Personal Development for Smart People^TM Forums

Alfonso Crawford · 01-20-2009, 07:16 AM

The subsequent dentist-appointment's set for next week.

carenkh · 01-20-2009, 10:06 PM

Two termites walk into a bar and ask, "Hey! Is the bartender here?"

An oldie but goodie:

A piece of string walks into a bar, and the bartender says, "Hey! You're a piece of string! We don't serve your kind here!" The string steps outside, bends over and musses his hair wildly. He walks back in, and the bartender says, "Aren't you the piece of string I just threw out of here?" The string says, "I'm afraid not!"

Really oldie but goodie:

A grasshopper walks into a bar and the bartender says,"Hey, we've got a drink named after you!" The grasshopper says, "Why would anyone name a drink Bob?"

sk8joyful · 01-21-2009, 09:35 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Alfonso Crawford

The subsequent dentist-appointment's set for next week.

Liquor-stores are lots safer, and besides, they have sturdy moving-boxes

carenkh · 01-21-2009, 02:10 PM

A font walked into a bar, and the bartender promptly threw him out. "What's the problem?" the font asked. The bartender said, "We don't serve your type here."

Beloved · 01-22-2009, 05:09 AM

Quote:

The subsequent dentist-appointment's set for next week.

Mine was yesterday - didn't walk into a bar though, learnt lesson not to crunch ice especially on New Years Eve.

frajilthunder · 02-06-2009, 08:30 PM

A man walks into a bar and says to the bartender, "Quick! Gimme a double Crown Royal before the trouble starts!" The bartender pours him a drink, which he gulps hurriedly. "That'll be $11.50." says the bartender. "Uh oh," says the man. "Trouble!"

lifetimelearner · 02-06-2009, 10:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by frajilthunder

A man walks into a bar and says to the bartender, "Quick! Gimme a double Crown Royal before the trouble starts!" The bartender pours him a drink, which he gulps hurriedly. "That'll be $11.50." says the bartender. "Uh oh," says the man. "Trouble!"

LOL

Plato · 02-10-2009, 10:40 AM

No way!

I walked into a bar the other day too.

My treatment for Herpes has already begun.

carenkh · 02-10-2009, 04:21 PM

This guy walks into a bar and sees a pirate with a peg leg, a hook and an eye patch. So he asked how he got them. The pirate said "Well, I got the peg leg from the sharks eatin' my leg off, got the hook from gettin' me hand chopped off in a duel, an' I got the eye patch from a seagull poopin' in me eye." The guy replied "You lost your eye to seagull droppings?!'' and the pirate said, "Well it was me first day with the hook."

carenkh · 02-10-2009, 04:29 PM

So, this dung beetle walked into a bar... and pulled up a stool.

Plato · 02-10-2009, 07:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by carenkh

This guy walks into a bar and sees a pirate with a peg leg, a hook and an eye patch. So he asked how he got them. The pirate said "Well, I got the peg leg from the sharks eatin' my leg off, got the hook from gettin' me hand chopped off in a duel, an' I got the eye patch from a seagull poopin' in me eye." The guy replied "You lost your eye to seagull droppings?!'' and the pirate said, "Well it was me first day with the hook."

Tres bien!

silicon toad2000 · 02-15-2009, 03:58 AM

fella walks into a bar and orders 2 pints. Takes the over to a table and gets ont with drinking them.
The next day he dos the same thing. The bartender gets curious and asks why he does that. The fella explains that his brother had gone abroad with the armed forces. They always used to have a drink together so he is continuing the tradition.
One day he comes in and only orders one beer. The bartender fears the worst and expresses his appologies, the fella says 'no nothing like that. My brother is fine, the problem is that i've quit drinking'

Andrew Brunelle · 02-15-2009, 04:13 AM

This is a new one I heard a few weeks ago. A man walks into a bar and tells the bartender, "I'll pay you $100 if you let me urinate all over the bar, but you can't say anything." Then he goes outside and says to his friend, "I bet you $500 that I can go into this bar, piss all over the bar and the bartender won't say a word."

frajilthunder · 02-17-2009, 04:25 PM

Two guys were sitting at a bar and one says to the other, "You know what has five teeth, weighs 300 pounds and has hairy armpits?" "No." says the second man. "Your mama!" says the first. So the second guy is outraged and wants to take the first outside for an a** whoopin. The first guy says, "Whoa, it's just a joke! Now you have something good to get your buddies with." So the second guy calms down and later on one of his friends sits down next to him. "You know what has five teeth, weighs 300 pounds and has hairy armpits?" The guy asks his friend. "No." the friend answers. The guy grins and says, "My mama!"

01-20-2009, 07:16 AM	#1 (permalink)
Alfonso Crawford Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: Clearwater, FL; United States Posts: 364	So I, uh, walked into a bar, the other day... The subsequent dentist-appointment's set for next week. Last edited by Alfonso Crawford; 01-20-2009 at 07:25 AM. Reason: clarification

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01-20-2009, 10:06 PM	#2 (permalink)
carenkh Family Member Join Date: Jan 2007 Location: Charlotte, NC Posts: 1,800	Two termites walk into a bar and ask, "Hey! Is the bartender here?" An oldie but goodie: A piece of string walks into a bar, and the bartender says, "Hey! You're a piece of string! We don't serve your kind here!" The string steps outside, bends over and musses his hair wildly. He walks back in, and the bartender says, "Aren't you the piece of string I just threw out of here?" The string says, "I'm afraid not!" Really oldie but goodie: A grasshopper walks into a bar and the bartender says,"Hey, we've got a drink named after you!" The grasshopper says, "Why would anyone name a drink Bob?"

01-21-2009, 02:10 PM	#4 (permalink)
carenkh Family Member Join Date: Jan 2007 Location: Charlotte, NC Posts: 1,800	A font walked into a bar, and the bartender promptly threw him out. "What's the problem?" the font asked. The bartender said, "We don't serve your type here."

02-06-2009, 08:30 PM	#6 (permalink)
frajilthunder Senior Member Join Date: Nov 2007 Posts: 232	A man walks into a bar and says to the bartender, "Quick! Gimme a double Crown Royal before the trouble starts!" The bartender pours him a drink, which he gulps hurriedly. "That'll be $11.50." says the bartender. "Uh oh," says the man. "Trouble!"

02-10-2009, 10:40 AM	#8 (permalink)
Plato Banned Join Date: May 2007 Location: in your fridge Posts: 2,018	No way! I walked into a bar the other day too. My treatment for Herpes has already begun.

02-10-2009, 04:21 PM	#9 (permalink)
carenkh Family Member Join Date: Jan 2007 Location: Charlotte, NC Posts: 1,800	This guy walks into a bar and sees a pirate with a peg leg, a hook and an eye patch. So he asked how he got them. The pirate said "Well, I got the peg leg from the sharks eatin' my leg off, got the hook from gettin' me hand chopped off in a duel, an' I got the eye patch from a seagull poopin' in me eye." The guy replied "You lost your eye to seagull droppings?!'' and the pirate said, "Well it was me first day with the hook."

02-10-2009, 04:29 PM	#10 (permalink)
carenkh Family Member Join Date: Jan 2007 Location: Charlotte, NC Posts: 1,800	So, this dung beetle walked into a bar... and pulled up a stool.

02-15-2009, 03:58 AM	#12 (permalink)
silicon toad2000 Senior Member Join Date: Apr 2007 Posts: 728	fella walks into a bar and orders 2 pints. Takes the over to a table and gets ont with drinking them. The next day he dos the same thing. The bartender gets curious and asks why he does that. The fella explains that his brother had gone abroad with the armed forces. They always used to have a drink together so he is continuing the tradition. One day he comes in and only orders one beer. The bartender fears the worst and expresses his appologies, the fella says 'no nothing like that. My brother is fine, the problem is that i've quit drinking'

02-15-2009, 04:13 AM	#13 (permalink)
Andrew Brunelle Family Member Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Home Posts: 2,578	This is a new one I heard a few weeks ago. A man walks into a bar and tells the bartender, "I'll pay you $100 if you let me urinate all over the bar, but you can't say anything." Then he goes outside and says to his friend, "I bet you $500 that I can go into this bar, piss all over the bar and the bartender won't say a word."

02-17-2009, 04:25 PM	#14 (permalink)
frajilthunder Senior Member Join Date: Nov 2007 Posts: 232	Two guys were sitting at a bar and one says to the other, "You know what has five teeth, weighs 300 pounds and has hairy armpits?" "No." says the second man. "Your mama!" says the first. So the second guy is outraged and wants to take the first outside for an a** whoopin. The first guy says, "Whoa, it's just a joke! Now you have something good to get your buddies with." So the second guy calms down and later on one of his friends sits down next to him. "You know what has five teeth, weighs 300 pounds and has hairy armpits?" The guy asks his friend. "No." the friend answers. The guy grins and says, "My mama!"

Personal Development for Smart PeopleTM Forums

Personal Development for Smart People^TM Forums