Humorous speech contest

[munish]

Hi,

I am giving this speech at my Club .This is about my experience
visiting a Hospital for an extensive health check up.It is
mandatory ,if you are joining a new company. (This idea came from a
speech from Rich Hopkins Book,but it is a true story)

Title is " Heath Check up -i-fication"

Angiography , Bone marrow transplant , Vasectomy is nothing compared
to the pain i underwent.

You know the scariest thing in life ,is to go for an extensive heath
check up.(Sonography , Tread mill test, And Blood Lipid test.)

I will only tell you the truth nothing but the truth , unless it adds
a punch to my story.

Mr TM.

It was 3 months ago, i joined a new company and i had to undergo this
Mandatory health check up.

I reached this Shockhart Hospital (Use gestures) empty stomach in the
morning.

This Lady who who was co ordinating the same was like our Kumolika of
Kahani Ghar Ghar ki. (TV Serial) .

(Prop-her carrying a file with a shock and heart picture) ,

Please go to our lab for the blood test.

Please fold your shirt sleeves.(Prop-An injection ,big size with a
long 6 inch nail attached to it,)

Gestures , (My Heart pounding).

Madam , What is this?

Sir, This is our special injection for the Dogs .We select it dependng
on the skin thickness.

Ok. Now the next test was traed mill test.

And you will not believe i had to run for 5 K.M. , No actually it was
1 K.M. ,(Meekly admiting ) It was just 100 meters..

You know when you are empty stomach even 100 Mts look like it was 1
K.M.

The next test was ECG ( Use a prop - some electric wire on my
stomach )

(Use of gestures)

Showing shock!

Sir, Now there is a break for half an hour.

I went to the cafeteria ate alot ,and after that they took out every
thing , with a long pipe .

You know it was too hard .(Gestures) That is what they do in Anema.
First they feed you and then Take out every thing out of your bottom.

The next test is sonography , After so much Shocks it was time for
some tickling of bones.They covered me with 100 s of tubes, ok. just
10, no it was just one.(Looking down)

Showing what they do in Sonography test. (Hand gestures , tickling my
chest bones).

After that There was another Blood test,

I told her ,madam, i have not come for blood donation here.

Sir,

But this is for Blood lipid test.

Showing body is exhausted.(Gestures)

If you ask me if i will get another Medical check up never.

Mr TM.

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All the suggestions are welcome.This is only a rough draft.I know
delivery and voice is going to be very important in this speech)

Regards,