Goodbye

[nicbrahms]

Originally Posted by elucidate

I feel like I'm answering honestly. That's how it felt to me, so yes, I felt free to express it as such, I felt no resistance to say what I thought. The comments blacko made came off as really caveman college drunk kid behaviour, which I didn't find sexy.

Do I feel accepting? No...do I have to accept everything someone says to me?

Do I feel love? Not particularly...do I have to love evryone all the time?

James sounded like he was themaster at one point, which he even admitted to...so yes, I felt like I was free to express that it was annoying me. Do you think that's 'bad' when you use the word "resistance" what do you actually mean...cos what I'm hearing when you say the word "resistance" is that you think I spoke too freely.

If blacko were to come back and make a comment about the monster in his pants, I'd probably ignore him now. He can say what he likes.,..it doesn't mean I have to stick around for it. I know that you think people who walk away or ignore are wimps...that's ok with me.

I have to admit that elucidate is right about some of blacko's comments, he offered to exchange body fluids with me and then sent me several PMs.

His threads were blatantly sexual and the energy behind them was a bit lechy. I accept thats his bag and left a message saying that it would show good character if he stayed and evolved here with us, rather than ducking out when the going got a little tough.

Just face it folks the guy was treating this place to get his jollys, of course there could be the cultural issues and he misunderstood some of our comeliness, cause quite frankly I can be quite comely sometimes, but its always in conjunction with the vibe I get off someone.

But for Blacko to pm and say the body fluid thing was quite forward for only just starting out.

However, I choose to ignore it and didn't respond to messages or his comments on threads.

Which is certainly not to say that Elucidate's choice to react and respond to his messages was not right.

Thats what this is all about, setting yourself up for experiences that you will receive something from whether it be perceived negative or positive.

It doesn't matter, it is after all an illusion created for exactly this purpose.

There is no right or wrong, no good or bad.

Everyone is valid and insofar as Elucidate is the only one here to talk to her, she has every God given right to react however she wishes.

The only question she has to ask herself is it of value to her?

Cause remember what you focus on you keep in your vibration. So if not preferable in future just don't give it any reaction at all my dear Elucidate.

peace out and love.


P.s I didn't read the myriad of pages in this thread as quite frankly I couldn't be arsed. So if what I have written has already been written then so what.

Pip on chipmunks.

[Plays With Life]

Originally Posted by elucidate

I'd like to feel ok with putting my boundaries up

Well then go ahead and do it. You have total control over feeling OK about it.

Originally Posted by elucidate

without being made out to be wrong for it.

But you don't have total control over this. "I want other people to think of me a certain way." Maybe some politicians could help with managing other people's perceptions of you.

Originally Posted by elucidate

Is that ok with you?

What if it's not OK with me?

[elucidate]

Originally Posted by nicbrahms

I have to admit that elucidate is right about some of blacko's comments, he offered to exchange body fluids with me and then sent me several PMs.

His threads were blatantly sexual and the energy behind them was a bit lechy.

Just face it folks the guy was treating this place to get his jollys, of course there could be the cultural issues and he misunderstood some of our comeliness, cause quite frankly I can be quite comely sometimes, but its always in conjunction with the vibe I get off someone.

But for Blacko to pm and say the body fluid thing was quite forward for only just starting out.

However, I choose to ignore it and didn't respond to messages or his comments on threads.

Which is certainly not to say that Elucidate's choice to react and respond to his messages was not right.

Thats what this is all about, setting yourself up for experiences that you will receive something from whether it be perceived negative or positive.

It doesn't matter, it is after all an illusion created for exactly this purpose.

There is no right or wrong, no good or bad.

Everyone is valid and insofar as Elucidate is the only one here to talk to her, she has every God given right to react however she wishes.

The only question she has to ask herself is it of value to her?

Cause remember what you focus on you keep in your vibration. So if not preferable in future just don't give it any reaction at all my dear Elucidate.

peace out and love.


P.s I didn't read the myriad of pages in this thread as quite frankly I couldn't be arsed. So if what I have written has already been written then so what.

Pip on chipmunks.

Thanks Nic.

Honestly, in retrospect, I might have been able to deal with it perhaps by using humour but also put firm boundaries up. That would have made me feel better about the exchange. Thanks for your input.

[elucidate]

Originally Posted by Plays With Life

Well then go ahead and do it. You have total control over feeling OK about it.

I do.

But you don't have total control over this. "I want other people to think of me a certain way." Maybe some politicians could help with managing other people's perceptions of you.

I know I can't control what other people think of me, and that isn't what I'm asking for...that's how you're interpreting it. What I want is for people to take my boundaries seriously and acknowledge that I have a right to them and respect them...and not treat me like I'm being silly for having them and voicing them.

What if it's not OK with me?

There's nothing I can do about that.

[elucidate]

Oh and ...EWWWW about the bodily fluids.

It's all well and good to be nice and understanding about someone else coming from another culture...then again, just because they are from another culture doesn't mena they aren't a total perv (not in a fun way)

Originally Posted by nicbrahms

I have to admit that elucidate is right about some of blacko's comments, he offered to exchange body fluids with me and then sent me several PMs.

His threads were blatantly sexual and the energy behind them was a bit lechy. I accept thats his bag and left a message saying that it would show good character if he stayed and evolved here with us, rather than ducking out when the going got a little tough.

Just face it folks the guy was treating this place to get his jollys, of course there could be the cultural issues and he misunderstood some of our comeliness, cause quite frankly I can be quite comely sometimes, but its always in conjunction with the vibe I get off someone.

But for Blacko to pm and say the body fluid thing was quite forward for only just starting out.

However, I choose to ignore it and didn't respond to messages or his comments on threads.

Which is certainly not to say that Elucidate's choice to react and respond to his messages was not right.

Thats what this is all about, setting yourself up for experiences that you will receive something from whether it be perceived negative or positive.

It doesn't matter, it is after all an illusion created for exactly this purpose.

There is no right or wrong, no good or bad.

Everyone is valid and insofar as Elucidate is the only one here to talk to her, she has every God given right to react however she wishes.

The only question she has to ask herself is it of value to her?

Cause remember what you focus on you keep in your vibration. So if not preferable in future just don't give it any reaction at all my dear Elucidate.

peace out and love.


P.s I didn't read the myriad of pages in this thread as quite frankly I couldn't be arsed. So if what I have written has already been written then so what.

Pip on chipmunks.

[Plays With Life]

Originally Posted by elucidate

I know I can't control what other people think of me, and that isn't what I'm asking for...that's how you're interpreting it. What I want is for people to take my boundaries seriously and acknowledge that I have a right to them and respect them...and not treat me like I'm being silly for having them and voicing them.

Oh, I see what you mean here. I misunderstood: You want to control how other people behave.

[Angela]

Originally Posted by elucidate

What I want is for people to take my boundaries seriously and acknowledge that I have a right to them and respect them...and not treat me like I'm being silly for having them and voicing them.

So what if people treat you like you're being silly for having your feelings or for voicing them? So what if people don't take your boundaries seriously, or if they don't acknowledge that you have a right to them or respect them? What does it mean if they do or if they don't? I understand that it's your preference. What does it mean if your preference isn't met -- if people don't want you to do what you want them to do?

[elucidate]

Originally Posted by Plays With Life

Oh, I see what you mean here. I misunderstood: You want to control how other people behave.

No...once again, you are misunderstanding me. I know full well that I cannot control other people...and I have no wish to. That doesn't mean I don't want to feel respected when I put up boundaries, and as this has not been my experience in the past, it causes me frustration.

[elucidate]

Originally Posted by Angela

So what if people treat you like you're being silly for having your feelings or for voicing them? So what if people don't take your boundaries seriously, or if they don't acknowledge that you have a right to them or respect them? What does it mean if they do or if they don't? I understand that it's your preference. What does it mean if your preference isn't met -- if people don't want you to do what you want them to do?

Hey, life goes on. Believe me, I'm used to my preference not being met.

[zenrealized]

Originally Posted by Plays With Life

Oh, I see what you mean here. I misunderstood: You want to control how other people behave.

I think she wants to control how people behave toward her.

[MidasGirl]

Originally Posted by nicbrahms

I have to admit that elucidate is right about some of blacko's comments, he offered to exchange body fluids with me and then sent me several PMs.

That's nothing. He offered to build me a Taj Mahal so we can have sex in it. Ha! My taj is bigger than your taj.

[elucidate]

Originally Posted by zenrealized

I think she wants to control how people behave toward her.

I HAVE NO CONTROL OVER HOW OTHERS BEHAVE...I ACCEPT THAT!

Doesn't mean I have to like being disrespected for placing boundaries up..

[Angela]

Originally Posted by elucidate

Hey, life goes on.

That's great -- and it doesn't seem congruent with your reactions in this thread. You say: "life goes on" and "there are no shoulds" and at the same time, you defend yourself against people speaking in a way that you don't prefer -- and use words ("neanderthal" "annoyingly preachy" "he invalidated me") that sound like complaints or feeling at the effect of others.

Do you see why there is engagement about that?

[nicbrahms]

Originally Posted by Plays With Life

Oh, I see what you mean here. I misunderstood: You want to control how other people behave.

Quite frankly I don't see why us women shouldn't have control over you lecherous, barbaric, cro-magnon chimps that run around waving your pork sword around likes its the solution to all of lifes problems.

No, a bonking won't sort my bank overcharging me, or fighting over that piece of land won't land you the babe that you want to boink.

Who do you think you are, you hairy beast, its about time women started taking control of men the world would certainly be a much better place thats for sure.

So just keep your bigotted, misogynistic views to yourself.


















p.s and you thought no one could invalidate you, post honestly about what you thought before you read this bit.

[zenrealized]

Originally Posted by MidasGirl

That's nothing. He offered to build me a Taj Mahal so we can have sex in it. Ha! My taj is bigger than your taj.

He offered to "watch" my cat for two weeks. Sick stuff.

[Mynder]

Originally Posted by elucidate

I HAVE NO CONTROL OVER HOW OTHERS BEHAVE...I ACCEPT THAT!

Doesn't mean I have to like being disrespected for placing boundaries up..

Why do you require their respect?

[nicbrahms]

Originally Posted by MidasGirl

That's nothing. He offered to build me a Taj Mahal so we can have sex in it. Ha! My taj is bigger than your taj.

Son of Beatch!

[Piercetheveil]

Originally Posted by nicbrahms

Quite frankly I don't see why us women shouldn't have control over you lecherous, barbaric, cro-magnon chimps that run around waving your pork sword around likes its the solution to all of lifes problems.

No, a bonking won't sort my bank overcharging me, or fighting over that piece of land won't land you the babe that you want to boink.

Who do you think you are, you hairy beast, its about time women started taking control of men the world would certainly be a much better place thats for sure.

So just keep your bigotted, misogynistic views to yourself.

Surely this is a joke.

Are we really going down the sexist trail again?

[elucidate]

Originally Posted by Angela

That's great -- and it doesn't seem congruent with your reactions in this thread. You say: "life goes on" and "there are no shoulds" and at the same time, you defend yourself against people speaking in a way that you don't prefer -- and use words ("neanderthal" "annoyingly preachy" "he invalidated me") that sound like complaints or feeling at the effect of others.

Do you see why there is engagement about that?

Can't I just express how someone else is coming across to me freely without having to be interrogated about it later.

I never said they 'should or shouldn't' behave a certain way, but that doesn't mean I can't acknowledge my experience as being what it is.

James knew he was **** stirring.

I don't get what you mean when you use the words 'resistance' and 'engagement' to be honest.

[Piercetheveil]

Originally Posted by elucidate

Can't I just express how someone else is coming across to me freely without having to be interrogated about it later.

I never said they 'should or shouldn't' behave a certain way, but that doesn't mean I can't acknowledge my experience as being what it is.

James knew he was **** stirring.

Fine then. Why did you take the bait verses patting him on the head for a lame attempt?

[zenrealized]

Originally Posted by elucidate

I HAVE NO CONTROL OVER HOW OTHERS BEHAVE...I ACCEPT THAT!

Doesn't mean I have to like being disrespected for placing boundaries up..

Wow I was saying you do have power to control people to a certain extent especially in this forum. I was agreeing with you. The forum has certain rules. Someone created a topic that was on the edge of those rules. It was a risky topic to begin with. So someone said something that crossed the line into a zone where it becomes a judgment call on YOUR part whether you will allow it. You stood up for yourself and said it wasn't allowed. He took a risk that his judgment should have known that if unsuccessful would have a result that could result in him getting banned.

This is not even considering the other people who would have to read his comment including guys who might also find them to be outside of the bounds of what they expected in the thread and on the forum. Sometimes you CAN control what other people say and do and there is nothing at all wrong with it.

The whole group of law is based on control. The rules and laws are clearly stated and if you break them you go to jail. Of course it's physically difficult to control that person committing the crime in the first place but everything is an attempt to control the behavior before it happens including the law.

I agree with you completely here BTW.

[elucidate]

Originally Posted by Mynder

Why do you require their respect?

Well surely I deserve more respect than disrespect? Should I want to be disrespected by your logic?

I give other people respect when they say they are feeling a certain way and it involves me...I take it seriously, I dont' just laugh at them for feeling a certain way...that's disrespectful in my world.

[Piercetheveil]

Originally Posted by zenrealized

Wow I was saying you do have power to control people to a certain extent especially in this forum. I was agreeing with you. The forum has certain rules. Someone created a topic that was on the edge of those rules. It was a risky topic to begin with. So someone said something that crossed the line into a zone where it becomes a judgment call on YOUR part whether you will allow it. You stood up for yourself and said it wasn't allowed. He took a risk that his judgment should have known that if unsuccessful would have a result that could result in him getting banned.

This is not even considering the other people who would have to read his comment including guys who might also find them to be outside of the bounds of what they expected in the thread and on the forum. Sometimes you CAN control what other people say and do and there is nothing at all wrong with it.

The whole group of law is based on control. The rules and laws are clearly stated and if you break them you go to jail. Of course it's physically difficult to control that person committing the crime in the first place but everything is an attempt to control the behavior before it happens including the law.

I agree with you completely here BTW.

Zen you had me at the Gekko quote but you gotta tighten up your strength against the softer side of sears.

[elucidate]

Oh ok. It seemed like you were agreeing with PWL, and that the way he was using the word control was in a neg way like I was being a nazi and can't be happy unless I'm controlling everyone.

But that was my interpretation of course.

Originally Posted by zenrealized

Wow I was saying you do have power to control people to a certain extent especially in this forum. I was agreeing with you. The forum has certain rules. Someone created a topic that was on the edge of those rules. It was a risky topic to begin with. So someone said something that crossed the line into a zone where it becomes a judgment call on YOUR part whether you will allow it. You stood up for yourself and said it wasn't allowed. He took a risk that his judgment should have known that if unsuccessful would have a result that could result in him getting banned.

This is not even considering the other people who would have to read his comment including guys who might also find them to be outside of the bounds of what they expected in the thread and on the forum. Sometimes you CAN control what other people say and do and there is nothing at all wrong with it.

The whole group of law is based on control. The rules and laws are clearly stated and if you break them you go to jail. Of course it's physically difficult to control that person committing the crime in the first place but everything is an attempt to control the behavior before it happens including the law.

I agree with you completely here BTW.

[nicbrahms]

Originally Posted by Piercetheveil

Surely this is a joke.

Are we really going down the sexist trail again?

Just having a laugh.

Love love love you all chipmunks

[elucidate]

Originally Posted by Piercetheveil

Fine then. Why did you take the bait verses patting him on the head for a lame attempt?

'cos I was in a FILTHY mood, and got myself all worked up over it. Not smart, I know. AND by the time I realised I was in his web it was too late and I kept going...'cos I'm a tardo(;

[Plays With Life]

Originally Posted by elucidate

No...once again, you are misunderstanding me. I know full well that I cannot control other people...and I have no wish to.

OK, I think I see what you mean here. Do you mean something like this? -

I want other people to behave a particular way towards me, but it's OK for me if they don't do that.

Originally Posted by elucidate

That doesn't mean I don't want to feel respected when I put up boundaries, and as this has not been my experience in the past, it causes me frustration.

Yeah, that sounds pretty uncomfortable. I vote you go ahead and feel respected. It seems like you'd enjoy that more.

Originally Posted by zenrealized

I think she wants to control how people behave toward her.

Agreed - It seemed this way to me, too.

Originally Posted by MidasGirl

That's nothing. He offered to build me a Taj Mahal so we can have sex in it. Ha! My taj is bigger than your taj.

Aww. He didn't even offer me a strawberry.

[Mynder]

Originally Posted by elucidate

Can't I just express how someone else is coming across to me freely without having to be interrogated about it later.

I am not asking questions so you give me answers. I am asking questions so you may find ways to see things differently.

If you feel this is an interrogation, there is a reason for this interpretation as well, and more likely than not, this reminds you of past experiences where you felt the need to defend yourself.

All I'm saying is...there is no need. And it doesn't matter what anybody else things about it, either. Not James, not me, not Angela, not anyone.

If these questions push your buttons, remember that it is not our intention to hurt, or to judge you. If you can believe that, go outside, do some exercises, breathe deeply for a few minutes, and maybe reread this to find out what else may be going on.

As for me, I'll offer you a completely non-monstrous bear hug. :-)

Eddy

[Plays With Life]

Originally Posted by nicbrahms

Quite frankly I don't see why us women shouldn't have control over you lecherous, barbaric, cro-magnon chimps that run around waving your pork sword around likes its the solution to all of lifes problems.

No, a bonking won't sort my bank overcharging me, or fighting over that piece of land won't land you the babe that you want to boink.

Who do you think you are, you hairy beast, its about time women started taking control of men the world would certainly be a much better place thats for sure.

So just keep your bigotted, misogynistic views to yourself.

Damn, woomin. Go make me some lunch. *waves around pork sword intimidatingly*

Originally Posted by nicbrahms

p.s and you thought no one could invalidate you, post honestly about what you thought before you read this bit.

:S Well, I haven't quite got the time-travel skill down, yet. So I'm afraid I can't back and post BEFORE I read this bit.

[MidasGirl]

Eluce, you know it's ok to let it go right? As a bystander watching, it's obvious to me you aren't getting through. That has got to be frustrating isn't it? I've had my dealings with James in the past, and I know he can be quite "rubbing the wrong way" sometimes (and I love you James, moreso with your new Angela-inspired change).

What I see Eluce is that you're a tad defensive, and James is a tad defensive. Why don't you two go have a beer?