Personal Development for Smart People^TM Forums

buddhaneo · 10-06-2009, 09:18 AM

A guy puts a slice of bread under each arm and says "Who am I?"
Answer "Bread Pitt."

ar81 · 10-08-2009, 12:39 AM

James Bond goes to Mexico and enters a bar.
He says "My name is Bond, James Bond".
The bartender replies "My name is nolo, Manolo".

ar81 · 10-08-2009, 12:43 AM

"Hello, ATC (air traffic control) this is November 1 Tango Charlie, we have problems to deploy landing gear".
"ATC here, did you try manual deployment?".
"Yes, it did not work".
"Ok, then pray"
"No, no, no. You pray, jerks. We heading directly to the control tower..."

ar81 · 10-08-2009, 12:44 AM

USS Enterprise is surrounded by hostile Romulans.
Captain Picard tells Worf "fire at will... no, NO, not at commander Riker...!!"

alexb5784 · 10-08-2009, 04:59 AM

One day, a cat dies of natural causes and goes to heaven, where he meets the Lord.

The Lord says to the cat, "You lived a good life, and if there is any way I can make your stay in heaven more comfortable, please let me know."

The cat thinks for a moment and says, "Lord, all my life I have lived with a poor family and had to sleep on a hard wooden floor."

The Lord stops the cat and says, "Say no more," and a wonderful, fluffy pillow appears.

A few days later, six mice are killed in a tragic farming accident, and all of them go to heaven. Again, the Lord is there to greet them with the same offer.

The mice answer, "All our lives we have been chased. We have had to run from cats, dogs, and even women with brooms. Running, running, running; we're tired of running. Do you think we could have roller skates so that we don't have to run anymore?"

The Lord says, "Say no more" and fits each mouse with beautiful new roller skates.

About a week later, the Lord stops by to see the cat and finds him snoozing on the pillow.

The Lord gently wakes the cat and asks him, "How are things since you got here?"

The cat stretches and yawns, then replies, "It is wonderful here. Better than I could have ever expected. And those 'Meals On Wheels' you've been sending by are the best!"

ar81 · 10-08-2009, 02:55 PM

I am proud of not being paranoid...
Hey!! Why are you looking at me?

ar81 · 10-08-2009, 03:02 PM

The Borg came to my planet, assimilated it, and they only left me this post.

ar81 · 10-08-2009, 03:07 PM

My advise is... do not follow my advise.
No matter what you do, you will follow it.

weblily · 10-11-2009, 03:44 AM

I like it, you are really bread pitt. nice joke nad what a common sence.

stuatsuc · 10-13-2009, 12:36 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ar81

My advise is... do not follow my advise.
No matter what you do, you will follow it.

Yes. I agree with you.
Your advance is very good.

______________________________
Telemarketing services companies and firms - Telemarketing company professionnals - outbound telemarketing lists for b2b lead generation

lifetimelearner · 10-18-2009, 06:46 PM

A man dies and goes to Heaven. He gets to meet GOD and asks GOD if he can ask him a few questions.

"Sure," GOD says, "Go right ahead".

"OK," the man says. "Why did you make women so pretty?"

GOD says, "So you would like them."

"OK," the guy says. "But how come you made them so beautiful?"

"So you would LOVE them", GOD replies.

The man ponders a moment and then asks, "But why did you make them such airheads?"

GOD says, "So they would love you

cacheborn · 10-20-2009, 05:03 PM

"Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"
"I don't know, son. I am still paying for it."

cacheborn · 10-20-2009, 05:07 PM

And this one is from Seinfeld.

Jerry : What are you wearing?
George : Cologne. Monica wants me to wear it.
Jerry: Why don't you say no?
George : 'Cos I am a nice guy. I can't say no. She also wants me to take an IQ test.
Jerry : That's because you are stupid enough to wear the cologne.

PerDev · 11-09-2009, 08:56 AM

Husband and wife after having quarrel

Wife: I was a that Fool i marry you.
Husband: yaa but I was in love so i didn't notice.

EternalOne · 07-27-2011, 02:23 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by buddhaneo

A guy puts a slice of bread under each arm and says "Who am I?"
Answer "Bread Pitt."

Such a Dad joke! :lol

Michealleo · 07-27-2011, 05:28 AM

Kid : Why some of your hair are white dad?
Dad : Every time you make me unhappy, 1 of my hair turns white.
Kid : Now I understand why Grandpa's hair are all White!

Thanks for sharing GOod jokes . Cheer up .

Vampire · 07-27-2011, 08:33 AM

"What time does the library open?" the man on the phone asked.
"Nine A.M." came the reply. "And what's the idea of calling me at home in the middle of the night to ask a question like that?"
"Not until nine A.M.?" the man asked in a disappointed voice.
"No, not till nine A.M.!" the librarian said. "Why do you want to get in before nine A.M.?"
"Who said I wanted to get in?" the man sighed sadly. "I want to get out."

JoePike · 07-27-2011, 01:22 PM

Dear Noah,

We could have sworn you said the Ark wasn't leaving until 5pm!

Sincerely,
Unicorns

JoePike · 07-27-2011, 01:23 PM

Dear Icebergs,

Sorry to hear about global warming. Karma's a *****!

Sincerely,
The Titanic

JoePike · 07-27-2011, 01:24 PM

Dear Saturn,

I liked it, so I put a ring on it.

Sincerely,
God

JoePike · 07-27-2011, 01:26 PM

Dear Scissors,

I feel your pain...no one wants to run with me either!

Sincerely,
Sarah Palin

kristiu · 07-27-2011, 03:38 PM

(during a debate while protecting her brother against malicious issues)
MELANIE MARQUEZ: "Don't JUDGE my BRother.. His not a BOOK"... Laughtrip.. Love this Girl from the Philippines..

JoePike · 07-28-2011, 02:43 PM

A woman was sipping on a glass of wine, while sitting on the patio with her husband, and she says,
"I love you so much; I don't know how I could ever live without you."
Her husband asks, "Is that you, or the wine talking?"
She replies, "It's me ............. talking to the wine.”

10-06-2009, 09:18 AM	#1 (permalink)
buddhaneo Member Join Date: Apr 2009 Posts: 30	Funny Joke A guy puts a slice of bread under each arm and says "Who am I?" Answer "Bread Pitt."

10-08-2009, 04:59 AM	#5 (permalink)
alexb5784 Senior Member Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Boston, MA Posts: 664	The Cat, The Mice, And Heaven One day, a cat dies of natural causes and goes to heaven, where he meets the Lord. The Lord says to the cat, "You lived a good life, and if there is any way I can make your stay in heaven more comfortable, please let me know." The cat thinks for a moment and says, "Lord, all my life I have lived with a poor family and had to sleep on a hard wooden floor." The Lord stops the cat and says, "Say no more," and a wonderful, fluffy pillow appears. A few days later, six mice are killed in a tragic farming accident, and all of them go to heaven. Again, the Lord is there to greet them with the same offer. The mice answer, "All our lives we have been chased. We have had to run from cats, dogs, and even women with brooms. Running, running, running; we're tired of running. Do you think we could have roller skates so that we don't have to run anymore?" The Lord says, "Say no more" and fits each mouse with beautiful new roller skates. About a week later, the Lord stops by to see the cat and finds him snoozing on the pillow. The Lord gently wakes the cat and asks him, "How are things since you got here?" The cat stretches and yawns, then replies, "It is wonderful here. Better than I could have ever expected. And those 'Meals On Wheels' you've been sending by are the best!"

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10-08-2009, 12:39 AM	#2 (permalink)
ar81 Family Member Join Date: Aug 2008 Posts: 2,756	James Bond goes to Mexico and enters a bar. He says "My name is Bond, James Bond". The bartender replies "My name is nolo, Manolo".

10-08-2009, 12:43 AM	#3 (permalink)
ar81 Family Member Join Date: Aug 2008 Posts: 2,756	"Hello, ATC (air traffic control) this is November 1 Tango Charlie, we have problems to deploy landing gear". "ATC here, did you try manual deployment?". "Yes, it did not work". "Ok, then pray" "No, no, no. You pray, jerks. We heading directly to the control tower..."

10-08-2009, 12:44 AM	#4 (permalink)
ar81 Family Member Join Date: Aug 2008 Posts: 2,756	USS Enterprise is surrounded by hostile Romulans. Captain Picard tells Worf "fire at will... no, NO, not at commander Riker...!!"

10-08-2009, 02:55 PM	#6 (permalink)
ar81 Family Member Join Date: Aug 2008 Posts: 2,756	I am proud of not being paranoid... Hey!! Why are you looking at me?

10-08-2009, 03:02 PM	#7 (permalink)
ar81 Family Member Join Date: Aug 2008 Posts: 2,756	The Borg came to my planet, assimilated it, and they only left me this post.

10-08-2009, 03:07 PM	#8 (permalink)
ar81 Family Member Join Date: Aug 2008 Posts: 2,756	My advise is... do not follow my advise. No matter what you do, you will follow it.

10-11-2009, 03:44 AM	#9 (permalink)
weblily Junior Member Join Date: Oct 2009 Posts: 10	I like it, you are really bread pitt. nice joke nad what a common sence.

10-18-2009, 06:46 PM	#11 (permalink)
lifetimelearner Legendary Member Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: Georgia Posts: 11,359	A man dies and goes to Heaven. He gets to meet GOD and asks GOD if he can ask him a few questions. "Sure," GOD says, "Go right ahead". "OK," the man says. "Why did you make women so pretty?" GOD says, "So you would like them." "OK," the guy says. "But how come you made them so beautiful?" "So you would LOVE them", GOD replies. The man ponders a moment and then asks, "But why did you make them such airheads?" GOD says, "So they would love you

10-20-2009, 05:03 PM	#12 (permalink)
cacheborn Family Member Join Date: Feb 2008 Posts: 6,439	"Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" "I don't know, son. I am still paying for it."

10-20-2009, 05:07 PM	#13 (permalink)
cacheborn Family Member Join Date: Feb 2008 Posts: 6,439	And this one is from Seinfeld. Jerry : What are you wearing? George : Cologne. Monica wants me to wear it. Jerry: Why don't you say no? George : 'Cos I am a nice guy. I can't say no. She also wants me to take an IQ test. Jerry : That's because you are stupid enough to wear the cologne.

11-09-2009, 08:56 AM	#14 (permalink)
PerDev Senior Member Join Date: Apr 2008 Posts: 591	Husband and wife after having quarrel Wife: I was a that Fool i marry you. Husband: yaa but I was in love so i didn't notice.

07-27-2011, 05:28 AM	#16 (permalink)
Michealleo Junior Member Join Date: Jul 2011 Posts: 4	Kid : Why some of your hair are white dad? Dad : Every time you make me unhappy, 1 of my hair turns white. Kid : Now I understand why Grandpa's hair are all White! Thanks for sharing GOod jokes . Cheer up .

07-27-2011, 08:33 AM	#17 (permalink)
Vampire Junior Member Join Date: Jul 2011 Posts: 2	"What time does the library open?" the man on the phone asked. "Nine A.M." came the reply. "And what's the idea of calling me at home in the middle of the night to ask a question like that?" "Not until nine A.M.?" the man asked in a disappointed voice. "No, not till nine A.M.!" the librarian said. "Why do you want to get in before nine A.M.?" "Who said I wanted to get in?" the man sighed sadly. "I want to get out."

07-27-2011, 01:22 PM	#18 (permalink)
JoePike Senior Member Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: Ohio Posts: 499	Dear Noah, We could have sworn you said the Ark wasn't leaving until 5pm! Sincerely, Unicorns

07-27-2011, 01:23 PM	#19 (permalink)
JoePike Senior Member Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: Ohio Posts: 499	Dear Icebergs, Sorry to hear about global warming. Karma's a *****! Sincerely, The Titanic

07-27-2011, 01:24 PM	#20 (permalink)
JoePike Senior Member Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: Ohio Posts: 499	Dear Saturn, I liked it, so I put a ring on it. Sincerely, God

07-27-2011, 01:26 PM	#21 (permalink)
JoePike Senior Member Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: Ohio Posts: 499	Dear Scissors, I feel your pain...no one wants to run with me either! Sincerely, Sarah Palin

07-27-2011, 03:38 PM	#22 (permalink)
kristiu Junior Member Join Date: Jul 2011 Posts: 10	(during a debate while protecting her brother against malicious issues) MELANIE MARQUEZ: "Don't JUDGE my BRother.. His not a BOOK"... Laughtrip.. Love this Girl from the Philippines..

07-28-2011, 02:43 PM	#23 (permalink)
JoePike Senior Member Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: Ohio Posts: 499	A woman was sipping on a glass of wine, while sitting on the patio with her husband, and she says, "I love you so much; I don't know how I could ever live without you." Her husband asks, "Is that you, or the wine talking?" She replies, "It's me ............. talking to the wine.”

Personal Development for Smart PeopleTM Forums

Personal Development for Smart People^TM Forums