Driving Us Crazy

[royster]

DRIVING HABITS WE HATE

I have no idea how others drive outside of the U.S., though we have PLENTY of people who should NOT BE ON THE ROAD.

My #1 peeve: tailgating.

Following too close behind you. In the U.S., if you rear-end someone, it's automatically your fault, because you didn't allow enough space to stop.

The rule I was taught was one car's-length for every 10 miles-per-hour. (Does that roughtly translate 14 KPH?)

[royster]

PEEVE #2

GET OFF THE PHONE AND PAY ATTENTION TO DRIVING!

Little is worse than looking in the rear-view mirror and seeing Barbie yakking to someone on her cell phone, while filing her nails, sipping coffee, and checking her Facebook account.

BRAIN AMOUNT RESERVED FOR DRIVING~ .01%

[spacecadetglow]

Ha! Great idea for a thread.

I love it when someone is tailgating me in the middle lane, moves over to the right to get caught behind an even SLOWER car, only to switch back to my lane because I really am the fastest moving one. It feeds some sort of sick desire for retribution in me, muahaha.

I despise drivers who have absolutely no regard for anyone else on the road with them. Go ahead, cut in front of me with no turn signal, not like I was here or anything.

[mikej]

I share peeve #2. Plus, excessively loud music blasting out of a car is kind of annoying too.

[faithsdaddy]

I agree with the one about tailgating. When I'm on my bike, I feel particularly vulnerable knowing that if I had to stop, the guy behind probably wouldn't.

Something that's probably a BIT more pronounced over here, is that the cops are out to get people. There is no spirit of the law anymore.

[LostMyMap]

I've lived in California so long that tailgating doesn't even bother me anymore But I do hate the cell phone business. We have a law against that but apparently doesn't matter.

Actually one of my pet peeves is on the on ramp to the freeway. People seem to want to get out on the freeway at 50 MPH when everyone else is going 70 or something! The on ramp is also called the acceleration lane. Use it! So much easier to merge when you match the speed (or at least close) of the lane you want in to.

[spacecadetglow]

Another pet peeve: people who put their turn signal on to move over into your lane and then JUST SIT THERE. If you're going to move over, just do it! I guess they're trying to judge if I'm going to speed up and cut them off or not, but just freaking move or don't put the turn signal on.

[Wax Frog]

Drivin' us crazy
What an ugly way of gettin'
Under Royster's skin
Drivin' us crazy
What an ugly way of committin'
The worst kind of sin
Three-lane weavin', how you frighten us
Textin', groomin', eatin' fries
How'd you get your license?
Yeah, you're drivin' us crazy...

[LostMyMap]

Originally Posted by Wax Frog

Drivin' us crazy
What an ugly way of gettin'
Under Royster's skin
Drivin' us crazy
What an ugly way of committin'
The worst kind of sin
Three-lane weavin', how you frighten us
Textin', groomin', eatin' fries
How'd you get your license?
Yeah, you're drivin' us crazy...

Love it! Glad to see I'm not the only one rhyming around here!

[Wax Frog]

Originally Posted by LostMyMap

Love it! Glad to see I'm not the only one rhyming around here!

[fist bump, per their not having yet shark-jumped] One of my big Internet "things" has been the crafting of parodies, usually brief ones and usually on the fly

[Quantum Blue]

Originally Posted by royster

My #1 peeve: tailgating.

Back in my errant youth I had a blast living in Denver. Denver police are supposedly notorious for being stars on "COPS" but they always treated me well. However, my greatest pet peeve is tailgaters, too, and one cop tested my patience with it. He was sucking on my bumper so close, I thought he was trying to read the serial numbers on my truck. We were passing a rather famous park in a nice neighborhood, so I waited until I had some space to maneuver and then slammed on the brakes.

The following scene still cracks me up. He stood on his break pedal and his eyes turned into saucers. He might have been drinking coffee or something at the time because he then seemed to be looking around himself and swearing. He missed my truck by inches but he never pulled me over; he was the naughty one. I waited until he turned a corner out of sight before I started laughing hysterically. After all, with a spotless driving record and the perfect alibi--"Officer, did you see that little dog run across the road in front of me?"--I was as safe as an ugly chick at a frat party.

Good times.

Regarding cell phones...they outlawed hand held ones in my state last year but they missed the point in still allowing hands free models. The brain can only really focus on one thing at a time and with some of the population, that's a conservative estimate. I've had just about enough of the Bluetooth Borg talking loudly to nobody at all in supermarkets, elevators, and their cars. These Possessed Ones exhibit driving styles that inspire not-so-fond memories of the jerky-wheeled, sticky-seated 1970's Driver's Ed simulators. 90% of the time, the guy is arguing with his buddy over who is going to bring the chips and who is going to bring the beer this time and didn't he bring the good stuff last time so isn't it the other guy's turn to ante up and get the microbrews and, no, he doesn't like Redhook, it's a bleeping-bleep bad beer and didn't he know that, he told him that last time, and is what's-her-name coming to the party tonight and yes, he has slept with her already and, no, he's not into her but he hopes she's coming anyway because she always gets totally slutty after two heavy microbrews and that's why he has to bring the good stuff and holy %$@#, he just missed his exit.

Bluetooth is evil and must be stopped.

QB

[royster]

OUTTAMYWAY, AZZOLE!

[royster]

who is going to bring the chips and who is going to bring the beer this time and didn't he bring the good stuff last time so isn't it the other guy's turn to ante up and get the microbrews and, no, he doesn't like Redhook, it's a bleeping-bleep bad beer and didn't he know that, he told him that last time, and is what's-her-name coming to the party tonight and yes, he has slept with her already and, no, he's not into her but he hopes she's coming anyway because she always gets totally slutty after two heavy microbrews and that's why he has to bring the good stuff and holy %$@#, he just missed his exit.

You, my dear, are a treasure.

"Dude, do you like Moosehead?"

"No, those antlers keep pokin' me in the thighs..."

[royster]

[LostMyMap]

Quantum, where have you been lately

Here's one, I don't know if this is particular to SoCal, but why is it that BMWs, "The Ultimate Driving Machine" seem to be driven by ultimate ********? It almost seems like that is their target demographic. White, male, total jerk.

[royster]

Not long ago, running red lights was epidemic in the Washington, D.C. area. So much so that the government installed cameras that would photograph light-runners mid-intersection. Tracking the owner by the license plates, they'd receive a tickette in the mail, complete with the photo to prove it.

This has helped, but the disregard for simple common courtesy is...is...welllll




DRIVING US CRAZY!!!!

[Quantum Blue]

Originally Posted by royster

"Dude, do you like Moosehead?"

"No, those antlers keep pokin' me in the thighs..."

Laughing so hard, I'm snorting.

QB

[Wax Frog]

Originally Posted by Quantum Blue

I've had just about enough of the Bluetooth Borg talking loudly to nobody at all in supermarkets, elevators, and their cars.

Reflecting on the computers-taking-over paranoia of the 60s, and how they might react if brought forward via time machine, it occurred to me that:

1) They'd think that this had indeed finally happened
2) They would not be at all far from the truth

...and, no, he doesn't like Redhook, it's a bleeping-bleep bad beer and didn't he know that

A few years ago I did get the chance to take tours at both Ben & Jerry's and Red Hook. The former, to me, was overly packaged, laughably paranoid about the manufacturing process and pathetically stingy with samples. The latter was an entirely, wonderfully opposite experience. Given that I'm not a connoisseur, I cannot speak to Red Hook's quality compared to other beers, but the folks there (at least the woman who gave the tour) are strictly first-class. Wish I could tell Mystery Doofus (who no doubt enjoys flaky Vermonter goodies) off

[curiouslyrandom]

I learned to drive in California. First thing they told us during driver's education was "defensive driving is safest. However, in this state, it will likely get you killed. We're going to teach you offensive driving instead," or something like that.

When I moved to Oregon, wow... civilized drivers, hooray! I loved it up there, except during the summer and winter vacation times when all the Californians came up and ruined our splendor. "If it's Tourist Season, why can't we shoot them?" was an often-seen bumper sticker around my town.

I have NOTHING kind to say about Californian drivers.

[Quantum Blue]

Originally Posted by Wax Frog

Given that I'm not a connoisseur, I cannot speak to Red Hook's quality compared to other beers,

I wrote a humorous anecdote with fictional characters but, hey, tastes vary. I've had the distinct pleasure of living in two of the most uppity beer-lovin' places in the Americas for micro brews: Denver, CO, and Portland, OR. If you wanna defend Redhook's honor, just remember that it is a bedfellow of Anheuser-Busch and most folks in the aforementioned burgs would assemble an ass-whuppin' in the town square for your efforts. I, however, uphold your right to drink your own brand of poison. I personally quaff raw cocoa these days made the Mayan way (strong!) and favor walks in the woods over trips to the brew pub.

*passes her complimentary mug of Redhook over to Wax Frog and laces up her hiking boots.

QB

[Quantum Blue]

Originally Posted by curiouslyrandom

I learned to drive in California. First thing they told us during driver's education was "defensive driving is safest. However, in this state, it will likely get you killed. We're going to teach you offensive driving instead," or something like that.

When I moved to Oregon, wow... civilized drivers, hooray! I loved it up there, except during the summer and winter vacation times when all the Californians came up and ruined our splendor. "If it's Tourist Season, why can't we shoot them?" was an often-seen bumper sticker around my town.

I have NOTHING kind to say about Californian drivers.

I got my driver's license in the Midwest but I learned to drive in Denver...you know, where all the L.A. emigrants landed. Memorable times. My horn is exhausted, my instincts are sharpened like Ginsu knives.

However, from one Oregonian driver to another: Don't you love how they all freak out at the sight of three snowflakes and stay home? Me and my four-wheel-drive do.

QB

[curiouslyrandom]

Originally Posted by Quantum Blue

I got my driver's license in the Midwest but I learned to drive in Denver...you know, where all the L.A. emigrants landed. Memorable times. My horn is exhausted, my instincts are sharpened like Ginsu knives.

However, from one Oregonian driver to another: Don't you love how they all freak out at the sight of three snowflakes and stay home? Me and my four-wheel-drive do.

QB

I've driven in Denver... *shudder*

I lived in Bend during several big snow storms. I got stuck on the side of the road trying to put chains on my tires once, when guy came out of his house and did it for me. I was shocked. He said "I just did my wife's half an hour ago, and I'll be doing the elderly neighbor's next. It's no big deal."

We used to laugh at Portlanders. Oh noes! 3" of snow! shut down the schools! tell everyone to stay off the roads! Try driving through a blizzard over the pass at night, and watching out for elk crossing the highway. Oy. Good times.

There's another thing, Californians don't slow down during inclement weather. Oh no, it's much more exciting to slam into someone at 75 mph in the rain or tule fog than it is to go 45.

[Wax Frog]

Originally Posted by Quantum Blue

I wrote a humorous anecdote with fictional characters but, hey, tastes vary.

Serves me right for not reading more closely

I've had the distinct pleasure of living in two of the most uppity beer-lovin' places in the Americas for micro brews: Denver, CO, and Portland, OR. If you wanna defend Redhook's honor, just remember that it is a bedfellow of Anheuser-Busch and most folks in the aforementioned burgs would assemble an ass-whuppin' in the town square for your efforts. I, however, uphold your right to drink your own brand of poison. I personally quaff raw cocoa these days made the Mayan way (strong!) and favor walks in the woods over trips to the brew pub.

Didn't know that - serves me right for not paying closer attention Besides, I mainly defend the individual here, not the corporation. In my place you'd have come to the same conclusion

While I freely confess to consuming O'Douls (something of a substitute for my years-gone Pepsi addiction), I do keep a very small and quite random stash of non-mass-market brews for rare occasions.

*passes her complimentary mug of Redhook over to Wax Frog and laces up her hiking boots.

QB

May I join you, if virtually? In terms of behavior I've never been "outdoorsy", but I have a soft spot for woods/trees...

[royster]

my instincts are sharpened like Ginsu knives.

This proves you DID order before midnight.

Well, I am FROM California...Los Angeles...and learned to drive there, too. (Waxy, didn't you once post a photo of those ancient, clunky driver's ed simulators?) Due to a trip I took to COLORADO, I missed the driving instruction course, and therefore went to a private driving school.

My memories of driving through Oregon...shortly after GETTING my license...are nothing short of blissful. My adopted sister and I toured the north-west in a 1960 VW Beetle convertable, nothing worked on it except one headlight and the passenger-side heater hole. It was wonderful.

L.A. used to be a driver-friendly town. HA! Not any more, and the same infectious disease that Beltway Bozos contaminate the lanes with has spread to just about every set of tires rolling on ass-fault.

I don't want to tempt fate, but I have a near-perfect driving record with no accidents...except that quaalude-and-beer incident in 1978, and the only casualty was a curb and a '73 Gremlin.

REMEMBER: CLOWNS ARE FUNNY IN THE CIRCUS, NOT ON THE HIGHWAY

[royster]

Those mega-bass speakers are one heck of an annoyance, too, but that is starting to decrease. All you can hear is "Thhhuuuuhh. Thuuuuuh. Thuuuuh." It's like having some huge [male organ] slowly hurrassing you while waiting for the light to change.

Back before "Weekly World News" went out of print, "Dear Dottie" wrote a column about those speaker systems. She claimed to have something like a remote control that, when aimed at the offending [male organ], the speakers would explode. I question the validity of such a device, but then realise it's WWN and "Dottie Primrose".


Still, what a sweet dream...

__________________


Firestone Tires used to have a slogan,

"Where the rubber meets the road".

A walk along 'Lover's Lane' gives this entirely DIFFERENT meaning.

[Quantum Blue]

Originally Posted by royster

Not long ago, running red lights was epidemic in the Washington, D.C. area. So much so that the government installed cameras that would photograph light-runners mid-intersection. Tracking the owner by the license plates, they'd receive a tickette in the mail, complete with the photo to prove it.

A guy in these here parts started wearing a mask, I think it was a gorilla mask or something, while he was driving so there would be no photographic evidence of his flagrant infractions. He hasn't paid a fine yet.

To me, the solution is simple: ticket the vehicle owner. That way, folks would be a heap more careful who they "loan their wheels out to" and there'd be no more performing monkeys, if you catch my drift.

QB

[Quantum Blue]

Originally Posted by curiouslyrandom

I've driven in Denver... *shudder*

I lived in Bend during several big snow storms. I got stuck on the side of the road trying to put chains on my tires once, when guy came out of his house and did it for me. I was shocked. He said "I just did my wife's half an hour ago, and I'll be doing the elderly neighbor's next. It's no big deal."

I love doing stuff like that. Back when I offered snow removal at my Denver company, I regularly helped two or three people get unstuck each blizzard. We had a "blizzard" here in Portland, OR, a few years back and the town shut down, just shut down. Me? I just put him in four-low and went for a scenic drive, no chains. Once, again I found plenty of folks to help. Feels darned good.

Originally Posted by curiouslyrandom

We used to laugh at Portlanders. Oh noes! 3" of snow! shut down the schools! tell everyone to stay off the roads! Try driving through a blizzard over the pass at night, and watching out for elk crossing the highway. Oy. Good times.

Man, I WISH I would see an elk. I miss those magnificent guys. But, heck, when they predict inclement weather, that's usually when I head up to the volcano and go snowshoeing. Nobody else there and I get first tracks.

Originally Posted by curiouslyrandom

There's another thing, Californians don't slow down during inclement weather. Oh no, it's much more exciting to slam into someone at 75 mph in the rain or tule fog than it is to go 45.

Really?! In the immortal words of curiouslyrandom, "Oh, Noes!"

QB

[Quantum Blue]

Originally Posted by Wax Frog

May I join you, if virtually? In terms of behavior I've never been "outdoorsy", but I have a soft spot for woods/trees...

I'll bring the Mayan chocolate.

QB

[Quantum Blue]

Originally Posted by royster

ass-fault

lol!

qb

[Quantum Blue]

Originally Posted by royster

Those mega-bass speakers are one heck of an annoyance, too, but that is starting to decrease. All you can hear is "Thhhuuuuhh. Thuuuuuh. Thuuuuh." It's like having some huge [male organ] slowly hurrassing you while waiting for the light to change.

I'm sure you're referring to the male organ here as an epithet but on the first read I inadvertently formulated a very disturbing visual in my mind's eye. With sound effects. *shudder*

QB