Do Your Fears Hold Other People Back? (Blog)

[Erin Pavlina]

Use this thread to discuss the following entry from Erin Pavlina's blog:

Do Your Fears Hold Other People Back?

[absvan]

This article was written for me.. Just Kidding!!

Nice article Erin....got me thinking.

[Chet]

Great Blog Erin.
I had this quote on my wall for a long time to help me remember, mothers have a hard time with the wings part, usually.

"Good parents give their children Roots and Wings." --Jonas Salk

[Slade]

Erin,

This post represents one of your greatest strengths as a writer -- the ability to transform personal events into universal experiences.

There is such a fine line between the "me" and the "you" in blogging, as a craft -- this is one of the many examples where your transparency absolutely shines.

I particularly LOVE your scripted internal dialogue -- what a powerful, authentic way to share thought processes and show others how to step to the side of consciousness and view what's really playing out...

I heard a mother on a talk show (can't remember who) liken having children to "watching your heart go walking outside your body."

Great lessons for everyone about Projecting, inherited behavior patterns, breaking cycles...

Emily and Kyle are fortunate to have a Mom who can feel -- but also explore -- what she's feeling before choosing to broadcast those emotions.

"Loving someone boils down to knowing exactly what she needs to FIX her life, and deciding when NOT to tell her."

Can't remember who said that one either -- but I love the wisdom.

[Erin Pavlina]

Thanks all. It was a transformative experience for me. Probably her as well.

[The David]

That reminds me very much, sadly, of my own mom. In addition to the fears that
come just by being a mom, she had some very bad experiences at a young age, and passed them down another generation.

[rubelin]

oh Erin, so many of your stories seem to come at just the perfect times for me and are just what I need to know. I always seem to burst into tears at the insights they give me, which are totally unrelated to the actual content of the story.

Now, if I could only figure out if my anguish is all about the fear of what will happen or if it's really because what is happening is so wrong...

[{aspiring_to_clarity}]

Thanks, Erin, for yet another great post.

Originally Posted by The David

That reminds me very much, sadly, of my own mom. In addition to the fears that
come just by being a mom, she had some very bad experiences at a young age, and passed them down another generation.

I am sorry to hear that (I've got some of those of my own in my family), but since you are obviously aware of this, you can make the difference to the next generation (if you plan on having kids).

It's hard to break those generational things because they are so ingrained from birth. But as Erin showed, it is so beneficial to try.

If you haven't got it already, I wish you freedom and healing from those things that were passed on to you. All the best.

[carenkh]

Thanks for a great post, Erin! I was raised by a mom who worried about *everything*, kept me from exploring much physically, etc. I remember being especially annoyed when I was doing something, like walking along the top of a low wall, and she would be yelling "Get down! You can fall!" I would look at her and say, "But I'm doing it! It's fine!" and she would argue "But you *might* fall! Get down from there!!" I can remember the *feeling* of how unfair that was, (I AM doing it! It's obviously not that dangerous!) and thinking my mom was nuts... but also being raised to be *obedient* I never talked back to her. After a while, I just stopped trying things. I didn't learn to swim 'cause I can *still* hear my mother's worried voice "It's over your head! Look out!"

I determined to never do that to my kids, and I haven't! Whatever they're comfortable exploring, I'm willing to let them. I think kids are much more in touch with their own limits than people give them credit for. I remember saying when my oldest was born, I'd rather he try something and get hurt, than be afraid to try. I do assess if something is life-threatening, but to be honest, they've never tried to do anything that I considered that potentially harmful.

I'm so glad you had the experience you did! Thanks so much for telling us about it.

Hmmm... feeling the need to call my sister...

[insatiabl3]

I love your writing, Erin!

And yay for Emily..sounds like a wonderful little girl!

[The David]

Lol. I wasn't trying to be depressing, I just thought I'd bring it up.

[{aspiring_to_clarity}]

Haha. I guess what you said just kind of hit a nerve with me. Glad to hear you're fine. It wasn't so much depressing as I felt for you because I kind of dealt with similar things.

Best.

[Ronin]

Erin, first of all , I love to read your page. You have a great talent of speaking truth in common sense terms . Thanks so much for sharing.

Secondly, you made a statement in your note , "released your attachment to the outcome." I think this statement is fundamental for all things we fear in life whether its our families , our careers, or are whole purpose for exsistance. We worry to much about the outcome and not the intention. I know any good parent worries for their children. We want them to be successful and make the next generation better than ourselves. However, the way to do that is to make sure they focus on their intentions and not the outcome. My son is currently serving in Afganistan. I had a lot of fear of him serving in the military and views of not so good outcomes. However, I had to let go of that and allow him the freedom to follow his path and journey. Although, I do not like the current political situation, I am extremely proud of my son and the man he has grown up to be.

Lastly, the fear never leaves but I think the word you used, equillibrrium, is a far better term. You bring your self to equillibrium and keep your intentions centered with the universe. I have seen happen to me personally time after time. My life is lot easier to live with more successes when I let go of the fear and outcome and keep the intention as the focus.

Once again , thanks so much for sharing.

[emf]

My puppy growls at other people whenever I'm feeling insecure. It's embarrassing. The little fluff ball is like a mood ring. When my children were small I was young and fearless. Lucky for them.

Nice article.

[KLmasina]

This is one of the best articles I've read of yours Erin - it IS such a strength to be able to take the personal and make it universal without preaching.

My Mum was always adament about breaking the cycle when it came to bringing us up - and she did in so many ways. Just being conscious of one's reactions is such a huge step, and allows us to shift into responding instead (of reacting).

Maybe next time Emily will take you on some of the scarier rides?

Much joy,
Kara-Leah

[Erin Pavlina]

Only with a dramamine in my belly.

[BettyBoo]

Erin,
my mother told me that she never wanted to be too close to me and my brother, because, if she dies, she didn't want us to be too sad.
I was so pissed off when I heard this, but I know she only did what she thought was best for us. But because of that I am not able to talk to her about myself, when it comes to that, I just freeze, and leave. I am very sorry about that, and I think its tearing her apart, but i just can't.

[Akashic_Librarian]

I am not too emotionally close to my parents. I prefer to talk to people online. Its easier for me.

Although I am actually looking forward to one conversation. The..."Have you had sex with your Girlfriend" conversation, if I have...I will tell her bluntly...and just leave the room. Ohh the look of horror...I can see it now.