Our Separation (Blog)

[Erin Pavlina]

Use this thread to discuss the following entry from Erin Pavlina's blog:

Our Separation

[Holistic Star]

Hi Erin,

I'm sure if two people can work out an amicable divorce it's you and Steve.

I get what you mean about grieving for the story that won't be any more.

My thoughts are with you both and the children and I wish lots of love and laughter for you all.

[yoopersmith]

Erin,

This bit about the blank pages of a new book...really moved me (still a little weepy).

This made me think about all the times I said "I am not the story of me"...but when you live through a big decision like this...or like me...watch you and Steve live through this big move...I am actually feel the fact that we are NOT our stories...we watch it, participate in the story, but it's not us...

...thanks for helping me experience the words...hurts a lot, but I will be stronger when the feelings pass.

Love and light to you and your family and friends...

[alexhere]

Thanks Erin for sharing your thoughts on the matter. I look forward to seeing you again in the future.

[JoeRad]

Keep strong, and I wish you and your kids the best.

[JoePike]

Erin, I wish you the best of luck on this new path and I know you'll be fine. In fact, I know you'll be better!

I think people are up in arms about this announcement because of the amazing synergy you and Steve have together. You're always so supportive of each other and back each other up quite well. When reading an Erin or Steve blog post we're used to seeing your constant references to each other and it's quite obvious how your work compliments Steve's and vice versa.

People are worried that will change. But I think as time goes on, we will all see the same amazing material still flowing from both of you...and it will still compliment each other. It'll just take time, but eventually we will all see that not too much is going to change professionally for you both.

People also have strong opinions about your new living arrangements and Steve's relationship to the kids, but we all need to have faith that every decision you're jointly making is in the best interests of the whole family. None of us can really judge since we're on the outside looking in...even though we THINK we know you and Steve and your situation quite well!

I'm glad you have the courage to move forward with this change in your life and am so looking forward to seeing what's ahead for you!! Your articles have helped my spiritual development so much, and I'm excited you're following a path that is truly right for you.

[srf99]

Will you or Steve comment on what things in life you wanted vs. what he wanted?

[NDavid]

Hi Erin and Steve,

My parents have been seperated since I was young, but let me just like you mentioned in your article - they were better people and parents seperate than they would be as a couple. My best wishes for you, Steve and your children through this new transitional period of your lives. :-)

[joyfulgrowth]

Dear Erin,

I feel touched reading your blog post and am noticing how much I love your unique writing style. Thank you for sharing yourself with the world!

I wish you lots of curiosity in exploring these new grounds, energy and courage even while muscle building in mountainy areas, support and the ability to take it in whenever you need it, and most of all a connection to the beauty of Life in it all, whether you are laughing, crying or exploring.

With an open-hearted hug

Joyfulgrowth

[Andrew Brunelle]

I'm glad you feel the same way Steve does about everything. This is a good thing more than it is a bad thing. It's good you'll still be working together and your kids probably won't notice too much of a difference, except that they'll be living mostly with you, Erin. But you both live in the same area, so I'm sure they'll see Steve all the time as well. I wish you all the best, Erin. Now a new chapter has started in your life.

[lifetimelearner]

the part that got to me the most Erin was when you said :

"My friend, Vicki, helped me see that what I was grieving was the old story, and how I thought that story would end. "-Erin Pavlina

I am glad you had a friend with such great insight!!

much love sent your way

[staceyterry]

I read your blog at lunch today Erin and I felt again the sting of tears. I truly admire the attitude you are working towards. The optimism and respect for yourself you put forward is the best of all possible responses. What more could any other person do?

It's such a different place to be in... to love and respect a good person, to seem to fit and compliment, but then to recognize that there are some elements to love and relationships that can't always be developed... they are a state of being - and sometimes they're there... or were there, and then life changes and the nature of the beingness changes with it. I understand why some religions caution us against clinging too closely to desires or reality. It really can't be captured or controlled.

I am among those who will hang on your every word as you write the new stories. And perhaps I'll take another look at the blank pages ahead of me instead of constantly rereading that last novel I was on myself. I hate putting down a good book too, but damn it... I say we're both good writers Erin... Bring on the paper! Now, let's get out there and kill some trees!!!

Uh... okay... or let's maybe do some gentle recycling first and THEN let the pens dance!!

[Miia]

Hey,

I just wanted to say that you`re going to have a wonderful life

All the best to you and your kids!

[rei]

thanks for the blog post Erin. as someone else mentioned, i'd be very interested in learning about the specific differences in terms of life paths. but i admit that's none of my business really.

best of luck to you in achieving your highest good!

[newmark]

Best wishes to you and the children!

[Algernon]

Erin,

Your words are so beautiful. In an unsettling time in your life, you still manage to express yourself in such a life-affirming manner.

I don't post on these boards very often, but I read most of your articles, and I always think that you are the kind of person the world needs more of. So compassionate. So kind. So wise. A lovely mixture of ethereal and down-to-earth.

You are probably the only person, among those I have not met in "real life" (or even spoken to), that I consider to be a friend.

If you ever need the perspective of someone with whom you have no history, IM me and we'll talk. I have a rather unconventional schedule, and sometimes I am away from the computer for long stretches of the day, but I'll get back to you as soon as I can.

I don't claim to be the wisest of all mankind, but sometimes my way of seeing things can help people to find the missing piece (missing peace?) in this puzzle called life.

I hope we get to meet in person some day (maybe at a writer's retreat; do you still go to those?).

Here's my "psychic" vision for you: Sometime in 2010, you are thin, healthy, strong, and smokin' hot! You are in a committed relationship (what Angela would call a LTMBR) with a kind, caring, handsome man with "movie star good looks" (maybe even a movie star) who gets along great with your kids. One day Steve, wondering if there is a chance to rekindle certain dormant aspects of your relationship, asks you, "So, are you two, um, polyamorous?" You answer, with a smile on your face, and a sparkle in your eyes, "Nope. Totally monogamous." And then you return to your new man. You are free.

[PerDev]

I hope this become one of the wonderful experience of your life, and few years later you realize and be proud that you have taken this decision consciously. by the way, i think You guys are very good at long term planning.

for now I think its better to just observe it from third person perspective.

Originally Posted by Erin Pavlina

Use this thread to discuss the following entry from Erin Pavlina's blog:

Our Separation

[austere]

I was stunned. Somewhat.
Having sensed it some much before and shut that darned voice out. No this cannot happen.


I am learning from your strength, Erin.
I am learning from your acceptance of anger and sadness.
And the new pages analogy and the river.
For so long I was not so brave. Hoarding my pain like a miser. But you are right.

Sending healing thoughts your way.

Mountains, light and a cherry blossom bough-- perhaps these images mean something?

[Aleksander Krstic]

I send you lots of love and good luck with the divorce esp. since you helped me out back in the day!

[MidasGirl]

Sending my love to you Erin. I'm sure you'll do wonderful transitioning to your next great adventure.......

BTW, as far as the kids, definitely do not assume they are doing just fine with it just cuz it's amicable. Children may not want to express how they really feel because they don't want to hurt either parent. I thought my daughter would be happy for me when I told her her dad and I would no longer be together, as I already had told her I wasn't happy in the relationship etc etc. But the actual reality of divorce is a whole different thing to them. Not saying they won't eventually adjust, they will, but how well that happens will be determined by how cognizant you are of the emotional impact of this. I found it a bit of presumptive for Steve to say that, because they are in Vegas where almost every other child's parent is divorced, then somehow that makes it easier on them. I remember thinking the same way too.

Sure it helps that they won't feel like outcasts of sorts, but every child processes divorce from an individual perspective. And each of your children will also process it differently, and for all you know the one that seems least affected may even be the most affected. Not putting unnecessary pressure on you, the kids will be just fine eventually. But I'm sure you guys aren't the kind of parents to accept "just fine" as a standard.

There's a child counselor that has written an incredible book for children dealing with divorce, M. Gary Neuman. He also has a program that kids can actually attend.

[Pequod]

Hi Erin

Good luck to you, Steve and the children. It will be tough at some times but so many people are with you!

Just a gut feeling: when I read that you want to keep the name Erin Pavlina because it is a well known brand, it gave me the sense that you're still very attached to Steve (no big surprise of course). But maybe it is time to stand on your own feet.

On a practical level this should be easy, for example by taking back your maiden name, and have an automatic link from the erinpavlina.com site to your new site. And you can change the name of this forum too while still being part of the pavlina forums.

Anyway, best wishes. I know you all will somehow get out of this stronger!

[Erin Pavlina]

Keeping my married name doesn't make me feel attached to Steve at all. It makes me feel attached to ME since that is the name I identify myself with now. My maiden name sucks, to be quite honest, and I ain't going back to that sucker ever! I could see perhaps creating a new last name for myself, something involving a conscious choice, but for now, with so much changing, I'm glad that isn't changing.

I appreciate all your thoughts and uh, predictions. We'll see what happens.

[Ace22]

I'll be as short, concise, eloquent and politically correct as I can: (I thought long and hard about this before posting)

"You deserve better"

[StarieEyed]

I've always wanted to make up my own last name. I'm sure my fiance would not be into it. Darn guys and their stupid attachments to their last names!

[bright]

Originally Posted by starieeyed

i've always wanted to make up my own last name. I'm sure my fiance would not be into it. Darn guys and their stupid attachments to their last names!

Lol...

[joylangtry]

Erin, I have a great respect for you for sharing this experience so candidly with your readers. It is fascinating to read the comments offered so far, both here and on Steve's thread.

No doubt, like with topics of diet and exercise, you will receive tons of useful advice.

You two have been role models for others in so many ways. I expect that will continue in this chapter, as well.

Thank you for your generosity in being so honest and open about your life. I wish you all the best for your new adventures, with lots of love and the fewest possible judgmental onlookers.

[Algernon]

Originally Posted by StarieEyed

I've always wanted to make up my own last name. I'm sure my fiance would not be into it. Darn guys and their stupid attachments to their last names!

Not all guys are alike!

I've often thought that if I were to get married, I'd like for my beloved and I to co-create a new last name. That way the name would symbolize the new life we were creating together; the children, if any, would have the same last name as both their parents; but there would be no intimation that one had become the "property" of the other.

It would be a union of equals, freely chosen. And chosen again. Every day.

[Marth]

Hey Erin Ill say small prayer for you, you are awesome

[Amandaroseblue]

I have only just met you through your Worthy of Love Blog. A friend of mine posted it on their facebook.

I am grateful for all that I am learning here. I feel I am learning so many things from you Erin and the others here.

I am very happy for you. Your life now is like the song " Unwritten" Mine life has become that also. I can relate.

Thank you for continueing on. If there is anything I can do I will. If I can be of any help. I will.

[Smurf]

Erin,

Do you need a third party to help you set up your own forums?