I just got blamed...

[Akashic_Librarian]

After waking early this morning, I decided to make myself some porridge, so downstairs I go. I make the porridge, fill the pan withy some boiling water to stop it sticking and I sit down to eat it.

When I finished, up I get, I take my bowl and empty glass of smoothie to the kitchen top where they will await the dishwasher. On the kitchen surface now is a cup, a glass, an empty bottle from my milk, and a bowl.

My dad happens to go downstairs at this point and calls me down...

"look at this" he says, pointing zealously at my "mess" Fair enough, I left the empty milk bottle on the surface, OK I acquiesce. I left a pan lid out...fair enough...but then he points to the two chopping boards I placed my glass and the bottle on...and says..."and why have you left these out" I deny it, then I get called a liar, stupid...because its obviously me...even if I only made porridge...

So...

the point of this post is...just a light-hearted look at how the hell does one argue with this type of complete denial...?

Help...please.

[Erki]

Big deal.

[silicon toad2000]

one doesn't argue, one accepts the fact that the people they live with are imperfect and will have moments where they are less than calm and collected.

It is unbelievably empowering to understand where someone is 'coming from' and understand what may be going on inside their head.

If there is anything I learned in domestic life which flows on to anyone you live with, the argument is rarely about what it's about.

[Akashic_Librarian]

haha Thanks Erki, good advice

And thanks Toad, thats good advice...

It just annoyed me this morning because it was totally unjustified.

[Erin Pavlina]

He may have just been in a sour mood and your "mess" set him off. Or he has a bone to pick with you that is unrelated to your mess but he used your mess to launch his bone picking. Or he is having a bummer day and wants to share the bummer. Either way, you get to choose how you feel about it.

[Akashic_Librarian]

I think he's just constantly in a bad mood, Erin. Every weekend (which is the time I usually see him the most) he is just nagging me about inconsequential things...sure they are things that need doing, but he over-reacts to them.

[Parthon]

What Erin said was spot on. Why he's agro at you is completely to do with what's going on in his life. It could be anything from being annoyed at you for something, to being annoyed at other people or even the world, and even up to the general anxiety most people get day to day.

You can call him on it though. Find out what's really going on for him and that way you can deal with the issue. It's unworkable to be in a situation where a person can bark at you and you have to jump and do something immediately. My mum used to do that all the time, but it's only when I told her what it was doing to us (I was dileberately avoiding her), and then used that as an opening to ask her why she was always barking orders at me. It turns out that it was the only way she knew how to encourage people, and she just wanted me to be more self sufficient.

Finding out why a situation is occuring is the quickest and best way to diffuse it. Find our why he's always like that and you could avoid having anything like that occur in the future.

[Power]

I have to agree with everyone here,

point #1: There is something bothering him deep inside.
He could've said to you, "Son, could you please put away the dirty dishes into the dishwasher." Understand where he is coming from, your dad maybe having a stressful week at work, with your mom, with the family, with some bills, with age, with life. Understand that he will find every single little thing about you that can be blown out of proportion.

I remember back in the days,... I had clean the whole house, I had mowned the lawn, I did the laundry and hang it up in the clothes line,... Mind you, I had even cooked dinner for that evening. I swear to you, you wouldn't be able to find a single thing to complain about. I knew my old man was having one of those days. My old man couldn't find anything to point the fingers at me. Out of nowhere he reaps out, "Why aren't you studying!???".... lol , that was a classic. 10 years of schooling at the time, he had never once asked me that question. I was thinking... why now?

point #2: It's his kitchen.
You can do whatever you like with your own kitchen.
What are you doin' messin' up his kitchen lol

[bf1983]

The easiest way I've found to deal with situations like this is to;

A) Avoid them in the first place

B) Just put your hands up gracefully, say "yes" a lot and never argue and make the other person feel they're in the wrong.

You can win an argument or win friends - you can't do both and I know which I would rather do..

Brian