Do We Really Get What We Give?

[winterwind]

I love to remind myself to send love and light to others and treat them in a way that surprises them. I am a perpetual cheerleader, support giver and uplifter, hence my career as an inspirational writer and journalist.

But..during one of my down moments this week, I questioned if the rule that we receive in the same measure that we give was real. I examined my life, my motives and my actions and I really believe that I should have phenonemal blessings coming my way...AND I WILL!

One thing that bothers me though is a person in my life whom I can not get rid of who consistently insults me and tries to make my life so difficult. If he can do anything or say anything to hurt me, he does. If there is any way that he can harm me, he will try. I don't understand this. From the day I met him I offered him nothing but unconditional love.

I try to send love his way when I start to feel hurt and I am often successful My question to Erin and others is, when we make a concious effort to give love and light, how do people close to us still give us pain and heartache, even though that is not what we are giving them?

Do we really get what we give?

[Parthon]

It's because people still ultimately have free will and we can't control what they do.

Giving love to him love to this person is still the best thing you can do, it helps stop you feeling resentment towards him and it is probably stopping him from getting worse. If it's true unconditional love, then it must be having an impact. Perhaps it's not having a great as impact as expected?

The other thing, is the love truely unconditional? Do you give it out so that he can feel better about himself, and be more in tune with the world? or do you expect a change to take place from giving love? Do you give love to people you don't know, people you will never meet, just in order to give love without expecting anything at all in return? Is there genuine unattachment to your giving? I only ask as a personal discovery exercise, the answer could very well be a yes. If it's a no, or a very emphatic/angry "OF COURSE!" then perhaps more work on your own neutrality and forgiveness is the key?

The trick is, do you care about him? Even though he hurts you as much as he can, do you wish him well? If so, it could just be his choice to cause you grief. The only thing to do then is distance yourself and strip him of his power. Sometimes people never change, and the only thing we can do is forgive them.

[winterwind]

This reply was very well written.

Thank you.

Yes, I do tend to give love to people I don't know and to him unconditionally, because I want him to be happy. I have always believed that happy people reflect happiness, so I pray for him constantly and hope to see the change but it has not come.

But you know what? I just realized something. Even though I am looking for the love to be returned by him, I should not focus on that because I am actually missing out on receiving love from everyone else around me. The love does come back although it may not be from the source I expect.

[Jarrod]

Yeah

You can't change other people, you can only set an example and provide information on how to change if people want to take it.

[Erin Pavlina]

Allowing a negative energy to have influence over you is a form of self abuse. In other words, why do you interact with someone whose goal seems to hurt you?

While you're out there giving love to others, don't forget to spare some for yourself.

[Rose of Cairo]

Originally Posted by winterwind

The love does come back although it may not be from the source I expect.

Yes, I've noticed this too. It does come back (I even think much more comes back than what I give), but not necessarily always from the same people.

Same with money.

[Andrew Brunelle]

What you believe becomes real over time. The more you buy getting what you give, the more it will appear in your reality. In my own life, whenever I stop believing in that philosophy, I suffer, but when I am in line with it, I get what I give in different but equally valid ways.

[Angela]

Originally Posted by winterwind

One thing that bothers me though is a person in my life whom I can not get rid of who consistently insults me and tries to make my life so difficult.

That is so perfect that it made me laugh! (with you, not at you ).

You say that you "tend" and you "try" to send him love, but what you're really sending him is resistance -- and resistance, of course, is no freedom and no love. What you're really up to is trying to get rid of him! So of course you are *getting* no freedom and no love from him! (not really "from" him -- it's all "from" you. ).

What we want and what we're committed to are often two conflicting things.

Can you see another possible way of being for yourself, in which you could accept him exactly as he is and exactly as he isn't? Accepting him doesn't mean you condone or stick around for harmful behavior -- of course you must protect your well-being; acceptance means giving him the freedom to be who he is, without judgement (I never said this would be easy ).

Then watch the magic happen.

[winterwind]

Originally Posted by Angela

That is so perfect that it made me laugh! (with you, not at you ).

You say that you "tend" and you "try" to send him love, but what you're really sending him is resistance -- and resistance, of course, is no freedom and no love. What you're really up to is trying to get rid of him! So of course you are *getting* no freedom and no love from him! (not really "from" him -- it's all "from" you. ).

What we want and what we're committed to are often two conflicting things.

Can you see another possible way of being for yourself, in which you could accept him exactly as he is and exactly as he isn't? Accepting him doesn't mean you condone or stick around for harmful behavior -- of course you must protect your well-being; acceptance means giving him the freedom to be who he is, without judgement (I never said this would be easy ).

Then watch the magic happen.

Yikes!

~sigh~

Allowing him to be who he is while still remaining connected with him, because I HAVE to since he is the father of my children, is a daunting task. But what can I do? Can't give up. Can't run. Can't hide. All I can do is wish him well, keep my head up and trust that one day, he won't be as angry for whatever reason he is.

Thank u.

[Mato Kinze]

Yet again, I find myself in lock-step with Angela.

I'll add this one thing: There is something you are getting out of this that keeps you emotionally attached to your (warning...big assumption coming...) ex.

Certainly sharing child(ren) is a big emotional attachment, but until you can break that link, he will continue to effect you in a negative manner.

The cool thing is, once you break that link, he will "happen" around you, not to you.

Blessings,
Mato Kinze

[mncz]

You clearly have been faced with a situation that you need to understand.
You need to realise a few things:
1) the negativity he projects on you is your negativity that you deny. if there was no negativity in you, it would not come your way. so it is a good idea for you to work on releasing it. (it is also known as the subjective reality)

2) you have not forgiven/solved whatever conflict you had with your ex in your past, hence your harmful interaction. you might deny it even for yourself, but it is true, since these negative events keep happening and that means that there is a negative bond between you.

You can solve this problem by acknowledging your inner negativity and the fact that NO person in the world is completely positive OR negative, casting love on this part of yours and forgiving your ex completely for whatever conflicts you may have had in your past. As Angela says, accept him for what he is. Do not judge. Forgive. Forgive. Forgive. Forgive yourself for all the mistakes you have done in relationship with him. Forgive your anger. Set the negativity free by realising that you yourself invited it into your life to learn. Forgive it. Feel the peace in your mind.
Then watch the magic happen.

I have done this regarding an extremely painful relationship, and it works.

And yes, you ALWAYS get what you give. And sometimes, when you get something you don't quite expect, it is worthy to search for what you have given to receive it.

Oh, and I have to say this: sometimes too much good, particularly when given to people who are in the middle of their life lessons, is too much, and it turns into bad, and causes harm for everyone involved. So listen to your wisdom when giving.

[Anon]

I would like to clarify something ..

"We get what we give." ..... true. But, ..we give with pure sincerity. That means, .. we give with no intention/expectation of receiving. That's the hard part to master. Otherwise, ..the action becomes one of manipulation --If I do this, then the Universe provide me this... kind of thing. Again, ..this is the tricky part and one where most fail. This is also crucial component of learning to mastering the Law of Attraction. That's the real secret.

As for your loveless friend.. If you choose to accept his 'gifts' , .. then you reap the contents of that gift. If you don't, .. then guess who still owns it ? It's your expectation on how he should act that's getting you into trouble -- place no expectation onto him and you'll laugh every time you deliver love and he returns something less than. You will laugh because the behaviour is beyond your comprehension and you'll feel more empathy than disappointment. His words will pass on by to no effect -- ask yourself, .. if he hurled the most viscious words to your face, ...but you had on loud headphones, ....would the words still hurt? The answer is obvious, ..the point is that without our definitions of what things mean, .. things mean nothing. His words mean, ......... nothing.


regards regards...