Coming Out of the Broom Closet (Blog)

[Erin Pavlina]

Use this thread to discuss the following entry from Erin Pavlina's blog:

Coming Out of the Broom Closet

[Jeff Lilly]

Thank you SO much for this timely article, Erin! Just this very morning I was trying to decide whether to tell my dear aunt -- who I love very much -- that I am pagan. She is a sweetheart, but she is also an evangelical Baptist, and her messages about Lord Jesus are becoming quite insistent. (She has definitely turned up the volume since she learned that I was getting a divorce.) It would be so easy (in one way) to simply go along with her and remain quiet about my own religion. After all, she's not getting any younger; why trouble her with this in her final decade or two?

I've decided to be completely open and honest about it, because (a) the family -- and I -- have too often swept disagreements and difficulties under the rug, keeping things placid on the surface while terrible things fester away unseen; and (b) lying to her, or even just remaining quiet about it and allowing her to believe I am Christian, denies her the chance to learn and grow from contact with me. Not that I think I'm any great teacher or anything, but a pagan nephew is something completely outside her prior experience... And, likewise, I have never tried explaining myself to an evangelical Baptist that I love dearly! Our dialogue is a growth opportunity for both of us.

(Wish me luck!) :-)

[radeldudel]

Just a fun thought:

If today I'd state "you know, you thought I work as a secretary, but in reality I'm an investment Banker in a hedge fond company", I'd probably get similar cold reactions from people. *grin*

Thanks for sharing!
Love,
Sam

[spongebobandphenny]

Thank you Erin for posting such an inspirational article!
I just wanted you to know that you and Steve's work has led me into a totally new phase of my life...better and more conscious one tha is. I did't believe in psychic, paranormal and all that, but after I stumbled upon Steve's blog and listened to your podcast 'Being Psychic,' I grew extremely drawn to your energy and what you described 'other side.' It's hard to believe your so-called friends were being judgemental when you first came out. I think it is a good indication to tell which ones are truly aware and accepting when you expose your true self, because by doing that you expose others' true self - some people judge who you are and some simply accept. I was very fortunate in that I was able to remain open-minded enough to explore this consciousness development journey of mine that I didn't even knew existed prior to listening to your podcast. I am thinking about starting up my own business to help others through the form of art, and I know I have to leave my current corporate environment soon...your article was kinda like a pep-talk for me! I feel encouaged and ready...thanks again!

[gingerbaker]

I've never "come out" as bisexual, I just always...have been, so no real surprises there for people. Of course, I live in NYC so it's not exactly news here. As for my (much more occasional than yours) psychic experiences, intuition, what have you, I haven't gotten a lot of pushback from friends when I mention it, but were I to take it "seriously" and invest much time and potential career-path into it, I might very well, even though my friends are very open minded.

One note: as to the surprise that Steve's religious family would support you, it did not surprise me - among some evangelical Christians it is not uncommon to believe in psychic phenomena - they just atttribute it to the Holy Ghost (in my experience with my inlaws, anyway...) Of course, that's not all of them (and at times, dealing with the more radical nature of my inlaws Christianity creates its own problems LOL!)

[OlderWiser]

This article absolutely confirmed for me that keeping my psychic abilities under wraps is for the best. I use them all the time (I'm strongly empathic, and I have precognition from time to time, sometimes remote viewing, occasionally I talk to beings that aren't exactly in physical form, and a few other interesting things), but I don't tell people what it is or why.

I present it as "intuition" (which is an acceptable word to use, doesn't freak people out), as hard-won life experience, as "something I read somewhere", as "gut feeling" (similar to intuition), as any number of things that people can tolerate without going nuts. People frequently appreciate my insights and advice, but I don't know how a lot of people would take it if I told them how/where it comes from. So I don't.

The only time I talk about these things is with one or two very deeply trusted people (one of whom is psychic, herself), and in writing, using one or another pseudonym.

I've considered the whole "open and honest" thing, because I really am a very up front kind of person, but there are things that are just private. I don't talk about intimate details of my life or my inner landscape because they're private and intimate. I consider my empathy and other unusual abilities to be just one of those private, intimate things that I don't feel the need or desire to share with the public at large.

Interesting that this article has encouraged some people to open up or come out about some things, and for others, it just confirms their belief that discretion is the best plan.

[hayden tompkins]

I worked with a girl at a law firm who, I'm convinced now, only came into my life to give me this psychic's name. (Albert Bowes) I sort of went on a lark, but for some reason I really trusted this incredibly flaky girl; still it was $100, but I just didn't know what to expect.

I believe that a lot of things are theoretically possible, so I sort of hang out in a 'belief' limbo until something specifically touches me. (Like, for example, I think it's theoretically possible that aliens exist. I also think it's theoretically possible that aliens don't exist. Possible. So I sort of...withhold judgment.)

Up until that time, that's how I felt about psychics. Theoretically possible. When I went to Albert, I was not necessarily skeptical...just really alert. And I MADE SURE I didn't give him any 'leading' information. I'll never forget the moment I knew he was the real deal.

He made some throwaway comment like "You unity people are so easy to read." At the time, I felt like my church home was Unity even though I hadn't found one since I moved to Orlando. Internally astonished, I was sure I knew what he meant by unity - but I wanted to make sure. Unity is also a 'regular' word and perhaps it had some specific meaning for him. I managed to ask very casually "What do you mean, 'unity people'?"

"You know, Unity, your church. Unity people are very easy to read."

There is NO WAY this guy could have possibly known that. The last Unity I went to was in Miami and I hadn't found a church of any kind I liked in Orlando. This was before I posted my life on internet. I keep my car bumper sticker free, I don't wear jewelry; there was nothing on my person that could have clued him in to my religious affiliation.

After that 'psychic abilities' were totally confirmed for me. I don't know how it works, and I'm not sure I need to know.

The interesting thing is that my husband has some sort of weird love affair with Vegas. As a tropical beach person myself, I have NEVER had the desire to go become a rat at feeder bar. Once I found out about Erin, however, I felt like I kept getting 'nudged' by the universe to go.

[MikeFior]

Hi Erin,

Thanks for writing this entry. I can relate to the post since I had a similar experience when I first told people I was vegetarian (being a 16 year old boy who didn't know any other vegetarians made things awkward) and when I came out of the closet last year.

When I was becoming a vegetarian, I didn't want to tell anyone because I feared judgment. It ended up backfiring and I was called out when people noticed that I was not eating meat. It was disempowering and embarrassing for me.

So when I finally came to terms with the fact that I was gay and didn't want to tell people, I could see that I was going down the exact same path that was leading to fear, guilt and shame. Luckily, I had a friend who took a stand for me and encouraged me to be completely authentic with everyone I knew regardless of the consequences. In 1 week I called at least 50 of my closest friends and family members and spread the news. My brothers took it really well were supportive. My parents are still slowly adjusting to the idea of having a gay son, but they're coming around.

I noticed that once I because authentic with myself, things started opening up for me. I'm still close with most of my old friends but quickly lost contact friends that I didn't resonate with. I also found a ton of new friends who eventually helped me move to a great apartment, get a new job that paid more and had better hours, introduced me to my boyfriend (we have a great relationship filled with love, support and mutual respect), and reconnected me with my artistic side. I feel like the universe was like "Finally!" and gave me several rewards for being myself. If anyone who is reading this is in the closet, just come out. Your life will be awkward for 2 weeks and then it will become a million times better.

This past week I have really been thinking about how I can be more authentic with my friends, family and strangers. I realized that I hide a lot of my spiritual beliefs and budding psychic abilities from the people I know out of fear. It looks like it's going to be time to go through that whole cleansing process again...

[Erin Pavlina]

@OlderWiser: Yes, if you're not doing this professionally I totally understand the desire to keep this part of yourself discrete (good word). That's what I did for 36 years, only telling people who I thought could handle it.

For me, after filming the Criss Angel show I knew there was no going back as I was going to be publicly outted when teh show aired. I think that's actually the main reason I had to do the show. Burn the ships behind me and get comfortable with my new shore. It certainly worked out that way.

[Savage]

I went through a similar period when I announced my retirement from the game dev community and said I was going into the personal development field.

Some of my game dev friends thought I was crazy... or that I was going to become a scammer or something. Their reactions made no sense to me.

I quickly let those friends go and made new friends within weeks. It worked out wonderfully because my new friends were much more supportive of my new direction.

When people object to my path, I don't bother trying to convince them of anything. I just let them go. I don't need to fill my life with resistance and drama.

Years later, many of those same people eventually came around. Some ex-game dev friends who rejected my choice at first have since become avid students of personal development. Some have even left the game dev industry to follow a similar path to what I did. So you never know...

The same thing is happening when I went polyamorous. I lost some old friends who couldn't handle it. No biggie -- I happily let them go and made many new friends who were supportive and happy about my new direction.

When people react negatively to your change of direction without bothering to understand it, it can create a bias against their group as well.

When Erin and I receive critical emails from very religious people who've never met us, it encourages me to think of religious people as being extremely judgmental and prejudiced... often racist and sexist as well. This makes it harder to keep an open mind when meeting new people who claim to be very religious. More often than not, I prefer to keep my distance from such people, and sometimes I actively repel them. But every once in a while, I meet a religious person who seems intelligent and reasonable, and those are people I can embrace as friends.

[ericabiz]

This article made me rather thankful that after a discussion with my spirit guides, I decided to not go the "psychic" route and instead embrace more of a teaching path. I know this will come up for me anyway at some point in my future, and it is really helpful to know people who have gone through it.

@Steve: I mentioned you to a (developer) friend a while ago and he said, "Oh, yeah, the guy who gave up his game development business to write a blog." And he rolled his eyes. So they're still out there. For my part, this entertained me, having watched what you've done.

-Erica

[magi13]

^^, sometimes you have to keep secrets, but this is just my own opinion.

[Nikaia]

In my life I've come out as a Witch, bisexual, and polyamorous, in that order. The amount of resistance varied between those, but I have always found that my comings-out have been more of a source of growth for the people around me than they have been sources of strife or struggle.

Coming out as a Witch wasn't that bad, though I was raised going to church most Sundays, and participating in all the major church events, plus several choirs and the youth group. I continued to participate after I had already changed my spiritual path, because I was only 15 and didn't want to deal with my parents on it until I was 18 and out of the house. When my mother found my first book on Wicca in my room when I was 16, she took it away and lectured me on my "heathenry". We dropped the subject and I was simply more discreet until I was 18, when I came out of the broom closet. Fortunately, over the years, her (and my father's as well) religious convictions had become much looser and less insistent on a particular path, and so once I convinced them that my religion had nothing to do with any devil or demonic entities, they were fine with it.

Coming out as bisexual was more challenging, both because of my extremely conservative and homophobic father, and because of my very Catholic best friend. When I told her, she said she "needed some time", and we didn't speak for a couple weeks. But after that, she came back to me and said, "I thought about it, and it took me awhile, but I realized you're still the same person no matter who you're dating," and that was that. My father took longer, and there were many hurtful "you're just being promiscuous/what, so you sleep with everyone?/it's just a phase" comments, but eventually he has come around to the idea to the point where he even voted against Prop 8 in November, for my sake.

Polyamory was the easiest reveal, actually, to the point where I brought my girlfriend home to my family this past Christmas while my boyfriend was off visiting his family overseas, and everyone made her welcome and treated her exactly as they'd always treated my boyfriend. However, poly has also been the "coming out" that's always required the most explanation. Most people know what bisexual means, and I can use "Wiccan" as shorthand for my spiritual path around people who don't want or need details, but very few people have heard "polyamory" without going "Hunh?" and inevitably asking, "Isn't that cheating?"

But as I said initially, my comings-out have provided wonderful opportunities for growth among friends and family. I'm not horribly outspoken about my Witchery, though I do wear a triquetra and pentacle pendant in much the same way many Christians wear a cross, and at my last workplace my coworkers (with whom I was quite friendly) had no idea about my religion until someone said something disparaging about pagans being devil-worshippers, and I spoke up about my religion. They were all stunned to find out that this nice, clean-cut, friendly young woman they were friends with was in fact also pagan. That dissonance between how they saw me and their mental images of a "pagan" - wearing all black, gloomy, evil, whatever - helped several of them grow past their reliance on that stereotype. So I'm willing to deal with the occasional hardship when someone new learns about my "unique life choices," because it usually ends up ultimately being good for us both to work through it.

[Anna Conlan]

Erin,

It was very interesting reading about your experiences 'coming out' as a psychic.

I've been doing readings professionally for just over a year, but I haven't encountered any negative attitudes. Actually, I think me 'coming out' as psychic has opened the minds of some people around me.

My mum, who doesn't believe in any of this stuff, has started believing there must be something in it, because she knows I'm honest. My best friend from Uni (who is also a skeptic) asked me to do some healing work on her and her boyfriend and it worked really well, so she agrees there must be something in it. And I live with two Catholic women, both of whom are tolerant and have become more interested in psychic stuff.

I really don't get much negativity from people who don't know me who ask what I do. Maybe it's because English people (or the ones I meet, at least) tend to be quite polite. I do get weird looks sometimes, but no outright negativity.

The only negativity I experienced was when I went on holiday a while back with some friends from University (hard-nosed skeptics) who told me I was a total idiot for believing in psychic phenomena and to snap out of it

[Kataclysmic]

Oh boy, I know I'm supposed to go introduce myself first, but Erin's blog just hit a nerve. I've been "paying attention" (aka lurking?) to Erin and this website for a few months. I don't really question why I need to be here, but I just know I do. I don't think I have any special abilities, nor am I gay, but ohhhh boy the judgement thing.

I developed fibromyalgia a couple of years ago. I tried to deal with it as best I could. But once it became known at work...I was toast. As far as they were concerned all the brilliant work I had done in the past was definitely in the past and I was treated like I was a "goldbricker" (trying to get out of work) and had an IQ of 2. Nobody "gets" fibromyalgia...it's a really weird illness. Somedays I can function, somedays I lay in bed and the best I can do is stare up at the ceiling and ask "why me?" I finally quit trying and resigned a few weeks ago.

I lost every last "friend" I had at work. And these were people I honestly thought I was close to. It has taken a lot of work to clear myself of wanting some kind of payback...I was so upset, hurt and angry. As I said it's taken a lot of work to overcome it, so I've got nothing but empathy for what you went and are going through Erin.

But on the upside, I got this really cool blue handicapped placard. Think I'd rather have a broom.

[OlderWiser]

Originally Posted by Erin Pavlina

For me, after filming the Criss Angel show I knew there was no going back as I was going to be publicly outted when teh show aired.

Yes, that would do it!

Originally Posted by Erin Pavlina

I think that's actually the main reason I had to do the show. Burn the ships behind me and get comfortable with my new shore. It certainly worked out that way.

I can understand fully that if you're going to be a professional psychic, you really need to step up there and take a stand, and I can see the same thing you do about having your bridges burned and so forth. Makes perfect sense. No going back now, all that. I've got a few of those in my life, too, just not where the psychic gifts/abilities are concerned.

[Liveformx64]

Erin, I feel like that article is only half finished.

Let me start this by saying that one can only write what one feels inspired to write, but I can't help but ask the question why you didn't elaborate on the payoff?

Things like "now being aligned with your true purpose" you have shed yourself of all the false friends and acquaintances etc... Maybe something like, following your highest excitement, you are now truly happy and living in abundance.

As a person that looks up to you and Steve as pioneers, the article would have been more cohesive if you were to follow up with maybe the benefits you have reaped from your difficult decision. Maybe there weren't any? Can you elaborate?

[eruso]

I really like this article. I came out as gay this past year so I can kind of relate to this. I loved the last line hahaha

[merw]

Thank you for this article about coming out of the closet. I have been trying to come out of the closet for a couple of years now. I have told my family that I am psychic and they literally freaked. They said they don't believe in that kind of stuff. They get angry. I understand it scares some people and it goes against some people's religion, but I just think it's really sad that people have to judge and criticize others when they call themselves Christians and they go to church! I have come to realize that I don't really care anymore what people think of me. I feel sad because they are not willing to open up and receive messages from the other side. I don't have time for skeptics or people who want me to prove that I am pyschic. I have lost friends and family in the past couple of years. All I want to do is help people. My dilemma is how do I approach people when there is a message? I have tried to say, "I had a dream last night...." Or other times I just give them the message. It's their choice if they want to believe or don't want to. Have you ever seen that movie "Ghost Town"? The guys friends tell him that he's making a fool of himself by giving people messages from the other side. The way I see it, his friends are the fools.

[Erin Pavlina]

the payoff for following my heart, my path, my true north is total fulfillment, joy, pride, and personal power. Nothing feels as wonderful as acting in alignment with your true self. Every night I go to bed feeling gratitude both towards my guides and from my clients. I know what I'm doing is changing lives for the better. So I keep on going, even when people try to bring me down.

There's a saying, "There are those who see the light and those who haven't seen it, yet." Everyone is where they're supposed to be. don't let anyone talk you out of or disuade you from being who you are.

[njn]

I'm a bureaucrat for the USG who gets transferred frequently (every 2-4 years), and the great majority of my friends I've made through work. I keep quiet about having started to channel. They'll either think I'm crazy, and I'll lose my security clearance, or they'll believe me, and then I'll lose my clearance for being a security risk. Either way I lose my job. Lucky for me I qualify for retirement in another three years.

[EllieW]

Thanks for sharing your experience.... I did indeed relate as I am gay and coming out was an interesting experience....

I found that I came out in waves - first wave was when I was 19 and told my older brother & sister... And they said "Don't tell Mom & Dad!" - Then my brother took me to a psychiatrist... I remember going along thinking - why is he so upset?

My brother took me to this psychiatrist 4 times - he would sit in the waiting room and I would go in and talk to this guy. He was actually a nice guy and he wasn't telling me that I shouldn't be gay... So I kept going back... The fourth time we were there at the end of the session the doc called my brother in... He said "Bill your sister is gay - there is nothing wrong with her - leave her alone"

When I look back at that I realize I was well taken care of - as it was 1974 and there were not many folks saying it was OK to be gay! Sometimes I think - hmmm I wonder if he, the doc, was gay....

My next wave came a few years later when I did indeed tell my parents. Actually I didn't think I needed to tell them - I assumed they knew - since I had been living with a woman for 5 years... Nope they were shocked...

I struggled for awhile with friends & coworkers not talking about my love life... And while my family had originally been shocked - they accepted me - well as long as we didn't talk about it!

So in the early years - I was truly hiding myself - not honoring myself... For me there was turning point .... I ended up in AA at the age of 28 - I went to a gay AA group and I started the journey of totally loving and accepting myself....

See - I found that I did not 100% accept me - and as long as I didn't accept me I was always going to have people in my life who didn't accept me!

Today I am me - and I happen to be gay... I don't have a sign on myself that says I'm gay... and I don't normally tell you that when I first meet you. I have never heard a straight person say "my name is ____ and I'm straight"

But if you spend more than a few minutes with me I'm sure you will figure out I am gay. When I speak of my partner I don't say "he" - I say "she" and that usually is a dead give away!

I am so comfortable with being Me - that I tend to forget some people are uncomfortable with someone being gay! Six years ago my partner of 18 years made her transition... My life was turned upside down... and I eventually went to a bereavement group... There weren't any gay bereavement groups - so I just went...

I was 47 yrs old at the time and there were some older people in the group. When I introduced myself and said my partner, Gale, passed over... One of the older gentleman said "Your sister?" - It took a few minutes of explaining before he "got it"!

I was the first gay person in most of their lives... Well I was the first gay person who ever came out to them... And when they got to know me they were not afraid of me... Actually they loved when I came to the group as I always made them smile... They bonded with me and left their labels outside of the doorway.

That is the reason people do these foolish things - they are afraid of what they don't know... They have been taught how to think instead of feeling what they think.

Their "labels" are from fear and they hold themselves in a bubble and never truly get to experience the richness of life.

Today I do a lot of public speaking... my story usually comes into my speaking and then I realize - Hmmm I talking about her and they ain't getting it... So I say things like "It wasn't easy in the 70's to be a good catholic Irish girl... and it was even harder to be a good catholic Irish gay girl" -- OK now they got it!

My whole point of this story is -- When I got AOK with me... When I accepted who I Am.. When I loved me unconditionally -- then I found that the people in my path were always OK with me!

My experience in life is always a mirror of the vibrations I am putting out there...

[kathrynkp]

Erin
A BIG Congratulations on coming out of the closet. I had a huge psychic awakening in my late 20's and during my 30's I attended many classes and trainings to help me develop my natural gifts and to get tools for my own personal healing. I was a classic wounded healer.
In my 40's I too came out and posted flyers around my town offering intuitive sessions.
That's when I met my personal satan - Danny. See the small "s"? Elaine Pagels talks about it -in that our satan's are our stumbling blocks, ego, fears, bad traits like being stubborn or greedy. This does not denote the person of Satan -big S if one were to believe in him.
Anyway, early one morning at 4 AM I got a call. Thinking it was my daughter who had been out with friends I answered.
A man was on the other end asking if I was the psychic Kathryn. I said yes but my office was closed and that he should call back during the day.
He started asking lots of questions in hostile manner and finally I told to never call me again.
Well that set off a series of intimidating phone calls and messages. The problem was he seemed to be accusing me of everything I was afraid people would think of me.
I had a desire to help others and to use my gifts professionally because it made my heart sing to do so. Every other job was torture. I knew I was doing the right thing for the right reason.
I talked to my friends who were psychics, hypnotherapists and astrologers and I got an interesting response
They all said "This is great! You have met your personal satan, he's the personification of your inner fear programs, now he's outside of you so you deal with it!"
Huh?
I mean I thought I'd get a little sympathy, but oh-no, I was getting congratulated instead!
So I went to work clearing all of the beliefs I held about being rejected or treated as a faker or charlatan and like magic the guy stopped calling AND new clients started calling.
This all took about two weeks.
I'm sorry you had to go through what must have been some hurtful and confusing moments. What I'm glad of is the fact you kept your good humor and made the decision to move forward all the while focusing on the love and support you do have and remembering the truth of who you are. That makes you a master.
I am very glad to have found both Steve and your sites. I look forward to being part of the community.

I witness your Mastery
Love
Kathryn Perry

[Trezker]

I'm polyamorous.
Isn't that cheating?
No, it's in the rules. In the skills chapter.

Polyamorous (IQ/A)
Defaults: IQ-5
Your character is unrestricted in thinking and practice of relationships.
In any relationship situation, roll against skill for each issue.

GURPS Lite

[moonrambler]

Excellent.

[mercuryrising]

I really appreciated this post and the responses in this thread.

Lately, I've been procrastinating about this new phase in my life... or defining what that new phase is. I've been reading books, consulting everyone I know and watching as much ridiculousness on youtube to get my mind on something else. I keep telling myself I'm confused or it's this or it's that, but the truth is I'm just a little scared.

Perhaps being a little scared is no reason not to move forward.