Personal Development for Smart People Forums - Character & Contribution

Seven Deadly Sins and Lightworking

zackster — Thu, 19 Nov 2009 18:20:05 GMT

As per this post on TechCrunch :

Quote:

Sequoia�s Roelof Botha said he only invests in companies that let consumers indulge in one of the seven deadly sins. He rattled them off with alarming familiarity. �You don�t want to be the site that people should use,� Roelof said. �You want to be the site they can�t stop using.�

What do you guys think about that? I think there's a LOT of validity to this. If you can make something that will mess with people's sense of pride, fuel their lust, etc. then that generally leads to success. It raises the question, though: are you being unethical by encouraging destructive behavior? I don't subscribe to Christian doctrine, so sinful/saintly may be a false dichotomy.

I'm also posting this in the Business & Financial forum. It'll be interesting to see how the two different conversations play out. :)

There always be NEXT!

rak — Wed, 18 Nov 2009 08:41:32 GMT

Even how good you are in any aspect of life you cannot stop this powerful word�

NEXT!

What�s next?

Next please?

You win today, you did a good job or effortlessly done it, for sure tomorrow there will be another challenges will come.

So should we be anxious about it?

Not really!

I say that�s the characteristics of life it keeps MOVING there�s always NEXT its either you�re going UP or going DOWN.

There always be NEXT! � Rocky Rivera

Past Life & Judgemental People

spooky — Tue, 17 Nov 2009 21:53:54 GMT

what is the most ethical way to address your past life and problems when dealing with your relationships with people? Even more specifically, when you become romantically involved with somone else?

i'm 23 now, but when I was 19, i humiliated myself by betraying my current girlfriend at the time which ended the relationship , and then broke my heel in europe after in the most idiotic way possible (long story)..

at this point, i feel like the best option is to just come clean and tell the truth, but in a "brush off the shoulder" type way, because if i say it in a hesistant tone, like i have been, it probably comes off as weak character, but i also should feel truly fee this way inside about it too.

i'm a very open person, but i really don't look forward to confronting this issue with other people. it's never really fun, and since i go to college in the same city where i went to high school, i'm around people who are familliar with my past too, including my ex-girlfriends friends.

i feel like i have to walk around being constantlly judged and hated by these people, and i don't even want to be involved with them anymore. i have grown and learn so much from the misakes i have made, and i'm proud of myself for that. "don't let your past determine your future" is what my mom always said, and i stand by that too....

but i clearly am frustrated and think too much what other people think on this topic, and could really use some guidance in getting over this obstacle. On a subconscious level, I feel like I might be making a big deal out of nothing, but it's hard to just bury these thoughts. i'm open to your suggestions, and appreciate them very much. thank you.

lightworking and ego

rei — Fri, 13 Nov 2009 22:24:52 GMT

this is an issue i've had some curiosity about. some of the people i have met who are socially conscious, who try to act with integrity, seem very showy about it. some of the folks i've come across who seem eager to help make the world a more joyful place... seem to have that whole martyr thing going on.

i am wondering what all of you think about this issue. if someone seems to be doing good mainly for kudos and ego attention, on the one hand, if it actually has a beneficial effect, then who cares if it's done more for ego. but on the other hand, this seems a bit distorted to me. is that true lightwork? do the ends justify the attitude in the means? is self-serving service to others really serving others?

i don't pretend i don't have some fulfillment from the gratitude from people who value my contributions. i'm sure there are others who would say i'm showy about helping, and i'm sure that's been true in times when i was feeling insecure, but i am not doing the martyr thing. i don't want to rescue people, mostly i want to see them help themselves and i try to be a partner in that process if they ask for support.

so i guess another thing we might talk about is your own self-assessment of how much your service-to-all is motivated by attention/validation. obviously this question wouldn't apply to service-to-self folks. for those who are service-to-all (i prefer that term to 'service-to-others' as i believe we should care for ourselves as well), do you enjoy helping equally whether someone even knows it was you? i admit i prefer to be known for the little things i do, and i think it takes some courage to be honest about that. but if i were to make a huge donation to a worthy organization, i'd want to do it anonymously. for little things, i like to be known, but i wouldn't want that for the bigger things i guess.

so, what do you think about the things i've asked here?

Polarizing for increased effectiveness - Do I need to become a darkworker?

glassflank — Thu, 12 Nov 2009 01:07:56 GMT

Hi All,

So it would seem in order to gain the power I require to achieve some of my goals, I would be far better off Polarizing. Based on the goals I have and the attitude I enjoy the most it would seem I would need to Polarize to the dark side. I want the results of polarizing but I don�t want to extract a huge amount of value from society, I want to help people evolve but these short term (3-5 years) goals I have and the way I enjoy acting seem to indicate I would need to polarize to the dark side.

I want to experience relationships and sex with many many women � this has come about as a result of a lack of women in my life for a long time.
I really enjoy coming across as cocky arrogant guy, it amuses me to play the chauvinist, I find over-the top chauvinist jokes very funny.
The people I am learning from seem to be on the �dark-side�, they do things for themselves, but then they have helped people to learn (about attracting women) and in my experience helped me evolve more than anything else I have come across. Also they act in a way that they are value-giving people socially, giving more value than anyone around them, as opposed to be needy and trying to �get something� from people (as this will completely blow your game)

After reading all of Stuart Wilde�s books it seems choosing the Dark Side would be an extremely bad decision, also Steve says either is fine, but Darkworkers are like cancer, isn�t cancer bad?

But I can�t just be impotent. Does a Darkworker eventually evolve to the point where he learns his lessons and begins to give back to society? If that�s the path I have to take and it will lead there I am happy to do that.

I also think being a lightworker generates the type of person who I kind of see as lame, I like them ok and love the work they do, I just don�t see myself being like that, I want to be �cool� not a lame geeky self-help guy. Have I misinterpreted things and think I have to be a darkworker to proceed in my growth and evolution, to make progress in any direction, when I actually do not? Can I be a lightworker with such selfish goals? Do I in fact not need to choose at all and can still have enough power and influence to get what I want here?

Thanks everyone.

Nathan.

Am I too controlling?

restless — Sun, 08 Nov 2009 21:45:59 GMT

Hi,

during my school time, I often worked with colleagues at projects.

Often, I knew more about the subject than my friends. In that cases, I tried to get involved with everything. Sometimes I even told my colleagues better ways to do what they were doing, without being asked.
I think that was really stupid of me. It probably annoyed several people.

My question for you:
In a work / school project: Where is the line between "using your knowledge to improve the project" and over-controlling behaviour?
I'm sure I have to change my character. But I will have to continuously remind myself of that. Can you give me any pointers?

Discussion highly encouraged ;)

restless

I want to know what I want. Can you help?

Smartass — Sun, 08 Nov 2009 00:59:24 GMT

First of all, I am young, foreign, male and have no real experience in writing stuff like this, so please bear with my clumpsy style.

Oh and I want to thank Mr. Steve Pavlina for changing my life. So thank you.

A little bit of my story:

At age 18, I think it was around January 2008, I began searching for more in life than computer games, getting grades and social life. I felt like I wanted to become better.

I think a year went by that I spunged up information about all sorts of subjects on personal growth. It was the first time in my life I felt like I was doing exactly what I should have been doing. I couldn't study my homework for more than half an hour and here I was reading all this new interesting stuff about self-knowledge and philosophy for hours every day. Personal development (espacially Steve Pavlina) was first. I read almost all of his articles and listened to all his audio files. Than came seduction. Basically I wanted to have improved social skills, and thus I learned anything there was about it. Later this lead to "inner game" and becoming a man.

A few months back I felt like I learned enough and it was time for action. And little by little I applied the things I learned in real life. Although lately I have been thinking there is only one thing still missing in my life. It's having a clear path. I remember two years back I was sure about a whole lot of things in life. I had real convictions, you know. Now that I have become "aware" and made it a habit to question everything, I don't have those anymore.

Recently I decided I must know what I really want in life and what things I believe in. Call it a life purpose, a mindset, or just simply opinions.
Many a philosophic brainstorm sessions have gone by and though I know about a few things I am sure I DON'T believe, I still fail at having real conviction / commandments in my life on which I can guide my actions.

Also recently I decided that since I don't have this in my life, I will have to fall back to the only thing I can know for sure. There is pain and pleasure in life, and I prefer pleasure. So my actions will be based on achieving the most of that.

Deep down though I feel like I really want a deeper meaning in life. A code so to speak. I tried the Life purpose excersise and all, but that really didn't work for me. Maybe I am between purposes? Or should I just make it all up?

Anyways I was wondering If any of you have insights for me or techniques I can use to help me further. Maybe some of you have experienced a similar stage in life. This is my last stance, if you will, on the subject of meaning.

Thank you for reading this. Don't hesitate to say anything.

P.S I'm even open for the psychic sh*t :o

What does the world need most right now?

Alexi — Sat, 07 Nov 2009 15:07:36 GMT

Putting what each individual loves/is most talented at aside, what is the best way for a human being to contribute to this world (at this time)?

Polarity: A Solid Foundation

Illustro Cado — Sat, 07 Nov 2009 13:16:43 GMT

There's a lot of discussion on various behaviors in relation to polarity. But that's not what it's about; to focus on specific actions is to miss the point. Action is the effect of polarization, not the means. While it can prove helpful to contrast behaviors against one another, to do so exclusively is mental masturbation. This is not a shift you can make through mere intellectualization, nor is it possible to neatly categorize people based solely on what they do.

Polarizing is very simple. You don't have to lobotomize yourself to do it and you don't need to completely rearrange your life the moment you've decided which way you're going to go. It is an internal shift whereby you bring everything in your life into alignment with a certain part of yourself. The result is that you will place a greater emphasis on helping others or serving yourself.

It is not a choice between the ego and the heart. Those aren't true opposites. Love and fear are also inadequate because of the connotations each word has. Crown chakra and the root chakra are closer, but too abstract. Spirit and will is close, but in my opinion the best way to divide it is oneness and separateness. As I see it, those terms embody both the internal shift and the actions that result from it.

Embracing oneness does not mean you become (for lack of a better term) a bleeding heart *****. It doesn't dictate what clothes you'll wear, what food you'll eat, or what music you'll listen to. Polarity is not a set of rules you live by. If someone says that no lightworker would eat meat, that someone is imposing his or her personal bias onto the concept of polarity. If you're looking for a list of dos and do nots, join a religion. You can safely ascertain whether someone is or isn't polarized based on the condition of their lives and certain things that they do (i.e., a lightworker wouldn't consistently seek personal glory) but their polarity in no way limits their actions, it only indicates what they are most likely to do.

Many, Steve included, define the difference between lightworkers and darkworkers as the choice between love and fear. This is decidedly lightworker biased. It tends to give people the wrong impression, and it's incapable of adapting to a more nuanced interpretation of what love and fear are.

Of course it's meant to be simple. However, it adds needless complications to the mix when you're talking to someone who isn't well-versed in new age terminology, and it makes it makes things needlessly confusing when trying to address questions like, "can darkworkers love?"

Lightworkers think of everybody as being on the same level. No person is any less important than any other person. But because they are human they have limited resources to devote to other people so they have to prioritize their connections. They can't afford to waste time on someone who doesn't want to be helped, and really it would be a violation of the other person's free will to try and force it on them. So in relationships, both lightworkers and darkworkers have to prioritize. Both of them are capable of love in their own terms.

The difference between them is that lightworkers prioritize without creating a hierarchy. Just because they have chosen who they will connect with, they don't regard those they haven't connected with as being lesser people. Darkworkers do. To a darkworker, there are the worthy and there are the unworthy. It's pretty easy to tell where you fall. (A darkworker might also say it's hypocritical to say you can prioritize without creating a hierarchy. If you have taken a woman as your wife, you obviously think there is something about her which makes her better than any other woman you've met.)

That is the most basic aspect of polarity. On a fundamental level, it's a decision concerning how you will relate to people. But how do you follow through on that decision? Remember that paradigm shifts rarely occur because you wake up one day and decide this is what you're going to do every moment hereafter. That's where the will and spirit comes in.

Neither lightworking nor darkworking has an inherent set of beliefs. A countless number of perspectives can fit within either mold. Indeed, you can be an atheistic lightworker (although you'd almost certainly reject that label). However, even as an atheistic lightworker you'd identify yourself with something larger than you. Instead of a god or a spirit, you'd devote yourself to an image of humanity living at its peak. Even if you had to sacrifice yourself to manifest it, you'd do it. Darkworkers are far more grounded. No ideal is worthy of sacrifice. The exception to this is when their code of honor mandates sacrifice. The difference between their code and a larger ideal is that an ideal is something which is universal. A code of honor is something decided by the individual.

Perhaps the most fundamental aspect of polarity is identity. In polarizing, you decide who you are. It excludes nothing; you can be a darkworker which acknowledges that there's a spiritual aspect to his existence, and no lightworker is going to make it very far if he tries to deny his individuality. It's all a matter of perspective. One simple shift changes everything.

To close this out, I'm going to address why I think defining lightworking as the path of the heart and darkworking as the path of the ego is, at best, inadequate. The heart is essential no matter what road you walk. People tend to forget that the heart isn't comprised entirely of fuzzy, loving feelings. A heart scorned is like a blade. It can fuel triumphs and atrocities. Darkworkers are not cut off from their hearts, instead the heart's energy is modified by an influx from the will. (To use a metaphor, the heart is the engine, polarity is the fuel.)

What effects does that have? It places a lot more focus on you individually. You relate to other people as individuals, some of whom you're able to get close to but none who can know you as you do. You will have a really strong ego and you'll effortlessly separate what something is from what it is not. It's not the path of the ego in the way that it's not a path that's exclusively ego. A darkworker can acknowledge higher aspects of his own existence. He might even concede that all things are essentially one. However, while he acknowledges that there is a tapestry, he adds "but it's still made up of individual threads." The darkworker's goal is to get as much out of this form of existence as possible. This leads to rapid acquisition of earthly power, but if he's thinking long term, it also lends itself to the destruction of outmoded beliefs, habits, and limitations. A darkworker who is holding onto illusions will not be able to hold onto them for very long. (And if they don't think long term, they gain the power to amplify their delusions and in turn destroy themselves.)

A lightworker relates to everyone as aspects of himself, or as people (or creatures) who are fundamentally the same as he is. While it's still difficult, if not impossible, to know someone as well as they know themselves, lightworkers long for relationships wherein they can be completely open with one another. They seek love without barriers. They make good diplomats and they are able to speak to the best part of your nature. The downside is their will tends to be ignored ergo it's easy for them to lose touch with their individuality and it can be difficult for them to know where the boundaries are between them and other people. It's also a common trait for them to shun anything relating to "negative" feelings and thus repress their anger, sadness, and what have you instead of learning how to channel it in a healthy way.

Both sides have a tendency to shun the other. It's easy for a darkworker to become psychopathic or for a lightworker to become detached from reality. If you intend to polarize, there are risks. There's no way around it. You will have to be courageous and consistent to avoid the pitfalls.

happiness and polarity

ttt — Wed, 04 Nov 2009 22:38:59 GMT

When you are not happy you desire to gain something in order to become happy- �darkworker�. When you are happy you desire to give something in order to express you happiness- �lightworker�. Do you agree?

Dysfunctional studying, seeking guidance

rohan — Wed, 04 Nov 2009 02:00:26 GMT

Hi!

I am currently in college, studying computer engg. I have a major problem when it comes to studying:

I feel this massive surge of negativity in me when I begin studying. If not immediately, it takes 10-15 mins to attack me. I feel miserable, awful and unhappy when that happens. Studying becomes a drag and I seem to drag through it only under the "fear" of not "making it" in an exam. This affects all my relationships as I become incredibly mean and awful towards people, probably taking out all that negativity on to them.

I guess it's because of this intensely competitive atmosphere here and because I've failed miserably and not met people's expectations in the past.

How is such a problem do be dealt with?

Quit university after two years?

Peter Toth — Tue, 03 Nov 2009 07:41:54 GMT

Hi really quick:

1. After high school I got great job as a programmer, but my family probably won't ,,survive" If I don't go on university . So I find some easy looking field of study which has something to do with computers. I found one which doesn't take me much time. From start me and all other students studying this field new that this field of study wasn't good quality, but it cost nothing and I was relatively easy. Anyway most of stayed because of our families/employers/society rules, which are not good reasons in my opinion.

After almost two years I quit job as programmer because I felt that computers are not for me and my real passion is Personal Development. I still go to school, but now I feel is totally pointless for me to spend my energy and time because:

1. It is not aligned with identity I want to have. When I tell people what I study they mark me as programmer/computer guys and I have to explain them that I am not into this no more.

2. I want to help people make more conscious choices and part of it is choosing right kind of study. Study school which brings me no useful knowledge at all and study only to satisfy family, doesn't feels to me like the right choice.

3. It doesn't help with helping people at all.

My parents and family have the vision that I will find job and some employers still look at what kind of school you have. Plus people in general look at what school do you have in their opinion. There are few this kind of people BUT I don't want to have job, I want to help people make more conscious choice, I don't want to spend with people which look at what I studied and not what I really know. I want to study NLP, Hypnosis, Time Line Therapy and I want to learn it from the best people of world. I don't need school to help people I need knownledge/practice/experience and few other qualities of course to help people but in my area schools doesn't bring this qualities.

Only reason I am still in school is because of my family.

Million dollar experiment vs integrity

neilward2 — Sun, 01 Nov 2009 18:26:27 GMT

Hi guys,

This has been bothering me all weekend and I just can't come to a conclusive answer on this:

Since taking up the million dollar experiment I have noticed sums of money coming into my life that had never come in before, like everyone else says: "very strange". But at the same time I have also been losing medium amounts of money �20 note here �10 note there and last week �60 (all from my pockets) - this has never happened before. Now, I have started to 'cheat' in my eyes to 'try to make' more money (playing the lottery etc)- I've never played before, but I somehow found myself subscribing for no apparent reason - I don't even like the lottery, the odds are rediculous!

Here is the real big one: yesterday, my tenant moved out and gave me �500.00 in rent. The guy was really grumpy and hated me, he took some of the electrical goods from the house and didn't repair the damages either - but i still gave him his security deposit back as he is a very very ill man.

The fact is, he had already paid me the �500.00! He had forgotten about it, I told him straight away to keep it as he had already paid, he insisted I take it and that he hadn't paid - so all in all he walked away with his deposit that he didn't expect to get back plus an extra �500 so �1000 in all.

My friends think I am crazy for doing that, but to me, it just felt right to give him ALL the money back. And I think that is what's important, doing what feels right in your heart as opposed to your head.

In your opinion, was this part of the experiment?! If it was, I hope not as it doesn't make sense to me. But at the same time it felt like a test...... that is the only way I can describe it, a test of my integrity. I feel as though I made the right decision here, although of course the money would have been great. But I would rather have the money I am due in this life come to me in an honest way through sheer hard work and my own making as opposed to dishonesty.

Super confused about two things

Aleksander Krstic — Sat, 31 Oct 2009 15:53:47 GMT

Hi!

Would you help me clarify two things, I would be really grateful!

1)Looking people in the eyes
I don't really know if this aligns well with the principle of Love. I look at people into their eyes but am afraid I will get beaten up(you know, afraid with courage). |EDIT: I don't think being afraid of being beaten up is unaligned with Love.|

Where do I draw the line when looking people into their eyes? I know it's a very vague question but it's hard to concentrate right now(which is also an excuse).

2)Emotional black hole that I have
I have achieved a LOT compared to where I was before, but none of it gives me any happiness. I'm not emotionally retarded, I feel sadness, but I don't feel any happiness.

Is it because I'm still on the path to being, well... "fully grown":D or am I on the wrong track?

Thank you in advance!

The Ride (A metaphor in progress)

kattsand — Thu, 29 Oct 2009 21:47:55 GMT

This is a thought that's been running through my mind for a while. It's just a metaphor and I don't know if this is going anywhere. I'm just gonna share.

Think of your life as a car ride.

When you are a baby you are in the front seat sitting there with a parent in your own special seat. You are somewhat in control of the ride. If you take a piss or **** yourself the ride will stop for a moment and diapers will be changed. You are a person of importance. You scream and yell without people really getting upset (because they know it's just the way it is). You are not an authority but things will be done after your schedule.

You grow up a bit. You are no longer a baby, you are a child that can control you bladder and so on. You've been demoted to the back seat of the car.
If you yell and scream you will be told to shut up and like the situation. You can't control the ride in the same way as a baby. You are not an authority in any way. Your parents make the decisions and you are along for the ride.

You grow up some more. You are now in your early teens. Bladder control and so on are a fact that you understand (hopefully), there's no discussion about that anymore. You are still in the back seat. Something has changed though, your parents might listen to some of your directions in which way to drive. You might have some small knowledge about shortcuts or whatever that they might not know about and they will occasionally listen to your directions.

Time goes on and you are now closing in on adulthood. You are learning how to drive, a parent still by your side but you are now in control of the ride. You're in the front seat again and pauses in the ride based on your needs are more likely to be accepted. You've been given freedom (or an illusion of freedom) and your parent know that. Mistakes will occur but you have your parent sitting by your side and he/she can help you out when that happens.

One day you wake up. You are now an adult. You have your drivers license, you have your own car and you can drive perfectly. You can take your car where ever you want to. Bring all your friends and maybe pick up strange hitchhikers. You are in perfect control of the ride. There are times that you have your parents in the car but now they are sitting beside you or even in the back seat. You know your routes and they know you know your routes. They might have some ideas about shortcuts or good places to stop but they don't tell you to do that, they are now suggesting. They know that they are along for the ride when they enter the car[.]

My ride is somewhere beyond this but I can't put more of it in writing yet, I believe it will be easier later in life.

This is not a perfect metaphor of my life. I understand that people might have trouble relating to this and I know that people in cultures different to mine might have trouble applying this to their way of life.
But like I said. This is just a thought that's been running through my mind that I want to share.