The Secret to Forgiving Yourself (Blog)

[Erin Pavlina]

Use this thread to discuss the following entry from Erin Pavlina's blog:

The Secret to Forgiving Yourself

[Federer]

I agree with your this blog post. I have got this from my friend few months ago and now you are writing to people. It is really helpful and stress-lifter.

My friends also told me forgive myself and they are on this forum, too. I don't know my friend can be Erin.

Thank you. Love and peace to you.

[st33med]

I have a problem forgiving myself, and I know where this belief stems from. I would make a mistake and my family would just... get angry at me. So I couldn't help but be angry at myself. The only way of forgiveness was through my parents, and even then, I have a hard time forgiving myself. I KNOW I am hard on myself. I beat myself up even when I know it's normal to make a mistake and it's recoverable. But when it's not recoverable, I have a terrible breakdown. I failed. I hate failure. It means I didn't do everything right and I am not going to get back up.

But that's not true. All the times where something bad happened... I am still here. I was able to go back and improve the best I could. But still, I made the dumbest mistakes. And I feel that by not forgiving myself that I'll change.

Feeling down on myself isn't the best thing. It makes me more stressed and not willing to deal with the errors I keep making. I hear to err is to human and I know that is true that humans make lots of mistakes. But I feel like my errors are just much greater. But people have done the same thing.

I think I made the expectation that I am supposed to be sorry and guilty for what I have done to my family. It doesn't help anything still; I would get yelled at and cry harder because I had no forgiveness whatsoever over something that bad.

I need to interrupt this pattern...

[elucidate]

I do the same thing Andrew...and probably for the same reasons. My father is a perfectionist and an over achiever and he criticizes others, and himself very harshly. I always thought I had to be perfect or he would never love me.

I got over that thinking years ago...but somehow the habit if self-recrimination and self-punishing thinking still remains. It's harder to quit than smoking

Even though I realised many years ago that it's ok to make mistakes, and this is how we learn, I still have the habit of beating myself up when I do, and it goes on underneath the surface of me, so I hardly even know I'm doing it...it's insidious, and it's held me back for years.

I liked this blog, and I know it's true...it still doesn't seem to matter when this thinking goes on below the surface and I can't even hear it when it's happening.

I will see how reminding myself of this helps though.

[Erin Pavlina]

It does seem more difficult when you have a perfectionist parent who is critical. But try to recognize that that is your parent's issue, not yours.

Everyone makes "dumb" mistakes. It's how we learn and grow. Really the trick is to try not to make the SAME mistake twice. As long as you're learning from your mistakes, you are not failing.

You can accept the consequences of your actions without feeling guilt or shame. Sometimes you just gotta shrug and say, "Well ... I'm human. That wasn't my first mistake and it certainly won't be my last."

[Andwan]

Perfect timing for this blog Erin!!Ive been going through something since 07,and I think that Ive been stuck in hatred ever since..I tried to forgive so many times,and I couldnt..It never occured to me that I may be the one who needs forgiving..Well...Nice post..SN:Apparently I have no promblem logging in via my cell phone..I havent been able to post using a computer....

[elucidate]

Originally Posted by Erin Pavlina

It does seem more difficult when you have a perfectionist parent who is critical. But try to recognize that that is your parent's issue, not yours.

Everyone makes "dumb" mistakes. It's how we learn and grow. Really the trick is to try not to make the SAME mistake twice. As long as you're learning from your mistakes, you are not failing.

You can accept the consequences of your actions without feeling guilt or shame. Sometimes you just gotta shrug and say, "Well ... I'm human. That wasn't my first mistake and it certainly won't be my last."

Yeah, I'm getting better. Thanks Erin.

I do recognise that it is dad's stuff...it's more the programme of habitual reaction that tends to come up and bite me when I'm not looking. It's hit an dmiss with me...somedays I'm really good at just getting the lesson and moving forward without that old reaction, and other days I think I sort of fall back into old reactions. With those days I just need to get better at catching myself when I am and stopping it and replacing those thoughts.

I like to remember that I will one day be the wisest person that ever lived...all the mistakes I've made(;

[Smurf]

I just posted this recently on another site. They were talking about Adultery. I think it's appropriate.

We are all simply Human. Part of being Human and not a god is that we Phuck up from time to time. The whole: "to err is human blah blah blah crap" is where your answer lays. If you've been cheated on, you're the lucky one. I know I sound like I'm on crack, but it's true. You are in a position of "forgiveness". If you're the cheater; you're in a position of weakness. You can't undo what you did. That's much tougher to face than forgiving someone for being a weak human.

Ignore those who pass judgement on you in either capacity. The indescrestion is between you and your partner. The key is forgiveness. Without Forgiveness, it doesn't matter which role you played. You will suffer.

If you forgive (including yourself) you can start over

HO OPONOPONO

[Federer]

I got something. When you are going to forgive yourself this means you are going to connect yourself with inner god. Yes, we are part of god, so obviously we will able to feel the presence high form of love. When you allow yourself, that inner unreachable spirit allows you to forgive yourself. Allows you to release those unwanted tensions.

[Erin Pavlina]

yes exactly. When people ask God for forgiveness they don't realize they are asking permission from themselves to forgive themselves. Skip the middle man, go straight to the heart.

[Federer]

Originally Posted by Erin Pavlina

yes exactly. When people ask God for forgiveness they don't realize they are asking permission from themselves to forgive themselves. Skip the middle man, go straight to the heart.

I see some hurdles. Doubts. Uncertainty or may be if they don't want to talk with their heart. I see, why people feel so hard to make themselves empty.

Self-forgiveness' other meaning self-cleaning. I love myself.

[Smurf]

Originally Posted by Erin Pavlina

yes exactly. When people ask God for forgiveness they don't realize they are asking permission from themselves to forgive themselves. Skip the middle man, go straight to the heart.

Oh Erin; I love you to death but you're such a Heathen. lol......