http://www.stevepavlina.com/forums/ Emotional intelligence, addiction and recovery, grieving, loss, fear, anger, guilt, resentment, frustration, anxiety, depression, happiness, joy, love, kindness, forgiveness, self-acceptance, confidence, escaping the pit of despair, EFT en Fri, 20 Nov 2009 23:23:03 GMT vBulletin 60 http://www.stevepavlina.com/forums/images/misc/rss.jpg http://www.stevepavlina.com/forums/ http://www.stevepavlina.com/forums/emotional-mastery/39648-sympathy-kind-patronising.html Fri, 20 Nov 2009 14:17:57 GMT Do you guys think that sympathy is a kind emotion? or is it just assuming that the other person is weak and pathetic, and not seeing their full potential. Do you guys think that sympathy is a kind emotion? or is it just assuming that the other person is weak and pathetic, and not seeing their full potential. ]]> Emotional Mastery brendannz http://www.stevepavlina.com/forums/emotional-mastery/39648-sympathy-kind-patronising.html http://www.stevepavlina.com/forums/emotional-mastery/39620-alexithymia.html Thu, 19 Nov 2009 23:18:23 GMT Okay well, I can't really explain how I feel. Like, I've tried to write, draw, make things out of clay, etc. but it just doesn't work. I think the only feeling I can actually point out is anger. I know when I'm angry because I feel like hitting something and I usually do. I sometimes get suicidal thoughts but then I go and watch cartoons and I think of all the things I'll miss and I don't do it and plus I'd be way too scared. I also start crying at the most random times. Like sometimes I'll see people hugging and I'll start tearing up and then other times I just read things like 'I love you' or 'Your the most amazing person in the world' and I'll just start crying and I think about why I'm crying and I start crying even more because I don't know what's wrong with me. I've considered alexithymia but I don't think its that. I mean, I hope that it isn't that because I hope that I don't have any sort of mental disability. Could you please help me? Anyone? ]]> Emotional Mastery smartcookie69 http://www.stevepavlina.com/forums/emotional-mastery/39620-alexithymia.html http://www.stevepavlina.com/forums/emotional-mastery/39612-i-think-i-might-narcissistic-egotistical-self-obsessive-i-need-change.html Thu, 19 Nov 2009 20:14:27 GMT Hi, I have been getting a lot of help from you all, and I really appreciate it. I have started to wonder why I am the lonely person that I am, and why I am too obssessed with the way I look, and wanting to look good, etc. I am too shy to speak to strangers, and even people in classrooms of my same age. I am 19 by the way. Although I am improving on those issues, I find that I may be egotistical. I am afraid of rejection, and I have also learned that I may not be self-accepting, which is horrible. Let's say I want to speak to someone, but I am afraid that the person may not want to speak back to me, which is a sign of not self-accepting. I would like some tips and ideas on how to be self-accepting/self-loving, non-egotistical, non-narcissistic. and over all be happy with who I am, and be able to 'be myself,' which is a hard for me to do in real life. Also, I have some traits of perfectionism and OCD.

Thank you.

PS : I may sound like a bad person confessing about myself in this thread, but please do not let that refrain you from posting because I am a 'bad person.' I think I am nice person, I just wish to get those traits out of my life. ]]> Emotional Mastery improver http://www.stevepavlina.com/forums/emotional-mastery/39612-i-think-i-might-narcissistic-egotistical-self-obsessive-i-need-change.html http://www.stevepavlina.com/forums/emotional-mastery/39608-how-feel-confident-when-you-aren-t-um-confident.html Thu, 19 Nov 2009 19:32:45 GMT I have a situation which I'm sure many of you can relate to. I have a job interview coming up next week (in about 5 days to be exact) and it's (at least for me right now at this stage) the job of a lifetime. In the past I've been very confident in job interviews and done a great job of nailing them. In fact, I've been told by several people that I was one of the best interviewees they had ever seen.

However, in the last 12 months I've been a bit beaten up. Laid off from one job for no reason other than the company was going down the tubes. Interviewed at a number of others but no bites. (And I refuse to simply "settle" just because I've experienced some rejection.) So I'm less confident than I probably should be at this point in my life.

What I'm wondering is whether there are any ways to ramp up my confidence quickly in advance of this interview? I think exercising a lot will be good as it will put me in a great physical state and relieve me of some of the stress I'm feeling. But what else can I do? Visualization of a great outcome? Affirmations? Reminding myself of times in the past when I've performed well?

Would love any and all suggestions of ways to quickly (within the next several days) get myself in a great place. Thanks !! ]]> Emotional Mastery dominick http://www.stevepavlina.com/forums/emotional-mastery/39608-how-feel-confident-when-you-aren-t-um-confident.html http://www.stevepavlina.com/forums/emotional-mastery/39605-pick-yourself-up-music-chirpy-way.html Thu, 19 Nov 2009 18:30:41 GMT Ah, today was one of those evenings where the kids frayed every single nerve left to me...so when they were finally in bed, I was battered, exhausted, tending to some residual anger, and otherwise not in the best of moods.

I remembered playing a few songs at high speed for the kids to make them laugh a couple days ago, and I figured, ah what the heck, let's hear what my favorite songs sound like at 1.5 or 2x speed.

So...when you're down...go grab VLC (VideoLAN, Free streaming and multimedia solutions for all OS!), fire up your mp3s, click those buttons to the right of the progress bar and find out what your favorite singers sound like as chipmunks. If you can keep a straight face through even five minutes of zapping through your collection that way...I salute you. I couldn't. :D

P.S.: Also works great with musicians you can't stand to listen to at normal speeds! ]]> Emotional Mastery Mynder http://www.stevepavlina.com/forums/emotional-mastery/39605-pick-yourself-up-music-chirpy-way.html http://www.stevepavlina.com/forums/emotional-mastery/39556-friends-who-don-t-call.html Wed, 18 Nov 2009 13:50:22 GMT Hi there has been this one thing which has always bothered me, I have friends who have moved out of my city, they do not bother getting in touch with me, or calling me up at all...its only when they come home for vacations, they feel the need to call me up...mainly because they want some company while they are here, i do try n call them wenever they are away....but this is frustrating, ....i feel sad and miserable, should i stay in touch with them?...or cut off ties with them completely. I would also like to know how do u deal with situations where a person is feeling very sad or dissapointed, but does not have anybody to talk to, or share their feelings with. Hi there has been this one thing which has always bothered me, I have friends who have moved out of my city, they do not bother getting in touch with me, or calling me up at all...its only when they come home for vacations, they feel the need to call me up...mainly because they want some company while they are here, i do try n call them wenever they are away....but this is frustrating, ....i feel sad and miserable, should i stay in touch with them?...or cut off ties with them completely.

I would also like to know how do u deal with situations where a person is feeling very sad or dissapointed, but does not have anybody to talk to, or share their feelings with. ]]> Emotional Mastery noella http://www.stevepavlina.com/forums/emotional-mastery/39556-friends-who-don-t-call.html http://www.stevepavlina.com/forums/emotional-mastery/39541-heard-before-probably.html Wed, 18 Nov 2009 03:59:58 GMT For the past 2 years I have pretty much done nothing and have gone no where. After dropping out of high school in my senior year (twice), I finished up and got my diploma at an adult school. Since then I have been attending barely full-time classes, failing half of them after losing interest and not having the motivation to complete the work. I have been unable to acquire a job in these past 2 years, and though I'd love to blame the economy, I'm sure my failure to consistently pursue employment is a greater factor.
I recently turned 21, have no job and living with parents, I have pretty much no friends, no motivation, no skills. I have let myself spiral down into a pathetic existence of no meaning and little direction. Today I was looking into scheduling an appointment in an attempt to get antidepressants, for I feel I am completely incapable of doing anything to get out of this rut. I feel very dismal about the future and have little hope of improvement any which way.
I'm here asking for any type of advice for what I can do to build motivation and confidence, get out of depression, and start gaining on my goals.

My goals, currently, are to get a job, fix my broken VW, and to find a very clear set of tasks I need to complete to get on with my life and into a career or whatever..
Not really sure what I want at this point, I just know it's not this.

p.s. I feel pretty lame posting here like this, but I'm becoming desperate for change. ]]> Emotional Mastery ChrisW http://www.stevepavlina.com/forums/emotional-mastery/39541-heard-before-probably.html http://www.stevepavlina.com/forums/emotional-mastery/39525-drama-vs-conflict.html Tue, 17 Nov 2009 18:52:17 GMT for a while, i have had a view that drama is pointless conflict and conflict serves a purpose. but a moment ago i decided to examine this philosophically.

is there such a thing as pointless conflict? if it served no purpose to those who initiate it or latch onto it, then it would never occur, right? i realize, by judging one form of conflict as ego-driven and pointless, i am dismissing the need that someone is trying to meet. while i may continue disengaging from those interactions that seem to be about conflict for the sake of conflict, i think this recent understanding may lead to a more integrated view of those who populate my reality.

plus, whether conflict is purposeful or pointless is a subjective evaluation. there have been times where i judged someone's position as being about drama, but i've recently been accused of being focused on drama, which was quite a shock. since i've never thought of myself as a drama-driven person, and since that was confirmed by everyone in my reality until a very short while ago (when nothing changed in my approach or outlook), i'm realizing how subjective it is to label something 'drama.' i feel like using this label is a way to dismiss the valid need seeking fulfillment through the actions, and i'm not in the habit of being dismissive. i guess it took being labeled this way for me to realize how unfair it is to use this label with others; now it feels like stonewalling and like an attempt to invalidate another's perspective. i also do my best to sidestep hypocrisy, so perhaps having a couple people claim i'm engaging in drama has led to this reflection.

this reflection, these musings, are brand spanking new, and i'm sure there are other ways to view the issue of drama vs. conflict. i'm interested in your thoughts on this topic, and feel free to respond to the ideas i shared about it as well. ]]> Emotional Mastery rei http://www.stevepavlina.com/forums/emotional-mastery/39525-drama-vs-conflict.html http://www.stevepavlina.com/forums/emotional-mastery/39500-getting-what-you-want.html Tue, 17 Nov 2009 06:44:03 GMT I have a 4 part question. I hope I don't sound too crazy.

1. How do you know what you truly want and what to aim for if you have no idea what you wanted to begin with.

2. What if what you want is physically impossible.

3. What if you get what you want and you are not happier or your life is worse?

4. How do we know if what we want is really what we wanted and not an idea that we have been taught to believe we want? ]]> Emotional Mastery Perry M http://www.stevepavlina.com/forums/emotional-mastery/39500-getting-what-you-want.html http://www.stevepavlina.com/forums/emotional-mastery/39464-intention-visualisation-where-s-line.html Mon, 16 Nov 2009 12:41:52 GMT You'll probably say - sky's the limit or something similar, but still, bear with me please, I'll explain myself. This is also my first post so big hello to everyone.

I'm familiar with law of attraction, and have been practicing many of Steve's advice (thanks :) ) but one thing buggs me:

Let's say, you experienced a loss of people, no fuss, no fight, they just left. Ok, let's say, boy breaks up with you and goes to another woman. Now you still love him, you would take him back, etc. Or, some friends grow distant. You let them go gracefully and in a way, you accept this loss.

Of course, you don't intend anything bad for those people, just whishing them all the best.

But still, if you still care, and you, wanted it or not, visualise them in situations when everything is OK again, peace, harmony, or them coming back.

But wouldn't that be kind of manipulation? (couldn't find better word). Or at least, waste of time? I mean, what is OK for me, it doesn't have to be for them? Do such thoughts, or intentions, or visualisations, have any, or even bad influence on them, me?
Or do those intentions should be only in sphere of business?

I hope I made sense... and that Steve, or anyone else please, would shed some light.

Thank you ]]> Emotional Mastery window http://www.stevepavlina.com/forums/emotional-mastery/39464-intention-visualisation-where-s-line.html http://www.stevepavlina.com/forums/emotional-mastery/39460-pains-success.html Mon, 16 Nov 2009 10:09:59 GMT Okay so has anyone worked towards their goals, has been doing really well, feeling great, moving forward at a good pace.

Then that mixed emotion of fear / doubt / worry / disbelief seems to creep up out of no where. Then you sabotage your efforts to make that feeling go away, ending up right back at the beginnning again.

What's the best way to overcome this feeling? ]]> Emotional Mastery hawkal http://www.stevepavlina.com/forums/emotional-mastery/39460-pains-success.html http://www.stevepavlina.com/forums/emotional-mastery/39433-feeling-love-people.html Sun, 15 Nov 2009 16:45:26 GMT Sometimes I feel so much love for someone that I feel the need to tell or show them. This happened to me with my colleague(i'm a girl and he is a guy) sitting beside me. But when I show or cast my love on them, they react in such a way that it hurts.

And I am unable to feel love for people who care or can care for me.

Am I being attracted by the wrong person or thing? ]]> Emotional Mastery Shorebird http://www.stevepavlina.com/forums/emotional-mastery/39433-feeling-love-people.html http://www.stevepavlina.com/forums/emotional-mastery/39432-raising-vibration.html Sun, 15 Nov 2009 16:23:34 GMT How do I raise my vibration so that people do not take advantage of me? How do I raise my vibration so that people do not take advantage of me? ]]> Emotional Mastery Shorebird http://www.stevepavlina.com/forums/emotional-mastery/39432-raising-vibration.html http://www.stevepavlina.com/forums/emotional-mastery/39393-worrying-always-negative.html Sat, 14 Nov 2009 09:01:08 GMT I just want to ask you that question because Ive been thinking about it lately. Are there any situations in your life that worrying produces great results? I just want to ask you that question because Ive been thinking about it lately. Are there any situations in your life that worrying produces great results? ]]> Emotional Mastery jayanuaria http://www.stevepavlina.com/forums/emotional-mastery/39393-worrying-always-negative.html http://www.stevepavlina.com/forums/emotional-mastery/39370-there-link-between-chronic-stress-large-dilated-pupils.html Fri, 13 Nov 2009 13:05:49 GMT I recently went to a woman for an allergy test. I didn't realise until I got to the appointment with her that she was on the homeopathy/alternative medicine side of things, but I listened to what she had to say.

She took some kind of photograph or measure of my pupils, which are HUGE.

She said this is a sign of a great deal of inner stress.

I have been under a hell of a lot of stress. Is there a link? ]]> Emotional Mastery Sivodna http://www.stevepavlina.com/forums/emotional-mastery/39370-there-link-between-chronic-stress-large-dilated-pupils.html