How To Stop Fearing Death (Blog)

[Erin Pavlina]

Use this thread to discuss the following entry from Erin Pavlina's blog:

How To Stop Fearing Death

[Michelle]

My husband died of a heart arrhythmia when he was 17 and was brought back after a few minutes. For him the hardest part was not having had any sort of spiritual or mystical experience during that time. Now he is even more afraid.

My theory is either he wasn't dead long enough or he had some already fixed belief concerning there being no afterlife which resulted in him attracting just that... dunno.

[cacheborn]

Good post
Made me realize I need more clarity in this area.

Sometimes I do think if I die suddenly then what? yes, that would scare me I think. Other times I feel it is okay. I am not really sure which belief system to apply to for knowing what happens afterwards. And having none or very little experience in things like OOB or astral projections, not sure what it would feel like.

[JoePike]

Thanks for the article Erin. I don't fear death anymore, though I definitely used to. I now fully believe my consciousness will carry on after my time on Earth is over and I'm actually looking forward to experiencing what comes next.

My issue is that I don't want to leave my current life. I would fully resist death not out of fear of what's coming, but for what I would leave behind. I want to experience my relationship with my wife getting better and see my kids grow up and be part of their lives. I want to experience my full potential in this life.

To have my human existence cut short would be utterly heartbreaking. So that's what I fear. But hey, when I'm 103 years old...bring death on!

[Mato Kinze]

I think in some ways, the fear of Death is a symptom of a fear of loss. We all talk about "losing our lives" or this or that person "lost" their battle with Cancer, etc.

We fear the death of our loved ones because we fear "losing" them. When someone dies, we offer condolences to the survivors for their "loss".

I guess, for me, what made me stop fearing Death was coming to grips with the fact that we don't OWN anything. Therefore, we have nothing to lose. Even our dearest friends and closest relatives are not "ours". We don't own them, we don't control them or their destinies, therefore, again, there's nothing for us to "lose".

We share this journey with people around us. Some we share with more than others, but in the end, each and every one of us walks our Path alone. When someone dies, their Path goes in a different direction and ours continues.

Eventually, like roads to Rome, all Paths lead to Source.

[freddy]

I think I fear death only to the point of still having to care for my young children under 18 years of age. Other than that, I really am not afraid of what eventually will come. For me there are to many other things in my life to worry about, like whats for dinner?

[Bcowan]

I don't fear death, I fear how I'm going to die. I seem to be afraid of everything but death in fact. I have a full understanding of what will happen after I die. I just fear things like, burning to death, or falling to my death. If I new how I was going to die, then I could at least prepare myself a little better , but I think I will always be afraid of that.

[MidasGirl]

I don't fear death. Heck I don't even think of it much. I'm not even that concerned about how I will die anymore. Whatever. I just feel a huge resistance and sadness at the thought of who will be left behind and what will happen to them, or not. Erin, as a mother, do you not feel a sadness at the thought of how your kids would be if you died, like right now? I know that any reality is about mindset really, so I'd like to know how you are able to be in that mindset of not being concerned about it.

[Erin Pavlina]

Yeah I would feel sad for my children if they had to grow up without me. Definitely.

[bluedragon]

I don't have the guts to think about death very often. It is inconceivable to me. My mind isn't capable of processing what would mean for me not to exist. However, I do want to believe there is a life after death. After all, if there wasn't, then life itself wouldn't mean anything at all. But it's hard to adopt a belief without actually having any experience of the sorts. I really hope we are not our bodies, cause after all, I base my most important practice (Tai Chi) - and my future profession, on the idea that there is Energy, and this energy implies that we are not just our bodies. I am pretty much convinced energy exists because I can feel it, but in the face of Doubt, I am not convinced enough, especially when someone mentions death...

[Mato Kinze]

Originally Posted by Erin Pavlina

Yeah I would feel sad for my children if they had to grow up without me. Definitely.

Erin, you of all people should recognize that we, as physical parents, are secondary to our children's Guides and Higher Selves. Their Guides and Benefactors take much better care of them - from a holistic and Spritual perspective - than we ever could. Minus us, they're still in very good hands.

[Erin Pavlina]

I know. But my egoic self would miss them and I honor that feeling.

[Mato Kinze]

I get it. Trust me, I'm all about honoring valid emotions. But your egoic self would have been released through death and therefore, no longer an issue. And who better than a Medium to understand that you'd NOT be separated from them at all? And who better than a Medium's children to understand that physical death only separates us as much as we allow it to?

I don't mean any disrespect. Especially since this is your "house", but I think you are expressing exactly what I was talking about in my previous post. I think you are expressing a fear of loss.

It was actually contemplating the death of my children and/or the death of myself and how it would affect my children that led me to the understanding I have now.

[Andwan]

The secret to life is to die before you die to find there is no death-Eckart Tolle

[Colleenmek]

Originally Posted by Mato Kinze

Erin, you of all people should recognize that we, as physical parents, are secondary to our children's Guides and Higher Selves. Their Guides and Benefactors take much better care of them - from a holistic and Spritual perspective - than we ever could. Minus us, they're still in very good hands.

Perhaps I am not very spiritually evolved..but I still worry about who would take care of my daughter physically. We are after all, physical at this moment. My husband died in June, leaving me and my 4 year old daughter. I would feel much better if she had her physical daddy..her spirit guides can't pay the bills, take her to a father daughter dance, celebrate her milestones. And I do feel very seperated from him. I do not feel his spirit, I only feel his abscence.
Colleen

[Milena]

If there were nothing after death, then would fearing death be valid?

[Mato Kinze]

Colleen,
My prayers are with you and your daughter.

I'm sorry that you can't feel his presence anymore. Grief is a huge emotion and it must be honored. But because it is so powerful, it often blocks out many other things. Once you have allowed your grief to run its course, you may once again be able to feel that connection with your Husband, eventhough his physical presence is lacking.

I'm also very sorry that those things you had hoped for for both your daughter and yourself will not happen the way you had envisioned them and that the life you had planned is going off in a different direction.

Only know that the things that happen to us, no matter how horrible they may feel at the time, happen so that we may grow and learn from them. The lessons we learn create who we are and who we will become. This holds true for everyone; children and adults alike.

Go ahead and grieve. Allow that emotion to be what it is and allow it to serve you for as long as you need to. But once it no longer serves you, allow it to be replaced.

You have a choice then in the lessons you will take away from this. You can choose to learn fear and anger and loss, or you can choose to learn hope and faith. You can allow the memories of the time you shared with your husband to hurt you by allowing your Heart to be filled with loss, or you can choose to allow those memories to fill your Heart with joy at the lessons you learned together - at the knowledge of how his sharing his Path with you (and also leaving you) has made you who you are and will make your daughter who she will become.

I do not mean to sound trite and I in no way wish to minimize your pain or the experience you've had.

Truly, I pray that you will get from this exactly what you need to be the person you were meant to be and that you take only the best from this experience and help your daughter to do the same.

Many blessings,
Mato

[MidasGirl]

Originally Posted by Milena

If there were nothing after death, then would fearing death be valid?

No of course not. But then of course nobody is certain there is nothing after death. What some people fear is the uncertainty surrounding it.

[yabes24]

Originally Posted by MidasGirl

No of course not. But then of course nobody is certain there is nothing after death. What some people fear is the uncertainty surrounding it.

no one can be 100% but i dont think thats a good reason to believe otherwise, im pretty certain there is nothing after death, i dont fear it, its part of life.

[Mato Kinze]

Originally Posted by yabes24

no one can be 100% but i dont think thats a good reason to believe otherwise, im pretty certain there is nothing after death, i dont fear it, its part of life.

Just out of curiosity's sake - and I promise I'm not trying to bait you - what makes you pretty certain there's "nothing" after death?

[yabes24]

Originally Posted by Mato Kinze

Just out of curiosity's sake - and I promise I'm not trying to bait you - what makes you pretty certain there's "nothing" after death?

well, theres absolutely no proof of there being anything after life.
were made up of the same matter as everything else on this planet, we just evolved differently.
human beings have great creativity because of the cerebral cortex, we tend to make things up about things we dont understand, its not a bad thing, if no one was creative then we would not have made it this far, but on the subject of death, its going to far, organized religion is by far the most effective way of taking advantage of people and their desire to believe in something more, that ever was. and thats all it is.
im not trying to bring your way of thinking down, but you asked.

[Mato Kinze]

Originally Posted by yabes24

well, theres absolutely no proof of there being anything after life.
were made up of the same matter as everything else on this planet, we just evolved differently.
human beings have great creativity because of the cerebral cortex, we tend to make things up about things we dont understand, its not a bad thing, if no one was creative then we would not have made it this far, but on the subject of death, its going to far, organized religion is by far the most effective way of taking advantage of people and their desire to believe in something more, that ever was. and thats all it is.
im not trying to bring your way of thinking down, but you asked.

Not at all. You're right, I did ask.

I used to think that way too. But then I started thinking about the laws of conservation of mass/energy. I never took Physics or even any math above Algebra but my understanding is that matter is neither created nor destroyed, it simply changes form. Same goes for energy. (I'm sure there's a lot of nuances and clarifications about that and I'm hearing that recently scientists have been theorizing that matter is actually destroyed in Black Holes, but at this point, there's nothing solid on that as far as I know.) Anyway, if neither energy nor matter can be destroyed, why would consciousness? Leap of logic I know. But it did get me to thinking about the possibility that our concept of consciousness, that sense of "being", the whole "cognito ergo sum" aspect of what we describe as "life" would continue in some form -recognizable or not - after our bodies cease to pump blood, suck air and generate electrical impluses.

My experiences since allowing that possibility have led me to believe that there is indeed an experience after this one - a "life after death" and that it gets progressively dissimilar from this experience. People argue "confirmation bias" in these experiences. Ok. Maybe so. But that doesn't diminish them or their impact to me. And since this belief system is highly personal, that's all that really matters.

Follow your own Path wherever that takes you. Good journey.

[Orlando]

Originally Posted by Milena

If there were nothing after death, then would fearing death be valid?

Yes -- if you don't think there's anything, then you think you will just be annihiliated and never experience anything again. That's not as bad as, for example, going to an eternal hell, but is not a particularly comfortable thought.

However I have the feeling that learning to live in the Now more à la Ekhart Tolle helps a bit. I am skeptical about claims about afterlifes as I think there is such a strong wish for it to be true that this might cloud our thinking about it -- just because we wish for something it doesn't make it true.

And if we have a "soul" what about other animals, or even insects and bacteria? And when in our evolution did we gain them? What are they made of? Where do they go? -- if to another body, then by what mechanism? If to some spirit world, then where is that? And if we can exist happily as spirits then why would we bother with living in these incredibly complex bodies that took billions of years to evolve to where they are now but still can go wrong so easily?

I think some NDE accounts are interesting and that area needs further research, as for past life memories, it seems like ones that relate to proven real lives and are very hard to explain are extremely rare -- Ian Stevenson, who was an expert in the subject spent years searching and only found a few that he described as "suggestive"of reincarnation.

I tried being regressed myself and when asked to go back to another life and describe what I saw I talked about the images that came to mind, but I think they might have been my imagination.

RE. OOBEs generally one thing that makes me skeptical is that if anyone in the world could really and reliably go out of their body at will as some people claim they can, then it could easily be proven (by going to some location and reporting what you saw etc. under test conditions) -- but no one has ever done it. If someone could why would they not? They could win James Randi's $1 million prize for demonstrating the paranormal, they could give everyone the peace of mind of knowing that there is solid proof that life does not end with death etc etc.

Equally, for example, the Spritualist movement has been pottering along preaching to the converted for well over 100 years and has managed to convince no hard-headed scientists anywhere that they can really contact the dead. The average demonstration of mediumship is almost embarassingly hit-and-miss.

Modern western science is currently pretty much convinced that consciousness is a product of the brain -- and not because scientists are mean cold people who are not spiritual enough, but just because there's not enough good reason to think it is not, or if it is not, then to explain what it IS. The more we discover about the brain the more we find out how it affects our thinking -- eg. when a part is damaged and affects someone's personality. What good reason is there to think there is still some "essential" bit that is not physical and is immortal, other than that it would be nice if it were true?

[Orlando]

[QUOTE=Mato Kinze;452964]But it did get me to thinking about the possibility that our concept of consciousness, that sense of "being", the whole "cognito ergo sum" aspect of what we describe as "life" would continue in some form -recognizable or not - after our bodies cease to pump blood, suck air and generate electrical impluses.

But our bodies don't continue in any recognisable form; they just break down and their atoms end up in other things -- why should it be that our sense of being a conscious individual, that science tends to say is created by the brain, though we don't yet know exactly how -- would go on existing as a distinct entity if the body does not? Why should it not be that the energy that creates consciousness just disperses into nature too?

One poster said but there must be life after death because otherwise life would have no meaning -- but who is to say that it has to have meaning? Objectively, we live on one small planet in one of billions of galaxies, and there is no evidence the universe has some special plan for us, however important we are to ourselves and each other. maybe we just have to give our lives whatever meaning we want to give them and try to focus on the here and now?

[Mynder]

And if we have a "soul" what about other animals, or even insects and bacteria? And when in our evolution did we gain them? What are they made of? Where do they go? -- if to another body, then by what mechanism? If to some spirit world, then where is that? And if we can exist happily as spirits then why would we bother with living in these incredibly complex bodies that took billions of years to evolve to where they are now but still can go wrong so easily?

This is based on the assumption that all is centered around biological life. I used to think the same way, but I don't agree anymore. Instead, I believe more and more in all this being a projection. A thought that you will encounter time and again as a "holographic universe". Incidentally, I just recently bought a book by that title, but haven't yet had a chance to look inside. Still other books coming before that.

Anyway, what I am getting at is that our souls don't "go" anywhere, because they are not in us. They project our physical reality, and when this earthly existence ends, it is similar to when we die in our dreams - we wake up to fully realize who we are.

So the soul doesn't need to go anywhere, because it is always there. I feel psychics simply have a direct connection, as if a character from out of your dreams could really talk to you and thus get guidance on how to proceed in the dream.

From where I stand, death is nothing to be afraid of, but nobody can make you feel the same way I do.

As to the "why do we go and live here when we're all happy somewhere else" - why do we daydream? Why do we picture ourselves living fantastic adventures in our imaginations? Why do we create and watch movies?

Because we wonder what it would be like, and we enjoy acting it out, or living it inside our dreams. Because it is fun. Because we learn from it, even as we know that we are the creator.

[Moonshadow]

Originally Posted by Mato Kinze

Minus us, they're still in very good hands.

Hello

This is my first post – I linked in from the Spiritual Wisdom Newsletter.

I hope you don’t mind me commenting on your post, but it struck a chord with me.

Your comment...... “minus us, they're still in very good hands” ...... sounds absolutely fantastic in theory, but I am not quite sure it really works that well in reality.

And I only say this from my own personal experience.

Both my parents died when I was ten. It was like having the rug pulled from under my feet and still now 30 years later, I have yet to regain my balance.

I have felt pretty lonely, alone and empty inside ever since then.

I wonder where my Guides were doing this time. I think they must have been shirking on their duties by taking an extended tea break!

Sorry my little cheesy joke.

But seriously, how would you know (especially as a child) that your guides were taking care of you? Are there any special signs or feelings?

I know when I was younger I blocked a lot of things because of grief. And now I just think that I blocked things for so long, that I can no longer feel anything, even if I wanted to.

I actually joined this site with the hope that I could learn from others and re-connect again.

Best wishes

Moonshadow

P.S. I have been scared of death since I was a child. Now as I am getting older, I need to learn to change my mindset and spiritually / emotionally prepare for it. So I like this topic. It seems the Western world fear death and the Eastern world knows that it is just another part of the cycle of life. I actually believe in reincarnation, but would like to try and get things right this time around!!

[Mynder]

@Moonshadow: are you still putting blame on your spirit guides, god, the world, or the cruel universe for playing a mean joke on you? Do you blame them for how you feel?

Does that really help you, does it make you feel better?

Because you have a choice to be happy and drop the baggage you're hauling around on your shoulders. You've been torturing yourself for more than twenty years now...consider choosing differently, now.

If you want to discuss this more, I suggest you send me an email or a PM, so we don't take this thread somewhere it doesn't belong (or if you want to discuss this publicly, I suggest you open a new thread about it).

I'd like to help, if I can.

[Orlando]

Thanks Mynder for your take. I guess my reaction at this stage is to say, well, OK, sounds interesting, but what evidence is there that that is how it works? Have you had some kind of special insight or experience which convinced you about it? Are you saying then that this life we are having now is some kind of dream or virtual reality game that the real us is experiencing, and from which we will wake up? And the reason for it is a kind of play or entertainment? Can you expand more on what you mean when you say our souls project our physical reality - in this interpretation, are our souls the "real" us or not? Is the soul like the dreamer, and the physical reality like the dream? How is it we all seem to share more or less the same reality then if we each are individually "projecting" our own reality? Or are individuals like different, separately-created, avatars in the same virtual reality environment?

---

One thing about some part of us surviving death, not related to your post, that I was wondering about today, is -- Tolle talks about how a state of pure consciousness where you are not focussed on the past or future etc, just in the moment, is the "real" us, and he suggests the "real " us survives death -- but I l wonder then whether that would actually include our memories and much of what we think of as our personalities. If somehow some underlying consciousness survives but not all the bits and pieces that make up the personality that my friends and family know etc, and I am familiar with, then do "we" really survive in a meaningful way or not?

[Mynder]

Orlando, my answers work for me, and for many others who came to similar or the same ideas.

I have as little "proof" of this as you have of there being nothing after death. There is no proof that can't be argued away as hallucinations, "just a dream", or similar.

I can only say that it fits into my working model of "how things are" (tm), and I can only add that this model changes with each new idea, each bit of new input that is somehow relevant to it.

If I said to you that I had a dream about my older sister (who died as a two months old infant, roughly two years before I was born), and that afterwards I felt that she said "good-bye, I'm going to do my own thing now for a while" - would that persuade you of the existence of an afterlife?

It held meaning to me.

I have never fully consciously astrally projected, but there are people who have, and who have been shown many things that hint strongly at many more levels of existence. Nothing of that would hold up to scientific scrutiny as it is practiced today. Yet, unless many of us share in astonishingly similar "hallucinations", what explanation is there?

If it smells like strawberry and tastes like strawberry, sure it can still be just artificial flavor, but until I get more information that contradicts my model, I'm going to use it.

About the "holographic universe" part of it...yes, I liken it very much to a dream. And since I assume our higher selves are quite a bit more powerful, knowledgeable and advanced than the tiny fraction of consciousness they use on "running us", i.e. the little egos and minds in the physical world, I am fairly sure they can "share a dream".

Bashar, Abraham (-Hicks) and other "channeled masters" ultimately say that our reality is completely self-created and self-imposed. That we choose and create our reality the way we want to (i.e. the way we wish to experience life). I believe that there is absolute freedom in this, in that we can voluntarily cocreate with other spirits to form a shared reality/dream, so that interactions will be truly surprising and more unpredictable to each single participant. All to raise the "fun" of this adventure. I also believe that if a spirit wants, they can choose one of the infinite variety of universes all for themselves, with no other spirits around.

I'm not claiming that my model is truly refined. But it allows for all the things that people experience and share on these boards, while still making some kind of sense to me. What else can I ask from my model of reality?

Proof? How would I go about proving or disproving it?

If I do something that is deemed "impossible", it can be explained away as pure chance, even if the odds are overwhelming. Even a 1:1000000 event will happen, on average, once every one million times it is tried. Or it can happen the very first time, or the third, or the hundreth time.

If I don't manage to do something that should be possible by my model but not by "physical reality laws", then that proves nothing, either. If I can't do it, that doesn't mean nobody can. Or that I won't succeed when I try in a different way, later.

I haven't yet found a definitive mathematical formula for the afterlife. Not that I'm really looking, but if I find it, I'll be sure to post it here.

So, there you have it. What it boils down to is: there is no proof, so one belief is as valid as any other. Choose something that makes sense to you, that empowers you in life, and that allows you to enjoy every day the most. Choose what sounds plausible enough and FEELS RIGHT enough to carry you through your fear.

I cannot make you believe. I cannot make you disbelieve. All choices are yours, right now.

[Orlando]

Thanks, that's some food for thought. Yes, I guess that ultimately if you find a worldview that works for you and is not obviously wrong and delusional, then why not go with it. About the dream of your sister, no, it doesn't really persuade me all that much, but thanks for sharing it and I can see that it would feel meaningful to you, the person experiencing it.