Sell yourself in this thread...

[James81]

This thread is a canvas for SELLING YOURSELF.

Feel free to use any markup codes and other tricksey sales techniques and phrases to sell us on who you are.

Act now.

[LostMyMap]

This suburban charmer hasn't been on the market in over eight years!

Shows well and priced to move quickly, this one won't last long! Owner is very motivated and will work with the right buyer to make an amazing deal.

Amenities include a built in entertainment center, security system, and a very private pool and jacuzzi. Open, inviting architecture is great for parties and other social gatherings. And is PERFECT for pets and children. Solid, well built, passed all inspections, just needs some feminine charm to be the home of your dreams.

For a private showing, contact the sales office today!

Current tenant's lease is expiring and we hope to get her the **** out of here really soon.

How's that? Maybe that last line should come out.

[Weena]

Originally Posted by lostmymap

current tenant's lease is expiring and we hope to get her the **** out of here really soon.

rofl

[LostMyMap]

Full disclosure. It's the law...

[roxyruby]

I will cook you a delicious dinner every night and I will also help you set up your own money-making internet business!

Other skills I can enhance your life with are empowering you, helping you raise your self esteem, home and garden beautifying, looking after and taking care of pets for you, and overcoming social anxiety.

I enjoy people pleasing and am said to be "kind" "thoughtful" and "fun to be around" so am the perfect person to buy!

I am worth $10 million dollars

But I am giving you a coupon for a $5 million dollar discount today only!!!

Buy now at only $4,977,977.97

It's a deal you cannot pass up!

Contact me to arrange payment.

*Buyer must include travel, accomodation, internet, and food & drink expenses*

[NoJobRob]

This tropical charmer is everything you could ever want, and more!

Rob is a financially stable Libra who enjoys soaking up the sun on a beautiful beach during his free time.

He's also a guitar virtuoso with almost two decades of experience! He's played in bands, opened for national and global acts at the prestigious Harpo's in Detroit, Michigan (LOL) on numerous occasions, and has a very impressive catalog of compositions from over the years.

Rob also is an extremely funny guy who dreams of being a writer for Comedy Central one day. His delightful blend of cynicism, dark humor, and just plain ol' cuteness is second to none.

Rob is highly intelligent when it comes to finance, so you can rest easily knowing your financial wellness is in good hands.

Rob is a deep thinker and is wise beyond his years. An old soul. He has a strong moral compass and more compassion for his fellow humans than you can shake a stick at. If the world ever had a benevolent dictator, Rob would be the guy for the job. No ♥♥♥♥♥.

Rob knows how to have fun. He has a rowdy past but has since tamed himself, for the most part. He also enjoys quiet time, so there is a Rob for every occasion!

Rob has high expectations, but he will definitely reciprocate. He lives by the golden rule.

Rob holds family and friends in very high regard, so you can take comfort knowing that you will be treated like gold. Your family too!

Rob is a great cook. In fact, he loves to cook. His savory delicacies will turn your palate into the culinary equivalent of a heroin addict. You'll think you're eating sunshine and children's hopes and dreams.

Rob is also a very clean person. His house is immaculate, and he always smells nice. Don't let those tattoos and heavy metal concert t-shirts fool you, if you were blind you'd swear you were sitting next to a guy in a $10,000 suit.

Act now before this once in a lifetime offer is gone forever.

Qualified applicants only. Not available in all states. Terms and conditions may apply. See inside for details. Not valid with any other offer. CA residents add applicable sales tax. Allow 6 to 8 weeks for delivery.

[Andrew Gubb]

I'll let people buy me for a week. If they want. 10,000$.

If you don't want it, don't buy it. K?

[roxyruby]

i was going to write more here but got scared that people would misunderstand it & that it was sexual & would then think "what a bad, lowly slut". it just seemed too awkward to try to sell myself as a person. that it would become like flirting or something. & i have a bf. i was going to offer myself for $1 to make it a good deal & just so I'd be "sold" then got so paniced, "they will think i must be horribly cheap and no good at this price, that somethings wrong with me!" lol & it effected my self esteem

I guess its complicated 4 a human being to sell themself as a product!

[roxyruby]

Originally Posted by LostMyMap

This suburban charmer hasn't been on the market in over eight years!

Shows well and priced to move quickly, this one won't last long! Owner is very motivated and will work with the right buyer to make an amazing deal.

Amenities include a built in entertainment center, security system, and a very private pool and jacuzzi. Open, inviting architecture is great for parties and other social gatherings. And is PERFECT for pets and children. Solid, well built, passed all inspections, just needs some feminine charm to be the home of your dreams.

For a private showing, contact the sales office today!

Current tenant's lease is expiring and we hope to get her the **** out of here really soon.

How's that? Maybe that last line should come out.

I cannot afford the other human beings that sell for $10,000. Even though they are an excellent, high quality, very highly advanced product.

How much do you cost LostMyMap?

[roxyruby]

Ok. I'll put myself on the market as a purchasable product. But females only. Jus to keep my bf happy & unworried.

Best human being deal on earth

Welcome to roxyruby.

roxyruby is a highly advanced & high quality product. She is only getting better & better. roxyruby can perform millions of actions and features. That's right.

MILLIONS of actions & features to discover!

What makes her the best deal?

roxyruby is willing to develop any skill that pleases u.
massage
singing
cooking
gardening
keeping your environment clean or a certain way
tidying and organizing
doing any sort of chore
doing research
tasks
or work for you
making you laugh
helping you improve your life in any way.

Roxyruby is there to make your life 100 times easier and more pleasant.

Let's play it out. You awake in beautiful accomodation that is your dream living environment that roxyruby helped you work towards affording & buying. Roxyruby walks in, exactly the way as you instruct, either quiet and obedient, or cheerful and loud, and brings you a delicious drink to start your day.

After your drink, you roll over to receive the best & most pleasurable & relaxing massage ever.

Then, the most delicious home made recipe breakfast.

And that's only the first half hour of your day with roxyrubys help. Roxyruby can be stored out of ur way and will just go & do other things while not in use AND keep herself perfectly renewed and clean at all times!

Don't you want to be happier with yourself or your life?

Don't you agree that roxyruby has more clearly communicated and therefore surer features and benefits than the other humans?

Don't you wish you had someone to do a few of the "in-the-way" activities of life for you, so you can truly focus on ONLY living in a truly dream, way, like royalty, every day?

roxyruby costs $597.97, for a human being, isn't that fair?

Don't you just want all the above benefits to hurry up and be a reality in your life already?

Then reply & say YES to buying roxyruby now!

Plus, if you are worried about losing your hard earned $597.97 to a product that does not live up to your desired expectations, let me know any time within 3 years, yes that's right, 3 years, and your $597.97 will be promptly refunded AND you will receive a $500 gift card as thanks for trying out the product.

Upon ordering, roxyruby is gauranteed to arrive spot on time, exactly 24 hours after ordering. Doesn't that sound exciting?

You understand that there's only ONE roxyruby & that she will be purchased by the first buyer, don't you?

Quick, before anyone else, reply & say YES to securing the very soon-to-be benefits of roxyruby now!

[Beuford]

Tired of people in your household waking up early? Don't like it when people do more than the minimum amount of chores? Love cooking a second meal for someone who refuses to eat meat?

For a one time, minimum monthly recurring fee of $1999, this strikingly charming man can be yours to keep.

Buy your own Beuford today!



/small writing
24 month contract required. Minimum cost $68650.

[KaleidoskopicVision]

KaleidoskopicVision will CHANGE YOUR LIFE.

Normally we would not offer such a dangerously mind expanding product to anyone, but you found us first.

KaleidoskopicVision isNOT for the faint of heart, the weak willed, the cowardly or the infirm. If you have any doubts, don't even think about it.

What you can expect from bringing KaleidoskopicVision into your life, if you can handle it:

A new, more expansive you
Boundless wisdom
Unearthly experiences
Revelations most sublime
The grace of angels
Might of lions
An inexplicable multitude of benefits more precious than the Sun itself
Spiritual enlightenment

We offer you this product shamelessly. There is no returns policy. You won't be needing any policies after KaleidoskopicVision.

Time isn't limited either. We have all the time in the world. However YOUR time is limited, mortal one. No pressure.

Do you have a Vision?

[ssandra]

Want me?

[IMG] Uploaded with ImageShack.us[/IMG]

[roxyruby]

Originally Posted by ssandra

Want me?

[IMG] Uploaded with ImageShack.us[/IMG]

yes

*Roxyruby does transaction and purchases Sandra*

[Cochonette]

Dude, I already did that. Check out my OKCupid profile. And I'm still up for sale.

But I'll try again, because I'm gullible like that. Oh, wait - I was supposed to be selling myself.

I am super cuddly, give good amateur massages, and like to caress attractive women (hard to say with a straight face). I offer an endless stream of profound, introspective words of wisdom. I will meditate with you, from sitting meditation, to walking meditation, to being-together meditation. I enjoy unhurried silences and long walks on the beach... wait... scratch that last part. I hate the beach. I enjoy long walks through the city. I will dance with you. I'm a hopeful romantic who will help you find the inspiration within yourself. And I'm definitely willing to try new things with you.

[James81]

Originally Posted by Cochonette

and like to caress attractive women (hard to say with a straight face).

Hey, didn't you give me a hard time for matching you up with another female forum member here?

[Anthoneee]

If you want me, you can have me

[Le Roi]

A King does not need to sell himself.

He simply commands "You. Buy Me. Now."

[AlmostGodess]

*buys everyone in this thread*

Gee, am I the only one interested in these people?

[curiouslyrandom]

Originally Posted by Cochonette

I am super cuddly, give good amateur massages, and like to caress attractive women (hard to say with a straight face). I offer an endless stream of profound, introspective words of wisdom. I will meditate with you, from sitting meditation, to walking meditation, to being-together meditation. I enjoy unhurried silences and long walks on the beach... wait... scratch that last part. I hate the beach. I enjoy long walks through the city. I will dance with you. I'm a hopeful romantic who will help you find the inspiration within yourself. And I'm definitely willing to try new things with you.

Damn. I'm sold.

[Le Roi]

Originally Posted by AlmostGodess

*buys everyone in this thread*

I didn't think of that!

Now that you mention it, I'm buying Roxy and Sandra right away! Plus Cochonette so she can personally help take care of Roxy and Sandra. I like my royal property to be well taken care of when I'm away.

Rob, I'll buy him so he can be the royal chef, in addition to being a guard for my castle. He looks like he can kick anyone's ass.

Andrew, I'm a little scared to buy him. He might murder me in my sleep to save all the frozen chicken in my fridge from being eaten.

[curiouslyrandom]

Seductive Secretary Gets The Job Done

Dyslexic? I take dictation.
Deadlines looming? I've got your research files in order.
TPS reports getting you down? I've got your cover sheets ready to go.
Can't spell/have a tenuous grasp on grammar? Then you REALLY need me.

Optional extras include:

• delivering paperwork with creative flair (i.e. crawling across the floor with your files in my teeth)
• home baked gourmet treats (special diets included)
• no-holds barred critiques of your work for submissives
• confirmation that you are the Master for dominants

Special rates for long-distance clients (via phone, email or Skype).

(Low cut blouses, mini skirts and high heels extra unless Fashion Stipend is provided)


This little exercise has given me an idea of how to pitch myself. Thanks, James!

[Le Roi]

Originally Posted by curiouslyrandom

(Low cut blouses, mini skirts and high heels extra unless Fashion Stipend is provided)

You are immediately bought to be the Royal Secretary! You'll have a generous Fashion Stipend.

[AlmostGodess]

Originally Posted by curiouslyrandom

Seductive Secretary Gets The Job Done

Dyslexic? I take dictation.
Deadlines looming? I've got your research files in order.
TPS reports getting you down? I've got your cover sheets ready to go.
Can't spell/have a tenuous grasp on grammar? Then you REALLY need me.

Optional extras include:

• delivering paperwork with creative flair (i.e. crawling across the floor with your files in my teeth)
• home baked gourmet treats (special diets included)
• no-holds barred critiques of your work for submissives
• confirmation that you are the Master for dominants

Special rates for long-distance clients (via phone, email or Skype).

(Low cut blouses, mini skirts and high heels extra unless Fashion Stipend is provided)


This little exercise has given me an idea of how to pitch myself. Thanks, James!

Just what I need, especially the part with the research files You are precious, woman!

[ssandra]

Originally Posted by Le Roi

Rob, I'll buy him so he can be the royal chef, in addition to being a guard for my castle. He looks like he can kick anyone's ass.

I'm ok with that. We'll see if he ever gets to do any cooking though.... Maybe while Roxy, Cochonette and me are having an intimate little get together?

[curiouslyrandom]

Currently developing a Master/slave relationship with my partner has made me aware of several things, including the power of YES. Also, looking at our future together makes me want to get out there and work more so I can earn more income, but I want to do what brings me the most enjoyment... which includes being sexual.

I'm actually wondering what I can do to make this sort of work a reality. I don't mind what other women might consider sexual harassment on the job if I'm being hired to take it, and especially if it's only on a temporary basis or on-call. Could be fun, educational, and empowering.

Might justify buying that new laptop I've been drooling over, just so I can have more mobility and a camera for long-distance clients.

[AlmostGodess]

Originally Posted by ssandra

I'm ok with that. We'll see if he ever gets to do any cooking though.... Maybe while Roxy, Cochonette and me are having an intimate little get together?

*keeps Rob busy while the girls are enjoying a rendez-vous*

[NoJobRob]

Originally Posted by Le Roi

Rob, I'll buy him so he can be the royal chef, in addition to being a guard for my castle. He looks like he can kick anyone's ass.

I'll only be the guard if you buy me some Roman legionary equipment. Lorica Segmentata, helmet, gladius, and scutum.









I'll also require that you invest in a gate and some boiling oil so I can deal with those pesky solicitors.

[Peter Bourke]

Originally Posted by NoJobRob

Rob holds family and friends in very high regard, so you can take comfort knowing that you will be treated like gold. Your family too!

Rob's advertisement was the best until I came to this part.

God damn it Rob, how on earth could you commit to treating a whole family like gold until you've met them and assessed their worthiness?

Originally Posted by roxyruby

Ok. I'll put myself on the market as a purchasable product. But females only. Jus to keep my bf happy & unworried.

Boring...

I'll be terse. Here's my ad as follows, in Shakespearean sonnet form:


A Gent equipped...


A gent equipped with temperament of stone,
His views resolved, and not easily changed;
Have you ever desired to have your own,
To call your bluff, with words simply arranged?

He'll pick you up when your spirits are down,
And show you that your thoughts are just your brain,
Which you can use in turn to turn around,
The feelings that conspire to cause you pain

No silly whims or cowardice allowed;
No thinking twice, and then changing your mind;
To fear you must present yourself unbowed;
Once walking forward, never look behind.

This friend you can acquire and keep for free;
His essence lives in you aswell as me.

[NoJobRob]

Originally Posted by Peter Bourke

Rob's advertisement was the best until I came to this part.

God damn it Rob, how on earth could you commit to treating a whole family like gold until you've met them and assessed their worthiness?

Kill 'em with kindness. If they're cool then they'll come around and start deserving your kindness. If they're not cool and they don't like you then your constant being nice will piss them off and drive them crazy. LOL Either way I win.