What Would You Do? (Blog)

[Erin Pavlina]

Use this thread to discuss the following entry from Erin Pavlina's blog:

What Would You Do?

[Bing Wu]

Yikes! I struggle with this sometimes - how far I'm willing to go out of my way to help someone in trouble. It's unfortunate they don't do more about it in schools, because I was one of those kids who was picked on But I'm okay now

[Erin Pavlina]

Do you wish someone had stepped in to help you? Or that someone had stepped in to prevent the bullies from doing their thang?

[Cochonette]

This is a really good article. It's similar to when there's a stampede of people and they knock someone down and everyone just tramples on them. Happened to me before in elementary school in the bleachers. What are we, herd animals?

[Bing Wu]

@Erin - yes, I did, I was always happy and relieved when an adult got involved! But I think a lot of adults at the time didn't understand what was happening. And if you peep, you're a "tattle-tale"

[supertom]

@Alex Wu FREE HUG I would say your very cuddle worthy now. I got teased at school it taught me never to put down another person and respect everyones dignity.

I would help for sure, its a big deal for me, showing compassion when it matters, I know they could turn on me but showing courage in that moment would be a experience I that will always be with my soul i believe when of those experiences is worth more than many lifetimes living safely. You can again see how courage and compassion are closely linked.

This is one of the reasons i decided never to have kids or get married, so I wont have to worry about leaving someone behind in case I got into trouble. A bit extreme but its a strong subject for me

[stevo75]

I think I was more upset by the fact that people produce these kinds of televisions show - and the fact that viewers want to watch them.

I don't think the energy of that kind of TV show is very positive.

[slumberland]

And what if the victim of the injustice is your own self? Does that make it harder or more difficult to stand up to? I think in some ways it makes it more difficult.

Of course, that is often the problem. It is difficult for whatever reason for people to stand up for themselves (they are in a weakened position to begin with otherwise whatever is happening wouldn't be happening), and that is why they need others to intervene.

[omia1234]

I cannot imagine just sitting by and not getting involved. As a child I was bullied at various points in my life and have a very low tolerance.

My daughter has always been very popular, well liked and respected by her peers. She is also a clear leader.

When she was in fourth grade, her arch rival fell from grace with her peers and my daughter took the opportunity to rally all the girls and make sure she ensured her role as the "leader of the pack". It eventually escalated to tripping the girl and pushing her to the ground. At this point, I received a call from the parents of the "victim" and got myself to the school right away. I was not contacted by the school but, as a parent, I felt a responsibility to show up, apologize and take some serious action with my daughter.

I spent the next six months teaching my child compassion and understanding. I worked hard to explain to her that she had a opportunity to use her power over the group in a positive way, to include all the girls in their activities and how hard it would be if all the girls turned on her. Each morning over breakfast and before she went to school, I reinforced the message that each day was a new opportunity to show love and compassion.

I am happy to report that she is now 14, has no tolerance for violence and is a peacemaker among her peers. She is still a clear leader and very well respected. I couldn't be more proud.

What always strikes me is the relief I've seen on the faces of parents whose children are not the targets of bullying but it is well known that their kids are bullies. So many of them do nothing and parents take no responsibility as long as their children are at the top of the pack.

I would never be able to bare the thought that my child was causing another child hardship, that I knew about it and I didn't take responsibility and action.

[BeyondtheWrap]

What would I do? I'm not proud to say it, but for all those situations, I would most likely do nothing about them. Either I would consider it none of my business or I would be afraid to do anything.

[inverse Paranoid]

(Warning: there is judgment (and possibly projection) in this post. I'm not judging you (Erin), merely the perspective you're advocating. I take it personal when someone tells me "this is right, that is wrong. Do this or you're acting in the wrong." Which is how I interpreted this article's call to action. Though I could have taken measures to be more understanding in writing this response, I wanted to speak from the passion I felt while reading this article. This is just my truth, not THE truth.)

Jesus Christ, rescuer much? Why do you see it as your responsibility to control the whole world? Don't you believe in personal responsibility? Don't you believe that nobody is capable of attracting an experience that they're not a vibrational match for? Do you truly believe there are people in this world who need to be taken care of? Who need you to intervene because they're so helpless by themselves? Do you truly believe that what you want for yourself is what everyone else in the world must want and that if you see anyone in a situation you wouldn't want to be in it's your job to stop it?

Nobody likes being bullied, but your intervening doesn't stop the person from being bullied, it prevents him or her from having a chance to learn how to stop being a victim.

You can't make the world all better by going out of your way to push against all the things you do not want in the world. By doing so you're only feeding those things your attention. That's "What You Resist Persists 101."

If you're being victimized it's not because you deserve it, but because you think you deserve it. Victims invariably have low self-esteem. If you truly want to help a victim out, help them raise their self-esteem. Don't try to vanquish the bullies of the world and guilt everyone else into helping you in your quest. That's a fool's errand and impossible request.

We either have free will or we don't. Maybe you want to see a bully-free world, but what if everyone was allowed to take anything they didn't like and just rid the world of it? There probably wouldn't be anything left.

Thankfully, we live in an inclusive universe. One where you vote for what you want to see more of by what you give your attention to. You're a creative being, not an un-creative being. You can't get rid of things by destroying them. You can only shatter them into a million pieces and watch them even stronger than before, armed with the energy you gave in vanquishing them.

I know you have a huge heart and you want nothing more than to love this world to a higher plane of living, but we cannot reach those heights by focusing on the elements of our now that aren't included in the dream of that higher plane. We must instead focus our energy on what we want, and look for ways to begin creating more of that.

You have a beautiful heart and a beautiful soul, why dilute that beauty by funneling it into the ugliness of the world? Why pour your energy into re-creating that which you do not want?

I see your point of view on this as one I would not like to have for myself. And I'm pushing against your point of view with that same sort of "I just can't stand by and do nothing" attitude that I'm advocating against.

I know how hard it is to free our attention from something so obviously in front of us. But we won't be able to create a world brimming with all the things we'd love to see until we can unlearn the notion that it is our duty to push against that which we do not want.

The moment we learn to look for the things we want in the world, is the moment we begin to find them. The world we want is merely a paradigm shift away. Not a world paradigm shift, but a personal one. And the more people who make that personal shift, the more people who will begin creating a world we'll all want to live in. Not a world free from contrast, but a world full of examples of all things worth aspiring to.

[wolfgang]

pull out my cell phone and tell them I'm calling 911 - and then if they don't snap out of it make the call. I'd tell 911 there's a case of domestic violence going on.

and actually the perpetrators actually want to stop what they are doing too.

if there's any level of intervening in cases of violence, it can help both sides see what the dynamic was. if you leave them to their ways - it stays that way, they don't learn by being left alone. they need another perspective, which is an intervention.

it's not a matter of making the perpetrator feel guilty, but a matter of unhooking the behavior that has them acting blindly. if given a chance to see what they are doing, perhaps they can learn otherwise. but being left alone without any other feedback insures the perpetrator will not see what is happening. same with the victim side. from within the dynamic it's impossible to see their side of the interaction. it's only by not being stimulated into the behavior that might allow some reflection and strength to learn confidence.

I wouldn't want to try to stop anyone in a fight, but I would want to help them gain awareness of what they are doing. and I would only see people fighting if that is in me in some way already. if I become the change I want to see in the world - there will be no victim/perpetrator dynamics witnessed by me anymore.

in other words to witness and notice abuse/violence and then walk away from it - is the same as suppressing something of yourself, like anger. and suppressing eventually causes you to have to deal with it more so later in bigger ways. if you see violence and continually decide to do absolutely nothing, you will see more of it and bigger cases of it. perhaps, in theroy.

[bunnyman]

In the recent movie, Kick-Ass, the titular character's only "superpower" is that he is willing to get involved when others would not.

[Liz Caitlin]

Originally Posted by bunnyman

In the recent movie, Kick-Ass, the titular character's only "superpower" is that he is willing to get involved when others would not.

Well, he actually has other "superpowers" later in the movie, remember? But at the beginning of the movie, you're right, that was his only superpower...and look what happened to him.

[ellie]

Oh the moment I see anything like this, I take action. I don't know why, it's just something instinctively in me, if I see injustice taking place.

I would of done something very similar.

[Gene]

Originally Posted by wolfgang

pull out my cell phone and tell them I'm calling 911 - and then if they don't snap out of it make the call. I'd tell 911 there's a case of domestic violence going on.

Then start taking video of the incident with your cell phone, if your path is to call 911.

I would intervene in the many on one situation. I would intervene if one was being abused and unable to defend him/herself from the aggressor. There are also times when I would allow the more or less fair fight come to a natural resolution, a friend described one such example to me yesterday.

[lifetimelearner]

Originally Posted by Erin Pavlina

Use this thread to discuss the following entry from Erin Pavlina's blog:

What Would You Do?

very powerful Erin !

[newmark]

I have intervened when children - and animals - have been attacked, verbally or physically. Whether I would always intervene, I'm not sure. There are times when it may just be too dangerous. An emergency call is always possible though.

[Cado]

I don't believe in absolutes. There may be times I'd be inspired to step in when the same situation would evoke a different response under a different set of circumstances.

What is there to gain? What is there to lose? Who's involved? Who wants what? How do I relate? Sometimes the defenseless need someone to stand up for them before they'll find their strength and sometimes they need to be trod upon. Sometimes that doesn't matter and I simply need to act (or not) for my own reasons. Sometimes it truly is none of my business.

I can neither save nor damn the world by my actions, neither can I save or damn an individual. I can open a door, I can intercept a crippling blow, but I can't save anyone. They have to do that. If someone always intervenes they'll never realize their own power. If someone always intervened on my behalf I'd have never realized my own power.

Whether you feel it's your duty to save the world or leave people to their own problems, don't take that away from them.

[Lucidism]

I think it is important to help protect the innocent. I believe "the bad can only win if the good do nothing."

If someone is being physically attacked and you unable to intervene physically, then AT LEAST call the police. Many of us have heard the story about a woman being raped and none of her neighbors (who heard it happening) did ANYTHING. I don't want to live in a society like that.

[Weena]

If i were alone i would intervene. A friend of my husband was at the mall a little while ago and that teenage mum was smoking just above her pram, chatting with an other teenage mum smoking above her pram. Her little one had a little grizzle and she bent towards him and burned his face with her cigarette. The child cried (why would a child cry when his mum just burned him ) and so her reaction was to slap him across the face . A guard saw her and called the police and my husband's friend (she was alone, her babies were with her husband) went to her, yelled at her and made sure she stayed there until the police embarked her. Good on her!

I would intervene if i did not have my own baby/toddler with me (no way i will endanger my own children). I saw a woman verbally abusing her son once and i was paralysed for a minute, had no idea what to do, and she looked so angry i thought if i say anything she will kick me in my pregnant belly. I kept thinking about that little boy and prayed Archangel Michael for a maximum of protection for the child (because i didn't see the physical abuse but considering she said to him "sit down you little f---ker or I'm gonna hit you so hard" and the kid had a bruise, i just wouldn't be surprised).

Also, what i wonder is this: say you call the police...and later on that day the child gets beaten up really bad by the parent as punishment...have you "helped" that child????

[Andrew Brunelle]

Bullying is something that needs to be stopped. We must not sit idly by while others are humiliated, degraded, and abused. It is an atrocity, but so many people would rather sit by and watch, rather than help. How do we stop this kind of behavior? We get it at the root cause. Why are these people bullies to begin with? Why do they feel they have the right to attack other people and intimidate them? There has to be some hidden pain there that has not been dealt with. Why don't we start a war on violence, only it's not a war, but a peaceful resolution?

[Smurf]

Quotes from 2 very unpopular U.S. Presidents. (on both sides of the Isle)

"Aggresion left unchallenged is aggression unleashed".


"It is the duty of the strong to protect those who can't protect themselves".



Many will say: "but wait, you don't know the whole situation. (what if the kid getting the smackdown had pulled a knife on one of the other 5 kids?)

The truth is, 5 on 1 is aggression unleashed.

Recently, there was a video of a SCHOOL TEACHER kicking the living crap out of a small kid cowering in a corner. I don't know if this kid was acting like hitler to another kid or the teacher just got annoyed. But the teacher's actions were just wrong. She outweighed the kid (who was not putting up a fight and covering his face to block the slaps and fists) Again, I don't know what caused the attack, but it DOESN'T MATTER. Someone should have stepped in and stopped the carnage.

Would I get in between Mike Tyson and Evander Holyfield? Probably not. (I think that falls under "boys will be boys") But if Mike Tyson was beating the crap out of Robin Givens; yes I would step in and probably get killed if it gave Givens enough time to get away. Again, it's the duty of the strong to protect those who can't protect themselves.

So ask yourself this: "Should a powerful nation stand by and watch another country commit genocide such as the cases in Rowanda, South Africa, Vietnam, Korea, China, Iraq and The former Soviet Union? At what point does the school yard stop and society begin?

The two quotes referred to two different scenarios. One was talking about a country being invaded by another; the other was talking about an individual too weak to protect themself. The principle is the same in both. circumstances.

I'll quote the Irish philosopher Edmund Burke:"All it takes for Evil to triumph is for good men to do nothing".

It could cost you your life; but what price freedom? A coward dies a thousand deaths, but a brave man only dies once. (unless he's reincarnated )

[Ron Hitson]

I don't think I would be inclined to step in because I do not know the background of all the parties involved.

This is coming from a guy that manages a homeless shelter and my work is all about helping people. Even at the shelter, i refuse people help.