Question for Erin on Love

[susu]

Dear Erin,

At the moment I have been somewhat dating a guy who is also a psychic. In our relationship I feel he knows every step I am going to make, and somewhat waits for me to take action. He knows a lot about me, just by being psychic. Is it possible that a psychic person has somekind of extra power in the relationship just because of the psychic ability?

Thank you,

[Erin Pavlina]

Well if he's empathic and can sense what you're feeling and thinking and he tries to hide the fact that he knows that stuff, then that's sort of deceitful. But if he acts upon it and you know he's doing it and he uses his abilities to enhance communicationi in your relationship then no biggie.

He can't help picking up information, though, with people he's close to.

[Sivar]

Hm, sounds to me like he's just trying to give you enough time and space to do certain steps all by yourself (because you want to, but for some reason don't do yet), instead of pushing you by telling what he's receiving.

Maybe he even scared his last girlfriend away with this "weird freaky" mindreading stuff and doesn't intend to do the same mistake again.

[Mynder]

susu,

"knowledge is power" is an old saying, but as all things, it has to be taken with a grain of salt. You're asking whether the guy you're dating has some extra power in your relationship. I'd even wager you could just as easily have said: "Does he get to know stuff I really don't want him to know (yet)?"

The answer is...he may, or he may not. Being psychic, or intuitive, doesn't mean that somebody can read your thoughts all of the time, so if you're having sex and catch yourself thinking of Georce Clooney for a moment, chances are he's not going to "read" that, for example.

What intuitives and psychics tend to pick up are things that are very important for or to you. What do I mean by this? Well, he might pick up about traumatic or otherwise life changing events in your past, either through spirit or through the way you carry yourself, his intuition, and judge of character.

I don't consider myself really "psychic", but I am a fairly good judge of character, and somewhat empathic/intuitive in that I often pick up deeper motivations in things people say to me, often times casually as if they were unimportant. There are subtle clues, and they eventually add up to a bigger picture, and can lead to an assessment like: "my wife really wants to get moving with this job of hers that was previously just a hobby" - even before she herself becomes consciously aware that she actually wants this, even though she previously had set her mind on just dabbling a bit, filling a few social evenings that way, etc.

People need to follow their own dreams, and if your guy senses things in you that you may want to achieve or problems you need to deal with, it is not up to him to tackle them for you. If he shows restraint, and lets you do as you see fit, and is there for you when you actually ASK for advice, then yes, he has power in this relationship. In the sense that he can support you in empowering yourself further each day.

If this happens in a good way, I'd say you have remarkable opportunities for growth and joy together.

[joyfulgrowth]

Dear Susu,

(What does "somewhat dating" mean?)

Could it be that YOU are somehow giving your power away to him (looking up to him for his special abilities, being at the same time fascinated and a little scared - which, by the way, is what makes people the best "volunteers" in hypnosis shows)?

Do you have any techniques, processes or friends that can help you be really present with yourself? You could for example take some deep breaths, feel your body from the inside, and ask yourself what you are feeling and what you are needing (not linked to him).

That way, you are taking ownership of what's going on in you. If you focus too much on him and his abilities and link all your discomfort to that, you risk gradually loosing your power and creating the very thing you don't want.

Warmly

Joyfulgrowth

[susu]

Hi Erin!

I am a big fan of your work and am very thankful for the information you share with us. Am very happy to see your reply..... ;-)

Sivar, Mynder, Joyfullgrowth: thank you for your feedbacks....

Perhaps I need to give more details on my relationship with this guy. Actually, I met him on the internet. We were first just talking as casual friends. Then one day we talked about marriage and he mentioned that I would soon meet my soulmate. I didn't give it much thought, but then the following month I stated to feel more and more love for him, even though I didn't talk to him anymore. One day I decided to write him about my feelings. I didn't really understand what I felt, but it was somehow a feeling that I knew him from an other life; his voice, the way he talked, everything felt familiar and very honest.
He told me het felt the same with me, that actually from the second time he talked to me that he was in love with me, but didn't tell me anthying about it because he didn't want to bother me with it.

But then later on, he told me he wanted a 'fashionable' woman who would wear sexy clothes like Julia Roberts or Angelina Jolie and he asked me if I wanted to change for him. I told him that I was not planning to change myself and that if he really loved me that he had to take me as I am.

From this moment I didn't hear anything from him. So now I am wondering, is he using his psychic powers to keep his deal of the bargain?
Psychic or not he's still a guy, and I am guessing that he may see us together in the future and decided that he preferably wants me to become a holywood babe before starting any relationship with me.........

I actually remember him saying that I would change for him.............so now he is just waiting for it to happen......

I don't like to change myself for anyone, but I can't stop loving him either, so I am really confused about what to do now........

[Erin Pavlina]

Not sure where to start. let's just dive in.

Even if you knew each other in a previous life doesn't mean you have to be together in this one.

You should never change for someone. The fact that he wants you to be fashionable and stopped communiccating with you when you told him you didn't want to change suggests he is shallow and trying to intimidate you.

No one can use psychic powers to make you do anything. You have free will. You can choose to be with him or choose not to without breaking any deal.

I'd get over your feelings for him and move on. He doesn't sound like something who is healthy for you.

[Mynder]

susu, with that bit of information added on, I agree with Erin and would advise you to stay clear.

He was very likely setting you up with that soul mate comment (and no idea how many other women he plays this game with). Look at it from this angle: if he tells that to a dozen girls a day, some of them will later contact him, just as you did, and he will know these women somehow kept mulling it over in their heads all this time. So he knows he can "work" them some more because they were (in his eyes) gullible enough to be hooked by that soul mate comment alone.

While in the first post I simply assumed the case that he was genuinely intuitive (I like to assume/expect the good options first...call it unquenchable optimism), there is nothing genuinely psychic in the way you describe him in your last post.

If you ever hook up with somebody who has real intuitive ability, and a positive mindset and the decency to handle it with responsibility, then this can be a wonderful life and growth experience.

Unfortunately, though, as Erin said, what this guy does appears less than healthy for all involved. At this point, I would advise getting out of there.

A good question to ask yourself about any kind of potential partner is whether they make you feel empowered, and encourage you to be the best you can be...without trying to somehow guide you or tell you what this "best" looks like. That is, if they encourage you to find out what you want for yourself, and support you without making you feel dependent on them, odds are they're not secretly out to suppress or enslave you to their own whims.

Yes, I exaggerate. Sue me.


On second thought, please don't.

[ethereal]

Originally Posted by Erin Pavlina

Not sure where to start. let's just dive in.

Even if you knew each other in a previous life doesn't mean you have to be together in this one.

You should never change for someone. The fact that he wants you to be fashionable and stopped communiccating with you when you told him you didn't want to change suggests he is shallow and trying to intimidate you.

No one can use psychic powers to make you do anything. You have free will. You can choose to be with him or choose not to without breaking any deal.

I'd get over your feelings for him and move on. He doesn't sound like something who is healthy for you.

Love Erin's post no mincing words

I agree, by the way -- true love wouldn't do something like that...

[Desert]

I'm a man, but if I were a woman that thinks the way I do I would have a field day with that guy with some subversive NLP. By the time I finished with him he'd be a mental wreck and a cross-dresser.

Yes, Erin, I know, it makes me sound a little naughty.

He made me post this! >>>

[susu]

Hi Erin! Hi everybody!

Thank you for the feedback, I needed it!

I have though, a strainge experience with him which made me all emotional about him in the first place. It has to do with my heart, I felt this strainge sensation where my heart felt like being atracted by a magnet. I don't really understand what is is all about. But at some moments during the day, or at night, my heart suddenly feels like it's drawn by a magnet, and I feel/ know that it is because of him.

My greatgrandmother was a medium, and I feel I also have some of this ability. He is the first guy I really feel in my heart, and I know it doesn't make any sense, but it is as if I am connected to him through my heart, and it's darn difficult to forget him.

I do not know if this heart-chakra connection is something familiar......or that it's just me.


with love,

[joyfulgrowth]

Originally Posted by susu

I do not know if this heart-chakra connection is something familiar......or that it's just me.

I can only speak for myself:

To the degree that a) my own heart is opening and b) I more and more hang out with people that I am in line with, life, and also falling in love, feels different.

I have had this heart opening feeling with four different people over the past 3 years, usually the very first time we hugged or looked into each other's eyes. One similarity of all four occasions was that we both were puzzled for a moment, because this sense of "recognizing each other" was mutual and very unexpected. All four were in a happy committed relationship and nothing more developed out of it.

I learned from it that (at least for me) this feeling, although it is new and very pleasant, is not unique, which I now interpret as indicating some general soul connection rather than a sign from my intuition that "this is the one".

Also, I learned that what guys say when they feel the same unexpected thing usually is ONLY referring to their feeling in the moment. So nowadays, even when the very first thing a guy ever says to me is "I want to spend a LOT of time with you", I force myself to translate that as "Wow, I am confused, because I feel so comfy being near you. I don't know if I have ever had so much of trust with a person I just met. And I would enjoy experiencing that more often!" and not as "I feel this deep spiritual connection. You must be the one. I hope to spend the rest of my life by your side".

The good thing about this learning is that there is abundance in soul mates, and that makes it easier for me to let go when somebody I really like and we just don't seem to be a good practical match right here right now.

Is that any helpful?

(P.S. I remember how pissed and disappointed I was when I shared about this deep and meaninful soul connection with somebody I just met with a coach the first or second time that happened, and she told me "Oh, that's just normal when our hearts are open". I hated how she destroyed my dream about there being anything special about the experience - had hoped she would say: "Never mind if he is married: He must be the one! So go for it, girl!"

Nowadays, I find this advice very helpful. Because of course it might happen that I fall in love with a guy who is in a happy relationship. But if that happens, I want to be SURE that I do consider the hearts of everybody involved. And I can see how easily the spiritual interpretation "this is the one" can lead to people caring less about the consequences of their actions for others. I don't say that it is wrong to flirt with someone who is in a relationship. But if I do so, I want to do it in full awareness of what I am doing and how that affects the life of both the guy and his partner, and not hand over my power to some idea of a higher spiritual power magically linking us together and basically "forcing" us to act on some felt deep connection. Slightly off-topic, but wanted to write that anyway, because awareness and self-responsibility matter so much to me).

[Smurf]

Originally Posted by mynder

susu,

"knowledge is power" .

mortal combat????

[MidasGirl]

Originally Posted by joyfulgrowth

Nowadays, I find this advice very helpful. Because of course it might happen that I fall in love with a guy who is in a happy relationship. But if that happens, I want to be SURE that I do consider the hearts of everybody involved. And I can see how easily the spiritual interpretation "this is the one" can lead to people caring less about the consequences of their actions for others. I don't say that it is wrong to flirt with someone who is in a relationship. But if I do so, I want to do it in full awareness of what I am doing and how that affects the life of both the guy and his partner, and not hand over my power to some idea of a higher spiritual power magically linking us together and basically "forcing" us to act on some felt deep connection. Slightly off-topic, but wanted to write that anyway, because awareness and self-responsibility matter so much to me).

Hi joyfulgrowth, I've always enjoyed your posts, very spiritual, as I've told you in private message before.

I just wanted to comment on this though. It's great you have this awareness, and I noticed you said, IF. Meaning it probably hasn't happened for you yet. Well, remember the heart isn't so reasonable or logical. So if you're going to put yourself in situations where you could fall in love with someone who is in a situation where the consequences affect another, beware that you are treading on dangerous waters. When you actually fall head over heels with someone who is in a happy relationship, and he the same, know that you are creating a situation that may not be as easily reasoned out as you might see it now, despite good intentions.

You know, it's one thing to feel a strong attraction to someone, a wild crush, even feel a deep love for them, this happens all the time, it's yet another to have an out-of-this-world connection with someone.

Love and hugs.