How the dead feel

[Nani]

Hi!

I have a question about the dead. My mom passed away about a year ago and she was cremated. My family goes to visit her from time to time...but I don't like doing it. To me, the place where her urn is, is just a place to see my dad and others cry and I hate seeing them that way. I like to think that I can visit my mother anytime I want because she is spiritually always with me. However I have a feeling my father thinks I'm being cruel by not wanting to go visit her. I can explain my feelings to him on my own time, so what he thinks is not the problem, but it occured to me that my mom may be getting the wrong idea as well. I don't want her to think I don't love her and don't want to visit her. Does she know my true feelings or do I have to do something to show her so she doesn't mistakenly think I don't love her?

-Nani

[Angela]

I suspect the cruelty that your dad might accuse you of is not cruelty towards her, but cruelty towards him. It's not about what the dead feel; it's about the living. Your dad wants you to be with him, to honor his feelings about your mom and all it meant to them both to parent you. He may also be afraid that if you refuse to do this ritual grieving for her, then you'll also refuse to do it for him, and that may mean to him that you'll forget about him after he dies. Can you imagine how painful that might be for him?

I'm not saying you should do this or that. Just consider your dad's feelings, and how hard it is to express stuff like that. If you don't want to go to the urn, maybe you would like to start a new ritual at home or in a beautiful place that your mom loved, where just you and dad can go and make a ritual out of how glad you are to have each other.

[Erin Pavlina]

Your mom will feel your love from anywhere you send it. You could be in the shower, the grocery store, or a church. Her ability to feel your love and hear your communication is limited only by the power you put behind it.

it's often a good idea to focus your energy, like holding a photo of her or lighting a candle. But that's for you, not for her. In other words, it helps YOU focus your energy, it is not necessary for you to do that for her to receive it.

Your dad may not understand, know, or appreciate this information, but for your sake, I wanted you to know she can feel you from wherever you talk to her.

[Nani]

That makes me so relieved, Erin! Thank you!

Angela, I never thought about it that way. I was always thinking that it was my dad's fault for not understanding my feelings, but I never considered that I may be at fault as well...I've been very selfish. I'm definitely going to talk to him about this. Thank you for your help!

[Jennihul]

The old people are totally into visiting graves. I never understood it, nor will I have a grave, I hope, when I pass.

When I go home to visit my peeps, if anyone goes, I will go to but I don't see much value in it.

Jennifer

[Erin Pavlina]

Graves can be a nice focus point for energy. Nothing wrong with it. But people don't need to think it's the only place to communicate with the dearly departed.