Too nice or too naive?

[Gbob]

Last night I did a really stupid thing. This guy asked me for money -- and I know how ridiculous this sounds in hindsight -- 40 pounds, which is around 60 US dollars in order to pay off his fee so that his van wouldn't get towed away. Anyways long story cut short he said that he owned the shop opposite and that he would be able to return the money in 1 hour's time. I didn't believe him at first, so I said to leave his ID and his bank card with me as a deposit. I also told him to enter the pin to his bank account and show me that he really had no money. The ID and bank card both correspond to the name that he gave, but unfortunately he lied. So I never got a phone call back and I phoned the shop opposite asking for him just now, to which they said there wasn't anyone called that -- just what you'd expect.

I know it was incredibly naive and stupid because it's just one of those classic cheated-out-of-your-money scenarios. I didn't want to do it at first but then I gave in because I really wanted to help him in case he was telling the truth; he didn't appear sketchy or anything. Right afterward I said to myself 'I'd rather have been naive and helped him in some way than to have just walked away from someone in need'. But after having found out he cheated me out of my money I feel really stupid, like I've got the brain of a 5 year old. I don't hate him for what he did, instead I feel angry at myself for allowing it to happen.

Can anyone shed some wisdom into this situation? At the moment I'm just feeling guilt and regret. How should I view this situation in a wiser perspective?

[Erin Pavlina]

First, don't beat yourself up over it. You got taken advantage of. But you got taken advantage of because you are compassionate. So you don't want to internalize this as stupidity or your compassion may suffer.

Consider it a lesson learned and move on.

When I was 20 a woman came up to my car saying she had run out of gas and if I could give her a couple of dollars she would mail it back to me. I did. I even gave her my address. She never mailed me the money. I felt stupid. But my friend, who was with me, kept saying, "She's scamming you... she's lying." And I kept saying to him, "But what if she isn't? If I were out of gas I would hope a stranger would help me out, so even if she IS lying, that's HER karma. I'm going to help her."

You want to be discerning, sure. And you want to use your intuition and empathy to know whether someone is lying. But don't give up your compassion or desire to help others in the process.

[Gbob]

Originally Posted by Erin Pavlina

First, don't beat yourself up over it. You got taken advantage of. But you got taken advantage of because you are compassionate. So you don't want to internalize this as stupidity or your compassion may suffer.

Consider it a lesson learned and move on.

When I was 20 a woman came up to my car saying she had run out of gas and if I could give her a couple of dollars she would mail it back to me. I did. I even gave her my address. She never mailed me the money. I felt stupid. But my friend, who was with me, kept saying, "She's scamming you... she's lying." And I kept saying to him, "But what if she isn't? If I were out of gas I would hope a stranger would help me out, so even if she IS lying, that's HER karma. I'm going to help her."

You want to be discerning, sure. And you want to use your intuition and empathy to know whether someone is lying. But don't give up your compassion or desire to help others in the process.

Thank you so much Erin

I guess it really was compassion. Sometimes I can be quite selfish but in this case I had no reason to give him anything, but I chose to.

I called the police yesterday (I might as well) and reporte the 'crime'. I still have his bank card and his ID with me and they told me to put it in a clear plastic bag without touching it any further. They said that there has been some fraud around the area I live recently so hopefully my 'mistake' will help the police track down this guy (?). I'm starting to get over this and focus on other things..I guess he really needed the money anyway...

[Andrew Brunelle]

I've given money to strangers many times with similar stories, but only once did they say they would pay me back, and this person didn't. But it was small amounts of money, never more than $10. So, what's the big deal? I can understand $60 is a medium amount to give to a stranger, but you always have the option of saying no. Just remember that even if these people are scamming you, you gave out of compassion.

[ssandra]

I once asked someone for money like that... and did give back their money

So there is hope. Not everyone asking for money like this is trying to scam you!!