Sometimes Love Just Ain?t Enough (Blog)

[Erin Pavlina]

Use this thread to discuss the following entry from Erin Pavlina's blog:

Sometimes Love Just Ain?t Enough

[Angela]

Ain't it the truth? Boy, we really get it drummed into our heads that love conquers all: if you love each other, you belong together, and you should stay together. Et tu, Captain and Tenille?

Sometimes the most loving act you can do is to do what you said in the article: transform the relationship. Transformation doesn't have to end the relationship -- often it's the beginning of something magnificent!

[Angelique]

I totally agree. Loving each other is part of it, not all of it.

[NewVillager]

... if you have young children. I'd feel guilty.

[openeyes]

I could see parting while still loving each other being helpful in parting on good terms, which means a lot.

[The light]

The truth is marriage is a God designed entity, it will never work if you dont put jesus christ in it. People live lives that dishonour God because they have no reference to him. Read the bible you'll here what God says about marriage and love.When you live by God's advice you avoid many painful experiences including having to go through a divorce.

[Erin Pavlina]

Lordy

[stormpsyche]

Thank you Erin for this post.

So...people who are in love...may not be compatible for living together...

Likewise...people who are compatible for living together...may not be in love....

And therein lies the clue to the countless relationship problems raised in various arenas...problems such as:

Unequal feelings in a relationship - one cares more than the other..or maybe the relationship is one way...leaving one person hurting and writing to advice columns. (One may be more aware of the incompatibilities than the other).

People (who are aware of the message in your post) marry for reasons of compatibility rather than love and may or may not be totally happy. Maybe they are not even physically/sexually attracted to their spouse.

People have relationships outside their marriages for various reasons - maybe trying to fill the voids left by the above situations.

Maybe what attracts people to each other physically/sexually really is for genetic purposes of producing healthier, more genetically superior children as some tv programs would lead us to believe.

So what is the standard for deciding who to marry? How does one counsel people thinking about getting married? Should they be told that Thoreau is right; most people do live lives of quiet desperation?

[invisiblehouses]

Where is all this Bible stuff about marriage?

I've never really seen it mentioned all that often, and when it is the text sounds suspiciously like something a human being would write ("Your wife is your property" [paraphrased] seems like something an extremely human male would cook up).

I've also got questions about the whole, "God wants you to suffer" bit, but that's a different topic, I guess.

[openeyes]

Originally Posted by invisiblehouses

Where is all this Bible stuff about marriage?

1 Corinthians 7:1 Now for the matters you wrote about: It is good for a man not to marry.

1 Corinthians 7 is the main part I'm aware of, and it seems to mostly say it's best to stay single.

[HiImJeremy]

Originally Posted by The light

The truth is marriage is a God designed entity, it will never work if you dont put jesus christ in it. People live lives that dishonour God because they have no reference to him. Read the bible you'll here what God says about marriage and love.When you live by God's advice you avoid many painful experiences including having to go through a divorce.

Hear that Erin! Jesus wants a threesome!

Lordy indeed.

[inri]

I thoroughly enjoyed your article Erin......an expanded perspective for sure.

My first marriage ended in a similar manner. To do this day, my ex and I are the best of friends...more like family members actually and my present husband and my ex are actually dear friends as well. My ex and I did not have children and this likely made this decision easier, however, I can think of no better example to give to children than to demonstrate to them what unconditional love actually looks like.

While separate living arrangements may at first seem difficult for the children involved, I can only imagine what they gain through witnessing the two primary care givers in their life demonstrate the level of maturity required to work things out amicably and remain friends despite the fact that the romantic relationship may no longer remain.

I also imagine that a very strong message is given to children regarding one's inherent right to personal happiness and contentment.....while many parents may 'think' they're setting a great example to children by 'hashing it out' and agreeing to remain anchored to one another despite the fact that the romantic ship has sailed, in actuality they are teaching their children to sacrifice their own happiness for the perceived happiness of another.... this also teaches children to rely on outside conditions for their own experience of happiness.

I think as a society we judge parents who separate rather harshly due to the fact that most who divorce do so with ugliness and anger. When the majority of divorcing couples are able to part ways while continuing to remain friendly and loving, then I expect our entire societal view of divorce and marriage itself may change.