How Does One Control Their Psychic Abilities? Erin or Anyone?

[RedneckGyrl]

To All,

When I read people's posts when discussing psychic abilities and how they talk about it as a gift or as something to strive for and behold, I get tense and a bit angry.

You are probably wondering how anyone could get tense or angry, but here's why I do. Ever since I was 4 years old and it may be earlier than that, but that's the youngest age I can remember my first psychic ability...I saw a huge male being, with flowing perfectly white hair on his head and his mustache and beard were long and the same color...he appeared out from a clear blue sky on a summer day, when I was laying on my back and getting caught up in the wind blowing a very tall pine tree across the street.

Eventually, my parents who were ultra fundamental Pentecostal Christians, decided I was demon possessed. A few times, they drug me into a pastor's office to "have Satan casted out of me". Then, as I got older, I would know when the phone was going to ring and who it was....or look at someone and feel them and whatnot....and seeing the spirit world didn't stop either.

I tried so hard to stop myself, I really did. I didn't want to have this horrible life of being ridiculed as being demonic and being taken to pastors to go through those scary moments of being screamed at, manhandled or feel the spit from his mouth hit my face...I was so terrified, as I was only a young girl and so dang confused as to "what was wrong with me"....so, I stopped talking about what was going on and pretended that these events were no longer happening. Then, I started having mental issues because I thought I was going nuts. Eventually, my parents started taking me to a head shrink. I hated everything about me, then.

Today, I have a love for who I am and what I am made out of for the most part...still working on that area. However, I still carry around this resentment for having psychic abilities and when I hear someone say they wish they could have such a blessed gift, I respond..."Okay, take mine, I don't want it anymore. It's a friggin curse to me." I know this may sound bitter or ungrateful and I know deep down in my heart, that I don't really feel that way. I just get entirely worn out and at times, depressed cause so much input is coming in that I don't know what to do with it or how to control it.

I would just love to know what it feels like to go out into public and just have a purely normal human experience of just hanging out and minding my own business. I have become so anti-social, that I rarely go out anymore. I hate it when I am in a store and there is too many people around me....especially if I am already tired or hungry, the collective thoughts and energies of everyone just flood into my head and I feel like running out, just to get myself quiet again.

There are a few times, that I have actually felt a panic/anxiety attack and left my poor hubby to finish the shopping. And boy, when I finally get to get outside and take that first breath of open space air, I feel very much how a wild animal must feel, when it's set free to roam it's natural habitat after being caged up. I end up feeling bad for my hubby, because even though I know he accepts this part of me and tries to make me feel free to escape, I also feel him not understand it and sorta feels cheated in getting a wife that can't relax and just have fun with him...poor guy, I love him so much!

And, forbid the moment someone just has to come up to me and share their problems to get comfort or whatever, cause I can get these snap shot photo images of the issues and know what this person should or should not do and the outcome of each way...and many of times, I get attitude issues back from them if my answers are not what they want to hear....because, a lot of times the snap shot images tell me they are dealing with a whole different issue and that they are not being honest with themselves.

When that happens, it feels like all hell breaks out on me...when they say something like, "Yeah, that is happening too...but that's not my REAL issue." Then, it will dawn on them that I brought up an issue that I had no human way of knowing and then they either wig out or get angry at me over it. I just wanna pull my hair out at these moments and yell out, "Hey, I didn't create your reality, you did. I only see it and sharing it with you is all. So, if ya wanna piss on someone over it, piss on yourself!" I know, not very loving thoughts, but sheez.

I hate it when this happens and I feel like blurting out, "If you don't like hearing the truth, then don't bother coming to me, I don't need this crap!' But, I don't...I go into compassion mode as much as I can, because I know that I don't always respond to truth in a healthy manner, so how can I expect them to. I end up being as loving as possible and say something like, "I'm sorry if this made you upset, I am just trying to help." Then, I change the subject to something completely different. But, I hate it when I say I am sorry, because sorry means that I did something wrong.

I am sorry for this being so long and I appreciate any of you that has stayed with me so far. It's just been what feels like forever that I have held this resentment inside and I want to get it out. Trust me, I am not like a spoiled and ungrateful bratty kid that doesn't appreciate the wonderful toys in her room. I am just feeling like a kid that is overwhelmed by all the toys that are piled in a heap and has a problem knowing what to organize them so it doesn't feel like a mess.

I am going to be 45 years old in June...that's almost half my life, if I do live to be 100 years old. I have spent this first half being resentful of my abilities and feeling worn out...and I really don't want to wish away my abilities if that can happen, as I am scared of that happening too if I give in to resenting it too much...I just want to live out the last half of my life appreciating my abilities and knowing how to use it and control it to get breaks when I am out in public...because I don't really like running or hiding away, it's not me really.

Does anyone out there understand and relate to what I am feeling? Has anyone ever gone through resenting their "gift" and come out learning how to not allow it to overwhelm yourself and actually enjoy and fully appreciate it? It's like I said, most of the time I love me and what I am, but it's only when going through psychic events, that I start feeling like a friggin freakazoid and I know I need to work on this...just don't know how.

Okay, y'all are released to return to whatever it was you were doing before I started my whining and complaining. Deep down inside I am not like this, this is not the real me most of the time....it just creeps up on me ever so often. I want to be TOTALLY free from the present bouts of resentment to live out the rest of my life daily, peacefully enjoying my gift. I have been telling myself for tons of years, it's only a phase things will get better.

Again, thanks so much for taking the time to read this long post and responding to it, if you so choose.

Amanda

[Simmiah]

First off I'm not exactly developed or working on my abilities heavily so my advice is sort of just from where I'm at now. I'm 25 & well I didn't even become aware of my abilities until a few years ago in a real way.

I can identify though a bit... My mother, sister, & grandmother have abilities I believe. All 3 of them have lived their entire lives terrified, angry, & resentful of their abilities I believe since none of them really wanted to talk about it at all & when they did.. it became a very negatively charged conversation pretty quickly. Enter me. I'm the youngest in the family & I thought "oh they all have abilities & that's nice..but I don't think I do..." from when I was a wee kid. I was always very open to the phenomena & read many books on it due to my curiosity.

I will say like you my family's negative bias against paranormal phenomena made it quite difficult for me when I realized I also was experiencing things a few years ago that made it difficult to deny. My sister was the toughest as she also highly resents her abilities & my bringing up ANYTHING was like a big fight with her though I so badly wanted to share it with her. I definitely think you could get some help healing that horrible experience you went through with your parents & the pastors it would help clear up that part of your feelings with your abilities. For my sister she had a particularly bad experience with an entity that soured her for good (she only told me a year ago finally) & well, she sort of let it colour her perspective.

One of your paragraphs jumped out at me since it sounds a lot like what some have called 'unskilled empathy.' It's an ability to sort of merge or pick up on other people's feelings, physical sensations, a sense of who they are, there is even molecular empathy according to the book I've read on it. It is by a woman named Rose Rosetree whose book has helped me quite a bit with this particular ability. It is different from being clairvoyant or clairsentient I believe? though I'm sure there are others who are way more familiar with these abilities than I am. It sounds like you have more than empathy too but I don't know if I can help you out there as I'm totally unfamiliar with this stuff.

I am in the process of regaining my own power over my empathy. For many years I didn't even realize I'd pick up people's emotions like a sponge. I would hang around someone who was peaceful & it was bliss...then all of a sudden I'd be around an angry person (this is hardest for me..especially in this stressful time) & I'd be upset too. It was like I couldn't control it. I dealt pretty well & tried just some meditations whatnot..but to make a long story short I was upset too because I hated not being able to control it or turn it off when I wanted some peace or just to go grocery shopping in peace without picking some person's intense emotions.

I am slowly right now in the process of regaining my own power back & I believe it is our right to since it makes no sense to be a slave to something like this. I think there are more books out there on various abilities & sometimes there are teachers you can work with? though I'm not sure of which ones but I am sure setting some kind of intention with your guides/universe to empower yourself & have the insight to use your abilities better & have a more peaceful life would be a good intention. I've found asking for the help generally tends to send it right to me.

I identify with your post because I'm sort of half annoyed with my empathy & half aware that I have it for a reason though I don't know my reasons quite yet. I believe though there will come a time it'll make sense for me & I'll be grateful for it much like I'm grateful for other talents I have.

I hope this helps!

[Erin Pavlina]

You're a lightworker who chose to incarnate to help our planet and the people on it remember where they came from, to grow, learn, help others, and live compassionately.

You chose parents who were very fear based to test yourself. you have given in to the fear. This is why you panic.

You are Clark Kent with amnesia. give up your psychic abilities if you want. But they are part of you. Even with amnesia, Clark Kent still has superstrength. Try to suppress it, avoid it, ignore it, pretend it's not there, and you will just be railing against your true nature.

Let go of your past. Let go of the fear. Remember why you're here. Then you will be truly free.

[RedneckGyrl]

You hit the nail on the head, when you said that you don't see the reason for having your gift....that is EXACTLY what goes through my head at times. I will share just one event that stands out to this day, that made me question what the reason was.

I was in my local grocery store...a well dressed and groomed male passed by me....and instantly I felt like my body was being slammed down on the floor and I couldn't breathe. All of a sudden mental snap shot images of him wearing scrappy jeans and a grey/blue tshirt and barefooted...his hair was a mess and he was angry. Next, snapshot was him with his hands around a woman's throat who looked absolutely in terror. Next snapshot was him holding her by the hair and the expressions of pain and terror was in her face.

Meanwhile, I knew in the deepest part of me that that self confident and mastered manner of being polite when he smiled at me...all that business and professional attire...only hid that individual's absolute hate, anger, uncontrollable temper and the rage he had against his wife....and the reason why I believe it was his wife, was because the wedding band he was wearing matched the one I saw on her finger.

Okay, so what now? Great, I tell myself....here I go again getting all this information and what do I do with it? What is the reason I get these if there isn't a dang thing I can do about it or with it or whatever? I feel that resentment at those times for sure, because in my reality that I selfishly want it seems, it would be better to not have those images at all and I see no good in having them. Like, what was I supposed to do in that situation, call the dude on his abuse issues....call the police and tell them hey officer based upon my psychic "gift" this man abused his wife? YEAH SURE!

I am so sure at that point that if I had confronted the dude, he would turn around and stalk me or whatever. If I call the police, then I could very well trust that I would be taking a trip in a nice patty wagon off to a rubber room somewhere...so, I do what I usually do....keep it to myself and just walk away feeling angry...when I was just wanting to be at the grocery store picking my gorgeous fruit and vegetables with peace, just like Martha Stewart...just joking on the Martha Stewart part.

I just am so glad that those type of psychic experiences happen so rare, I couldn't take it if they were an every day occasion and I would consider shock therapy at that point. I do think you are right about getting healing from my parents and the pastors. Well, if we both stick it out here long enough, perhaps others will be able to watch us both help the other get through this and feel the love for our gifts, eh?

You take care and thank you for your input...I haven't had anyone that has these gifts to talk to in four years or so....and I have been living in my bubble, afraid to come out...but, time is now to heal and grow, huh? I am grateful to no end for this place...been needing people with the same desire to personally develop and grow as I do...just wish I was PERFECTER so I could be of better help.

With much love and gratitude,
Amanda

[RedneckGyrl]

Originally Posted by Erin Pavlina

You're a lightworker who chose to incarnate to help our planet and the people on it remember where they came from, to grow, learn, help others, and live compassionately.

You chose parents who were very fear based to test yourself. you have given in to the fear. This is why you panic.

You are Clark Kent with amnesia. give up your psychic abilities if you want. But they are part of you. Even with amnesia, Clark Kent still has superstrength. Try to suppress it, avoid it, ignore it, pretend it's not there, and you will just be railing against your true nature.

Let go of your past. Let go of the fear. Remember why you're here. Then you will be truly free.

Erin,

I just sent that reply to the other person and then I saw yours.

I will look up the term lightworker, just so I know what you mean by that.

Based upon your idea that I chose my parents to test myself, is this why I kept choosing partners and friends that were fear based like my parents? So, what's the point in me needing to test myself? What do I profit out of doing something so stupid as that? It just sounds like an absolutely lunatic and useless thing to do to myself.

Clark Kent, eh? Funny you should use him to describe me...the Superman comic books were my first love to read and I remember as a little tiny girl, running around the back yard with my blanky wrapped around me and pretended I was Superman. Not a girly thing to play, but I didn't care.

But, to this day, Superman is still my very respected hero!

Yeah...I have the forgiving aspect down towards my parents and I have actually allowed myself to thank them for what experiences I went through, cause who knows how those experiences will benefit me later on...but, I know from being on this site and finally getting this stuff out of my system, that I allow fear to run my life too much at times..and I don't want to anymore.

Thank you again,
Me

[songwriter]

I don't have phsychic habilities. Why am in this thread then?...
Because I think I have a lot of things in common with people that have them because of how they describe themselves and because I have people in my family with some. So I think it could happen to me in the future.

But I'm 29 and as far as I know I don't have anything out of ordinary. Well, I play music intuitively... without no preparations and even musicians think that's strange... (I don't even know how I do it myself...) but I guess that's no phsychic thing at all...

But maybe one day I will have some experience, everything is possible.

[songwriter]

Hello RedneckGyrl...

mmm... I read somewhere (maybe in this web) that if you have some special gift... you're not at peace until you return this gift back. Like if someone do a great present to you, you may feel you have to buy something in return.

If nature of genes, of God or so... gives you a gift... the better thing would be to use it to help people.

How?

I don't know. I write music since I was a child... and I'm often told that the hability to write music has done me more hurt than good. But I can't escape from it. I can try, but I won't. I know the only way is give it back, but I don't know how to do it...

Don't take my opinion too seriously because it's a different subject, but maybe it would help.

[andrew]

It's so fascinating that people who have them usually hate them, and people that don't have them, want them.

[Erin Pavlina]

Like curly or straight hair.

It's probably more accurate to say that often people who have them are afraid of them, and people who don't have them aren't aware that they really do.

[Lallymac]

Hi Redneckgyrl,
I can relate to what you're saying in many ways. I too had abilities when I was younger that made no sense and got me into trouble with family and teachers at school. I knew things that I wasn't meant to know but didn't know how I knew them and words would come out of my mouth without me having even thought them. It felt more like a curse than a gift and I wanted more than anything to just be normal.
When I was 18, I was working in the city and flatting with friends. I heard on the radio that the police had found a body on the local golf course. Then they said it was the body of my best friend Wendy. We had been best friends for 10 years. She had been anorexic at 15 but recovered. I was devastated, my boss called a taxi and sent me home. I went back to the flat but we didn't have phone so I couldn't call anyone. When my friends came home from work, I told them. They had been listening to the radio and hadn't heard anything. One of my flatmates used a neighbours phone and rung Wendy's house and spoke to her. She was fine and my flatmate didn't tell her what I'd said. They thought I was playing a sick joke on them and isolated/ridiculed me. I felt sick to the stomach and thought I was losing my mind.
Exactly a week later I heard the announcement again on the radio at work. I ignored it. This time when I got home from work, my friends were all crying. They'd heard it this time and checked with Wendy's parents. She had commited suicide. My world spun off its axis.
I ended up sick and disorientated and moved back home. My flatmates were scared of me and no-one spoke of it again. For a long time I felt guilty and scared of myself. I never told my family.
I married a friend of my brother-in-laws a couple of years later, who was a Christian. He seemed to have rules to live by and it felt safe. I had kids and 'it' seemed to go away for awhile. Then, in my mid to late twenties it opened up again. My husband told the minister at the church and they prayed over me and did the banishing the demons thing. It made no difference. I started seeing dead people in the church. I knew it wasn't evil. The people I was seeing just wanted to help their loved ones left behind and pass on messages of encouragement.
My husband became scared of me and disconnected. We divorced in my early 30's. I started exploring and reading about spiritual stuff. Just before we separated I'd be driving home from work at night and my car would fill with the most beautiful loving light. I'd sit it the car in the garage not wanting to leave it. I began meditating and seeing guides but there were heaps of different ones, never the same.
A couple of years later a friends mother gave me a book called 'The Eagle and the Rose' by Rosemary Altea.
She said I was like Rosemary. I believe you are too.
I remember asking for a guide like her guide 'Grey Eagle'. Not long after I'd asked, I was reading a book on the bed and felt a man rub his face against my cheek. I looked around and saw a beautiful face smiling at me. It was 'White Eagle.' A week later I was walking around a mystic fair and an artist stepped up and asked if she could draw a portrait of the Native American Indian walking beside me. Having her see and draw him reassured me that I wasn't insane. He's stayed with me ever since and acts as a gatekeeper.
It's not an easy road working with spirit but the rewards will take you beyond anything you will ever experience in the physical.
You are not alone. My heart is with you.
Lallymac

[soccer7]

i'm supposed to be getting ready to go to tafe, but this is an interesting thread, so heres my 2 cents worth

RedneckGyrl have you tried sheilding yourself, go to Psipog article on shielding, they have articles on telepathy and how to sheild yourself from picking up random thoughts of others.

In the past on some occassion i would sit on a crowed train and i would be flooded with thoughts about all sorts of things, i thought they were my own and that i was going crazy. But thinking back i think i was just developing telepathy, i'm not sure. After that i sheilded myself and it stoped.

Try it, i think it should help. anyhow i'm gona be late if i keep typing so see ya.