Goodbye

[blacko]

Hello friends, because of some personal reasons I will not be participating in this forum anymore. I really doubt I will log in again. Anyway, I had a good time with you guys and you all take care. Good Bye.

[Weena]

Sorry to hear. I wish you well in the future Blacko . Take good care of yourself!

[elucidate]

It's your decision of course, but please don't let what happened yesterday stand in the way of your growth. I'm over it...really.

Good luck whatever you do.

[ZephyrusX]

??? Good bye

[Jon Tore]

Oww you don't need to leave. Just learn as you go along, no need to be ashamed. It's a PD forum after all

[Lionman]

Cool, get some real life experience under your belt.

It would be great to see you come back one day all suave and sophisticated.

[roxyruby]

Originally Posted by blacko

Hello friends, because of some personal reasons I will not be participating in this forum anymore. I really doubt I will log in again. Anyway, I had a good time with you guys and you all take care. Good Bye.

hi blacko I'm sad to see you go I always get sad when people leave the forums and never come back have a great life!

[lifetimelearner]

bye have a good life

[James81]

Hmmm, you'll probably still read this thread though, right? Curiosity will prolly bite you til this thread dies.

In any case, whatever happened here, just know that people's reactions to you mean more about them than it does about you. Perhaps that'll help you see that whatever happened was coming from somebody else's issues and doesn't mean anything about you.

[elucidate]

Originally Posted by James81

Hmmm, you'll probably still read this thread though, right? Curiosity will prolly bite you til this thread dies.

In any case, whatever happened here, just know that people's reactions to you mean more about them than it does about you. Perhaps that'll help you see that whatever happened was coming from somebody else's issues and doesn't mean anything about you.

So, you think that it's MY issue that I didn't feel comfortable with the comments he was making to me, and that I felt the need to put up my boundaries?

I don't think that it indicates anything about me at all other than I have healthy boundaries and don't like having rude comments thrown at me...but you can think that.

It wasn't just me who mentioned it to him either...Ssandra agreed that it was totally innapropriate and rude of him, and she's a Mod...a VERY open-minded Moderator.

I don't think my issues have anything to do with someone else pushing the boundaries, as blacko did.

[ssandra]

Originally Posted by elucidate

So, you think that it's MY issue that I didn't feel comfortable with the comments he was making to me, and that I felt the need to put up my boundaries?

I don't think that it indicates anything about me at all other than I have healthy boundaries and don't like having rude comments thrown at me...but you can think that.

That still means that it means something about you

James doesn't say that it means something BAD about you, but it does mean something about you...

It wasn't just me who mentioned it to him either...Ssandra agreed that it was totally innapropriate and rude of him, and she's a Mod...a VERY open-minded Moderator.

And that means something about me too.

As a group of people playing together we have a certain set of rules... if someone steps over those rules, it means something about us and our rules. Not that other person.

We are entitled to say something about that to that other person, but we don't have to make it about that other person, because it really isn't. It is about us

I don't think my issues have anything to do with someone else pushing the boundaries, as blacko did.

It's not about issues. It is about YOU. In this case, YOUR boundaries...

[James81]

Originally Posted by elucidate

So, you think that it's MY issue that I didn't feel comfortable with the comments he was making to me, and that I felt the need to put up my boundaries?

I don't think that it indicates anything about me at all other than I have healthy boundaries and don't like having rude comments thrown at me...but you can think that.

It wasn't just me who mentioned it to him either...Ssandra agreed that it was totally innapropriate and rude of him, and she's a Mod...a VERY open-minded Moderator.

I don't think my issues have anything to do with someone else pushing the boundaries, as blacko did.

Oh, is this what this is all about? Sheesh.

I remember reading that thinking that "harassment" was such a strong word for what really happened there.

Your interpretation of those comments as being "harassment" does seem to me like something that you created within yourself (i.e. the feeling of being harassed). I think if it were harassment, it would be very skeezy comments made to you in private. The comments posted openly on a forum like this, was probably just him trying to be funny.

I *do* recognize, however, that my interpretation of the situation is also a measure of things I'm creating for myself. So my interpretation of this is telling me things about me, just like your interpretation of things tell you things about you, and blacko's interpretation of things (along with this reaction) are telling him things about him.

[nicbrahms]

Blacko I think you should stay, yes you have been inappropriate at times, but we all have our bad moments, I have felt crap after chastisements from others, however, I stuck it through and have found this place to be an excellent learning ground and talking place.

I hope you can get through this and stick around cause it will show excellent character if you can. Also don't take personally comments you receive, they are not personal but just addressed to something you say, no one really knows the real you.

However, I leave it to you.

Peace my friend.

[moonrambler]

Originally Posted by elucidate

So, you think that it's MY issue that I didn't feel comfortable with the comments he was making to me, and that I felt the need to put up my boundaries?

I don't think that it indicates anything about me at all other than I have healthy boundaries and don't like having rude comments thrown at me...but you can think that.

Of course it's your issue. You just said so. "I don't think that it indicates anything about me at all other than . . . "

That doesn't mean it's wrong or not okay for you to be uncomfortable with people overstepping certain boundaries.

[MidasGirl]

Originally Posted by blacko

Hello friends, because of some personal reasons I will not be participating in this forum anymore. I really doubt I will log in again. Anyway, I had a good time with you guys and you all take care. Good Bye.

Blacko, I know you're reading this. (just a hunch)

I can tell you what the issue really is. Exposure. You're just not exposed to the way westerners relate to each other. It's not an elitist thing. Just that there are so many cultural subtleties and nuance that take a person being immersed in a culture for a while to really "get". So you might see, say, PlayswithLife joke a certain way with a woman here, and you try something "similar" and then wonder why it backfired big time on ya.

My suggestion would be, if your desire is to hang around westerner-saturated forums, to just stay and observe, learn, participate a little here and there. Till you've really learned how the interaction happens.

I for one don't think you were trying to be rude on purpose. You were probably thinking you were just being flirtatious, like PWL for example, lol. I've observed that you sort of look up to him as a role model.

Stay and learn. You don't have to participate hyperactively, eventually you'll catch on the social dynamics.