Erin, Could You Please Help Me?

[gingernpepsi]

Hello, Erin. My name is Chelsea, and I could really use your help. So, about 4 or 5 years ago, I began having thoughts of death and dying. Usually when I was about to go to sleep, and the thought would terrify me. Back then, I could always dismiss the thought, wave it away or whatnot. Sometimes, I would get panic attacks, but I could always calm myself down.

Recently, I began babysitting a little boy. His grandfather is dying of cancer, and is on palliative care. The first week I was okay, but the second I just... Freaked. I had a huge panic attack, and ever since (coming on two weeks now) I have been obsessing over death. I can't stop fearing it. I am young, only 18... When I couldn't take it anymore, I cried my eyes out in my mother's arms, holding on to her waist and shouting "I don't want to die, I am so afraid". I begged the woman who gave life to me for more, and I feel terrible for it.

I went to the doctors and he said that I was suffering from some depression and OCD, minus the C. He prescribed me Paxil... But I don't want to take it because it is so dangerous, and it only masks the problem. I read a lot of your blogs, and for a while, I felt better. I guess what all of this is about, and I am sorry for the length, is I want to know how I can believe like you do? You are so sure, and unafraid. I don't want to be afraid anymore, because it is ruining my life (I have no energy, I can't eat or focus). Were you ever afraid, and if so, how did you overcome it? What can I do to strengthen my resolve, and ease my fears?

I am sorry, I am sure you have people ask you these things all the time, but I feel like you can help me for some reason. I feel like I should believe or have more faith, yet I still fear. I was once an Atheist, yet I found there was a lot more evidence to support Reincarnation (Dr. Ian Stevenson's Study, for one). I believe I have seen the spirit of my deceased cat twice (shortly after his death), I know someone who has ESP (She can see aura's and is sometimes clairvoyant), I believe in ghosts and have a gut-feeling that there is more after death, so why don't I feel at ease?

(Please and thank you for discussing this with me, I think you're an amazing person. I would really appreciate some guidance from someone clearly much wiser and more confidant than I. I apologize if this question is a bother. Though I read over the forum rules, I apologize if this is not a valid question/discussion for this board.)

[gingernpepsi]

Sorry, re-reading this, I realized that I was not in a good state! I don't expect you to comfort me or anything, even though I made it sound like I did. Today, I feel a lot better (after reading some of the posts on this forum, discussing it with friends, researching and generally processing my own feelings), but I would still be delighted if you answered me. There is a wonderful vibe in this forum, and I really enjoy reading about other people's experiences. Just coming here and reading some of the posts, or reading your blog, Erin, both comforts and intrigues me!

EDIT: (and I apologize for the double post, I should have edited my previous one like I am now... *doh*)

[Erin Pavlina]

I lost my fear of death once I had an out of body experience. Becuase I knew the soul can live outside the body. Another thing that helped me was speaking to deceased people. I mean, once you've spoken to dead people and you find out they're okay on the other side, death really doesn't seem that scary. Try to think of death as going home. Really nothing to fear at all. I am fully prepared to die. I know I've lived a good life, helped many, and left the planet better than before I got here.

[gingernpepsi]

I can see how that would convince anyone. Just hearing others experiences makes me feel comforted, maybe I will have some of my own to share one day. Death isn't something a lot of people want to talk about, and it is hard to find someone who has the knowledge and has had the experiences that you have. You have lived a fascinating life thus far.