Goodbye

[blacko]

Hello friends, because of some personal reasons I will not be participating in this forum anymore. I really doubt I will log in again. Anyway, I had a good time with you guys and you all take care. Good Bye.

[Weena]

Sorry to hear. I wish you well in the future Blacko . Take good care of yourself!

[elucidate]

It's your decision of course, but please don't let what happened yesterday stand in the way of your growth. I'm over it...really.

Good luck whatever you do.

[ZephyrusX]

??? Good bye

[Jon Tore]

Oww you don't need to leave. Just learn as you go along, no need to be ashamed. It's a PD forum after all

[Lionman]

Cool, get some real life experience under your belt.

It would be great to see you come back one day all suave and sophisticated.

[royster]

Please allow me to share this true story about myself.

In kindergarden, we were assigned to playing "house", complete with paired-up couples.

At some point in the game, I began to imitate the rants and physical abuses I had seen my step-father conduct on my mother, complete with his vulgar obsceneties and accusations. What a shock to my playmates. These horrible things coming from a 5-year-old.

Sent to the office, this began a huge process of healing, that continues to this day. It didn't change my home life: those abuses continued for several more years. But the life experiences I endured from that episode are well worth sharing. Not the least of which was facing my classmates again later.

They patiently allowed me to explain. They couldn't believe such a reality existed, and wished they could change my world for me. So: they didn't hate me for my behavior, they just wanted to understand it.

We learn our perimeters from play. Our playmates will tell us when we've gone too far. But that's only to let us know the developing rules of the game.

Come back when you're ready to continue growing.

[roxyruby]

Originally Posted by blacko

Hello friends, because of some personal reasons I will not be participating in this forum anymore. I really doubt I will log in again. Anyway, I had a good time with you guys and you all take care. Good Bye.

hi blacko I'm sad to see you go I always get sad when people leave the forums and never come back have a great life!

[lifetimelearner]

bye have a good life

[James81]

Hmmm, you'll probably still read this thread though, right? Curiosity will prolly bite you til this thread dies.

In any case, whatever happened here, just know that people's reactions to you mean more about them than it does about you. Perhaps that'll help you see that whatever happened was coming from somebody else's issues and doesn't mean anything about you.

[elucidate]

Originally Posted by James81

Hmmm, you'll probably still read this thread though, right? Curiosity will prolly bite you til this thread dies.

In any case, whatever happened here, just know that people's reactions to you mean more about them than it does about you. Perhaps that'll help you see that whatever happened was coming from somebody else's issues and doesn't mean anything about you.

So, you think that it's MY issue that I didn't feel comfortable with the comments he was making to me, and that I felt the need to put up my boundaries?

I don't think that it indicates anything about me at all other than I have healthy boundaries and don't like having rude comments thrown at me...but you can think that.

It wasn't just me who mentioned it to him either...Ssandra agreed that it was totally innapropriate and rude of him, and she's a Mod...a VERY open-minded Moderator.

I don't think my issues have anything to do with someone else pushing the boundaries, as blacko did.

[ssandra]

Originally Posted by elucidate

So, you think that it's MY issue that I didn't feel comfortable with the comments he was making to me, and that I felt the need to put up my boundaries?

I don't think that it indicates anything about me at all other than I have healthy boundaries and don't like having rude comments thrown at me...but you can think that.

That still means that it means something about you

James doesn't say that it means something BAD about you, but it does mean something about you...

It wasn't just me who mentioned it to him either...Ssandra agreed that it was totally innapropriate and rude of him, and she's a Mod...a VERY open-minded Moderator.

And that means something about me too.

As a group of people playing together we have a certain set of rules... if someone steps over those rules, it means something about us and our rules. Not that other person.

We are entitled to say something about that to that other person, but we don't have to make it about that other person, because it really isn't. It is about us

I don't think my issues have anything to do with someone else pushing the boundaries, as blacko did.

It's not about issues. It is about YOU. In this case, YOUR boundaries...

[James81]

Originally Posted by elucidate

So, you think that it's MY issue that I didn't feel comfortable with the comments he was making to me, and that I felt the need to put up my boundaries?

I don't think that it indicates anything about me at all other than I have healthy boundaries and don't like having rude comments thrown at me...but you can think that.

It wasn't just me who mentioned it to him either...Ssandra agreed that it was totally innapropriate and rude of him, and she's a Mod...a VERY open-minded Moderator.

I don't think my issues have anything to do with someone else pushing the boundaries, as blacko did.

Oh, is this what this is all about? Sheesh.

I remember reading that thinking that "harassment" was such a strong word for what really happened there.

Your interpretation of those comments as being "harassment" does seem to me like something that you created within yourself (i.e. the feeling of being harassed). I think if it were harassment, it would be very skeezy comments made to you in private. The comments posted openly on a forum like this, was probably just him trying to be funny.

I *do* recognize, however, that my interpretation of the situation is also a measure of things I'm creating for myself. So my interpretation of this is telling me things about me, just like your interpretation of things tell you things about you, and blacko's interpretation of things (along with this reaction) are telling him things about him.

[nicbrahms]

Blacko I think you should stay, yes you have been inappropriate at times, but we all have our bad moments, I have felt crap after chastisements from others, however, I stuck it through and have found this place to be an excellent learning ground and talking place.

I hope you can get through this and stick around cause it will show excellent character if you can. Also don't take personally comments you receive, they are not personal but just addressed to something you say, no one really knows the real you.

However, I leave it to you.

Peace my friend.

[James81]

Originally Posted by nicbrahms

Blacko I think you should stay, yes you have been inappropriate at times, but we all have our bad moments, I have felt crap after chastisements from others, however, I stuck it through and have found this place to be an excellent learning ground and talking place.

I hope you can get through this and stick around cause it will show excellent character if you can. Also don't take personally comments you receive, they are not personal but just addressed to something you say, no one really knows the real you.

However, I leave it to you.

Peace my friend.

You've been bad, nicbrahms. C'mere for a spanking. Tee hee.

(Disclaimer: I am not harassing you in any way shape or form. I am also not stalking you or sitting outside your window right now touching myself while skittishly peering in your window. I also do not print out your picture and hang it on the ceiling above my bed or dream of you in all sorts of sexy situations. I am also not a creepster creepily making a disclaimer like this.)

[moonrambler]

Originally Posted by elucidate

So, you think that it's MY issue that I didn't feel comfortable with the comments he was making to me, and that I felt the need to put up my boundaries?

I don't think that it indicates anything about me at all other than I have healthy boundaries and don't like having rude comments thrown at me...but you can think that.

Of course it's your issue. You just said so. "I don't think that it indicates anything about me at all other than . . . "

That doesn't mean it's wrong or not okay for you to be uncomfortable with people overstepping certain boundaries.

[elucidate]

Well yeah, and yes it was about my boundaries...which he learnt as well.

The way you say it makes that clear...the way James said it made it seem like he was making it about me in a way that was possibly over-reactive, or dramatic...but I guess I superimposed that on there, without really knowing what he meant. It didn't seem like he meant it the way you say he meant it though. It felt like he was making me out to be the one with "issues"...I guess it's that word "ISSUES" that I have and issue with

I might be a little over-sensitive at the moment though...pre-menstrual and all that. Probably won't hang round the forum for a few days...it's getting a little volatile on planet Philippa

[elucidate]

Well you can think what you like James...you weren't the one on the other end of the comments and they weren't directed at you.

Also, I wasn't the one who used the word "harassment" Ssandra did though.

All I said was that I didn't appreciate the comments he made and I felt uncomfortable. If he is allowed his neanderthal expressions than I am also allowed mine.

I feel invalidated and like you are minimizing it and making me out to be the 'bad' one here...and that isn't true. I just stated that it made me feel uncomfortable.

That's how I felt and that's totally valid whether you want to validate it or not...it's not important what your oppinion is at this juncture...though you are entitled to it.

Originally Posted by James81

Oh, is this what this is all about? Sheesh.

I remember reading that thinking that "harassment" was such a strong word for what really happened there.

Your interpretation of those comments as being "harassment" does seem to me like something that you created within yourself (i.e. the feeling of being harassed). I think if it were harassment, it would be very skeezy comments made to you in private. The comments posted openly on a forum like this, was probably just him trying to be funny.

I *do* recognize, however, that my interpretation of the situation is also a measure of things I'm creating for myself. So my interpretation of this is telling me things about me, just like your interpretation of things tell you things about you, and blacko's interpretation of things (along with this reaction) are telling him things about him.

[James81]

Originally Posted by elucidate

Well yeah, and yes it was about my boundaries...which he learnt as well.

The way you say it makes that clear...the way James said it made it seem like he was making it about me in a way that was possibly over-reactive, or dramatic...but I guess I superimposed that on there, without really knowing what he meant. It didn't seem like he meant it the way you say he meant it though. It felt like he was making me out to be the one with "issues"...I guess it's that word "ISSUES" that I have and issue with

I might be a little over-sensitive at the moment though...pre-menstrual and all that. Probably won't hang round the forum for a few days...it's getting a little volatile on planet Philippa

My interpretation was that it was over-reactive, yes. But based on what I just said, you can look at that interpretation as being indicitive of what's going on in me.

"Issues" was probably a bad word to use, btw, because I didn't mean it in the way that has the negative connotations (i.e. "Man, you've got some serious issues you crazy bastard!"), but rather just...issues that arise on a daily basis (such as premenstrual fluctuations in emotions ).

[rei]

blacko, no idea why you're leaving, but self-banishment for social action is not the only option - if that has anything to do with your decision.

This is a great place to learn and grow from the choices we make. Stay if you like, or may the road rise up to meet you.

[James81]

Originally Posted by elucidate

If he is allowed his neanderthal expressions than I am also allowed mine.

"Neanderthal"?

I prefer to make Cro-Magnon experssions myself. Makes me seem more manly.

[elucidate]

Originally Posted by James81

My interpretation was that it was over-reactive, yes. But based on what I just said, you can look at that interpretation as being indicitive of what's going on in me.

"Issues" was probably a bad word to use, btw, because I didn't mean it in the way that has the negative connotations (i.e. "Man, you've got some serious issues you crazy bastard!"), but rather just...issues that arise on a daily basis (such as premenstrual fluctuations in emotions ).

Again with the minimizing. So in other words, you took his side and made me out to be the one who had the problem instead of really seeing that what he said was totally innapropriate and I had every right to call him on it.

You're right, it does say plenty about you as well.

[nicbrahms]

Originally Posted by James81

You've been bad, nicbrahms. C'mere for a spanking. Tee hee.

(Disclaimer: I am not harassing you in any way shape or form. I am also not stalking you or sitting outside your window right now touching myself while skittishly peering in your window. I also do not print out your picture and hang it on the ceiling above my bed or dream of you in all sorts of sexy situations. I am also not a creepster creepily making a disclaimer like this.)

Well quite frankly I am disgusted, what the hell is this all about.

You better be sitting outside my window touching yourself and I better be plastered all over your ceiling in 3d fashion so it looks like I am right on yah!

Dirty bird!

See this is the reprobateness this forum spews forth and I just lurrrrrrrrvvvvvvvveeeeeeeeeee it.

Muah.

[elucidate]

Bugger this. I'm off to bed.

[Lucidism]

Take care, Blacko. Godspeed.

[James81]

Originally Posted by elucidate

Again with the minimizing. So in other words, you took his side and made me out to be the one who had the problem instead of really seeing that what he said was totally innapropriate and I had every right to call him on it.

I'm not taking anybody's side. If he were here, I'd be telling him that leaving the forums over this also seems like an overreaction. But alas, he is not here. He is gone. Forever.

blacko on his backo. *pours a little whiskey out*

The thing I don't think you're realizing is, the way either of you reacted isn't wrong. But is it working for either of you? blacko's bailed (how's that working blacko? lol), and now you're bailing (for a couple of days or whatever). You both probably feel pretty crappy and hurt or whatever it is you're feeling. Maybe blacko feels ashamed that you interpretted him as being "harassing"? Maybe you feel ashamed that I said it seemed like an overreaction?

And maybe, just maybe, nicbrahms should seend me some n00ds. My inbox awaits.

[nicbrahms]

Originally Posted by James81

I'm not taking anybody's side. If he were here, I'd be telling him that leaving the forums over this also seems like an overreaction. But alas, he is not here. He is gone. Forever.

blacko on his backo. *pours a little whiskey out*

The thing I don't think you're realizing is, the way either of you reacted isn't wrong. But is it working for either of you? blacko's bailed (how's that working blacko? lol), and now you're bailing (for a couple of days or whatever). You both probably feel pretty crappy and hurt or whatever it is you're feeling. Maybe blacko feels ashamed that you interpretted him as being "harassing"? Maybe you feel ashamed that I said it seemed like an overreaction?

And maybe, just maybe, nicbrahms should seend me some n00ds. My inbox awaits.

Why James you are so naughty, how can resist such an offer.

Off to your pm I go.

Meanwhile meet me on the rooftop with a martini and a parachute for kinky goings on.

[Lucidism]

Hmmm. Ya know, I've been a member of dozens of forums since 2002, across all sorts of topics. This is the only one where I've ever seen multiple women claim harassment from other members. Why is this? I see some walking on eggshells.

[James81]

I set the intention a few weeks back to have a big honkin' belly laugh that just sprung out of me. This thread inspired that for me today. Not because of any one person in particular, but for some odd reason after my last reply I went to lunch and in the car I was laughing until tears streamed out of my eyes.

[lifetimelearner]

let's have some peace guys -come on make love not war remember