Betrayal

[mariusa]

Can someone explain to me what betrayal means in the grand scheme of things?
Is the feelings of the betrayed just an ego driven emotion?
Do the actions of the betrayer result in any kind of consequences?
If the betrayer rationalized the effects of thier actions so as not to think they caused any pain to another individual is it then justified?

I can see were the betrayed has a lot to work on as far as letting go but it seems like the betrayer gets to move on scott free because they beleive they are entitled to a happy life and thus justified.

Just doesn't seem right to me.

[{aspiring_to_clarity}]

There was a really good post by Dan about betrayal. I'm still wrapping my head around it after all this time. Maybe it will help:

In Love With My Sister in Law

[mariusa]

Aspiring,
Thanks, I did read thru that thread and even posted my thoughts and confusion.
I don't know, I'm just having a difficult time, not with the adultery, but the deliberate act of someone pursuing what they think is thier right to happiness at the expense of thier family. The lack of character and intergry shown by two people I highly regarded.
I was blindsided by these two people, one being my husband, who unfortunatly I thought I could rely on to "have my back". We didn't have a horrible marriage but I guess he wanted things from life he wasn't going to get from me. I can accept that. And, quite frankly, I'm glad I'm not the one he is expecting it from anymore.
But they both have continued to be hurtful and disregard the feelings of my family and her family in order to pursue thier relationship. Rub it in everyones faces to be accepted sort of thing.
I guess it's all a matter of perception, and if that is so, then what does it really mean to be good or bad in the treatment of others??

[Angela]

Originally Posted by mariusa

I guess it's all a matter of perception, and if that is so, then what does it really mean to be good or bad in the treatment of others??

I would look at it more like: What does it really mean -- for ME -- to respond in a way that works in living a life I love? What kind of response would feel good to me, and to my kids; what response would have us being what I want us to be: a family?

[{aspiring_to_clarity}]

Sorry, I didn't realize you had already read and posted in the thread! I'll try to give you my own answers and hopefully it will help or at least start a discussion.

Originally Posted by mariusa

Can someone explain to me what betrayal means in the grand scheme of things?

I think that betrayal means whatever you make it mean. You have the option to make it mean something about you or the person who hurt you, but I don't think it inherently means anything at all.

Originally Posted by mariusa

Is the feelings of the betrayed just an ego driven emotion?

You could say that. However I don't think you have to dismiss the hurt you are feeling. I would suggest accepting reality as it is and deciding how you will act and go forward. It is your choice what effect the betrayal has on your life.

Originally Posted by mariusa

Do the actions of the betrayer result in any kind of consequences?

Well, there are natural consequences. And you are also free to impose some kind of consequences on the person who's "wronged you" but I wouldn't think that would actually help you in the long run.

Originally Posted by mariusa

If the betrayer rationalized the effects of thier actions so as not to think they caused any pain to another individual is it then justified?

Justified is a tricky word. It is probably justified in the mind of the betrayer, while NOT justified in the mind of the betrayed. It's a choice in how you perceive it.

Originally Posted by mariusa

I can see were the betrayed has a lot to work on as far as letting go but it seems like the betrayer gets to move on scott free because they beleive they are entitled to a happy life and thus justified.

Just doesn't seem right to me.

As much as I struggle with it myself, this is a case where staying in your own business would probably help. You don't really know what another person goes through when they do something like this. And by focusing on the other person, you are taking the focus off of your own well-being.

Originally Posted by mariusa

I don't know, I'm just having a difficult time, not with the adultery, but the deliberate act of someone pursuing what they think is thier right to happiness at the expense of thier family. The lack of character and intergry shown by two people I highly regarded.
I was blindsided by these two people, one being my husband, who unfortunatly I thought I could rely on to "have my back". We didn't have a horrible marriage but I guess he wanted things from life he wasn't going to get from me. I can accept that. And, quite frankly, I'm glad I'm not the one he is expecting it from anymore.
But they both have continued to be hurtful and disregard the feelings of my family and her family in order to pursue thier relationship. Rub it in everyones faces to be accepted sort of thing.
I guess it's all a matter of perception, and if that is so, then what does it really mean to be good or bad in the treatment of others??

Man, I have all of these thoughts and feelings on this that I can't seem to get down properly. Have you read any of Byron Katie's books? I'd definitely recommend her as one to check out that deals with these kinds of questions in a way that has given me back my sanity.

I'm sorry if I haven't really been helpful. I do hope that you find the answers you are looking for!