Natural Compassion (Blog)

[Erin Pavlina]

Use this thread to discuss the following entry from Erin Pavlina's blog:

Natural Compassion

[Steve Pavlina]

So that was the guy I stepped over on the way to class one day...

[Dan.Linehan]

So what happens between age 4 and 18?

Parents and teachers teach that compassion, love and joy are weaknesses - to be stomped out for the greater good..

Thanks for the great article Erin.

[Rosie]

Loved this article. I can't believe people would ignore that poor man.

[Mika Perälä]

Good question. One I've been pondering now and then.

I myself discovered one day, when I was 20, and was riding my bike home on a slippery winter evening, that I shunned away from people in trouble. What happened is that I saw a person fall down, slip with his bike, and I immediately took a different ruoute, one that wouldn't put me in a situation where I had to help him!

When I got home I was chocked by my actions! Then and there I decided to become a person who stops and helps people who get hurt or get caught in accidents. And that's who I have become

But I still wonder what made me slip away from the natural compassion and caring...

[Jeff Lilly]

If I had to guess, I'd say you hinted at the answer when you said "tribal". I bet people are 1000x more likely to help someone they know than someone they don't know. People are hardwired to help other members of their tribe... and let non-members fend for themselves.

The students stepping over your professor probably never had him as a teacher, and didn't know him, so they were wary of helping him. The kids in your son's class all knew each other well, so they helped each other.

If I'm right, this is why it's so important to build a sense of global community.

[Dan.Linehan]

Originally Posted by Jeff Lilly

If I had to guess, I'd say you hinted at the answer when you said "tribal". I bet people are 1000x more likely to help someone they know than someone they don't know. People are hardwired to help other members of their tribe... and let non-members fend for themselves.

The students stepping over your professor probably never had him as a teacher, and didn't know him, so they were wary of helping him. The kids in your son's class all knew each other well, so they helped each other.

If I'm right, this is why it's so important to build a sense of global community.

Excellent points. I've been thinking about this a lot lately as well.

And apparently so has Steve, with a book dedicated to outlining universal principles.

[andyoyo]

Originally Posted by Steve Pavlina

So that was the guy I stepped over on the way to class one day...

Steve Owning.

I think the main reason you don't see this 'tribalness' is because theres sooo many, its difficult to show empathy with so many people. Like right now, I'm in a crowded library, I'm not going to show much connectedness to those around me, becuase there's just so many. Or on my way to class, I'm not going to smile & say hi to thousands of students on the way. Maybe your professor was seen by passerbys as a bum passed out, or the passerby's respected his personal space. Yeah its apathetic, but I probably would have done the same.

[ns123]

There are some people out there that have pretended to need help, only to harm the "helper." Some people, you try to help and they kick you for it - claiming that you are intruding and they don't need any help!

One time, when I was in a parking lot in my early 20's, I was in my car, secure and safe. A guy comes up and asks me for directions to a highway - but the highway was clearly visible from where we were. He acted like he still didn't understand, but something told me to keep my car locked and not get out (I only cracked the window). I almost got out of the car to help him, but he didn't seem to be too interested in the directions, only interested in checking out my body. (I was not dressed sexy as I worked for big corporate back then and was dressed in conservative work clothes). Looking back, I now know that he was just trying to get me out of my car. I'm glad I didn't get out.

I recently read a news story about a painter who saw a little girl on the side of the road and didn't stop to help because he was afraid someone would think he was a pedophile. That little girl later drowned in a nearby pond. She had gotten away from her daycare class. He came forward later, regretting that he did not stop, but expressed his fear.

There was another story of a guy that stopped a bar fight - only to have one of the fighters stalk him, find his address, and try to shoot him. (unsuccessfully though)

There are a lot of people who lack compassion in this world, but some of them truly do want to help, but are afraid to, maybe because of past experiences. Maybe because our culture has made it too risky to be compassionate because we always think the worse of each other.

Have you ever seen a child fall on the playground, ran over to help her, give her a hug - only to have her mother run over, give you a dirty look, and act like you were trying to kidnap her child? Have you ever offered to help an elderly lady with her grocery bags - only to have her clutch them closer to her body as if you were to steal them?

Fear and suspicion create this culture. I think the best I can do is keep being compassionate, offer to help, and damn the rest.

[Dan.Linehan]

NS123 - you're exactly right. Sad story about the girl. Definitely a lesson there, but a hard one.

[joesugar]

I would suggest you read Chapter 4 of "The Psychology of Persuasion" dealing with social proof. To summarize what it describes, in times of uncertainty we look to other people to see how to act. However, in some cases no one knows how to act so we are all looking to each other for clues. Since we prefer to appear unflustered among others, we will all see each other reacting as if there is no emergency and therefore act that way ourselves.

The book also describes those factors that increase the likelihood of this happening. Large, distracting places where it is difficult to be certain of the nature of the encounter, more people in the area, and low levels of acquaintanceship. All of these factors are present in urban environments.

An excellent book I would recommend reading to anyone.

[Brigid]

This story about your professor caught my eye.

I think the difference between the childrens response to each other and the young adults response to the professor can be looked at, bizarrely enough, as behaviour based on learning. The learning of 'labels" and judgements, the perception of social distinctions, the awarenes of I and thou.......all learned, inaccurately and unnaturally. Children are born knowing we are one. United, linked, inseparable, interdependant ripples in this earth pond.

Then they get "educated"...pity.
Its like ruining the garden of eden.

It hurt my heart to hear that your professor, likely a child in spirit and vision, befell the malice of misaligned minds. Of course it happens all over the world in various forms...a child is born into the garden and then comes the snake, and we spend the rest of our lives, if we haven't destroyed ourselves or too many others and become numb, trying to remember who we are and what we came to this earth for. But I am referring to this posting.

I got such a visual of the professor and the children, I had tears.