How to Attract the Relationship of your Dreams (Blog)

[Lynni]

Originally Posted by seeker5

My theory is that if there is at least one person a certain way, then there has to be a bunch more people the same way.

That is my hope.

[songwriter]

Well, this kind of replies to my very old post "How to find a love partner?" or so... but it's nothing new to me. I already made that list even before posting that old post.

mmm... the most difficult thing for me is how to know if someone is really like you want to.

For instance, how you "detect" honesty?.

As times goes by what happens to me is that I started with 3 or 4 required qualities and now I virtually don't require anything but gender and age.

At least I have to forget about honesty. Anyway I've met a lot of women who have "the rest of qualities" but anyway... I can't flirt, thought I try.

[Velvet]

Originally Posted by Lynni

Then the minority all live here.

Eep! So sorry to hear that! Move to New York, everyone's way too smart for their own good here.

Originally Posted by Lynni

Thanks for letting me vent! (As if you had a choice...)

No problem.

[songwriter]

Hey, the point is that some particular traits are easier to tell in someone that others.

Steve traits about a woman, were easy to tell. Almost instant.
But for instance, honesty is very very hard to tell. Open-minded is easier. Funny is even easier.

I don't flirt much, I want to know the woman first... but that way I can only get to know deeply a few women and that narrows the things a lot (especially if you discover that they're already engaged, oops).

The only way I know is trying to flirt virtually with every woman, so you get to know her and then you see is that's what you look for...
Then they call this "a player" lol... and maybe the woman says "but ain't you in love with me?" "No!" we're just searching. But somewhat I don't like that process, if not I would be into.

If I can't flirt, is because I don't flirt. Everyone can flirt if I don't is because I really don't try. There should be a better way instead the dating game. I'm not motivated by it.

[songwriter]

It's me again. :-) You have hitted my weakest point and I'm not going to give up.

"2. When you find someone new measure him or her against your list"

Definitely the hardest thing for me is to know the traits on someone new, so get motivated to "go for her". Maybe I have gotten so binary... "Is she open-minded?" like waiting for a yes or a no, instead of just measuring up to what's average or so.
I already know what I want but when meeting someone knew even if she has a superb quality I think I'll only notice she's "above average" in that trait. Like if she has a quality I don't like at all, I'll probably only notice at the beginning, she's below average in that.

So maybe the approach of measuring against the "normal", most usual behaviour in people could work for me, and others with similar problems than mine.

Let's see if she has more at least a 5 in every trait. That's somewhat easy to see, if there's a 9 or 10 it will show up with time.

[Dan.Linehan]

Originally Posted by Dan.Linehan

• Warm hearted.
• Intelligent.
• Productive.
• Mischievous.

Ummm, I think I met this guy.. wow.

[Lola]

Originally Posted by Dan.Linehan

Ummm, I think I met this guy.. wow.

Ask and you shall receive!

[Dan.Linehan]

True story.. it was only two months since I posted those qualities.

• Warm hearted - He is raising his sister's three little girls and is practically like their Dad. I can almost bask in how warm of a personality he has. Totally sweet guy.
  
  
• Intelligent - He just GETS it, no matter what it is. Knows what you're talking about right off. Keeps things simple and on point.
  
  
• Productive - Yep, super hard worker. Mechanic. Always learning new things. Honest and up front.
  
  
• Mischievous - He wants to rig up animatronics at his funeral to make his body jump up and scare people. And I honestly don't think he's joking.

My kinda guy!!

[Erin Pavlina]

Wow, Dan, that's awesome! Work it baby! Let us know how that progresses.

[Lola]

Originally Posted by Dan.Linehan

My kinda guy!!

And, no doubt, he's received fulfillment of the stellar qualities on his list as well.

(You probably don't know you're on my list of "Great Guys I Wish Weren't Gay")!

[Angela]

Dan, that is so wonderful -- and you are so powerful!! I am wishing lots and lots of creative power and joy and freedom as you sculpt this relationship into a beautiful work of art, no matter what happens.

[{aspiring_to_clarity}]

Dan, if I wasn't already in a relationship I would fight you for him.

I think I love him as much for the animatronic funeral thing as anything else.

Can't wait to hear more.

[Dan.Linehan]

Its official. He wasn't joking about the animatronics. lol.

Thanks everyone for the congratulations! I really appreciate it.

I'll keep you posted as things develop..

[Moonbeam]

Hi, I get what you said about the list, and do have one myself. But the thing is, sometimes when I meet someone who may fit the list, but i don't "feel attracted" or interested in pursuing it. I've tried to push myself a bit to get to know the guy a little more but without the natural inclination it just doesn't work. Physical appearance is important to me. Not that they need to be conventionally good looking or perfect, but must appear attractive to me... I think it comes from certain inner qualities, but I'm not able to nail it down into one trait..
Is there a way around it? or does my appraoch to the list itself need to be changed.

[NotesMaeve]

Originally Posted by NotesMaeve

You know, Erin, as a recently single woman, this was just enormously helpful. Thanks.

Holy God, is it ever weird to read this! Well, Erin, you were telling the truth and 100% right. Happy?

Originally Posted by Dan.Linehan

Its official. He wasn't joking about the animatronics. lol.

Thanks everyone for the congratulations! I really appreciate it.

I'll keep you posted as things develop..

Yay, Dan!

[rubelin]

Originally Posted by Moonbeam

Hi, I get what you said about the list, and do have one myself. But the thing is, sometimes when I meet someone who may fit the list, but i don't "feel attracted" or interested in pursuing it. I've tried to push myself a bit to get to know the guy a little more but without the natural inclination it just doesn't work. Physical appearance is important to me. Not that they need to be conventionally good looking or perfect, but must appear attractive to me... I think it comes from certain inner qualities, but I'm not able to nail it down into one trait..
Is there a way around it? or does my appraoch to the list itself need to be changed.

perhaps you need to add some information about physical traits to your list

I have a very long, extensive list in which I covered everything I could think of that was important to me. I went through it later and starred all the things that were non-negotiable. The man that showed up is all the starred items and I find more and more of the non-starred items the more I get to know him.