Fed up with forums

[Cron]

I started using internet forums ( email lists, usenet groups ) before windows 3.1 came out. I'm a chatty guy and I love to talk. I've always had a bit of compulsiveness with my forum usage.

Forum fasts have helped.

I've found something that is helping too: experience.

Like an alcoholic getting tired of waking up after passing out, or a kid sick from gorging himself on candy, the experience of internet forum conversations is getting old for me, instilling in me an incipient distaste for them:

1. Seeing the same subjects brought up over and over again.

2. Catching myself typing out the same stories and accounts over and over again.

3. People going off topic and prattling.

4. Reading ignorant opinions

5. Reading nasty posts from people who pick fights and who are insulting as a means of distracting themselves from realizing they don't have lives.


Why crib about this?

1. The desire to express myself

2. A friend of mine over a year ago mentioned some of these items to me which got me to start noticing them and moving along. I thought I would return the favor.

I've had some good conversations on the internet is some isolated instances, but it seems that if you are an adult beyond a certain age ( emotionally as well as chronologically ) casual conversations on the internet are not really for you.

No offense to anyone.

[skydust]

so why are you here?

[Cron]

That is a good question.

I liked Steve's blog. I also read the personal effectiveness section to inspire me. I think unless you are very young or very ignorant most of PD is about getting inspired or learning to keep pounding away at what you want when you don't feel inspired.

Like I said, I have a bit of compulsion and have been stunned to find that it is FINALLY starting to wear off on its own.

Too many dumb opinions from arrested adolesents and mean people

[Angela]

Hey, Cron -- how do you feel after expressing all that?

[Akashic_Librarian]

I am with you on this Cron. It just irritates me. But more experienced people have to make way for less experienced people. Its just how it is.

[Cron]

Originally Posted by Angela

Hey, Cron -- how do you feel after expressing all that?

Surprisingly, I actually feel better.

[Angela]

Originally Posted by Cron

Surprisingly, I actually feel better.

So glad to hear it! Best wishes to you in continuing to express yourself and listen to others, in whatever venue.

[Cron]

Originally Posted by Akashic_Librarian

I am with you on this Cron. It just irritates me. But more experienced people have to make way for less experienced people.

Yah, I guess I am over due for moving on to something better.

When I have mentioned these feelings in the past on forums I've gotten less than positive reactions. One day I asked myself what kind of reaction I would expect if I as an alcoholic began pontificating out loud about their being a life beyond the neighborhood pub while in said pub.

I have an intuition that people who really know things ( or more things ) or are about things aren't the ones spending large chunks of their spare time on the net.

It may be getting close to my time to joining them.

[Markus74]

An internet forum fast is indeed a good idea from time to time.

[Susie]

I don't think forums are only useful to arrested adolescents etc, though I think you have to learn that after a while there is no point into getting into arguments on forums because the odds are high that you will never, ever convince a person you are arguing with that you are right. And even if you did, they would probably never admit it.

I find that with experience I just ignore the obvious baits and flames etc and glean out the good posts-- there are actually good, useful, valuable discussions on messageboards.

But, to each their own...

[Mnemosyne]

I think forum fasts are needed on occassion.

Just recently I noticed I was spending too much time on this forum, so I took some time off.

Later, after I let some time pass, I visited the forum again. I realized that during the time I was gone, nothing really changed! But maybe I didn't stay off the forum long enough...

[Angela]

Cron, I've been thinking about this. I understand what you mean, and have also had similar thoughts. But. The people who write in these forums have somethings in common: they were inspired by the content of Steve's and/or Erin's blogs, are committed to personal growth in their own lives, and felt maybe these forums would be a good place to encounter others who also strive to be their best selves. It's rare in today's world to find such a place. One really great aspect is that personal development requires self-expression, and this is generally an incredibly safe, supportive, and productive place for that. People are hungry for that. To work out our issues and learn more about ourselves, we need to speak (or in this case, write) out loud so that we can "hear" what we're thinking and get responsible human feedback. Thoughts are much different when they're expressed as opposed to bottled up in your head. This is a great environment, and a wonderful group of people, to do that with.

For instance, you. One way to work an issue is to listen to your own complaints, and take a look at how you own them yourself. Your complaints in this thread include people being insulting and mean. If you read back, you might see that you've said some things that might be easily construed as insulting or mean. You're right, sometimes people are insulting and mean; we're all doing our best. Maybe it will be valuable for you to see that's what bugging you goes beyond the obvious. As I've said, relationships are mirrors, even tiny little virtual relationships like the one between you and me.

In any case, if you want to jump, jump!

[Markus74]

Originally Posted by Angela

In any case, if you want to jump, jump!

But not from a bridge without a bungee cord!

[SydneyDave]

Originally Posted by Cron

I have an intuition that people who really know things ( or more things ) or are about things aren't the ones spending large chunks of their spare time on the net.

For anyone familiar with Stargate - I see this as a group of people waiting for their time to ascend. To use Steve's analogy, I suppose it would be like a "bear" becoming an "eagle".

My guess is, some of the ascended / eagles hang around, and that you're quite right in saying others probably do not

[dkrukovsky]

I work on improving this situation. I work on a forum which is aimed to solve these. Here's my vision.

People often post questions answered before because it is sometimes hard to find old valuable info. If a forum could do better job with searching / presenting / granulating topics / showing popular or important topics - situation could be better.

Offtopic posts. I don't know the way offtopic can be eliminated. And the reason for it is that something that is offtopic for you, can be interesting for others.

What can we do howewer is to mark post with what it is about. So the posts aren't offtopic anymore - they are just different topic.

Fight / hate. Yes sometimes it hurts. An experimental system I'm building lets you to see what the person is talking about in her profile. Would you be harmed with a post from person who have nothing good in her profile? Would the person post with more responsibility within such a system?

So what do you think about this?

Also, I'm looking for people who are interested in test driving new forum and help me build a healthy community there.

Denis Krukovsky.

[Cron]

Originally Posted by Angela

Cron, I've been thinking about this. I understand what you mean, and have also had similar thoughts. But. The people who write in these forums have somethings in common: they were inspired by the content of Steve's and/or Erin's blogs, are committed to personal growth in their own lives,

I wasn't venting about this forum. I haven't been here long enough to get a feel for the people here. I was venting about experiences that were starting to seem common to me in all of the forums I have used.

Over time, I have reduced my habits to fewer and fewer forums.

A few times I thought "this forum is different, the subject, the style attract a different crowd". That has been slightly true, but with volume the same things that I expressed being fed up about came back.

I think it is the nature of the medium. I think to use forums and not feel disgusted it is best to read little, write less. I also think it is better to move on to other things. If you use forums for more than 15 min a day.

Just my opinion, I'm not trying to indict anyone.

[Cron]

Memorable forum moments ( again, not here ) that made me start thinking of forums as something that could become compulsive and a waste of time in a life:

1. Posts between a group of people who "knew" each other across several forums over several years.

2. A post from a person from group #1 who lost track of some cyber friends because he lost his bookmarks and could not find those forums again. He regularly went to so many forums he couldn't remember what they were without his bookmarks.

3. A person who asked a forum owner to temporarily ban her because she felt that she was becoming too compulsive with her forum usage and felt that she did not have enough willpower simply not to log on.

4. A group of people who "knew" each other from one forum and who started their own web board for the only purpose of gossiping about users from the original board ( I'm not kidding ).

5. People who have defended excessive web board use because nobody in their geographic area had the same interests they did so they gave up on going out with real people in real time.

6. People who have gotten defensive and snarky when I have questioned the use of forums beyond a certain point. Sort of like the negative reactions an alcoholic might get who questions drinking as a hobby, out loud, in the local pub.

7. Same off topic subjects, repeated ad nauseum, on every board I have gone too.

8. Getting to know people in real life and discovering that they are doing interesting things. Getting to know people on web boards and discovering most of what they are doing is being on web boards.

[troque23]

Wow, Cron, your list of memorable forum moments is funny, if not a bit scary - people actually started a forum to talk about other users?!?!

This is the first (and only) forum I've ever read/participated in. I often wondered what the draw was to forums - the reason why I decided to join this one was because I enjoy Steve's blog immensely. I figured other readers / forum participants could offer insight as well. I haven't been disappointed so far.

But I also have no desire to make this place my social life, though I have no problems with the idea of making virtual friends.

Trish

[Isis Kali]

Cron, I completely agree. People can be so mean, because they can hide behind a screen name and a fake persona. It's amazing what, when left to thier own devices, people will resort to.

Unmoderated forums are hellish. I've also seen ones where someone could post a completely normal thought or comment, and there's this sudden, ugly pileup that happens if one person feels like being evil.

Grrrrr.

[Cron]

Hi Isis Kali. It isn't so much the meaness that has gotten to me as the childishness.

[Mark Lapierre]

*wry grin*

I hope I don't feel the same when I've been around for as long as you have, though I'm not far off, and I can also identify with the essence of your displeasure if not the scale.

But I've come to accept that there are a lot of people who simply don't know how to get along with others, either in person or on the internet, and I can't do anything but try to show them a better way. I used to do that as a moderator on one large forum, and now I continue try to lead by example, but without the authority.

[elainevdw]

You know what's funny? If you haven't logged in here for a few weeks, when you do, there's a little message that says something along the lines of, "Hi there! I see you haven't been logged in for a while. Why don't you start a new topic or post somewhere? We've missed you!"

I hardly think so -- most of my posts I think would be helpful get more or less ignored. Which is cool; I can admit I'm not a neverending font of wit and wisdom!

The main reason I took some time off is that I realized I was starting to have strongly negative reactions to the plethora of Christianity posts. I figured I needed to get over myself before I wrote something more embarrassing than usual.

You know what's really fun to do, though? Read through forums whose main demographic are 10-15 year olds (who all say they're 18-24).

[Cron]

Originally Posted by elainevdw

The main reason I took some time off is that I realized I was starting to have strongly negative reactions to the plethora of Christianity posts. I figured I needed to get over myself before I wrote something more embarrassing than usual.

I rarely read anything outside of the personal development section, but it seems like people get along fairly well here, especially considering the diversity of interests. It would not have been my guess that people interested in things like time management would mix well with people into things like parapsychology.

[mattsonn]

Originally Posted by Angela

So glad to hear it! Best wishes to you in continuing to express yourself and listen to others, in whatever venue.

Angela, you're such a stud! I love how positive you are. *Blowing e-kisses*