Getting Back to Love (Blog)

[Erin Pavlina]

Use this thread to discuss the following entry from Erin Pavlina's blog:

Getting Back to Love

[Parthon]

Awwww, I loved that story Erin.

It really does show that all humans really want is connection with each other and with themselves. It's easy to imagine the literal physical disconnection when you bring it into reality.

Perhaps we could use a mental picture of moving away from someone we like and use that to tell ourselves positive things about the person, rather than negative. If we can picture ourselves physical moving away and feel the discomfort, we'd be quicker to get back to love.

Thanks so much for the post, I definately saw something for myself.

[{aspiring_to_clarity}]

Erin, thanks so much for sharing this. You are an amazing mom! I love this idea and plan on using it for myself and definitely with any future children.

[Angela]

Me, too! It almost makes me want to have children!

[Lola]

Wow. This probably would have worked a lot better than beating them for not loving each other. Too bad mine are all grown up now.

j/k!

What a great solution Erin. I can definitely use it in "other than child raising" applications.

[Ree]

Erin, thanks for sharing this with us. It's a beautiful idea. Somehow I wish we get world leaders to play this game

[Akashic_Librarian]

haha George Bush and Kim Jong Il shuffling closer together, before finally hugging each other and skipping off to world peace, somehow I can't see it happen lol.

But seriously though, I like this idea, and when in the future I have kids, I will certainly employ this. But if you ask me, denial of fun, I.E/ making them watch something boring on TV, or making them read an advanced Physics applications manual is far more effective. J/King...or am I?

[Amanda Norris]

I recently read about a similar technique in the book "Connecting With Self and Others". It describes the physical 'dance' of a relationship which represents coming closer together or further apart. It described a game couples can play to physically illustrate how each of them feels about their relationship. There's no talking, but each starts by standing on a square facing each other with two squares in between them. They take turns moving. In a turn they can step forward or back or to the side, or they can turn their body to the side, or do nothing.

I think your game is a wonderful way to teach your kids that being mad at each other only hurts themselves and that if they can reconcile with each other then they will be able to continue playing with each other and having fun. It's great that they can even do it on their own.

[Rose of Cairo]

Awesome!

No need for kids, I'll play that with my next bf! Should be fun.

And even with my mother

Thank you Erin. Excellent idea!

[Fullcrum]

This is brilliant.

Cool!

[wulph]

Originally Posted by Akashic_Librarian

haha George Bush and Kim Jong Il shuffling closer together, before finally hugging each other and skipping off to world peace, somehow I can't see it happen lol.

But seriously though, I like this idea, and when in the future I have kids, I will certainly employ this. But if you ask me, denial of fun, I.E/ making them watch something boring on TV, or making them read an advanced Physics applications manual is far more effective. J/King...or am I?

If you can get George Bush to read an advanced physics applications manual, more power to you.

I'm here all week...

Seriously, though. The thing I liked best about Erin's story is that "going to your room" wasn't positioned as a punishment. It seems like sometimes the kids (or couples, or nations) might really need a break from each other. And in Erin's scenario, that's OK too. I don't usually look at relationships that way -- and I suspect neither do many other people. Thanks Erin!

[Erin Pavlina]

Yeah I don't like sending the kids to their rooms as punishment. What we do though is sometimes suggest they take a break from each other, and that often involves each of them playing in their room (that's where their toys are) until they feel like playing together again. But we don't impose a time on that.

[HealingMaven]

I'm not even a parent -- just did a whoooole lot of baby sitting jobs when I was younger. And I just had to say how incredibly brilliant an idea that is! I'm especially impressed that you've taught them to work it out for themselves at such a young age! Imagine the incredible advantages these kids will have in future relationships, rather than fumbling and spending 5-10 years learning how to deal with stuff like that once they become adult enough to start coming up with techniques on their own!

Congratulations Erin! Just think of ALL the headaches you've just saved yourself!

I don't know that it'd work for adult issues though -- it seem like so often when my SO and I butt heads, that we need to go 3-5 rounds (though not all 10), to figure out what *happened* -- and often enough, it's a culture gap and differing assumptions as we were raised differently. (in different religions, different cultures, different parts of the country.) Still, it's tempting. Too bad I don't think I could sell my SO on it.

[Cat Dancer]

Wow, that is awesome

[helga]

That is a wonderful exercise. It certainly would be great if we could apply it to our world leaders. I have always seen "time outs" as just one more form of punishment, that doesn't accomplish much. When my son was in kindergarten the teacher said to him, "Are you going to finish coloring that picture or do you want a time out?" He said, "I'll do the time out." He's been an independent thinker since he first hit air.