The Many Joys Of Jello...and the bathtubs filled with it

[royster]

Emperor of an ancient Roman Jello city: Geletinous

[royster]

An older, tired-looking dog wandered into my yard. I could tell from his collar and well-fed belly that he had a home and was well taken care of.
He calmly came over to me, I gave him a few pats on his head; he then followed me into my house, slowly walked down the hall, curled up in the corner and fell asleep.

An hour later, he went to the door, and I let him out..

The next day he was back, greeted me in my yard, walked inside and resumed his spot in the hall and again slept for about an hour.

This continued off and on for several weeks.

Curious, I pinned a note to his collar:

"I would like to find out who the owner of this wonderful sweet dog is and ask if you are aware that almost every afternoon your dog comes to my house for a nap."

The next day he arrived for his nap, with a different note pinned to his collar:

"He lives in a home with 6 children, 2 under the age of 3.

He's trying to catch up on his sleep. Can I come with him tomorrow?"

[royster]

A farmer had five female pigs. Times were hard, so he decided to take them to the county fair and sell them. At the fair, he met another Farmer who owned five male pigs. After talking a bit, they decided to mate the pigs and split everything 50/50. The farmers lived sixty miles apart, so they agreed to drive thirty miles each and find a field in which to let the pigs mate.



The first morning, the farmer with the female pigs got up at 5 A.M., loaded the pigs into the family station wagon, which was the only vehicle he had, and drove the thirty miles.



While the pigs were mating, he asked the other farmer, "How will I know if they are pregnant?"



The other farmer replied, "If they're lying in the grass in the morning, they're pregnant. If they're in the mud, they're not."



The next morning the pigs were rolling in the mud. So he hosed them off, loaded them into the family Station wagon again and proceeded to try again.



This continued each morning for more than a week and both farmers were worn out.



The next morning the Farmer who owned the female pigs was too tired to get out of bed. He called to his wife, "Honey, please look outside and tell me whether the pigs are in the mud or in the grass."



"Neither," yelled his wife, "they're in the station wagon and one of them is honking the horn!"

[royster]

Two Mexicans are stuck in the desert after crossing into the United States, wandering aimlessly and starving. They are about to just lie down and wait for death, when all of a sudden Luis says.........

"Hey Pepe, do you smell what I smell. Ees bacon, I theenk."

"Si, Luis, eet sure smells like bacon. "

With renewed hope they struggle up the next sand dune, and there, in the distance, is a tree loaded with bacon.

There's raw bacon, there's fried bacon, back bacon, double smoked bacon .... Every imaginable kind of cured pork.

"Pepe, Pepe, we ees saved. Ees a bacon tree."

"Luis, maybe ees a meerage? We ees in the desert don't forget."

"Pepe, since when deed you ever hear of a meerage that smell like bacon...ees no meerage, ees a bacon tree."

And with that, Luis staggers towards the tree. He gets to within 5 metres, Pepe crawling close behind, when suddenly a machine gun opens up, and Luis drops like a wet sock. Mortally wounded, he warns Pepe with his dying breath,

"Pepe... Go back man, you was right, ees not a bacon tree!"

"Luis, Luis MI amigo... What ees it? "

"Pepe.. Ees not a bacon tree. Ees . .. .


Ees . .. .


Ees . .. .


Ees . .. .


Ees a ham bush...."

[royster]

eBay Scam


Be careful what you purchase on eBay
Spent $50 on a penis enlarger.


Bastards sent me a magnifying glass.
Instructions said don't use in the sunlight.

[royster]

A Good Catholic Joke

The Pope and Obama are on the same stage in Yankee Stadium in

front of a huge crowd.

The Pope leans towards Mr. Obama and said, "Do you know

that with one little wave of my hand I can make every person

in this crowd go wild with joy? This joy will not be a

momentary display, but will go deep into their hearts and

they'll forever speak of this day and rejoice!"


Obama replied, "I seriously doubt that! With one little

wave of your hand....Show me!"

So the Pope backhanded Obama and knocked him off the stage!

AND THE CROWD ROARED & CHEERED WILDLY!

Kind of brings a tear to your eye, doesn't it?


Long live the Pope!

[LostMyMap]

The prison warden just couldn't work anymore. He had a case of correctile dysfunction.

[royster]

Originally Posted by LostMyMap

The prison warden just couldn't work anymore. He had a case of correctile dysfunction.

I heard that information came over the cell phone...

[LostMyMap]

Originally Posted by royster

I heard that information came over the cell phone...

The hospital listed his condition as,

(oh god, I'm going to say it)

guarded.

[royster]

**A man asked a waiter to take a bottle of Merlot to an unusually attractive
woman sitting alone at a table in a cosy little restaurant. **
So the waiter took the Merlot to the woman and said, 'This is from the
gentleman who is seated over there.'.... and indicated the sender with a nod
of his head.
She stared at the wine coolly for a few seconds, not looking at the man,
then decided to send a reply to him by a note. *
*The waiter, who was lingering nearby for a response, took the note from her
and conveyed it to the gentleman.*
*

**The note read:*
*'For me to accept this bottle, you need to have a Mercedes in your
garage, a million dollars in the bank and '7' inches in your pants'.*

*After reading the note, the man decided to compose one of his own in
return. He folded the note, handed it to the waiter and instructed him to
deliver it to the lady.*
*
**It read: *
*'Just to let you know things aren't always what they appear to be, I have a
Ferrari Maranello, BMW Z8, Mercedes CL600, and a Porsche Turbo in my several
garages; I have beautiful homes in Aspen and Miami , and a 10,000 acre
ranch in Louisiana . There is over twenty million dollars in my bank
account and portfolio. But, not even for a woman as beautiful as you, would
I cut off three inches. Just send the wine back..*

[royster]

SHOPPING AT HOME DEPOT

A 'heads up' for those men who may be regular Home Depot customers. This one caught me by surprise.

Over the last month I became a victim of a clever scam while out shopping. Simply going out to get supplies has turned out to be quite traumatic. Don't be naive enough to think it couldn't happen to you or your friends.

Here's how the scam works: Two seriously good-looking 20-something girls come over to your car as you are packing your shopping into the trunk. They both start wiping your windshield with a rag and Windex, with their breasts almost falling out of their skimpy T-shirts. It is impossible not to look. When you thank them and offer them a tip, they say 'No' and instead ask you for a ride to McDonalds..

You agree and they get into the back seat. On the way, they start undressing. Then one of them climbs over into the front seat and starts crawling all over you, while the other one steals your wallet. I had my wallet stolen September 4th, 9th, 10th, twice on the 15th, 17th, 20th, 24th, & 29th. Also October 1st & 4th, twice on the 8th, 16th, 23rd, 26th & 28th, three times last Monday and very likely again this upcoming weekend.

So tell your friends to be careful. What a horrible way to take advantage of older men. Warn your friends to be vigilant...best times are just before lunch and around 4:30 p.m.

Also, Wal-Mart has wallets on sale for $2.99 each. I found cheaper ones for $1.99 at K- Mart and bought them out. Also, you never will get to eat at McDonalds. I've already lost 11 pounds just running back and forth to Home Depot.

[royster]

PSYCHOPATH TEST


Read this question, come up with an answer and then scroll down to the bottom for the result.

This is not a trick question. It is as it reads. No one I know has gotten it right, Few people do.



A woman, while at the funeral of her own mother, met a guy whom she did not know. She thought this guy was amazing. She believed him to be her dream guy so much that she fell in love with him right there, but never asked for his number and could not find him. A few days later she killed her sister.

Question: What is her motive for killing her sister?


Give this some thought before you answer, see answer below










Answer:


She was hoping the guy would appear at the funeral again.

If you answered this correctly, you think like a psychopath. This was a test by a famous American Psychologist used to determine if one has the same mentality as a killer. Many arrested serial killers took part in the test and answered the question correctly. If you didn't answer the question correctly, good for you.

[russianrocket]

yay lol I'm not a serial killer. I went with my first thought, which was that she saw the sister with the guy. But, while I might not be a killer, I'm sure as hell jaded as far as girls go lol

[royster]

I rattled my brains trying to come up with an answer. It was no where NEAR the actuall scroll-down solution.

This arrived as an e-mail. I found it extremely interesting. When I saw the answer, I understood why it would be that thought process. It occurs to me that Congress thinks that way

Talking Heads - Psycho Killer (Lyrics) - YouTube

[russianrocket]

Originally Posted by royster

I rattled my brains trying to come up with an answer. It was no where NEAR the actuall scroll-down solution.

This arrived as an e-mail. I found it extremely interesting. When I saw the answer, I understood why it would be that thought process. It occurs to me that Congress thinks that way

Talking Heads - Psycho Killer (Lyrics) - YouTube

The thing is, the real answer, is the most logical answer, based on the information you are given. It almost takes some intelligence to come up with it.

[royster]

[royster]

\

Jell-O Gallery

Not intended as spam~royster

[royster]

March 17, 1993, technicians at St. Jerome hospital in Batavia test a bowl of lime Jell-O with an EEG machine and confirm the earlier testing by Dr. Adrian Upton that a bowl of wiggly Jell-O has brain waves identical to those of adult men and women

Dude, this explains so much that there isn't enough forum space to even BEGIN to discuss the implications, here.