The High Cost of Being Late (Blog)

[Erin Pavlina]

Use this thread to discuss the following entry from Erin Pavlina's blog:

The High Cost of Being Late

[escapeplan]

I loved this article because it was like a relief valve for all the times it annoys me when other people are late. I take great pride in factoring in many things and always ensure I am either early or on time anywhere. It makes me cringe when I hear reasons people are late, and you just wonder what planet they're on. The very, very few times I am late due to really exceptional circumstances it actually dents my pride a little bit. I never make excuses for it and simply state that I failed to leave enough time.

[Lioness]

For me, the cost of being late hasn't (yet) cost me a job or friendship. It has cost stress, frustration, embarrassment, and self-esteem on numerous occasions. My excuses, though often true, begin to sound like "the dog ate my homework" to my own ears.

Dr. Phil did a show on this and he accused a woman who confessed to being chronically late of being arrogant and selfish in wasting other peoples time, and relishing the attention of a making a late appearance. There's a theory that late people like to create drama/suspense in their otherwise boring lives by last-minute, seat-of-the-pants timing. Some people assume that arriving a few minutes past the appointment time is no big deal (and sometimes it isn't, like at the doctor's office, you're going to have to wait anyway). None of these applies to me.

I'm more like your airport guy, underestimating the time it takes to get to a destination, not planning for traffic, emergencies. And honestly, it's often just plain old procrastination or disorganization. It's a pattern of thinking/behavior that can be hard to change permanently.

[Snowfox]

This article came at a very interesting time for me! I am nearly always either deliberately on time or deliberately late, and while I have been aware of the consequences of my actions (and received them accordingly) I haven't really thought about them in great detail. So thanks, Erin, for this 'timely' article .

I was recently reprimanded by my boss for being late to a few recent meetings. However, she is late to meetings nearly 100% of the time. I feel this is disrespectful and since my concept of hierarchy is nonexistent I have no problem returning the sentiment. In the past, I was deliberately late to some work meetings when an individual I disliked and who had it in for me would kick off the meeting by making some petty comment about me or attempting to divert attention to me in some way. I'd always show up well after his allotted floor time in order to avoid this. It really stole his thunder! And I enjoyed the extra time I had to get my coffee .

Whether I looked bad to others or not, I really did not care. The lateness served my own purposes quite well, and I made up for it in higher mood and energy level later on.

In previous jobs, I was chronically late because I suffer from a sleep disorder and was having a lot of difficulty both admitting that I have one and also dealing with it. Oddly enough, once I started drinking at night I was able to get up in the morning very early. I learned that this is how all of my previous bosses functioned. They never did anything about my lateness because I was stellar in all other ways and they needed me. But the lateness thing was their axe to grind I suppose.

I will also skip meetings and talks that don't interest me, and will attend those that do. I just don't see the point when it's an hour and a half of my life wasted on someone else's Power Point slides filled with flying bologna. I know this is also bad, so I'm trying to curb this tendency.

My lateness generally tends to be deliberate and is a function of how much I respect someone else or feel that they respect me. I know there are negative consequences, and I will take them into account more frequently now. There's more at stake than my pride .

[slumberland]

Originally Posted by Erin Pavlina

Use this thread to discuss the following entry from Erin Pavlina's blog:

The High Cost of Being Late

Did Erin purposely post this at 11:10 am - a minute early?

[ssandra]

A very western and American article...


I'd like to see this implemented in Mexico. It is nearly impossible to calculate time to arrive somewhere, because of traffic.

Things where you have to be on time you have a choice between risking being late (which is accepted here) or being HOURS early (not just 10 minutes, but really HOURS).

Most people are late. It is common accepted as a culture here. If something starts at 10.00 most people arrive at 10.30 and it really starts at 11.00....


This is not to say that I disagree with the article, I agree actually (but... I'm Dutch, a very punctual society). But not all cultures agree on this

[Angela]

That's for sure! My friend from Boston remarks about how in California, people operate as if it's perfectly acceptable to be late or even to bail altogether with the flimsiest of excuses, where back home in MA doing the same would be a serious breach of courtesy.

[ssandra]

Originally Posted by Angela

That's for sure! My friend from Boston remarks about how in California, people operate as if it's perfectly acceptable to be late or even to bail altogether with the flimsiest of excuses, where back home in MA doing the same would be a serious breach of courtesy.

In Mexico an appointment is actually considered canceled if it isn't confirmed a day before...

This includes doctors appointments, meeting up with friends, business meetings etc.

[Erin Pavlina]

Originally Posted by slumberland

Did Erin purposely post this at 11:10 am - a minute early?

I actually posted it at 3:10am my time. Any resemblance to your time zone is purely coincidental

[sorter]

Originally Posted by Snowfox

This article came at a very interesting time for me! I am nearly always either deliberately on time or deliberately late, and while I have been aware of the consequences of my actions (and received them accordingly) I haven't really thought about them in great detail. So thanks, Erin, for this 'timely' article .

I was recently reprimanded by my boss for being late to a few recent meetings. However, she is late to meetings nearly 100% of the time. I feel this is disrespectful and since my concept of hierarchy is nonexistent I have no problem returning the sentiment. In the past, I was deliberately late to some work meetings when an individual I disliked and who had it in for me would kick off the meeting by making some petty comment about me or attempting to divert attention to me in some way. I'd always show up well after his allotted floor time in order to avoid this. It really stole his thunder! And I enjoyed the extra time I had to get my coffee .

Whether I looked bad to others or not, I really did not care. The lateness served my own purposes quite well, and I made up for it in higher mood and energy level later on.

In previous jobs, I was chronically late because I suffer from a sleep disorder and was having a lot of difficulty both admitting that I have one and also dealing with it. Oddly enough, once I started drinking at night I was able to get up in the morning very early. I learned that this is how all of my previous bosses functioned. They never did anything about my lateness because I was stellar in all other ways and they needed me. But the lateness thing was their axe to grind I suppose.

I will also skip meetings and talks that don't interest me, and will attend those that do. I just don't see the point when it's an hour and a half of my life wasted on someone else's Power Point slides filled with flying bologna. I know this is also bad, so I'm trying to curb this tendency.

My lateness generally tends to be deliberate and is a function of how much I respect someone else or feel that they respect me. I know there are negative consequences, and I will take them into account more frequently now. There's more at stake than my pride .

Wow. I've always wondered what chronically late people think. That's a very interesting and honest post.
I had to read it a few times before responding because I realized I was too angry to respond in an appropriate way.
Lateness REALLY pushes my buttons.

On reflection, I don't think what you described is terrible.
I try not to take advantage of any clout I have a work but I know I have.
I would get out of meetings any change I got.

Although, it sounds like you underestimate how aware others are of what you're doing.
I'd bet others disrepect you in return in other ways.

Much more importantly to me, are you late for non-work events: dates, dinner with friends etc?
Events where you specifically say you will arrive at a particular time.

[Snowfox]

I'm sorry you're the type of person who is easily outraged. I am always amused by people who get angry with no rational reason behind it.


I should clarify a few things here. I don't subject people to lateness as a rule, nor do I use it to punish people. It's simply a function of a lack of noticing, appreciation and/or respect. I tend to allow other people to determine the "tone" of a relationship, in most settings. This is because it is easier to adapt, observe and refine than to assert a particular tone. So in the case of people whose meetings I am late to and whose presentations I skip, they have already set the tone of disrespect by showing disrespect and/or boring me. I am continuing that tone that they have set by perpetuating their behavior, in essence reflecting it back upon them.

This infuriates people, and rightfully so. To me it's kind of an amusing game.

If someone has my absolute respect by establishing it from the beginning, such behavior never remotely enters my mind. For example, if a well-respected speaker or presenter is coming, I will not only be on time but early and prepared with a list of insightful comments and questions. But the colleague who steals data? I'll skip that one, sorry.

I am as a rule rarely late for those events I have agreed to and want to attend. I will be late for things if there is a transportation problem, but if I really want to be somewhere I will run there, in high heels, if I have to.


This is interesting.. I just realized that a lot of my lateness depends on whether or not I have pre-determined that I can make a meaningful contribution. If the probability is low and the likelihood of pain (or boredom, which is the same thing to me!) is high, I won't attend or will attend reluctantly and will use the meeting time (if being there is mandatory) to do other work.

[nklplnt]

I've always been torn on the issue of arriving on time versus a few minutes late. It seems like if you get someone "on time" that you generally have to wait for everyone else to get there. Meanwhile you sit around wondering why you didn't stop to get a bite to eat like all the other later comers apparently did.

Stuff starts late. On time quite often means 10-30 minutes later than the stated time. For example, every time I go to the dentist's they don't take me in at 5 for a 5 o'clock appointment, it's more like 5:10-5:15. In this case arriving at 5 is fairly appropriate, it gives a nice leeway so that you aren't likely to be making them wait for you. But if you plan to leave a little leeway for an appointment that actually starts at 5, and you get there at 4:50, now you are just sitting there FOREVER!!!

[sorter]

Originally Posted by Snowfox

I'm sorry you're the type of person who is easily outraged. I am always amused by people who get angry with no rational reason behind it.

I tend to allow other people to determine the "tone" of a relationship, in most settings. This is because it is easier to adapt, observe and refine than to assert a particular tone. So in the case of people whose meetings I am late to and whose presentations I skip, they have already set the tone of disrespect by showing disrespect and/or boring me. I am continuing that tone that they have set by perpetuating their behavior, in essence reflecting it back upon them.

This infuriates people, and rightfully so. To me it's kind of an amusing game.

If someone has my absolute respect by establishing it from the beginning, such behavior never remotely enters my mind. For example, if a well-respected speaker or presenter is coming, I will not only be on time but early and prepared with a list of insightful comments and questions. But the colleague who steals data? I'll skip that one, sorry.
...
This is interesting.. I just realized that a lot of my lateness depends on whether or not I have pre-determined that I can make a meaningful contribution. If the probability is low and the likelihood of pain (or boredom, which is the same thing to me!) is high, I won't attend or will attend reluctantly and will use the meeting time (if being there is mandatory) to do other work.

Not outraged, buttons pushed.
For me, that means I realize my reaction might have everything to do with me with no fault or blame towards the people who are "pushing" my buttons.

Yes, it is interesting. I'm reevaluating my reaction toward late people.
Of course, it feels like disrespect but I'm less sure that's the primary reason.
Maybe it has more to do with wanting to pack as much life as I can into my day.
Waiting around ain't life for me. Although, when it happens I try to be all Zen and in the moment--with some success depending on my mood or energy levels.

The issue I see with "I am continuing that tone that they have set by perpetuating their behavior, in essence reflecting it back upon them."
is they probably don't see it as disrespectful or boring.
They just see that you didn't arrive. They then see you as disrespectful and do to you exactly what you're doing.
In others words, both you and them think the other started it.
Then it just snowballs.

It seems to me we're talking on a deep enough level that we could be agreeing without realizing it. For me, that means it's a great thread.

I'm sure we agree about meetings.
I HATE spending my time listening to a mid-level manager's pointless drivel so he/she can justify his/her existence.

.

[sorter]

Originally Posted by nklplnt

I've always been torn on the issue of arriving on time versus a few minutes late. It seems like if you get someone "on time" that you generally have to wait for everyone else to get there. Meanwhile you sit around wondering why you didn't stop to get a bite to eat like all the other later comers apparently did.

Stuff starts late. On time quite often means 10-30 minutes later than the stated time. For example, every time I go to the dentist's they don't take me in at 5 for a 5 o'clock appointment, it's more like 5:10-5:15. In this case arriving at 5 is fairly appropriate, it gives a nice leeway so that you aren't likely to be making them wait for you. But if you plan to leave a little leeway for an appointment that actually starts at 5, and you get there at 4:50, now you are just sitting there FOREVER!!!

That's practical.
For me, being on time is for my personal standards or karma.
I realize I'll probably have to wait.
And I can feel superior.

[Gene]

When I read Erins's article I nodded and thought about how I am always on time for meetings and social events. I was congratulating myself and others who are almost always on time.

Then I realized there was another area of my life where I am habitually late. That area is dealing with paperwork. I get my bills paid on time but if the matter is not critical to have submitted on time and even sometimes when timeliness is critical, I procrastinate.

I have been months and more late in doing the paperwork. This lack of completion does affect my life negatively. I will make some changes and ask for some help from others including professionals. I can pay a helper to do some of the work to keep current.

As I sit here pondering this topic and writing this post I feel like a weight has been removed from my chest.

[Erin Pavlina]

Gene, yes I was going to address procrastination or being late with responsibilities and such but decided to limit the article to arriving to places on time. Good reminder though that punctuality doesn't just refer to when you arrive but whether you handle other responsibilities in a timely manner.

[Mabel]

I definitely have a preference for being on time and for other people being on time! Sure I have gone through temporary rashes of times when I was late. But like a disease, I cured it for all the reasons you pointed out in your article Erin. If I am late, what kind of message is that sending out to the world?

After I graduated from college, I spent three months living with relatives in Egypt. As you can imagine, there was a lot of cultural differences to be dealt with. The one that caused me the most trouble were the lateness thing. I could have a plan set with a relative for a certain time and they would pick me up several hours later.

At least in the U.S. punctual people are given the right of way and lateness is generally not accepted.

Sonya

[Skelly]

@Gene
You took the words out of my mouth

@Snowfox
Here's a challenge for you: instead of putting blame on the other person for being boring why not make a stand, as-is the situation by saying how you really feel? The truth from the heart? Taking the other person to a higher level by guiding them towards becoming more interesting?

And if that makes you cringe perhaps it's time to change environment to where you don't have to blame the rest of the other idiots for stealing your time. It's a part of the reason why I can never go back to any corporate environment. I rather eat beans on toast for a month than let others steal my time like that.

Also if you're your own boss you definitely don't have time for such nonsense.

@Erin
great article! To me being late is a sign of disrespect - if it is not remedied. If I have a meeting with someone, social or business, and for whatever reason they know they will run late and they let me know in time I have no problem with it. Stuff happens. Of course if it's a permanent feature it's a different story....

What I hate is when people don't let you know. We have an agreement, if you don't honour it for whatever reason let me know. I always do that, even if I'm just going to be late 5 min.
New associates sometimes find this rather peculiar (as in Cape Town everybody is just as late as in Mexico.... ) but eventually come to appreciate it a lot.

[Samuel Poon]

They all can't have the exact same skills, availability, references, and experience, because right now you're assuming one of them has better skills at planning. So you actually chose the one you thought had better skills.

I agree with the idea of the topic but I thought you choosing a sitter over another just based on their arrival a little judgmental in your case.

You're assuming they can't plan, you're assuming they can't account for traffic, you're assuming too many things.

3 minutes early? Based on your beliefs I would say they barely made it on time and no different than the others.

Maybe instead of just differentiating them on who came on time. Why not ask the reason they were late? Understand their situation instead of assuming they can't plan?

Maybe one of them had an emergency, and had to do this and that. They knew and understood what was more important and choose the more appropriate action.

Traffic itself can be unpredictable. Maybe one of them left way earlier but traffic was just horrible and she could not of predicted that.

I mean I could assume the person that arrived early decided not to pick up their child at school because they knew they were running late and needed to arrive early to your appointment. She didn't know what was more important.

But of course you can never know so why not ask? I'm not disagreeing with the idea of the topic because being late does show a lot of things in general, but there could be a reason... so I think you can't just assume in some situations. In this case, it did cost them their jobs, but because of assumption.

Just 3 mins early? I guess luck can be a determiner

[Erin Pavlina]

No they all gave me their excuses. None of them showed an ounce of responsibility. One lived less than a mile away and was 10 minutes late. That means she left her house after her appointment time was to start. If you know you're going to be late, you call. I had one girl come so late she ran into another girl's appointment.

[qbee]

Wow this article was rightly timed! This is a huge problem for me and I've been paying much more attention to it lately, I'm also starting a 30 day-trial as well. So seeing this article from the awesome Erin herself, tells me that I really need to make big changes here. Thanks heaps Erin!

[Andrew Gubb]

We Brits are drilled with punctuality in our culture. I stand out in a place like Spain where only decades ago punctuality was optional for trains!

(Source: George Orwell, Homage To Catalonia. Spain is pretty different now to the country he depicted, admittedly, but on the punctuality front it's still behind Europe as a whole. For terrible punctuality in general, though, you should see South Americans).

[ssandra]

Originally Posted by Andrew Gubb

For terrible punctuality in general, though, you should see South Americans).

For great flexibility and ability to go with the flow and not sweat the small stuff you should see the South Americans though....

[Andrew Gubb]

Originally Posted by ssandra

For great flexibility and ability to go with the flow and not sweat the small stuff you should see the South Americans though....

Spanish people too are good at not sweating the small stuff

[JoePike]

My daughter is playing basketball for the first time, and is excited but very nervous about it. Her first practice was this week and she really wanted to be early or at least on time.

We left our house exactly when we needed to, and drove to my in-laws to drop the other kids off they'd be babysitting. As we approached their neighborhood, set to arrive exactly when we told them we would, we saw my in-laws out for a walk together several blocks away from their house.

When they arrived 6 or 7 minutes later, they said they thought they had plenty of time for a walk since we're always running behind.

So we were done in by our reputation. I couldn't really blame them...it's going to take a while of being on time to change their impression of us.

[ellie]

I'm a mixed bag, I tend to be punctual, but sometimes I think my intuition is trying to tell me something, when I am late to something. I have to admit I have been late to a few job interviews in the past, but I don't give an excuse, I just put it down to the fact that something is not right, and I am not meant to take the job etc. I would say the few job interviews I have been late for (I'd say 2-3 in my life), were certainly really not the right fit and I think last time it happened, I just rang to say that I will not be pursuing the interview because I now know when that happens that it's just going to be a waste of my time.

But at the same time, I have clients and people I have worked with tell me I am the most helpful, thorough person they have worked for and I know I go out of my way to help them and I am always on time, and going out of my way. I know I am a hard worker. So I really don't think you can always judge a book by the cover. Although, I admit if someone was late for an interview with me I guess I would be asking the same questions as above, but then I would also just be saying the person was just not the right fit anyway. There was something there where just were not wanting the job.

I mean I have gone to plenty of job interviews 5 min early and in that instance you would judge me as a great person, and yet I have on occasions been 5 min late, and you would judge me the opposite.

What I am trying to get at, is the babysitter that you hired, could be in fact similar to me, she could of made mistakes beforehand...yet this time she/he said to herself "I really want this job I will get there 5 min early"...or he/she felt good about the job, and so this time she came 5 min early. But doesn't necessarily set the precedent for her always being punctual and trust worthy, it could, but then at the same time it might not, so this is where I think intuition is more important.

[stormpsyche]

Those thoughts comes to mind when I read this post. Now...two situations:

1) Yesterday I had to get to two places before they closed at 5:00 p.m. The businesses were 10 minutes away. I was dressed and ready to go by 2:00 p.m. That should have been enough time, right? So...why did I barely make it to both places minutes before they closed?

2) Another time I had to get to the post office by 5:00 p.m. on a certain day or suffer a $200.00 penalty for taxes being postmarked a day later. I had made out the tax check the night before. So...why did I not make it to the post office at all that day and have to pay the $200.00 penalty?

Instance #1: I went downstairs to grab some items I needed to take with me and got hit with a sleep/fatigue attack so powerful I could not stand up. I went into a fog and had to lie down immediately. When I woke up a few hours later I had minutes to get to the two business establishments. I was still very fatigued...and thank goodness, someone offered to drive me to town. It would not have been safe for me to drive in my condition. It was raining by the time I reached town.

Instance #2: When I woke up that morning I had unusual fatigue and could not move. I could barely talk. I could not get up to get breakfast, a shower, lunch, or supper, let alone drive. No one came to check on me. No one realized what was going on with me. It was 6:00 p.m before I felt OK and could get up. And I had a full night's sleep the night before. A storm arrived by the next day.

I mention the storms because they precipitate the attacks. Then when I have these attacks during the day...I cannot sleep at night (which is why I am awake right now). Sometimes I sleep night and day with the attacks.

Sometimes in the middle of a shower I have to sit down on the shower floor until I had enough strength to get back to bed to lie down. I have had days I could not move for 4 hours straight. Some days I wake up and cannot talk. There have been times I have been out for a short walk and have had to sit down because I could not get back to the house that was in sight a few hundred feet away. Each time a storm or cold front moved in that day or the next.

Now..I know all people do not have this problem. In fact, I do not know anyone else who has it. But I do know one thing. There are sure a lot of people who were (and some still are) quick to judge and be angry and terribly nasty with me for being late before (and even after because they just don't understand this condition) I (and some others) realized I had a health problem. People made unsubstantiated accusations (like I must be drinking and partying at night. HA - what a joke for anyone who really knows me) and treated me very badly for being late.

Yes, some people are late because of drinking/drugs and similar situations. Yes, some people are late because they are not diciplined. And there are probably a ton of other reasons....like disorganization, for one....and the stress of dealing with traffic congestion in some urban areas, for another. I suspect there are a few other health conditions that could contribute to being late (such as a sleep disorder or ADD or a fatigue problem or excessive stress and mental burnout).

And yes, it is a very serious problem for many types of business operations when people are late.

So here are the lessons from my post:

1) If you do NOT have a health problem causing you to be late, be d--- (can I say that?) glad you don't have a health problem, straighten your a-- (can I say that also?) out and be on time! You make those of us who do have a health problem look bad.
2) If drugs/drinking are causing you to be late - get help! You make those of us with health problems look bad also.
3) If disorganization is causing you to be late - get everything ready (clothes, set breakfast dishes out...) the night before.
4) If you never have a problem being late, be thankful you don't!
5) Think twice before you judge or accuse someone and/or become irate or even nasty with them for not meeting your expectations if you do not really know their circumstances.