Is having facebook sex cheating. [Adult]

[nicbrahms]

I had a conversation with someone I know and have fancied from afar for years on facebook IM.

We ended up talking dirty and he cum at the end of it, have I cheated on my partner by doing this? First time even flirting with someone in 7 years.

This person wants to get it on, and I am thinking well if I can make you cum by talking dirty whats the point?

I am not overtly sexual, I think I was just getting my rocks off from having the power to make him cum so easily, was it an ego trip?

Anyway has anyone here done likewise or what?

And more importantly am I the whore of babylon now?

[James81]

The way I see it, anything you wouldn't feel comfortable telling your partner about or hide from your partner is a form of cheating.

If you have to lie about it, then, yeah, it's cheating.

[nicbrahms]

Originally Posted by James81

The way I see it, anything you wouldn't feel comfortable telling your partner about or hide from your partner is a form of cheating.

If you have to lie about it, then, yeah, it's cheating.

I wouldn't lie, I just wouldn't tell him.

Sides I was just getting my rocks off. He watches porn and gets off on it, he doesn't tell me. Is it the same thing?

I have no emotional investment and don't care either way about it, just find the tension exciting between me and this other guy cause I know him from warehouse I frequent for stock.

I really don't think anything actually physical would happen.

So James considers it cheating, okay anyone else?

[James81]

Originally Posted by nicbrahms

He watches porn and gets off on it, he doesn't tell me. Is it the same thing?

cause I know him from warehouse I frequent for stock.

The difference between his porn and what you are doing is that you have the option, the availability, of having actual sex with this person. He'll never be able to have sex with one of the porn stars he watches.

The other difference is that you KNOW he looks at porn, but you wouldn't tell him what you are doing with this guy.

If what you are doing is REALLY ok in your mind, then why WOULDN'T you tell him? Think about it.

[Lauxa]

Sort of cheating, but not really. I mean, it's not like you can pick up a disease or get pregnant or anything, those are the REAL risks of cheating. Doing this with a real person is more risky than porn because there is a slight chance it would devolve into these other more risky behaviors.

I wouldn't tell him if it was just a one-time thing. If it was going to be more frequent, I'd tell him, after all you know about his porno and if there is trust you should be open about things like this.

[Savage]

If you have to ask the question "Is it cheating?" after the fact, then you already know the answer. Now your task is to fully accept the answer and see where it leads you.

[themaster]

Originally Posted by nicbrahms

We ended up talking dirty and he cum at the end of it, have I cheated on my partner by doing this? First time even flirting with someone in 7 years.

Your only cheating when you think your cheating.. honestly it's a problem with judgment..

One person says..
- even looking at another girl is cheating
- cybersex is cheating
- porn is cheating..
- texting is cheating..

Why are we so possessive and so lack based about sex/partners?

You may be in the uk where you have nude beaches and advertising without clothes but your just as screwed up as the rest of us

Originally Posted by nicbrahms

I am not overtly sexual, I think I was just getting my rocks off from having the power to make him cum so easily, was it an ego trip?

All sex is just.. sex with self.. how dare you make another self cum!

It's weird to hear you talk like a real person nic.. are you joking..?? did you forget to take your *prophet* pills today?

[butterflyeffect]

Hey Nic,

I wouldn't call it cheating lol just fun.

I have done similiar things in the past, talking dirty on emails to randoms who fell in lust, lol. For me, its was a game, I just liked the ego trip.
Yes, you could get all deep and meaningful and call it cheating but I think thats getting a bit carried away..

I think theres that line where is it just a once off, occasional thing? Or is a regular part of your life? If its something you plan to do alot, then letting your partner know of it minus any details could be a good idea, if not, well then no need to give the poor fellow an early heart attack!!

[James81]

"Cheating" may not be the right word for this actually. I think we have this notion that so long as it's NOT cheating, that it's ok to do in a relationship. Just because it is or isn't cheating doesn't make it any less or more "right."

Honestly, I think the only thing to "do" here is to tell your partner and let him decide for himself if it's something he can live with. Honesty and openess in a relationship are pretty crucial IMO. If you have to hide a part of your life or who you are from your partner, then I think that that's probably because there's some measure of guilt associated with doing it.

[nicbrahms]

The reason I wonder if I am cheating is cause my partner is uber possessive, at least he was, not so sure now as I have made my self as asexual as possible to others.

Also I find it odd that after 7 years of giving vibe of 'don't even look at me that way I am taken' something triggered in me this weekend and now I feel I can do anything I want, afterall its my life. Also 3 guys, all really goodlooking and accessible have hit on me on facebook. This is unusual in its self for me.

I have to admit having an affair does seem exciting, then there is a part of me that doesn't give a crap about anything. I know one thing though that I would never hurt him. I love him.

Sex doesn't in itself entice me, its the excitement around it and the tension and the power I guess.

[nicbrahms]

Oh and did I mention I would like to boink half the people on this forum.

OMG I have turned into the whore of babylon.

Yahhhey whore of babylon, she's my hero.

[kidkarma]

Getting Off isnt cheating

[James81]

Originally Posted by nicbrahms

The reason I wonder if I am cheating is cause my partner is uber possessive, at least he was, not so sure now as I have made my self as asexual as possible to others.

Also I find it odd that after 7 years of giving vibe of 'don't even look at me that way I am taken' something triggered in me this weekend and now I feel I can do anything I want, afterall its my life. Also 3 guys, all really goodlooking and accessible have hit on me on facebook. This is unusual in its self for me.

I have to admit having an affair does seem exciting, then there is a part of me that doesn't give a crap about anything. I know one thing though that I would never hurt him. I love him.

Sex doesn't in itself entice me, its the excitement around it and the tension and the power I guess.

I don't think there is anything wrong with your newfound desires. What I DO think is wrong is doing this stuff behind his back. I personally ended my marriage over something very similar to what you are doing. And I considered it "cheating." Actually, to this day I have no idea if anything physical ever happened between them (even though back then I had all kinds of "evidence" that pointed to the fact that *something* happened between them), and she swears up and down to this day they never had sex. The only admission I ever got from her was "one time I went to kiss him and he pulled away. one time he went to kiss me and I pulled away." But by that time we were already separated, so it didn't matter.

Originally Posted by nicbrahms

Oh and did I mention I would like to boink half the people on this forum.

OMG I have turned into the whore of babylon.

Yahhhey whore of babylon, she's my hero.

If you wanna boink, then hop on a plane and then ride a train. That's my own personl offer to you.

But only if you end your relationship or your SO is ok with it.

[nicbrahms]

I guess I have always been one of those people that admires loyalty in others and therefore always got back what I gave out. However, now I am game for some fun, not necessarily sex, perhaps my partner's eye will begin roving too. He is a damn goodlooking guy and I know, as he tells me, he gets offers from girls. I've never been jealous type, and so take it as a compliment.

Lately I guess I figure this is just experience, all is meamingless so **** it. I have even factored in him finding out.

Is this mental or what?

And is it normal that your invitation to jump on a plane and come over and boink you is turning me on?

I have turned into a spiritual sexual being.

[nicbrahms]

I don't think its cheating, I feel quite alright about it.

If I did something in terms of physical action, then of course I am a flagrant infidelitist and should be hung, drawn and quartered.

But then again, does it matter? Its just experience.

Perhaps I want something to shake up my world. Perhaps.

[elucidate]

You could be really bold and ask your husband if he thinks that would be cheating and how would he react if you did this thing (which you did)? If he shrugs and says "Meh, it's no biggie" then tell him...if he freaks out and says "whoever does that is the Whore of Babylon an deserves to get thrown out on her ear"...then don't tell him
I have to go with Steve on this one though...the fact that you are asking outsiders indicates to me that you already know that it compromised your integrity in some way, whether you want to call it cheating or something else. You have been rationalizing it and convincing yourself otherwise, but the fact is you felt bad enough about it to post it here and get support.

[themaster]

You should get all the sex you can now!!

Why?

Cause in 5d we don't have male/female body's we don't operate those roles and I'm guessing we don't have sex.. (now I'm not prescribing limitation I'm just saying it'd would probably be a bit weird for a creator god based in 5d to go physical and adopt a gender and have sex.. not impossible.. just weird and for most considered not a option your likely to do)

Originally Posted by nicbrahms

The reason I wonder if I am cheating is cause my partner is uber possessive, at least he was, not so sure now as I have made myself as asexual as possible to others.

It's his possessiveness that by "law of attraction" can drive you out of his arms.. really possessive traits create the need to have a possessive/no longer possessed experience..

You should just have a talk and see if you ready for a "open" situation.. it's good for all parties really.. unless you turn possessive/lack based..

Originally Posted by elucidate

You have been rationalizing it and convincing yourself otherwise, but the fact is you felt bad enough about it to post it here and get support.

Not true necessarily.. I think sometimes conversations are just started.. to have conversations.. the merit is null for the poster..

Sometimes, I think some posts are just deliberate reasons to talk about subjects and help educate people on them.. maybe not in nic's case.. but maybe yes..

[nicbrahms]

Originally Posted by elucidate

You could be really bold and ask your husband if he thinks that would be cheating and how would he react if you did this thing (which you did)? If he shrugs and says "Meh, it's no biggie" then tell him...if he freaks out and says "whoever does that is the Whore of Babylon an deserves to get thrown out on her ear"...then don't tell him
I have to go with Steve on this one though...the fact that you are asking outsiders indicates to me that you already know that it compromised your integrity in some way, whether you want to call it cheating or something else. You have been rationalizing it and convincing yourself otherwise, but the fact is you felt bad enough about it to post it here and get support.

But thats not all.

I reckon I will carry on with it, not the facebook chatting as that has now bored me sufficiently. But the going to the warehouse and flirting, egging on the guy in question but never letting him get close.

I am cool with it now, felt a little horrified when I did it as it has been 7 years, however now I don't care. Its all fun and games, as long as the physical boundary isn't crossed. Ooooh but what if that is crossed, then what?

Maybe I just want to experience being a prick tease for a while.

Oh by the way I am ditching spiritual crap and unconditional love and the whole give out what you expect to get back for a while, gonna spice it up.

Gonnna live like theres no tomorrow.

Yahhhey to no tomorrow. Perhaps I have turned nihilist. Have I?

[Zanriel]

The question is not whether or not it's cheating. That's irrelevant. The real question is: Would your partner approve if he knew? Probably not. Are there any scenarios you can imagine where the answer would be different? What would be the outcome if he knew? What's the best case scenario? Okay, assuming there is no best case scenario available, now you have to hide something you're doing from a person who you trust, and who trusts you. It doesn't seem healthy to me.

The way I look at most decisions is like this: Does it move you closer to or further from your goals? Or put another way: Where does this action move you in relation to your goals? Now that you're going to have to hide something, there will be a nagging feeling you'll have to deal with that may or may not come out in future interactions with your partner. Most likely it will affect your relationship because forces interact whether we want them to or not. It's impossible to compartmentalize behavior and memories 100%.

A question that I think of is: What drove you to do this? Obviously you sensed some kind of lack that you felt the need to fill in some other way, and in doing so, you felt it was worth the risk of damage to your current relationship.

I don't have anything against the behavior itself. I'm fascinated by polyamory, personally. It's simply the context that brings the behavior into question. Just because you and I may be fascinated by the idea of polyamory or "harmless" interactive electronic thrills with real human beings doesn't mean your partner feels that way. Porn is not interactive. How would you feel if he was doing webcam chats or getting lap dances at a strip club? What if someone offered him those "services" for free, and it was someone he knew in real life? Now we're getting closer to approximating what you're doing from the other side of the coin.

[nicbrahms]

Originally Posted by themaster

You should get all the sex you can now!!

Why?

Cause in 5d we don't have male/female body's we don't operate those roles and I'm guessing we don't have sex.. (now I'm not prescribing limitation I'm just saying it'd would probably be a bit weird for a creator god based in 5d to go physical and adopt a gender and have sex.. not impossible.. just weird and for most considered not a option your likely to do)
It's his possessiveness that by "law of attraction" can drive you out of his arms.. really possessive traits create the need to have a possessive/no longer possessed experience..

You should just have a talk and see if you ready for a "open" situation.. it's good for all parties really.. unless you turn possessive/lack based..

He trusts me now, or that he is that used to me that he doesn't consider me a sexual object anymore. Anyway I beat the possessiveness outta him.

You are right master we should have as much sex as possible, and there is a part of me that wants to be used as a sex object, is that ****ed up?

Dunno why have a compulsion to be used and abused sexually, never been overtly emotional in past sexual encounters and know it never will be emotional, just want to be treated like a whore. Is that messed up?

Perhaps its a break from monogamy and wanting to live a little, dunno.

[moonrambler]

It's cheating because it involves lying and hiding it.

[elucidate]

That's fine, just be aware that he may not take too kindly to having his motor revved and then left to hang there, if you know what I'm saying.

The power to make a penis stand to attention is one of womans many charms...but once the penis is ready for action, it don't like to be kept waiting for too long...depending on the guy of course, some men LOVE to be teased...others will be pretty harsh in judging a woman who does this and doesn't follow through, and some will not take kindly to it at all and be more demanding about things...just make sure you know who you are dealing with, feel it out (no pun intended)...people can change like that!

Originally Posted by nicbrahms

But thats not all.

I reckon I will carry on with it, not the facebook chatting as that has now bored me sufficiently. But the going to the warehouse and flirting, egging on the guy in question but never letting him get close.

I am cool with it now, felt a little horrified when I did it as it has been 7 years, however now I don't care. Its all fun and games, as long as the physical boundary isn't crossed. Ooooh but what if that is crossed, then what?

Maybe I just want to experience being a prick tease for a while.

Oh by the way I am ditching spiritual crap and unconditional love and the whole give out what you expect to get back for a while, gonna spice it up.

Gonnna live like theres no tomorrow.

Yahhhey to no tomorrow. Perhaps I have turned nihilist. Have I?

[nicbrahms]

Originally Posted by Zanriel

The question is not whether or not it's cheating. That's irrelevant. The real question is: Would your partner approve if he knew? Probably not. Are there any scenarios you can imagine where the answer would be different? What would be the outcome if he knew? What's the best case scenario? Okay, assuming there is no best case scenario available, now you have to hide something you're doing from a person who you trust, and who trusts you. It doesn't seem healthy to me.

The way I look at most decisions is like this: Does it move you closer to or further from your goals? Or put another way: Where does this action move you in relation to your goals? Now that you're going to have to hide something, there will be a nagging feeling you'll have to deal with that may or may not come out in future interactions with your partner. Most likely it will affect your relationship because forces interact whether we want them to or not. It's impossible to compartmentalize behavior and memories 100%.

A question that I think of is: What drove you to do this? Obviously you sensed some kind of lack that you felt the need to fill in some other way, and in doing so, you felt it was worth the risk of damage to your current relationship.

I don't have anything against the behavior itself. I'm fascinated by polyamory, personally. It's simply the context that brings the behavior into question. Just because you and I may be fascinated by the idea of polyamory or "harmless" interactive electronic thrills with real human beings doesn't mean your partner feels that way. Porn is not interactive. How would you feel if he was doing webcam chats or getting lap dances at a strip club? What if someone offered him those "services" for free, and it was someone he knew in real life? Now we're getting closer to approximating what you're doing from the other side of the coin.

I hired him a stripper for his b'day and watched him lick cream off her boob, butt etc and get a lap dance.

It was great fun. I know he goes strip clubs with mates, doesn't bother me.

I have a compulsion and have detached myself from stuff so much that now I think I can do anything and am truly invincible.

I want to live a little, and now I think about it I think its spiritual growth, the detachment, the wanting to live as there is no tomorrow. Or is it self-destructive?

I want to be truly abundant, in that 'doing what you want to do when you need to do it' do I need to do this? No.....but I think I want to, or perhaps I don't care either way, I think I don't care either way, its all pointless anyway and meaningless. Now it sounds self-destructive.

This better be some spiritual growth bollocks, or else I am royally screwed. But perhaps I want to be royally screwed in many different positions. tee hee.

[nicbrahms]

I would have to say this is all messed up.

But in a delicious way.

I have just concluded the facebook chat actually now feels like I have had sex with him, in terms of mental accomplishment, and I don't feel inclined to actually have sex with him physically. Weird.

Actually I want to go and give him emotional jip for the fun of it, oh my what evil web am I weaving here.

Isn't half the fun of an affair making someone fall for you, conquering them and then leaving them high and dry?

Oh oh, now I am going to far. Toying with others feelings.

What has been unleased here today folks? A predator me thinks.

Do I need to see a shrink?

[elucidate]

[/QUOTE] Do I need to see a shrink?[/QUOTE]

Yes...badly

[Zanriel]

I'm definitely sensing a mean streak. Meanness comes from anger, which is one step above fear. As long as you move through it you'll be okay, just don't get stuck there or eventually there will be consequences.

[elucidate]

Really? I just thought meanness was an aspect of being human...not necessarily stemming from anything emotional? Hmmm...

Originally Posted by Zanriel

I'm definitely sensing a mean streak. Meanness comes from anger, which is one step above fear. As long as you move through it you'll be okay, just don't get stuck there or eventually there will be consequences.

[nicbrahms]

Oh yeh and did I mention he's married and he has pursued the sex thing with me before when I have been at the warehouse and implied lets get it on in the back of my van.

I then told him to get lost.

Anyway he has revealed he has fancied me for 13 odd years in my going to this particular warehouse.

So he is very open to cheating, unfortunately I am not, just toying with the myriad possibilities.

Isn't that what lifes about?

[elucidate]

Diabolical!

Why do people even bother getting married these days...nothing is sacred

Originally Posted by nicbrahms

Oh yeh and did I mention he's married and he has pursued the sex thing with me before when I have been at the warehouse and implied lets get it on in the back of my van.

I then told him to get lost.

Anyway he has revealed he has fancied me for 13 odd years in my going to this particular warehouse.

So he is very open to cheating, unfortunately I am not, just toying with the myriad possibilities.

Isn't that what lifes about?

[nicbrahms]

Originally Posted by Zanriel

I'm definitely sensing a mean streak. Meanness comes from anger, which is one step above fear. As long as you move through it you'll be okay, just don't get stuck there or eventually there will be consequences.

I am defo not mean, even in the past when I have had flings when I got divorced, I always cared for the other's feelings, but that could have been part of the game play.

But suffice to say I always prefer the guy to fall for me, but usually can take or leave them. Just been emotionally built that way.

It took me years to fall for my ex-husband and my present partner took me three years to fall for him.

I would say talking about it comes accross mean, but I am not a mean person, in fact I would say I care too much but in a detached way.