Personal Development for Smart People^TM Forums

royster · 07-27-2010, 08:15 PM

Real or imagined. With or without photos.

This one is real:

Pushing a cart down the tea/creamer/coffee aisle, I walked toward a stock clerk working. Somehow she dropped a bag of unground coffee beans and they immediately spattered the whole length of the aisle. Poor girl was so embarrassed, but not two seconds went by before I said

YA JUST HAD TO SPILL THE BEANS, DIDN'T YA!? CAN'T YOU KEEP A SECRET!?

Her red face immediately turned into laughing acceptance at her own foible.

Jon Tore · 07-27-2010, 09:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by royster

Real or imagined. With or without photos.

This one is real:

Pushing a cart down the tea/creamer/coffee aisle, I walked toward a stock clerk working. Somehow she dropped a bag of unground coffee beans and they immediately spattered the whole length of the aisle. Poor girl was so embarrassed, but not two seconds went by before I said

YA JUST HAD TO SPILL THE BEANS, DIDN'T YA!? CAN'T YOU KEEP A SECRET!?

Her red face immediately turned into laughing acceptance at her own foible.

I love this

royster · 07-27-2010, 10:52 PM

Attending a carnival that had come to town, I was milling about on my own. I was only about 10 or eleven. Two teen-aged girls were having fun and came up to me. Their intention was to cause some mischief with their friends elsewhere, and they caught the double-meaning of their question as soon as they asked it:

Do you have a pea shooter?

(And CodeNameSmiley wonders WHY I'm incorrigible!)______________________
True situation, not original:

CASHIER: (Looking at a twenty-dollar bill) DO you have anything smaller?

ME: Well, yeah, but it'd be kind of embarrassing to whip it out HERE.

royster · 07-27-2010, 10:56 PM

ANOTHER TRUE ONE:
Sometimes i can't help but blurt these things out...I don't even try to NOT say them...

[Motorist in parking lot] Do you know where the Food Court is?

ME: Why? Did they catch you stealing a cucumber?
______________________________________________
In Washington, D.C. with my friend, Tom:
[Motorist] How do you get to the Kennedy Center?

TOM: PRACTICE ! PRACTICE! PRACTICE!

royster · 07-28-2010, 03:03 AM

...FROM FACEBOOK, CodeNameSmiley's wall:

CNS: All failure is an inside job.

Roy: Except premature ejaculation. That's about as OUTSIDE as you can get.

(moderators are free to delete this posting)

royster · 07-28-2010, 04:31 PM

Q: Are you on Facebook?

A: No, Valium. Why do you ask?

Q: Are you kidding?

A: No, I'm half Italian and half German.

Q: Are you sh+++ting me?

A: Well, some sort of movement is apparently taking place.

Q: Would you like a bag for that?

A: DURN! You sell dope, too! This place has EVERYTHING!

cacheborn · 07-28-2010, 04:37 PM

I admire your sense of humor, Royster.

I remember one from Groucho Marx,

I can dance with you till the cows come home. On second thoughts, I will dance with the cows till you come home.

royster · 07-28-2010, 04:42 PM

GROUCHO MARX TO CLERK:

I need some talcum powder.

CLERK: Walk this way.

GROUCHO: If I could walk THAT way, I wouldn't need the talcum powder.

royster · 07-28-2010, 04:43 PM

Years ago, my friend Greg and I sat around a campfire, drinking lots of beer. I began audibly passing gas, and at one point he casually remarked:

Is that the only song that assshhole knows?

cacheborn · 07-28-2010, 04:44 PM

Marx was a genius.

Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.

Beloved · 07-29-2010, 01:23 PM

Does this count?

My cousin had just had a baby, she is only a couple of years younger than me, I was talking to her Uncle who is my age about the baby. He was complaining that he was too young to be a Great Uncle.

He looked stunned and then cracked up when I asked him "Would you rather be a bad one?"

Gene · 07-31-2010, 12:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Beloved

Does this count?

My cousin had just had a baby, she is only a couple of years younger than me, I was talking to her Uncle who is my age about the baby. He was complaining that he was too young to be a Great Uncle.

He looked stunned and then cracked up when I asked him "Would you rather be a bad one?"

I like it.

royster · 07-31-2010, 02:54 PM

[in response to uninteresting statement]

There are no rodents in my immediate proximity.

SO!?

I cannot POSSIBLY give a rats' ass.

Donkey1 · 07-31-2010, 05:03 PM

Eh, I'm not really big on puns. I think they could be pretty cheesey, but you can get some laughs if you use them at inapproriate times. I wouldn't mind using a pop goes the weasel reference during uh, frisky time..

royster · 08-01-2010, 01:12 PM

"Hey! WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN!!?"

Other planets. It's a big universe.

JMononoetoe · 08-01-2010, 06:32 PM

Lol. I made a really cheap pun just now. Let me fill you in.. It all started with a random conversation..

Me: "Hi. I'm a lobster."
She: "OMG! You're a lobster? D:"

And then a Photoshop "battle" started..

Yeah..

royster · 08-02-2010, 02:53 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Donkey1

Eh, I'm not really big on puns. I think they could be pretty cheesey, but you can get some laughs if you use them at inapproriate times. I wouldn't mind using a pop goes the weasel reference during uh, frisky time..

I did that once. I announced I was...uh..."arriving", and when that happened, I sighed and said matter-of-factly ; "I'm here!" The laughter that prompted caused some particular muscles to do...things.....I....should....go now.....

AjaTrinidad · 08-02-2010, 04:13 AM

This stuff isn't punny.

royster · 08-02-2010, 02:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AjaTrinidad

This stuff isn't punny.

Perhaps we should be PUNished.

Jon Tore · 08-02-2010, 02:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by royster

Perhaps we should be PUNished.

You're right.

(Might only be remotely funny to the small percentage of people having played Super Smash Bros on Nintendo 64)

AjaTrinidad · 08-02-2010, 02:56 PM

This is dumb. Anyway, what do you guys like to do for pun?

cacheborn · 08-02-2010, 04:48 PM

I usually do not involve myself in subliminal linguistic play - no pun intended.

Got it?

No??

Okay here is the clue.

Rainsong · 08-03-2010, 11:42 PM

This thread...

Gene · 08-06-2010, 02:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rainsong

This thread...

Grown! Than was very punny.

royster · 09-30-2010, 12:28 AM

ARRESTING OFFICER TO EXHIBITIONIST:
"You've really pulled a BONER this time!"

LostMyMap · 09-30-2010, 12:49 AM

True story:

When I was little, my mom gave me a snack I hadn't seen before, called corn nuts. I said "I knew corn had ears but I didn't know it had nuts".

It was many years before I understood why my mom went into convulsions of laughter....

Wax Frog · 09-30-2010, 12:56 AM

I take full responsibility for this one:

Did you hear about the German baker whose shop got broken into last night? Yeah, apparently everything inside was stollen...

JoePike · 10-01-2010, 04:10 PM

I recently stopped at a roadside diner. Much to my surprise the waitress was Kim Carnes (the one-hit-wonder pop diva). The food was terrific - tasty and huge portions.

At the end of the meal, Kim Carnes gave me my bill. As she handed it to me, I inquired about dessert. She seemed surprised and said, "We usually don't get many dessert orders because our portions are so generous but let me check with our cook and see what she has.

A couple of minutes later she returned and said, "She's got Betty Crocker Pies."

JoePike · 10-01-2010, 04:23 PM

Jack Blades, the lead singer of the 80's rock group Night Ranger, collects rocking chairs of all things!

He was touring overseas one year and went into an antique shop looking for chairs. The merchant told him there was a strict ban on the chairs in that country.

Jack couldn't believe it...and he replied..."I'm so glad You Can Still Rock in America!"

royster · 10-01-2010, 05:23 PM

"She's got Betty Crocker Pies." GOOD ONE!

"There will definitely be a party tonight for rockers..."

07-27-2010, 08:15 PM	#1 (permalink)
royster Family Member Join Date: Nov 2009 Posts: 5,479	WORST POSSIBLE PUNS-best possible time Real or imagined. With or without photos. This one is real: Pushing a cart down the tea/creamer/coffee aisle, I walked toward a stock clerk working. Somehow she dropped a bag of unground coffee beans and they immediately spattered the whole length of the aisle. Poor girl was so embarrassed, but not two seconds went by before I said YA JUST HAD TO SPILL THE BEANS, DIDN'T YA!? CAN'T YOU KEEP A SECRET!? Her red face immediately turned into laughing acceptance at her own foible.

07-27-2010, 10:52 PM	#3 (permalink)
royster Family Member Join Date: Nov 2009 Posts: 5,479	actually happened Attending a carnival that had come to town, I was milling about on my own. I was only about 10 or eleven. Two teen-aged girls were having fun and came up to me. Their intention was to cause some mischief with their friends elsewhere, and they caught the double-meaning of their question as soon as they asked it: Do you have a pea shooter? (And CodeNameSmiley wonders WHY I'm incorrigible!)______________________ True situation, not original: CASHIER: (Looking at a twenty-dollar bill) DO you have anything smaller? ME: Well, yeah, but it'd be kind of embarrassing to whip it out HERE. Last edited by royster; 07-27-2010 at 10:54 PM.

07-27-2010, 10:56 PM	#4 (permalink)
royster Family Member Join Date: Nov 2009 Posts: 5,479	are you catching on to the events in roy's world? ANOTHER TRUE ONE: Sometimes i can't help but blurt these things out...I don't even try to NOT say them... [Motorist in parking lot] Do you know where the Food Court is? ME: Why? Did they catch you stealing a cucumber? ______________________________________________ In Washington, D.C. with my friend, Tom: [Motorist] How do you get to the Kennedy Center? TOM: PRACTICE ! PRACTICE! PRACTICE!

07-28-2010, 04:42 PM	#8 (permalink)
royster Family Member Join Date: Nov 2009 Posts: 5,479	Classic GROUCHO MARX TO CLERK: I need some talcum powder. CLERK: Walk this way. GROUCHO: If I could walk THAT way, I wouldn't need the talcum powder.

07-28-2010, 04:43 PM	#9 (permalink)
royster Family Member Join Date: Nov 2009 Posts: 5,479	Blazing Saddles Campfire Scene Years ago, my friend Greg and I sat around a campfire, drinking lots of beer. I began audibly passing gas, and at one point he casually remarked: Is that the only song that assshhole knows?

07-28-2010, 03:03 AM	#5 (permalink)
royster Family Member Join Date: Nov 2009 Posts: 5,479	...FROM FACEBOOK, CodeNameSmiley's wall: CNS: All failure is an inside job. Roy: Except premature ejaculation. That's about as OUTSIDE as you can get. (moderators are free to delete this posting)

07-28-2010, 04:31 PM	#6 (permalink)
royster Family Member Join Date: Nov 2009 Posts: 5,479	Q: Are you on Facebook? A: No, Valium. Why do you ask? Q: Are you kidding? A: No, I'm half Italian and half German. Q: Are you sh+++ting me? A: Well, some sort of movement is apparently taking place. Q: Would you like a bag for that? A: DURN! You sell dope, too! This place has EVERYTHING!

07-28-2010, 04:37 PM	#7 (permalink)
cacheborn Family Member Join Date: Feb 2008 Posts: 6,439	I admire your sense of humor, Royster. I remember one from Groucho Marx, I can dance with you till the cows come home. On second thoughts, I will dance with the cows till you come home.

07-28-2010, 04:44 PM	#10 (permalink)
cacheborn Family Member Join Date: Feb 2008 Posts: 6,439	Marx was a genius. Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.

07-29-2010, 01:23 PM	#11 (permalink)
Beloved Senior Member Join Date: Jan 2007 Posts: 340	Does this count? My cousin had just had a baby, she is only a couple of years younger than me, I was talking to her Uncle who is my age about the baby. He was complaining that he was too young to be a Great Uncle. He looked stunned and then cracked up when I asked him "Would you rather be a bad one?"

07-31-2010, 02:54 PM	#13 (permalink)
royster Family Member Join Date: Nov 2009 Posts: 5,479	[in response to uninteresting statement] There are no rodents in my immediate proximity. SO!? I cannot POSSIBLY give a rats' ass.

07-31-2010, 05:03 PM	#14 (permalink)
Donkey1 Banned Join Date: Oct 2009 Posts: 347	Eh, I'm not really big on puns. I think they could be pretty cheesey, but you can get some laughs if you use them at inapproriate times. I wouldn't mind using a pop goes the weasel reference during uh, frisky time..

08-01-2010, 01:12 PM	#15 (permalink)
royster Family Member Join Date: Nov 2009 Posts: 5,479	"Hey! WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN!!?" Other planets. It's a big universe.

08-01-2010, 06:32 PM	#16 (permalink)
JMononoetoe Senior Member Join Date: May 2007 Location: The Netherlands Posts: 346	Lol. I made a really cheap pun just now. Let me fill you in.. It all started with a random conversation.. Me: "Hi. I'm a lobster." She: "OMG! You're a lobster? D:" And then a Photoshop "battle" started.. Yeah..

08-02-2010, 04:13 AM	#18 (permalink)
AjaTrinidad Senior Member Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: New York City Posts: 359	This stuff isn't punny.

08-02-2010, 02:56 PM	#21 (permalink)
AjaTrinidad Senior Member Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: New York City Posts: 359	This is dumb. Anyway, what do you guys like to do for pun?

08-02-2010, 04:48 PM	#22 (permalink)
cacheborn Family Member Join Date: Feb 2008 Posts: 6,439	I usually do not involve myself in subliminal linguistic play - no pun intended. Got it? No?? Okay here is the clue.

08-03-2010, 11:42 PM	#23 (permalink)
Rainsong Member Join Date: Jan 2010 Posts: 51	This thread...

09-30-2010, 12:28 AM	#25 (permalink)
royster Family Member Join Date: Nov 2009 Posts: 5,479	ARRESTING OFFICER TO EXHIBITIONIST: "You've really pulled a BONER this time!"

09-30-2010, 12:49 AM	#26 (permalink)
LostMyMap Banned Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: San Diego CA Posts: 2,944	True story: When I was little, my mom gave me a snack I hadn't seen before, called corn nuts. I said "I knew corn had ears but I didn't know it had nuts". It was many years before I understood why my mom went into convulsions of laughter....

09-30-2010, 12:56 AM	#27 (permalink)
Wax Frog Legendary Member Join Date: May 2008 Location: Going from Somewhere to Elsewhere Posts: 10,374	I take full responsibility for this one: Did you hear about the German baker whose shop got broken into last night? Yeah, apparently everything inside was stollen...

10-01-2010, 04:10 PM	#28 (permalink)
JoePike Senior Member Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: Ohio Posts: 499	I recently stopped at a roadside diner. Much to my surprise the waitress was Kim Carnes (the one-hit-wonder pop diva). The food was terrific - tasty and huge portions. At the end of the meal, Kim Carnes gave me my bill. As she handed it to me, I inquired about dessert. She seemed surprised and said, "We usually don't get many dessert orders because our portions are so generous but let me check with our cook and see what she has. A couple of minutes later she returned and said, "She's got Betty Crocker Pies."

10-01-2010, 04:23 PM	#29 (permalink)
JoePike Senior Member Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: Ohio Posts: 499	Jack Blades, the lead singer of the 80's rock group Night Ranger, collects rocking chairs of all things! He was touring overseas one year and went into an antique shop looking for chairs. The merchant told him there was a strict ban on the chairs in that country. Jack couldn't believe it...and he replied..."I'm so glad You Can Still Rock in America!"

10-01-2010, 05:23 PM	#30 (permalink)
royster Family Member Join Date: Nov 2009 Posts: 5,479	"She's got Betty Crocker Pies." GOOD ONE! "There will definitely be a party tonight for rockers..."

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Email this Page
Display Modes
Linear Mode Switch to Hybrid Mode Switch to Threaded Mode

Personal Development for Smart PeopleTM Forums

Personal Development for Smart People^TM Forums

Similar Threads
Thread	Thread Starter	Forum	Replies	Last Post
Worst Fears	geniegal	Intention-Manifestation	1	05-30-2010 09:29 PM
What is the worst argument you have ever had?	Andy4	Social & Relationships	3	01-30-2010 07:17 PM
What was the worst time in your life and how did you/have you come through it?	Andy4	Social & Relationships	11	06-19-2009 10:16 PM
How worst it can happen ?	PerDev	Spirituality, Consciousness, & Awareness	0	02-04-2009 12:07 PM
My own worst enemy?	laur_454	Emotional Mastery	3	07-26-2007 04:22 PM