Cultivating Command and Leadership (Blog)

[Erin Pavlina]

Use this thread to discuss the following entry from Erin Pavlina's blog:

Cultivating Command and Leadership

[Daffy Duck]

Very nice article, Erin. I'm a casual World of Warcraft player, so I smile whenever I see you or Steve mention your City of Heroes playing.

I have found myself in more leadership roles this year than any other year before. It has been a learning experience, that is for sure.

[Savage]

You have the bridge, Counselor.

[Bing Wu]

Wow, Erin, very cool! Way to go! That must have been quite the experience. When you mention that leaders are those who step up to the plate - even if they're not necessarily the most qualified... I've found that to be true on so many occasions, for instance in Toastmasters, I may not do the best job in the world, but I know that if I want certain things to happen, I've got to bite the bullet, put my fears aside and take hold :-)

This is one of the most inspiring posts I've seen on your blog. Man, I gotta get myself into a CERT class. I wonder if we have them in Canada...

[cacheborn]

Wow cool experience! Realized another thing. If you want to test if a certain character suits you, you can try it out in a game and see. You just have to find the right game for the kind of character you want to try out.

Never played City of heros. sounds cool.

[Alena]

Nice article!

I often find myself in situations, when I want to step up and take command, but I'm afraid that people will say: "Who are you to tell us what to do??"

How do you deal with these thoughts?

[Erin Pavlina]

I would just say, "If you don't want me in charge, take charge yourself. Otherwise, hush up."

I was surprised that no one challenged me when I assumed command of our simulation. I probably would have ceded the command position if someone else had shown an ounce of interest. But no one did.

[Mynder]

Yeah, the thing about leadership and command is...people realize it's work, and it's a spot where you are under observation. Most people like to just hang back and not take on any responsibility.

They're quite happy running along, then when things don't work out say something helpful like "I knew this wasn't going to work", then leave the party in the middle of an instance run. Makes it easier for them.

[JSB]

Originally Posted by Erin Pavlina

I would just say, "If you don't want me in charge, take charge yourself. Otherwise, hush up."

I was surprised that no one challenged me when I assumed command of our simulation. I probably would have ceded the command position if someone else had shown an ounce of interest. But no one did.

The phrase I always liked was: "Lead, Follow, or Get Out of the Way."

[theknightwhosaysni-NI]

That was cool..
When we're in a stressful / intense situation, that's when we see what we're made of.
If it was me, I would have liked to do the same as you, but I guess that's something we don't know until we actually get into such a situation...
Congrats !

[Andrew Brunelle]

Neat article, Erin. Glad to see you're having empowering experiences and are doing things you've never done before and assuming leadership roles like you did in the CERT class and the Powerhouse Pros speaking club. You're becoming a much stronger and powerful woman and it will serve you even better in the future.

[Erin Pavlina]

Originally Posted by Andrew Brunelle

Neat article, Erin. Glad to see you're having empowering experiences and are doing things you've never done before and assuming leadership roles like you did in the CERT class and the Powerhouse Pros speaking club. You're becoming a much stronger and powerful woman and it will serve you even better in the future.

Yes this is what i'm learning. All these experiences are helping build up to something. I can feel it.

[austere]

Congratulations. You won, big time.

Your description of the training cut deep- we are close to the first anniversary of the terrorists taking over those hotels in Mumbai-- so many lives lost for no fault. Perhaps if we'd known as civilians what to do-- who knows?

Since I am soft spoken too, this is major "get up and move" learning for me.Thank you.

[yoopersmith]

Erin, Congrats! You showed a great combo of psychic abilities and command when I showed up to the workshop an hour early all fanboy and eager to please.

You immediately and without hesitation issued two direct orders that went directly into my subconscious conditioning as an 20-year USAF dude...and I complied with your orders...

...then, as I was getting my coffee, I thought...wow...that was exactly what I needed to hear at that moment....she's scary powerful

Universe beware...Erin is noone to be trifled with...

Well done...I intend you continued success on your path of personal power and courage.

[Erin Pavlina]

LOL, that's funny Jeff. What two commands did I give you? To find coffee and come back in an hour? If I had known you were that susceptible to commands you'd have come back with coffee and a diamond necklace for me.

[James81]

Such a wonderful post, thanks for sharing.

Definately hit home with me because I'm struggling with the same kind of issue. Seems like everywhere I turn, I keep getting confirmation that it's time for me to step up and be a leader, but a huge part of me is resisting it, wanting to hide back in obscurity and let someone else take the responsibility.

[MyEyeIsOpen]

Good one Erin! This reminded me of an experience I had also, but it was too much to shove all in a post, so I wrote about it on my blog:

The Bomb and the Bystander

[davidchung]

What a great experience and story Erin, bravo!

I feel that being willing to take a leadership role not only means that you are willing to shoulder responsibility, it also shows you are confident enough in yourself to trust that you can work through any challenges that come your way.

I think it's easy to see how the lessons you learn from an experience like this can be applied to our daily lives as well. Because people are often unwilling to take command and leadership of their own lives, they end up living their whole lives by following other people. They go to the colleges their parents choose for them, settle for a job they did not consciously choose and do what their boss tells them, then they go home and listen to what the TV tells them.

Then when these people look back at their lives and find they have achieved nothing of real significance or importance to them, they shrug and point the blame at society, the economy, at circumstance and chance, at anybody and anything but themselves.

But just because you're not willing to be the master of your own ship doesn't mean you're not the one responsible if your ship sinks. It's still your ship, it's still your life. It's your choice whether you want to sit around and let chance, circumstance, and other people push you around, or take the wheel and set your own destination.

People don't just need to learn how to take command in emergency situations, they need to understand the importance of taking command of their own lives. Stop letting life happen to you, take command and watch what unfolds when you unleash yourself on life.

[Marth]

I think we as people crave to be passive by nature, you have to consciously pursue self action

[bluedragon]

Great article! I love it when you make references to Star Trek - this way I know I'm not the only nut who still watches old movies that probably nobody else watches anymore. And it's amazing how, being inspired by a movie character, you can make such breakthroughs in your real life. I, for example, was watching Star Trek Enterprise (pretty boring), but I really love T'Pol's character, and thanks to her, I totally stopped getting angry when somebody contradicts me - even when I get into a philosophical or religious debate, and somebody tells me I'm stupid for even believing what I believe, I remain calm like a Vulcan

I'm also surprised nobody else took command in that situation. I would have viewed it as a great opportunity (since there was no real danger), and I would have volunteered instantly. Even though, one of my motivations would have been the fear that someone else who had no idea what he was doing would have taken command instead. I hate being led by someone who makes inefficient choices!

[Erin Pavlina]

I have noticed in my many years that often the people in command don't make the same choices I would make. I have learned that if I want things to be different I can't wait for someone else to step up with my beliefs; I have to do it myself. And over the years it has become increasingly easy to do so.

[bluedragon]

What disturbs me is that it is so easy for anyone to take command. Not that you weren't the best person, which maybe you were. But what if someone who would have made terrible decisions would have stepped up before you did?

Apparently, who takes command has nothing to do with who is the most fit person. And once someone steps up and assumes command, that's it - everyone's stuck with that person.

[Angela]

Originally Posted by James81

... a huge part of me is resisting it, wanting to hide back in obscurity and let someone else take the responsibility.

It doesn't matter if you do, you're still 100% responsible. And you're still a leader, too, if you resist and hide back in obscurity and let others take over. You're leading the resisters and the hiders and the shirkers.

Some people look to others to make sure it's okay to hang back. By resisting your inspiration to lead, you are being a shining example for those people. Don't make the mistake of thinking you're not doing anything when you're doing nothing.

[MidasGirl]

Originally Posted by bluedragon

What disturbs me is that it is so easy for anyone to take command.

Jim Rohn has a saying: What's easy to do is also easy not to do. IMO, a leader is the person willing to take risks that others aren't, not the person who is supposedly most fit. A person can be fit all year long but if they keep it to themselves, they are still just a follower. At least a risk taker who isn't fit for the job can influence the fit people into action. I think people confuse leadership with expertise.

[Erin Pavlina]

Yes, anyone could have stepped up, that's true. I may not have been the most qualified. If Dana had been around I would have easily ceded command to him. I've had *some* experiences in command that have shown me I would probably do okay with it. Now I just gotta keep stepping up and see what happens.

[bluedragon]

Originally Posted by MidasGirl

Jim Rohn has a saying: What's easy to do is also easy not to do. IMO, a leader is the person willing to take risks that others aren't, not the person who is supposedly most fit. A person can be fit all year long but if they keep it to themselves, they are still just a follower. At least a risk taker who isn't fit for the job can influence the fit people into action. I think people confuse leadership with expertise.

But usually, I think the leader is the one who risks less, cause he has to stay at a safe location to co-ordinate efforts, while the others have people in the first line have to risk their lives directly. Of course, he could be fired if he fails, but that's not as bad as dying in a fire I hope.

[Mynder]

Have you ever been in a situation where somebody else's well-being depended on your decision-making? It can be truly scary.

Leadership is not a position of relaxation, at least not as long as you still have a conscience left. You truly feel responsibility for everybody "under" you. And you also have to trust their judgement on situations "in the field" because you can't run around checking on everything yourself. This is a major issue for those among us who feel that if they want something done right, they have to do it themselves.

It is a mixed blessing. In Erin's situation, had this been "for real", real people would have died, ignoring her orders. And she'd still feel the sting of it, even though she made the right choices about the right things. You can't save everyone, and you can't make people do exactly as you tell them. You just have to do the best you can do and trust the others will as well, and then salvage whatever is salvageable in the situation.

And yet, good leaders (the ones with a conscience) will feel responsible for the results. The best leaders have learned to cope with it in a way that allows them to release the guilt attached to this and continue to "function" without burning themselves out.

Just beware of leaders who have no conscience and who don't value the lives of their team members (see also -> manager ).

[yoopersmith]

Originally Posted by Erin Pavlina

LOL, that's funny Jeff. What two commands did I give you? To find coffee and come back in an hour? If I had known you were that susceptible to commands you'd have come back with coffee and a diamond necklace for me.

Erin: LOL...I don't remember either, but it was something like "go away and come back in an hour!"...but much sweeter

The other moment I remember most was not related to command, but you plucked the 3 stooges "Niiiiaaagraaa Falls" bit out of my head as soon as I mentioned that I was going there after the conference...

...that has been an inside joke between me and my Dad for years...

It's fun sharing inside jokes with you, even though you really have no clue why things are funny to me, me and my guides are really laughing it up!

[bluedragon]

Originally Posted by Mynder

Have you ever been in a situation where somebody else's well-being depended on your decision-making? It can be truly scary.
Leadership is not a position of relaxation, at least not as long as you still have a conscience left. You truly feel responsibility for everybody "under" you.

Still, I think that if someone died because he didn't follow my "orders", it would be easier than if I died because I had to follow someone else's misguided orders, don't you think?

...Or if a friend died in my arms because we both followed a bad order from another leader, although we did protest because we knew the orders were not the best choice.

[Mynder]

Originally Posted by bluedragon

Still, I think that if someone died because he didn't follow my "orders", it would be easier than if I died because I had to follow someone else's misguided orders, don't you think?

Ah no, if you died, you'll not have to worry anymore. While the person responsible for your death may be haunted by this misdecision and the consequences (your death) for the rest of their life.

...Or if a friend died in my arms because we both followed a bad order from another leader, although we did protest because we knew the orders were not the best choice.

This I imagine as being much worse than dying myself. However, no leader in the world frees you from your personal responsibility to act to the best of your abilities and conscience. If you think a leader's particular decision is based on incompetence and that you know better (you better be sure though), then it is in your own responsibility to decide whether to follow that order or throw it to the wind.

Whatever you do...follow orders or disobey...or replace the leader...the choice - and the responsibility - for your own actions is always with you alone.