Are You Walking Your Own Path? (Blog)

[Erin Pavlina]

Use this thread to discuss the following entry from Erin Pavlina's blog:

Are You Walking Your Own Path?

[pianoperformer]

I really agree with this. i've met so many people who say "I would do this but...my parents want me to do this other thing" or "this other thing makes more money." And I try to encourage them to do the first thing anyway, because it will make them happier and that's all that matters. They weakly agree, and I know that they will make no changes.

[yvr]

This blog post couldn't have showed up at a better time. I just had an argument with my parents this morning. Maybe it's a sign Thank you!

[Ordinary Joe]

Spiritually speaking, when you walk a path that is laid out for you by others then you miss or avoid facing the challenges and lessons you intended for yourself before you incarnated. When that happens you get to come back and try again. What did you sign up for in this life? Are you fulfilling the expectations you set up for yourself? Or are you fulfilling someone else’s expectations?

That is an amusing paradox: Who is to say that following the path another has laid out for me is not where I will encounter the challenges and lessons I've intended for myself? After all, if much of this is pre-planned, then perhaps I've also had a hand in selecting the time, the era, the society, the parents, and whatever else that have led to this conflict.

And who is to say that the lesson to be learned is not self-sacrifice?


Consider: I am not where I want to be. If I change direction, I am not where someone else wants me to be. I want something different, and I want not to offend.

It is not that our wants conflict that is the problem; it is the wanting itself.

Operating from wants or expectations feeds this engine, until someday I find myself on the other side of the problem with my children defying my wants.

Do what you will, not what you want.

[songwriter]

Reminds me of the Rats in a Maze that I enjoyed a lot. What it's hard for me it's the family part. Okey, parents should be happy if I'm happy. But if they're sad it's also hard for me to be happy. If they think I'm just choosing a bad way, I have to face their worries about it. And then I'm not so happy.

Maybe a darkworker would do it well, "It doesn't matter at all what they're feeling, I don't give a damn"...

And I do lots of things against what they think it's right for me. But that's not free, you see them worry. Actually my worry is caused for their worry!. But they can't help worrying.

I even could go more "my own path", but I'll be so lonely that I don't do it. I won't be happy, thought maybe the goal is not to be happy but to get your goal, I would feel as a darkworker. Or much worse... I would be hurting my own family, not just "anyone". Yes, in the end they'll see I was right. But the "in the meantime" can be very long. So I go "kind of" my own path slowly.

[Erin Pavlina]

Sometimes there are people in your life who act very confidently about how you should run your life. If you're not confident in your own choices it can be easy to give these people power over you; especially people who actually do have your best interests at heart.

But only you know what's going to make you happy. And only you are responsible for that happiness.

[Pegasus]

What if you don't know what your own path is?

[Erin Pavlina]

It's up to you to find it. There are ways and tools. But in the absence of knowing you still don't have to give your power to someone else.

Again, I'm not saying you should specifically ignore what people want for you. I'm just saying if what you want isn't the same as what others want of you then you must follow your own heart.

yeah sometimes it takes courage. But the rewards are worth it.

[lasti]

I'm really grateful for this article. I'm 19 years now and I have almost finished school (in Germany it's like I have a college degree) - and now my parents want of course to know what I'm going to do. And I know they have certain expectations. They want me to get a job or to go to University in order to get an even "better" job later. My father once said to me: "Your goal has to be a material one." And this is almost the opposite of what I think about my goals. So I'm now in this position where I have to tell my parents the truth. Uahhh...

But now it feels like there are people who support me and my decisions and this is a good feeling. Thanks, Erin.

[pianoperformer]

lasti, good luck. Just be sure to remain respectful, especially if they are paying for your university education! Also make sure of what you want for sure beforehand, that way you have a plan at least.

[Erin Pavlina]

The way to start a conversation could be to acknowledge that you know they want you to be happy and successful and that you have a plan to accomplish that even if it isn't exactly what they've intended for you.

Adults do have a certain wisdom that many young people don't have as it comes from years of experience. I would say to listen to but not blindly follow this wisdom. Run it past your own senses to see if it's something you agree with.

[mercuryrising]

Originally Posted by Erin Pavlina

Sometimes there are people in your life who act very confidently about how you should run your life. If you're not confident in your own choices it can be easy to give these people power over you; especially people who actually do have your best interests at heart.

But only you know what's going to make you happy. And only you are responsible for that happiness.

Since I was young (like 6 or 7 years old), I wanted to be a writer. My father thought this was a really impractical aspiration. He told me that artists make money after they are dead, that I was not particularly good at writing and that getting a book published was like winning the lottery. I think he really just didn't want me to get hurt or to eliminate other ways to provide for myself. He grew up in poverty and being financially secure to him is more important than whether you like your job or fulfill some high purpose.

I can logically dismiss what he says, but when I sit down to write his voice comes back to me. I come into writing thinking I'll never be able to do it and it's stifling. I've had a long string of jobs in which I'm never happy. I often get the feeling that I'm just doing something because it makes other people, like my dad or my girlfriend, feel secure. My girlfriend comes from very similar circumstances.

In other words, I have a very difficult time following my own path if it isn't congruent with what the people around me think my path is. Do you have any suggestions for getting past that?

[Erin Pavlina]

I do have a suggestion, and this often comes up in the readings I do. Keep your day job so you have the security, but make a clear plan/goal for what you want to move in to. If you're not making progress on your true goal, however, then you may need to "burn the ships" behind you and quit your job to motivate you. I would hope it doesn't come to that but sometimes that works for people.

Sometimes knowing that you're moving towards something you want makes doing what you don't want a little more bearable. Think of yourself in transition, not locked into a soulless job forever.

[ns123]

mercuryrising,

Maybe you can have a career that does pay the bills, and write in your spare time... and if you get that published, well, then you know it was meant to be. And you can say, see? I really am a writer. You can do both, it doesn't have to be writer or bust.

Parents don't want their kids to starve for their art or be financially stricken. They love you and want to see you happy, even if sometimes, they go about it totally wrong. But parents know how hard it is to be without money. So they encourage children into professions that yield the most $$$.

If you really are a writer, if this is really who you are, then the money will follow. But don't close the door on other careers that will be more lucrative, though less fulfilling. You heard of starving artists, right? Well, if they starving for their art, they are not artists.

Do both, have a day job, and write by night!

One very awesome writer that did this is Diana Gabaldon. Google her. She was a marine biologist, she wrote one novel, which turned into 8, and now, she has a cult following. She is incredibly financially comfortable. I know, because I'm one of her cult followers. Her books have made the best seller list consistently every time she comes out with a new novel.

[songwriter]

I follow 2 paths really. The normal job and the starving artist, well not starving but I make no money of being and artist.

If I can follow path one it's because my parents paid my education... If I had worked while I studied, I wouldn't have had time for music at all, so no path 2.

And If I quit path one, I would become an "starving artist". Living just because of my parents...
anyway I need money to my path 2. So I need a path one, even just for supporting the 2nd.

[mercuryrising]

Thanks to both of you, those are great suggestions.

Originally Posted by Erin

I do have a suggestion, and this often comes up in the readings I do. Keep your day job so you have the security, but make a clear plan/goal for what you want to move in to. If you're not making progress on your true goal, however, then you may need to "burn the ships" behind you and quit your job to motivate you. I would hope it doesn't come to that but sometimes that works for people.

Sometimes knowing that you're moving towards something you want makes doing what you don't want a little more bearable. Think of yourself in transition, not locked into a soulless job forever.

A clear plan/goal... that's what has been coming to me lately. I need to clarify what I'm doing and how to go from point A to B. Thanks for the kick in the pants... apparently I needed it.

I also like the second point about thinking about being in transition. Usually what has led me out of a job is that I get the perception that 'this is it'. Thanks, Erin. Mucho appreciated.

Originally Posted by ns123

If you really are a writer, if this is really who you are, then the money will follow. But don't close the door on other careers that will be more lucrative, though less fulfilling. You heard of starving artists, right? Well, if they starving for their art, they are not artists.

Good point. Haha. There's something to be said for sacrifice, but if ain't right, then it ain't right.

I'll look up that author. It's actually real common. Kurt Vonnegut was a copywriter for GE. He wrote his first novel in 30 days while working full time and with 5 kids in the house. I know, I know... "If you knew that, then why did you ask?" I didn't think of it until I brought this up.

[songwriter]

I don't know what you mean exactly with "if they're starving for their art they're not artist"

Some artists have lived a lot of time without a job, and lived of someone's else money or from charity or whatever. Van Gogh, The Beatles, etc.

[ns123]

songwriter,

sorry for the confusion. Basically, if you are starving because of your art (meaning, you can't pay our bills and you are financially stricken), then it's not the correct path you should be on. Something is wrong.

When you live in alignment with your purpose, you should experience abundance and wealth (not just monetarily). That's all I'm saying.

In a sense, we are all artists and are all trying to create something. But in my statement, i meant artists as in profession, not in spirit.

[Dannyboy1]

Your parents feelings about your direction in life shouldn't matter ultimately. They're not the one's who have to live your life, you are. That said, I don't agree with the whole hold down a job and work at night thing unless the job gives you total freedom to come and go as you please. A magical thing happens when you throw away your job and say, I'm going to sink or swim. I'm going to only do what I love to do and I'm going to find a way to make a living at it. Don't wait until you've saved enough (that day will never come) just do it. I did it and never regretted it. Your mind will make all numbers of excuses why it's not time, but I say leap and the net will appear. Years ago I started a class on stand up comedy - before I was even a good comedian! I knew I was a good writer and I just committed to it and acted like I knew what I was doing. Not only was the class amazing, I had a live show at the end and my students killed onstage! Additionally, I learned a great deal by teaching others about my own act and imporved immensely. No one just is an expert. They become an expert by doing. Live life. Go for it. Pretend you know how to do things, then do them. Fear is the only thing holding us back from what we want. Fear and fear alone.

[ns123]

dannyboy,

your story is very inspiring. What works for you may not work for others. What works for me would have not worked for you.

I guess we are all just individuals that have to figure out our own way in life. The best we can do is share our stories with each other, how we sank or swam, and what we learned from it, in hopes that it will open doors for others (and ourselves).

mercuryrising,
whatever you decide to do, know that it is you who makes the decision and you who will live with the results.

I know a little about not having support of my parents in my endeavors. Unfortunately, it is very sad that I cannot share my passion with my own parents. It still pains me to this day. So take comfort in the fact that you are not alone.

[songwriter]

Originally Posted by ns123

songwriter,

sorry for the confusion. Basically, if you are starving because of your art (meaning, you can't pay our bills and you are financially stricken), then it's not the correct path you should be on. Something is wrong.

When you live in alignment with your purpose, you should experience abundance and wealth (not just monetarily). That's all I'm saying.

In a sense, we are all artists and are all trying to create something. But in my statement, i meant artists as in profession, not in spirit.

Well... in music, that's the thing I know very stories... Abundance and wealth happens suddenly, after years of nothing. And that nothing can be years of waiting while working in other thing or doing nothing but music.

In the past the economical situation was easier and many artists could live just of the money of their families. The father worked and a whole family lived of the salary. That's why they were so many great bands in the 60s or 70s.

But now as a home needs, at least 2 wages... or 3... musicians have two careers really. So they get to fame much older than happened in the 60s or 70s.