Fun and Humor Time

[Shamou]

A couple had only been married for two weeks. The husband, although
very much in love, couldn't wait to go out on the town and party with his
old buddies.

So, he said to his new wife, "Honey, I'll be right back."

"Where are you going, Coochy Coo?" asked the wife.

"I'm going to the bar, Pretty Face. I'm going to have a beer."

The wife said, "You want a beer, my love?" She opened the door to the
refrigerator and showed him 25 different kinds of beer, brands from 12
different countries: Germany, Holland, Japan, India, etc.

The husband didn't know what to do, and the only thing that he could
think of saying was, "Yes, Lollipop... but at the bar . . . you know . they
have frozen glasses . . . "

He didn't get to finish the sentence, because the wife interrupted him
by saying, "You want a frozen glass, Puppy Face?" She took a huge beer
mug out of the freezer, so frozen that she was getting chills just holding it.

The husband, looking a bit pale, said, "Yes, Tootsie Roll, but at the
bar they have those hors d'oeuvres that are really delicious . . . won't
be long. I'll be right back. I promise. OK?"

"You want hors d'oeuvres, Poochie Pooh?" She opened the oven and took
out 5 dishes of different hors d'oeuvres: chicken wings, pigs in blankets,
mushroom caps, and pork strips.

"But my sweet honey . . . at the bar . . you know, there's swearing,
dirty words and all that . . ."

"You want dirty words, Cutie Pie?
"LISTEN UP CHICKEN___! SIT YOUR BUTTDOWN, SHUT THE HECK UP, DRINK YOUR BEER IN YOUR FROZEN MUG AND EAT YOUR HORS D'OEUVRES BECAUSE YOUR MARRIED BUTT ISN'T GOING TO A DAMNED BAR! THAT CRAP IS OVER, GOT IT, JACKA$$?"

. . and, they lived happily ever after. Isn't that a sweet story?

.

[Shamou]

Book Report


Students were assigned to read 2 books, "Titanic" and "My Life" by Bill Clinton.

One smart *** student turned in the following book report,
with the proposition that they were nearly identical stories!

His cool professor gave him an A+ for this report:

Titanic: $29.99
Clinton: $29.99

Titanic: Over 3 hours to read
Clinton: Over 3 hours to read

Titanic: The story of Jack and Rose, their forbidden love, and
subsequent catastrophe.
Clinton: The story of Bill and Monica, their forbidden love, and
subsequent catastrophe.

Titanic: Jack is a starving artist.
Clinton: Bill is a ******** artist.

Titanic: In one scene, Jack enjoys a good cigar.
Clinton: Ditto for Bill.

Titanic: During ordeal, Rose's dress gets ruined.
Clinton: Ditto for Monica.

Titanic: Jack teaches Rose to spit.
Clinton: Let's not go there.

Titanic: Rose gets to keep her jewelry.
Clinton: Monica's forced to return her gifts.

Titanic: Rose remembers Jack for the rest of her life.
Clinton: Clinton doesn't remember Jack.

Titanic: Rose goes down on a vessel full of seamen.
Clinton: Monica...ooh, let's not go there, either.

Titanic: Jack surrenders to an icy death.
Clinton: Bill goes home to Hilary...basically the same thing.

.

[Shamou]

Things I've learned from my Boys

1.) A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft. house 4 inches deep.

2.) If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.

3.) A 3-year old Boy's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.

4.) If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound Boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20x20 ft. room.

5.) You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.

6.) The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.

7.) When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh oh", it's already too late.

8.) Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.

9.) A six-year old Boy can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year old Man says they can only do it in the movies.

10.) Certain Lego's will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year old Boy.

11.) Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.

12.) Super glue is forever.

13.) No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water.

14.) Pool filters do not like Jell-O.

15.) VCR's do not eject "PB & J" sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.

16.) Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.

17.) Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.

18.) You probably DO NOT want to know what that odor is.

19.) Always look in the oven before you turn it on; plastic toys do not like ovens.

20.) The fire department in Austin, TX has a 5-minute response time.

21.) The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.

22.) It will, however, make cats dizzy.

23.) Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.

24.) 80% of Men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and brakefluid.

25.) Women will pass this on to almost all of their friends, whether parents or childless.


PS I have an Xray of one of my sons' tummy with a dime in it. He was learning about money when he was 2 and I told he was worth way more than a few pennies. I got to sift through a few diapers until the dime finally "appeared". We didn't save it.

.

[Mark Lapierre]

I didn't look up what Clorox is. Noooo, I'm not curious at all...

[Shamou]

Originally Posted by Mark Lapierre

I didn't look up what Clorox is. Noooo, I'm not curious at all...

Just in case that you are not kidding... (we never know about people from "down under" ) here's what Clorox is...

Clorox® Regular-Bleach has been trusted for six generations as a whitener, stain remover, and disinfectant. Today, Clorox® Regular-Bleach is still the most trusted brand of bleach for a cleaner, healthier home.

Whatever you do... don't ever drink any of it...

.

[Shamou]

THESE ARE ENTRIES TO A WASHINGTON POST COMPETITION
ASKING FOR A RHYME WITH THE MOST ROMANTIC FIRST LINE,
BUT THE LEAST ROMANTIC SECOND LINE:
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Love may be beautiful, love may be bliss
But I only slept with you, because I was pissed.
*************************

I thought that I could love no other
Until, that is, I met your brother.
**************************

Roses are red, violets are blue,
sugar is sweet, and so are you.
But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead,
the sugar bowl's empty and so is your head.
**************************

Of loving beauty you float with grace,
If only you could hide your face.
****************************

Kind, intelligent, loving and hot,
This describes everything you are not.
******************************

I want to feel your sweet embrace,
But don't take that paper bag off of your face.
*******************************

I love your smile, your face, and your eyes --
Damn, I'm good at telling lies!
************************************

My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife --
Marrying you screwed up my life.
************************************

I see your face when I am dreaming,
That's why I always wake up screaming.
*************************************

My love, you take my breath away --
What have you stepped in to smell this way?
*************************************

My feelings for you no words can tell,
Except for maybe "Go To Hell."
*************************************

What inspired this amorous rhyme? --
Two parts vodka, one part lime!

.

[Shamou]

A little boy goes to his father and asks: "Daddy, how was I born?"

The father answers: "Well, son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway!"

Your mum and I first got together in a chat room. Then I set up a date via e-mail with her and we met at a cyber cafe.

We sneaked into a secluded room, I upgraded my floppy to a stiffy and then your mum agreed to download from my hard drive.

As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of as had used a firewall and since it was too late hit the delete button, nine months later a blessed little pop-up appeared and said: "You've Got Male".

.

[Iff]

Originally Posted by Shamou

[...] 24.) 80% of Men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and brakefluid. [...]

Sorry to disappoint you, but I will not be doing that. I am, however, seriously considering spraying hair spray on dust bunnies and running over them with roller blades.

[Shamou]

A first-grade teacher, Ms. Brooks was having trouble with one of her
students.

The teacher asked, "Harry, what is your problem?"

Harry answered, "I'm too smart for the 1st grade. My sister is in the 3rd
grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the 3rd grade
too!"

Ms. Brooks had had enough. She took Harry to the principal's office. While
Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal
what the situation was.

The principal told Ms. Brooks he would give the boy a test and if he failed
to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the 1st grade and
behave. She agreed. Harry was brought in and the conditions were explained
to him and he agreed to take the test.

Principal: "What is 3 x 3?"
Harry: "9".

Principal: "What is 6 x 6?"
Harry: "36".

And so it went with every question the principal thought a 3rd grader
should know.

The principal looks at Ms. Brooks and tells her, "I think Harry can go to
the 3rd grade."

Ms. Brooks says to the principal, "Let me ask him some questions." The
principal and Harry both agreed.

Ms. Brooks asks, "What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?"
Harry, after a moment: "Legs."

Ms. Brooks: "What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?"

The principal wondered, why does she ask such a question! Harry replied:
"Pockets."

Ms. Brooks: "What does a dog do that a man steps into?" Harry: "Pants"

Ms. Brooks: What's starts with a C and ends with a T, is hairy, oval,
delicious and contains thin whitish liquid? Harry: Coconut

Ms. Brooks: What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?
The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the
answer,
Harry: Bubble gum

Ms. Brooks: What does a man do standing up, a woman do sitting down and a
dog do on three legs?" The principal's eyes open really wide and before he
could stop the answer.
Harry: Shake hands

Ms. Brooks: What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' that means a
lot of heat and excitement?
Harry: Firetruck

The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, "Put Harry
in the fifth-grade, I got the last seven questions wrong"

.

[Shamou]

Men are like...


1. Men are like ... Laxatives...They irritate the crap out of you.

2. Men are like . Bananas...The older they get, the less firm they are.

3. Men are like .Weather ... Nothing can be done to change them.

4. Men are like Blenders ... You need one, but you're not quite sure why.

5. Men are like . Chocolate Bars ... Sweet, smooth, & they usually head right for your hips.

6. Men are like . Commercials... You can't believe all they say.

7. Men are like Department Stores ... Their clothes are always 1/2 off.

8. Men are like . Government Bonds ... They take soooooooo long to mature.

9. Men are like . Mascara ... They usually run at the first sign of emotion.

10. Men are like . Popcorn... They satisfy you, but only for a little while.

11. Men are like . Lava Lamps ... Fun to look at, but not very bright.

12. Men are like Parking Spots ... All the good ones are taken, the rest are handicapped.

.

[Shamou]

Pocket Taser Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife. This was submitted by a guy who purchased his lovely wife a "pocket Taser" for their anniversary.

Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my interest. The occasion was our 22nd anniversary and I was looking for a little something extra for my wife Toni. What I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized taser. The effects of the taser were suppose to be short
lived, with no long-term adverse affect on your assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety.... WAY TOO COOL!

Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home. I loaded two triple-a batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button. Nothing! I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the button AND pressed it against a metal surface at the same time; I'd get the blue arch of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs. Awesome!!! Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Toni what that burn spot is on the face of her microwave.

Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn't be all that bad with only two triple-a batteries,... right?

There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting little soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking that I really needed to
try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target. I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second) and thought better of it. She is such a sweet cat. But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised. Am I wrong?

So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, taser in
another. The directions said that a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant; a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; a three-second burst would purportedly make your
assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water. Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries.

All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5" long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference; pretty cute really and loaded with two itsy, bitsy triple-a batteries) thinking to myself, "no possible way!"

What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best..... I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one side as
to say, "don't do it master," reasoning that a one-second burst from such a tiny little ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad.... I decided to give myself a
one-second burst just for the heck of it. I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and HOLY MOTHER, WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION@!@$$!%!@*!!!

I'm pretty sure Jessie Ventura ran in through the side door, picked me up in the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and over and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position, and tingling in my legs. The cat was standing over me making meowing sounds I had never heard before, licking my face, undoubtedly thinking to herself, "do it again, do it again!"

Note: If you ever feel compelled to "mug" yourself with a taser, one note of caution: there is no such thing as a one-second burst when you zap yourself.
You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor. A three second burst would be considered
conservative.

SON-OF-A-.... that hurt like hell!!! A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at that point), collected my wits (what little I had
left), sat up and surveyed the landscape. My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace. How did they up get there??? My triceps, right thigh
and both nipples were still twitching. My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs. I'm still looking for my testicles? I'm offering a significant reward for their safe return.

Still in shock,

.

[Mark Lapierre]

Hahaha yes, remember, an electric shock causes your muscles to contract. (and spasm, while contracted)

So if you absolutely have to touch something you suspect is electrified, well, the smart thing would be to use some form of device designed for that purpose. The less smart thing would be to touch it, but with the back of your fingers. That way your fingers contract away. These are the things you learn from playing with high voltage/current devices as a kid

[Shamou]

When Oscar went away on vacation, his brother Harry promised to take care of his cat. The next day, Oscar called Harry to see how the animal was doing.

"Your cat is dead," said Harry, matter-of-factly.

"Dead?" said the shocked Oscar. "Why did you have to tell me like that?"

"How should I have told you?" asked Harry.

"Well, " said Oscar, "the first time I called, you could have broken it to me gently. You could have said my cat was on the roof, but the fire department was getting her down. The second time I called, you could have told me the cat fell out of the fireman's arms and broke its neck. The third time I called, you could have said the vet did everything he could, but Fluffy passed away. That way it wouldn't have been so hard on me."

"I'm sorry," said Harry.

"That's all right. By the way, how's mother?"

"She's up on the roof," said Harry, "but the fire department is getting her down."

.

[Shamou]

New Employment Conditions

Dear Staff,

Please be advised that the following are new rules and regulations implemented to raise the efficiency of our company.

ATTIRE:
It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary.

If we see you wearing Prada trainers and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume you are doing well financially and therefore you do not need a raise.

If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, and therefore you do not need a raise. If you dress in-between, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.

HOLIDAYS:
Each employee will receive 104 days holiday a year. They are called Saturday and Sunday.

LUNCH BREAK:
Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch as they need to eat more so that they can look healthy. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure. Fat people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim Fast.

SICK DAYS:
We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

TOILET USE:
Too much time is being spent in the toilets so there is now a strict 3-minute limit in the stalls. When this time is up, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open and a picture will be taken. After your second offence, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the "Chronic Offenders" category.

SURGERY:
As long as you are an employee here, you need all your organs. You should not consider removing anything. We hired you intact. To have something removed constitutes a breach of employment.

Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplation, consternation and input should be directed to the Unemployment Offices.

Best regards,

Human Resources Department

.

[Shamou]

"A GOOD PUN IS ITS OWN REWORD"

Energizer Bunny arrested - charged with battery.

A pessimist's blood type is always b-negative.

Practice safe eating - always use condiments.

A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother.

Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death.

I used to work in a blanket factory, but it folded.

If electricity comes from electrons... does that mean that morality
comes from morons?

A hangover is the wrath of grapes.

Corduroy pillows are making headlines.

Is a book on voyeurism a peeping tome?

Banning the bra was a big flop.

Sea captains don't like crew cuts.

Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?

A successful diet is the triumph of mind over platter.

Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.

A gossip is someone with a great sense of rumor.

Without geometry, life is pointless.

Dreaming in color is a pigment of the imagination.

Reading whilst sunbathing makes you well-red.

When two egoists meet, it's an I for an I.

Alarms: What an octopus is.

Crick: The sound that a Japanese camera makes

Dockyard: A physician's garden.

Incongruous: Where bills are passed.

Khakis: What you need to start the car in Boston.

Pasteurize: Too far to see

.

[Shamou]

Dear Diary,
For my fiftieth birthday this year, my wife (the dear) purchased a week of personal training at the local health club for me.

Although I am still in great shape since playing on my college football team 30 yrs ago, I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and give it a try.

Called the club and made my reservation with a personal trainer named Belinda, who identified herself as a 26 yr old aerobics instructor and
model for athletic clothing and swim wear. My wife seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to get started! The club encouraged me to keep a diary
to chart my progress

MONDAY: Started my day at 6:00am. Tough to get out of bed, but it was well worth it when I arrived at the health club to find Belinda waiting for me. She was something of a Greek goddess -- with blonde hair, dancing eyes and a dazzling white smile.

Woo Hoo!!!!!

Belinda gave me a tour and showed me the machines. She took my pulse after 5 minutes on the treadmill. She was alarmed that my pulse was so fast, but I attributed it to standing next to her in her Lycra aerobics outfit. I enjoyed watching the skillful way in which she conducted her aerobics class after my workout today.

Very inspiring, Belinda was encouraging as I did my sit-ups, although my gut was already aching from holding it in the whole time she was around. This is going to be a FANTASTIC week!!

TUESDAY: I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out the door. Belinda made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into
the air, and then she put weights on it! My legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill, but I made the full mile. Belinda's rewarding smile made it all worthwhile. I feel GREAT!! It's a whole new life for me.

WEDNESDAY: The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying the toothbrush on the counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I believe I have a hernia in both pectorals. Driving
was OK as long as I didn't try to steer or stop. I parked on top of a GEO in the club parking lot.

Belinda was impatient with me, insisting that my screams bothered other club members. Her voice is a little too perky for early in the morning and when she scolds, she gets this nasally whine that is VERY annoying.

My chest hurt when I got on the treadmill, so Belinda put me on the stair monster. Why the hell would anyone invent a machine to simulate
an activity rendered obsolete by elevators? Belinda told me it would help me get in shape and enjoy life. She said some other **** too.

THURSDAY: Belinda was waiting for me with her vampire-like teeth exposed as her thin , cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl. I couldn't help being a half an hour late; it took me that long to tie my shoes.

Belinda took me to work out with dumbbells. When she was not looking, I ran and hid in the men's room.. She sent Lars to find me, then, as punishment, put me on the rowing machine -- which I sank.

FRIDAY: I hate that ***** Belinda more than any human being has ever hated any other human being in the history of the world.
Stupid, skinny, anemic little cheerleader. If there were a part of my body I could move without unbearable pain, I would beat her with it.

Belinda wanted me to work on my triceps. I don't have any triceps. And if you don't want dents in the floor, don't hand me the *&%#(#&**!!@*@ barbells or anything that weighs more than a
sandwich.

The treadmill flung me off and I landed on a health and nutrition teacher. Why couldn't it have been someone softer, like the drama
coach or the choir director?

SATURDAY : Belinda left a message on my answering machine in her grating, shrilly voice wondering why I did not show up
today. Just hearing her made me want to smash the machine with my planner. However, I lacked the strength to even use the TV remote and
ended up catching eleven straight hours of the Weather Channel.

SUNDAY: I'm having the Church van pick me up for services today so I can go and thank GOD that this week is over. I will also pray that next year, my wife (the *****), will choose a gift
for me that is fun like a root canal or a vasectomy

.

[Shamou]

Message from dog.

1. Blaming your farts on me... not funny... not funny at all!!!

2. Yelling at me for barking ..... I'M A DOG, YOU IDIOT!!!!!

3. Taking me for a walk, then not letting me check stuff out. Exactly whose walk is this anyway?

4. Any trick that involves balancing food on my nose... stop it!

5. Any haircut that involves bows or ribbons. Now you know why we chew your stuff up when you're not home.

6. The sleight of hand, fake fetch throw. You fooled a dog! Wooooo Hoooooooo , what a proud moment for the top of the food chain.

7. Taking me to the vet for "the big snip", then acting surprised when I freak out every time we go back!

8. Getting upset when I sniff the crotches of your guests. Sorry, but I haven't quite mastered that handshake thing yet.

9. Dog sweaters. Hello??? Haven't you noticed the fur?

10. How you act disgusted when I lick myself. Look, we both know the truth, you're just jealous. Now lay off me on some of these things . We both know who's boss here!!! (You don't see me picking up your poop do you ???

.

[Shamou]

Jake was dying. His wife, Becky, was maintaining a candlelight vigil by his side. She held his fragile hand, tears running down her face.

Her praying roused him from his slumber; He looked up and his pale lips began to move slightly.

"Becky my darling" he whispered.
"Hush my love," she said. "Rest, don't talk.

He was insistent.

"Becky," he said in his tired voice, "I have something that I must confess."
"There's nothing to confess," replied the weeping Becky, "Everything's all right, go to sleep.

"No, no. I must die in peace, Becky. I ... I slept with your sister, your best friend, her best friend, and your mother!"

"I know, sweetheart," whispered Becky, "let the poison work."

.

[Shamou]

Things Just Fallin' Off

This morning as I was buttoning my shirt, a button fell off. After that, I picked up my briefcase, and the handle fell off. Then I went to open the door, and the doorknob fell off. I went to get into my car, and the door handle came off in my hand. Now I'm afraid to pee.

.

[Lynn 007]

QUESTION: Why did the chicken cross the road?

KINDERGARTEN TEACHER: To get to the other side.

PLATO: For the greater good.

ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross roads.

KARL MARX: It was an historical inevitability.

HIPPOCRATES: Because of an excess of phlegm in its pancreas.

TIMOTHY LEARY: Because that's the only trip the establishment would let it take.

ANDERSEN CONSULTING: Deregulation of the chicken's side of the road was threatening its dominant market position. The chicken was faced with significant challenges to create and develop the competencies required for the newly competitive market. Andersen Consulting, in a partnering relationship with the client, helped the chicken by cooperatively rethinking its physical distribution strategy and implementation processes.

Using the Poultry Integration Model (PIM), Andersen helped the chicken use its skills, methodologies, knowledge, capital and experiences to align the chicken's people, processes and technology in support of its overall strategy within a Program Management framework. Andersen Consulting convened a diverse cross-spectrum of road analysts and best Total Quality Management (TQM) chickens along with Andersen consultants with penetrative skills in the transportation industry to engage in a two-day itinerary of meetings in order to leverage their personal knowledge capital, both tacit and explicit, and to enable them to synergise with each other in order to achieve the implicit goals of delivering and successfully architecting and implementing an enterprise-wide value framework across the continuum of poultry cross-median processes.

The meeting was held in a park-like setting, enabling and creating an impactful environment which was strategically based, industry-focused, and built upon a consistent, clear, and unified market message and aligned with the chicken's mission, vision, and core values. This was conducive towards the creation of a total business integration solution. Andersen Consulting helped the chicken change to become more successful and continues to progress the management of its transition across the road.

DR. SEUSS Did the chicken cross the road?

Did he cross it with a toad?

Yes! The chicken crossed the road,

but why it crossed, I've not been told!

GRANDPA In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken crossed the road, and