Barmaid pounded me on the
back, now my backbone is in the front part of my
chest. I'm getting ****-faced from all of the beer.


CHILI # 4 - BUBBA'S BLACK MAGIC

Judge # 1 -- Black bean chili with almost no spice.
Disappointing.

Judge # 2 -- Hint of lime in the black beans. Good
side dish for fish or other mild foods, not much of
a chili.

Judge # 3 -- I felt something scraping across my
tongue, but was unable to taste it. Is it possible to
burn out taste buds? Sally, the beer maid, was standing
behind me with fresh refills. This 300 lb. woman is starting to
look HOT .. just like this nuclear waste I'm eating! Is chili
an aphrodisiac?

CHILI # 5 - LISA'S LEGAL LIP REMOVER


Judge # 1 -- Meaty, strong chili. Cayenne peppers
freshly ground, adding considerable kick. Very
impressive.

Judge # 2 -- Chili using shredded beef, could use
more tomato. Must admit the cayenne peppers make a
strong statement.

Judge # 3 -- My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring
off my forehead and I can no longer focus my eyes. I farted,
and four people behind me needed paramedics. The contestant
seemed offended when I told her that her chili had
given me brain damage. Sally saved my tongue from
bleeding by pouring beer directly on it from the
pitcher. I wonder if I'm burning my lips off. It
really ticks me off that the other judges asked me
to stop screaming. Screw them.


CHILI # 6 - VERA'S VERY VEGETARIAN VARIETY


Judge # 1 -- Thin yet bold vegetarian variety chili.
Good balance of spices and peppers.

Judge # 2 -- The best yet. Aggressive use of
peppers, onions, garlic. Superb.

Judge # 3 -- My intestines are now a straight pipe
filled with gaseous, sulfuric flames. I crapped on myself
when I farted, and I'm worried it will eat through the chair.
No one seems inclined to stand behind me except that
Sally. Can't feel my lips anymore. I need to wipe my
butt with a snow cone.


CHILI # 7 - SUSAN'S SCREAMING SENSATION CHILI


Judge # 1 -- A mediocre chili with too much reliance
on canned peppers.

Judge # 2 -- Ho hum, tastes as if the chef literally
threw in a can of chili peppers at the last moment.
**I should take note that I am worried about Judge #
3. He appears to be a bit of distress as he is
cursing uncontrollably.

Judge # 3 -- You could put a grenade in my mouth,
pull the pin, and I wouldn't feel a thing. I've
lost sight in one eye, and the world sounds like it
is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with
chili, which slid unnoticed out of my mouth. My
pants are full of lava to match my shirt. At least
during the autopsy, they'll know what killed me.
I've decided to stop breathing it's too painful.
Screw it; I'm not getting any oxygen anyway. If I
need air, I'll just suck it in through the
4-inch hole in my stomach.



CHILI # 8 - BIG TOM'S TOENAIL CURLING CHILI

Judge # 1 -- The perfect ending, this is a nice
blend chili. Not too bold but spicy enough to
declare its existence.

Judge # 2 -- This final entry is a good, balanced
chili. Neither mild nor hot. Sorry to see that most
of it was lost when Judge #3 farted, passed out,
fell over and pulled the chili pot down on top of
himself. Not sure if he's going to make it. Poor
feller, wonder how he'd have reacted to really hot
chili?

Judge # 3 - No Report

[Adrienne]

Toward the end of the service, the Minister asked,
"How many of you have forgiven your enemies?"
80% held up their hands. The Minister then
repeated his question.
All responded this time, except one small elderly
lady.
"Mrs. Jones? Are you not willing to forgive your
enemies?"
"I don't have any" She replied, smiling sweetly.
"Mrs. Jones, that is very unusual. How old are
you?"
"ninety-eight." she replied.
"Oh, Mrs. Jones, would you please come down in
front & tell us all how a person can live ninety-eight
years & not have an enemy in the world?"
The little sweetheart of a lady tottered down the
aisle, faced the Congregation, and said:"I outlived the
b!tches!"

[Adrienne]

What gets longer when pulled,
Fits between your boobs,
Inserts neatly in a hole
& works best when jerked?



















A Seatbelt

[Mark Lapierre]

Originally Posted by Adrienne

lol thanks Mark, i dont know why i find that cartoon so humorous but i totally do... you reminded me of a joke that i know just refer to as the Poseidon argument. I will look it up and post it

Ahh, I love Thad Guy

Also xkcd. Here's a few of my faves (some might have already been posted)

[Adrienne]

Mark
I totally love xkcd. the cat one is a favorite in my family.
Here is one of my favorites from xkcd.



Adrienne

[cordis]

Bubba decides to go and hear some preaching at the revival meeting in town.

He goes and listens to the preacher very intently.

At the end, the preacher asks anyone with needs to come forward and be prayed over. Bubba gets in line.

When it's his turn the preacher says, "Bubba, what you want me to pray about?" Bubba says, "Preacher, I need you to pray for my hearing."

So the preacher puts one finger in Bubba's ear and the other hand on top of his head and prays a while. After a few minutes, he removes his hands and says, "Bubba, how's your hearing now?"

Bubba says, "I don't know Preacher, it's not until next Wednesday in Baton Rouge."

[Adrienne]

Three men were standin