How To Handle Public Criticism (Blog)

[Erin Pavlina]

Use this thread to discuss the following entry from Erin Pavlina's blog:

How To Handle Public Criticism

[st33med]

First thing I notice is that angry face :O

A wonderful article!

I can imagine how rattling it is to have a death threat. There is that small nagging thought of that person actually following through with it, even though it is highly unlikely.

[Weena]

I don't get how people can waste time in writing negative emails and threats to someone they don't know. It makes no sense at all!

[Donkey1]

Yeah, good blog. Sympothy goes out to you, sometimes people don't know what they're doing.

[Christopher Lovejoy]

If you really and truly care about what you're doing, and you're in the public eye dealing with controversial matters, then this is something you definitely want to take to heart:

“I knew when I started doing this work publically that I was painting a bullseye on my ass. I knew people would take shots at me, and I knew I would face extraordinary criticism for my chosen vocation. But I don’t care. I am called to do this work, I do it well, and I’m not going to let other people stop me. They’re free to think what they want. All that matters is that I know I’m doing my job with integrity. I will never defend what I do. People can try to discredit me until they’re blue in the face; they can challenge me, they can try to assault my character, it’s not going to stop me.”

A little defiance in the service of light, love, and truth can do wonders for your spirit.

[Piercetheveil]

Originally Posted by Weena

I don't get how people can waste time in writing negative emails and threats to someone they don't know. It makes no sense at all!

Humans do lots of things that make no sense. Actually, I would say most of what we do makes no sense...to anyone but us.

[Brad Paul]

I feel that your advice is useful for any kind criticism even if it’s not done publicly.

Excellent advice, Erin.

[silverhuang]

Thanks for sharing that quote from John Edward.

It is in my experience that all you need to do to invite criticism is just be yourself. Wholeheartedly, unreservedly. That's all. And anyone who is unaware of their unresolved fear issues will start taking hits at you. Don't even need to be a celebrity. Doesn't matter what line of work you're in. Challenge the status quo & watch for the missiles.

Tim Ferriss has covered the same issue a couple of times & shares a couple of additionally helpful quotes to live by. I keep those articles handy at all times to remind me to keep forging on despite what anyone, or anything my own inner fear psyche, can throw at me.

He said that if you are really effective at what you do, 95% of the things said about you will be negative. Keep your head on straight, don’t get emotional, take the heat, and just make sure your clients are smiling. — Scott Boras (source)

Living well is the best revenge. — George Herbert (source)

[supertom]

This is very good article for also group criticism for normal people, like something that might happen at work or at school. Few words don't really matter if you considered that ghandi, jesus, Kennedy and lincoln died for trying to do good.

Criticism is there to keep you balanced.

[roxyruby]

Erin I'm so sorry for what you've been through. Whatever what you do, write, or speak about, you're a human being and deserve to be treated as such! People can disagree with your ideas & discuss why, but why can't they do it in a respectful way without hurting you?

Doesn't show anything negative about you when they be hurtful & disrespectful...shows something negative about them.

I've enjoyed southpark cause it's really funny sometimes, but it's often cruel & lacking in thoughtfulness & empathy especially when featuring real life people. But, sadly I don't know if they'd care.

Wow death threats, you are brave! That is so sad that people would do that, so sad.

I hope you are safe! No one has actually stalked you or physically attacked you or anything have they?

[Erin Pavlina]

@roxyruby: It seems that most of the people who made threats live pretty far away so I'm not gonna stress about it. But I have taken great pains to make my home a fortress and my battle skills formidable!

[Savage]

"I’ve learned that other people’s opinions of me are based on expectations and assumptions that may not be accurate, and that they must do their own research to arrive at the truth. I’m not required to do that research for them."

I especially like that last line.

I get many emails from college students who ask me to help them with their research projects and homework assignments. A few of them have had the attitude that I'm somehow obligated to help them just because I'm an expert in this field; supposedly they're entitled to a slice of my time because they're in higher education, working towards the noble cause of a Ph.D.

[PracticallyIntuitive]

Excellent article, Erin. There are many out there who really operate in that vibration of fear and it colors everything they see, say and do. I can't hang out there - it feels so icky to me.

I have a cousin who has gotten in my face saying I am doing things "not of God" - and while I was rattled initially, the event helped me really understand that this is *my* work and that I am not accepting ANYONE's judgement of it or my spiritual path.

What good teachers those individuals are though - helping us truly clarify what is most important to us. (This particular cousin has been a teacher to me in many, many ways. I don't like her methods much but I definitely get the lesson!)

Thank you for sharing your experiences and also for sharing John Edwards words. They really resonate with me.

[Erin Pavlina]

Everyone just remember that the John Edward "quote" was a paraphrasing of what he said. I couldn't remember every single word perfectly but I definitely remembered the gist and some of his statements. I wouldn't want this to get around as an actual and official quote of some kind. hahahah.

[Saraleee]

Thanks, Erin, for such a great article!

I recently went through a situation like that, even though it was related to my private life and not really a public thing.

Basically, my mom was behaving irrationally--she gambled away all her money, got evicted from her apartment, borrowed or stole money from anyone she could, refused to take my advice and live her life in a more standard way. My husband wouldn't let her live with us.

So people often thought that I was being a bad person because I wasn't "doing anything about" her. I felt very guilty and torn. Our minister was totally understanding and forgiving, and that helped me a lot. But the negative judgments of these strangers and acquaintances still hurt.

Intellectually, I know--and I knew then--that these people didn't know the whole story. They were judging me based on a false understanding. But emotionally, I'm still healing from the whole episode.

On the positive side, however, my mother is now safe in a nursing home, and I hope she'll eventually come to terms with the fact that it's the best place for her.

Saraleee

[DonnaBiz]

I love it when a lady makes a stand!
Great post...and I like the graphic up front.
That's how I always begin a page myself.
I think it "sets a tone". And that one really does it, but you fired right back.

[AjaTrinidad]

One thing about this type of "criticism" is that it's easy for people to sit behind their computer screens and type out messages of hate. How many people would actually say those things to you in person? And how many would be as forceful about it as they are through email? Maybe a few, but not nearly as many.

I wouldn't even give it enough value as to call it criticism. They're attacks really. People who are unhappy with their lives, find something online that either makes them uncomfortable or that they simply disagree with, and because they have no power or control over themselves and their lives, they attempt to gain some by lashing out at someone they don't know.

[Angela]

I agree with AjaTrinidad -- there's criticism, and there are attacks, and they're not necessarily coincident. There's not much effective response to an attack -- someone who is looking to harm you. But criticism, in the sense of feedback where someone is describing an area where you might improve or be more effective in this or that area, there's always room for some authentic response that feels good for both parties, even if you don't want to take on the criticizer's suggestions or requests. Sometimes that response is as simple as, "thank you" or one Erin suggested awhile back: "you may be right."

Sometimes very "thin-skinned" folks are inclined to hear authentic criticism or analysis as an attack, and thereby miss out on the wealth of treasure that is contained in feedback that appears "negative." I think it's an excellent practice to look boldly to notice if you're feeling *attacked* when someone is simply giving you feedback of where they feel you could be more effective or powerful, whether or not you want to take on change based on that feedback.

I don't think there is such a thing as bad feedback.

Of course, if someone is threatening to kill you because their god doesn't like what you're doing, that's good feedback, too -- it lets you know it's time to watch out for the crazies! (and notify the authorities probably, too.)

[AjaTrinidad]

Originally Posted by Angela

Of course, if someone is threatening to kill you because their god doesn't like what you're doing, that's good feedback, too -- it lets you know it's time to watch out for the crazies! (and notify the authorities probably, too.)

I'd also use that as an opportunity to pee my pants.

[Angela]

Originally Posted by AjaTrinidad

I'd also use that as an opportunity to pee my pants.

Laugh out loud!

[Gene]

Personal growth through voiding?

[Zach M]

Great article, Erin. It was a subject that needed discussion. I would take criticism as a sign that one is having an impact, and making a difference.

My first attempt at blogging did attract support but also criticism, more than I was ready to handle. (I still don't like to talk about it much, sorry)

My YouTube channel is not attracting much criticism or support yet. I'll keep working at it.

[Zach M]

Originally Posted by Erin Pavlina

@roxyruby: It seems that most of the people who made threats live pretty far away so I'm not gonna stress about it. But I have taken great pains to make my home a fortress and my battle skills formidable!

Ah, now I get why you took an interest in guns. May it never come to that.

[Angela]

Originally Posted by Zach Matley

My YouTube channel is not attracting much criticism or support yet. I'll keep working at it.

Great attitude!!

[kia kaha]

It's very important to handle public criticism in the same way you handle public adulation.

Neither is true. Just notice it and move on.

When people praise you publicly they're only praising their idea about you. Not you. They don't have a clue who you are. That includes close family.

When they're angry with you and criticise you destructively in public, they're not angry with you. They're angry because the little idea they had about you in their feverish mind, turned out to be innacurate.

What on earth does that have to do with you?

Peace

[run_fly]

Cool post Erin,

I think a great way to deal with negative critics is to totally transcend and disconnect from that energy.

[Marth]

you've brought insight and understanding to a very intangible and hard to recognize thing, spirituality. Keep up the good work and always keep learning and sharing knowledge, you have helped me a lot thanks

[PaulDJ]

I received my first bit of hate mail from my site a few weeks ago. It was pure hate, designed to really put me down. But after the initial shock, I thought it was kind of cool that something I'd written could create such strong emotions. It got me thinking that if my articles could generate such strong hate and criticism, they must also be capable of generating feelings of strong compassion and appreciation. Or at the very least my articles would have the power to awaken some strong energy from within caused by getting to the heart of a problem. So I see criticism, especially the strong stuff, as compliments in disguise. It could be completely warped thinking, but that's honestly how I see it.

[Mewwy]

Thank you Erin for the elaborate post.

I've been working through how to deal with discrimination - initially I find being discriminated and being criticized to be similar, since anyone can discriminate any quality from head to toe just as anyone can criticize whatever they wish from head to toe.

However I personally find it difficult to plug "discrimination" into the solution for how to deal with criticism. Do people discriminate what threatens them? Do people discriminate when they feel fear? Don't people embrace superiority for the sake of it, which may not always fear based? From race, culture, gender, class, status, aren't many people carrying the realistic burden of being discriminated - instead of those who discriminate?

I don't mean to raise these questions to disapprove Erin's intent for the post. I feel empowered, as usual - but I am curious in terms of many sides of human nature...

I appreciate any insight, if possible