Spiritual Parenting (Blog)

[Erin Pavlina]

Use this thread to discuss the following entry from Erin Pavlina's blog:

Spiritual Parenting

[Dimond]

Excellent post, Erin. I agree that being spiritual is what's important and raising your kids completely different and better than what's typical is the way to go.

[westmeadboy]

Hi Erin - been loving your posts over the last few months, but this is the first one where I found myself shaking my head

Disclaimer: I've never been a parent and my only experience of children is from my own childhood, so take this as coming from a somewhat theoretical perspective.

You seem to have replaced the ten commandments with four of your very own!

1. Treat others with kindness...

Does a child really need to be taught this? If this is a natural state of human nature then won't they anyway become kind, compassionate individuals providing they grow up in a kind, compassionate environment? If a parent is a shining example, is that not enough?

2. Be responsible for your actions

Generally agree here, but I wouldn't call this so much a teaching. More of an observation of cause and effect.

3. Learn how to make yourself happy

If you do this, won't you be teaching your children that they need to DO SOMETHING to be happy? Isn't true happiness a state of being rather something acquired through activity? Why not point to the blissful yogi sitting motionless is a cave? One big problem with adults is something needs to MAKE them happy.

4. Follow your heart

OK

For me, the most important learning from the moment a child is born, is of the parent learning from the child. How did the parent go from a bundle of joy to a misery guts!? It's a great chance for the parent to unlearn so many things that have been working against themselves.

[st33med]

Can I still be adopted by you Erin?

[Dimond]

Originally Posted by westmeadboy

Treat others with kindness...Does a child really need to be taught this?

If children didn't need to be taught this and other very important things, then the world and its' people wouldn't be as screwed up as it is. They may be good people, behaving well at the beginning, but often get away from it when influenced by society. Seriously one should obviously be able to see that parenting has been mostly ineffective done in the typical, normal, expected way or even worse ways. There's not enough real teaching of how to be an authentic, spiritual person living a meaningful, passionate life. Instead most is devoted to useless things. Ineffective Schools are another example of this. I could go on and on about this topic. I love hearing about people who do things different and better, especially when it comes to relationships.

[westmeadboy]

Originally Posted by Dimond

If children didn't need to be taught this and other very important things, then the world and its' people wouldn't be as screwed up as it is.

I don't follow your logic.

Assuming the "world and its' people" are screwed up, then all we can say is that whatever we have been doing is wrong. It says nothing about how doing something (in particular) differently is right.

So, no, one cannot infer the *right* course of action, such as children needing to be taught this way or that way.

I stand by my original point:

If this is a natural state of human nature then won't they anyway become kind, compassionate individuals providing they grow up in a kind, compassionate environment?

[Erin Pavlina]

I think kids are born very compassionate and that that is indeed their natural state. But then they enter a world where greed and self-centeredness appear to be highly valued as a skill to get scarce resources. So reminding children to keep their compassion and kindness, and to share with others, and to have an abundance mindset instead of a scarcity minset is important.

[AM1212]

I absolutely love this article Erin!!

[Weena]

Very enjoyable article . I understand that you don't want them to believe your approval is on top of the list, but do you actually never say you are proud of them? When i do this i do not try to make them think my approval is utmost important...I am just stating a fact. I indeed am proud of them.

[Lakshyayidhi Lakshmihi]

Originally Posted by westmeadboy

If this is a natural state of human nature then won't they anyway become kind, compassionate individuals providing they grow up in a kind, compassionate environment?

Not IME with lots of kids, just one of my own, lots of other people's kids though.

They are inherently compassionate, but kids lack impulse control, they can have a hard time paying attention to anything other than what they are interested in right NOW, they very easily and often detrimentally identify with their emotions, and they don't have the ability to understand cause and effect very reliably.

I disagree with Erin's blog, but mainly because I was not inculcated with the same rigid definition of religion. Perhaps this is due to the southeast asian upbringing I received since reincarnation is sort of just part of life to us, I feel that I was born to a specific religious tradition for a karmic reason.

I feel compelled to look beyond the dogma imposed by the finite conceptualizations of man's mind and towards the intention of the spiritually aware individuals whose teachings propagated the eventual entity of organized religion.

I like going to mass, but I understand that many have negative associations with religion and religiosity. It's a shame. There is value in a community of faith, I think.

[Weena]

Originally Posted by Lakshyayidhi Lakshmihi

Perhaps this is due to the southeast asian upbringing I received since reincarnation is sort of just part of life to us, I feel that I was born to a specific religious tradition for a karmic reason.

I do too believe in reincarnation. However i do not wish to talk about it with my children unless they come to me and start talking about their past lives...then okay I'll be thrilled to go into it. But if they don't show interest in it then i cannot impose my views upon them.

Do you raise your child with your religion or did he initiate spiritual talks? I know that my mother could write a book with the spiritual talks my brother had as a toddler/young child. But he was born with a sun and moon in water signs must have been easy for him to be so connected. I wonder if my children will do that. My daughter has the same moon as my brother so maybe (Pisces: moon of the intuits).

[Anne Dessens]

Wow, this article came at the exact moment I was looking for some help with my own son! I'm new to joining in on the forums and this is my first with Erin's!

Raising my two children (now 14 and 12) I have come to realize that I had a theory about raising children before I had them and a new one after I had them. Sound familiar anyone?

Basically, I thought I could mould my kids through example and encouragement to be who they were going to be (pre-parenting days) and then I realized that they came here with their own agendas! Now I'm trying to figure out how to honor these agendas while raising my own vibration.

More specifically, I am finding my son in at a low vibrational setpoint. He atrracts trouble and partakes in trouble. While I can say, choice = consequence, he has never wanted to really accept that he is 100% responsible for the life he is encountering. I've been working on this last point for several years. He's made progress but it's not very fast! Ys, I know this is the pure definition of teenager!

How do I help him raise his own vibrational setpoint? Is that one of our 'jobs' as parents: teaching our kids how to raise and maintain those good vibrations that are innate to us?

I accept that he has his own life lessons to work through. I'm looking for some advice on finding some balance between freedoom -vs- consquences that his actions have on the family as a whole.

[Lakshyayidhi Lakshmihi]

Originally Posted by Weena

Do you raise your child with your religion or did he initiate spiritual talks? I know that my mother could write a book with the spiritual talks my brother had as a toddler/young child. But he was born with a sun and moon in water signs must have been easy for him to be so connected. I wonder if my children will do that. My daughter has the same moon as my brother so maybe (Pisces: moon of the intuits).

My son is insanely spiritual. It's terribly intimidating. Even when he was a little over a year old, we had this routine of me wrapping him in a towel and we stand and talk to each others' reflections. He started referring to himself first as "baby" then suddenly "Baby Jesus"!

But his cousins are all very in touch with their relationship with God - not necessarily in the judeo-christian sense, either. My oldest nephew once sat on my lap while I was crying over a miscarriage in 2002 - he hadn't even known that I was pregnant, he was 3 at the time and told me that my angel baby was waiting to be born again.

My son comforts me a lot. When I am down he will say things like "Be light, mama". He's only 2 now. He also reminds me to do headstands when I get flustered - he does them himself, against a wall or against the couch for balance. It's really amazing to be around him. I feel blessed; he has great healing energy and brings me so much calm and peace just from his touch.

I venture to guess, though, since he sees me pray, meditate, and do yoga all the time that has influenced his development in subtle ways I don't even understand.

[Dimond]

Lakshyayidhi, what a great gift your son is. Must be completely amazing to be his mom.

[Weena]

Lakshyayidhi Lakshmihi how amazing. I love the "be light mama" incredibly sweet.

My son is three and just getting around to talking so no big conversations yet. If he wants to say something comforting he just goes "you okay mummy/daddy/sister". I think he "knows" his sister's soul. Never jealous since her birth, always wanting to kiss her goodnight and a funny thing: when i was pregnant many many times he pointed his finger up to the ceiling and smiled saying "baby!!!" ... so i tend to believe his baby sister visited him often .

[Federer]

Erin, tell me one thing. Once we talked little but important convo about motivation and you stated your basketball success story.

There you acknowledged me as Baybee. If we look at our age, yes you are enough to be called my maternal friend. Was that this spiritual growth help? Was that tender hearted support? I sense responsibility there.

[Christina1965]

Thank you Erin! You put in words a lot of what I believe in. I am a christian, but not very traditional I guess, but for me there has never been any problems with this. I believe in that God will talk to my son when he needs it/are ready, and also that its not what we say but what we do (only know the exact words from the bible in Swedish).

My son is now grown up, but one thing that changed things a lot to the better was when I stopped thinking of him as "something to accomplish", like you know, you should success with your career, body, home and child/ren (and so on). After that our relation felt more free.

In my experience if you say to a child "what a nice picture" then it smile and nothing more happens. But if you say "there is a person" then you get a dialogue, they answer "yes thats mum" and sometime when I look more closely then I also can see that its mum because maybe she wears earrings, and if I say so the child starts to explain more about the picture. Of course I cannot know but it usually feels like they grow and feel more confident in themselves. (Hmmm! hard to explain in another language!)

A tip about teenagers that works sometimes; they (sometimes) don't want to do things for their own sake because as they usually tell you, if there will be bad consequences thats their own problem and not yours (usually in big letters...). And of course in a way they a right, how should they learn otherways?
But if it is something that will disturb me, then to start with that will work more often than the approach above. Like "I am so tired please help me make some food" (but it has to be the truth!) or "if you don't call me I will get worried". And after they've done it give thanks as to a grown up, because they did you a favor! Not "now you were a good boy" but "now when I got some food I feel much better, thanks". Start from your own feelings. About schoolwork and such (really their own problem) I don't have any good answer. My son studied late at nights, but got good grades so I couldn't say much about that.

[Lakshyayidhi Lakshmihi]

Originally Posted by Dimond

Lakshyayidhi, what a great gift your son is. Must be completely amazing to be his mom.

It's amazing, intimidating, challenging. I have to remind myself to accept his wisdom. He reminds me to get away from the computer, since I do school online as well I can get lost in my mind on here.

Originally Posted by Weena

Lakshyayidhi Lakshmihi how amazing. I love the "be light mama" incredibly sweet.

My son is three and just getting around to talking so no big conversations yet. If he wants to say something comforting he just goes "you okay mummy/daddy/sister". I think he "knows" his sister's soul. Never jealous since her birth, always wanting to kiss her goodnight and a funny thing: when i was pregnant many many times he pointed his finger up to the ceiling and smiled saying "baby!!!" ... so i tend to believe his baby sister visited him often .

<3 these children born nowadays are much wiser than the ones born 30+ years ago, I'll tell you that much. LOL.

[Anne Dessens]

Thanks for the tip Christina. I get what you are saying. Yes, my son is an entirely separate being from myself and I must remember that he has his own life exerpience to live.

Everytime I get upset at the "consequences" of his "negative" actions, I realize that I'm upset because I'm not seperating his failure with myself.

In other words, I have to get my own EGO out of his life exerpience! (not so easy in a world that says child's actions = the parenting and parents behind the child!!)

*sigh* I appreciate the adivce.

[Weena]

Originally Posted by Anne Dessens

(not so easy in a world that says child's actions = the parenting and parents behind the child!!)

I totally relate to this. And to the part where you said they come with their own agendas. My children are very little still, but when i read books about babies and toddlers i think "yeah BUT they are not characters in a book, they are humans with their very own traits".

[Anne Dessens]

Originally Posted by Weena

when i read books about babies and toddlers i think "yeah BUT they are not characters in a book, they are humans with their very own traits".

This is so true! My Aussi girlfriend just had her fourth child and she's only 3 months old, but from the very first night of her birth, she has her own character and personality. Within days, she made sure that everone knew that she wasn't just a little 'doll baby' but a real live person with her own traits nothing like her 3 siblings!

It's amazing to watch. and more enjoyable from the outsider's view. But observing her, helps me to remember that my kids are just as unique and came here with unique character traits = the sum total of the person they are.

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