stagnation

[Little Deb]

I'm 43 and ever since I was a teen, or earlier, I have felt lost and distanced from other people. I never went to University and got a nice job like my brothers, instead it's been a series of fast-food places that I called work. i have been to serveral therapists,etc. with some help for my "depression" and "social anxiety" but recently i just seem to experience new forms of mental health issues, a mutation if you will. I have little joy in my life even with all the hobbies I have cultivated by myself, as I have an inablility to make friends who are not senior citizens or people with worse mental health issues than myself. (Yes, I have taken courses, joined clubs, etc. They're only frequented by older people and nut-cases, thankyou. Why do you think I join?) I also have never learned to drive a car so to find other venues to meet new people, and it is difficult to find anyone to teach me, as I live in a small town. Focusing on the Law of Attraction initially gave me hope, but now I am begining to doubt that it can ever work for me as I am even more apathetic than ever. I guess there's a question in here somewhere. I don't know what it is, or maybe I do, but I'll get the same knuckle-headed responce such as "You have to know in your heart what to do, believe, feel, etc." I am not intuned with my "higher self" or "spirit guides" even after 15 years of meditation. Anyway, this confusion and lack of substance in my life has to change, as I no longer wish to continue my life as the "walking dead."

[Shamou]

Hello Little Deb !

What seems to be missing in your life is a sense of significance… something that makes your life meaningful and makes you feel that you are important and needed in the grand scheme of things…

We all need to feel significant… that our life… and what we do really does matter… so, you have to find a purpose for your life… something that will make you feel important…

In your bio… you say that you work as a waitress… that is fantastic… you get to meet tons of people… so how about making your life’s mission "being a ray of sunshine for the people that you meet…" greet them with a great big smile and a enthusiastic, “Hello… how can I help you today…???”

And, at the end of the day… make a note of the people that you’ve cheered up and made feel better… and try to outdo yourself every day…

That way, you’ll find a sense of purpose and contribution… you will be someone who is part of the solution and not part of the problem… you’ll be somebody… somebody worthwhile who really does matter…

The very best of luck to you…
.

[Little Deb]

Thankyou Shamou,
It's hard to express myself these days, in fact i am finding it difficult to even talk to people inspite of my busy waitressing activities at work. I mostly work the counter, so my conversations with customers is limited to their taking/recieving their orders. And the customers don't expect chit-chat,anyway.(Table service would be more interesting, but the DQ in my town is not that avanced.) I failed to mention that I also am Sect./Tres. of our little Camera Club, and I play my mandolin for the people at the old folks homes every second Wednsday. I am planning to play my mando at my local little coffee shop, but they are never open on Saturday aftenoons anymore for some reason. I guess I'll have to go there after work. The problem is not meeting or encountering people, it's jusy actually talking to them. I have bbem taking walks twice a week with the old man who owns the music shop, so we meet lots of people on our hike, but they only talk to him. He doesn't introduce me, and I'm always lost for words. He tells me who they are after they say goodbye. I feel awkward saying "Hi", because I'm just stared at by these strangers. When I travelled to Louisiana in 2006, I met lots of people who were nice, friendly, and didn't treat me like some strange cartoon character. No matter what i "do", I still feel disassociated from society.

[Shamou]

Originally Posted by Little Deb

When I travelled to Louisiana in 2006, I met lots of people who were nice, friendly, and didn't treat me like some strange cartoon character.

Try to picture in your mind how you were (acted and reacted) while in Louisiana... what was different about you...??? Were you more forward...??? Smiled more...??? Did not feel out of place...???

People are people... most react the same... so, it had to be you who was behaving differently...

Any thoughts on that...???
.

[Kaspian]

Originally Posted by Little Deb

I have been taking walks twice a week with the old man who owns the music shop, so we meet lots of people on our hike, but they only talk to him. He doesn't introduce me, and I'm always lost for words. He tells me who they are after they say goodbye.

At the beginning of the walk, could you ask him to introduce you to the people you meet along the way? Even if all that happens is you exchange names, a hello, and a smile, that's a start! Later if you see them around town or at work, you'll be able to greet them by name and ask how they're doing (or whatever).

Things I often say when meeting someone new:
- Nice to meet you!
- How do you know So-and-So? (the person that introduced you)
- Nice weather today, don't you think?

Often the best thing you can do is ask a few questions; People love to talk about themselves, and they'll walk away thinking you are a great conversationalist even if they did most of the talking.

[Little Deb]

I believe some of my feelings of stagnation have ended since I experienced a very unusual dream the other night. In this dream I met my late Ex, Allan,who basically said I was being watched over him and other on the "otherside". I also met my cousin Sharon who died in 1974 in a car accident. (She mentioned that i had grown up. I was six years old the last time I saw her alive.)She was recieving lost souls at the gateway and organizing their "cases". I mentioned to my Ex that my neighbour's boyfriend recently commited suicide, and we found poor ol' Ricky amoungst the crowd. Allan went over to him and lead him away to "home, since there wasn't anyone else to help him. Anyway, I awoke from this dream feeling that my life on earth and my job at DQ is not "wasting my time". I believe that I will have a better "job" of some kind in the next world, if I fail to find a nicer employment situation during my lifetime, here. I guess just living the best way I can manage to in this town is my "purpose". As far as feeling disconected from people, i have since discussed with the owners of my favorite coffee shop that i would like to play my mandolin a couple of times a week, and they said it was fine with them. I know I won't make any money, but at least I won't be isolating myself from the community. A complete sense of calm has come over me since this dream, and I longer am presuring myself to "look for a better job". i am not running out of time, I just have to learn how to be patient.